Browsed by
Tag: self-esteem

Judgment Vs. Discernment, Part 2

Judgment Vs. Discernment, Part 2

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Whereas judgement assigns an emotional value on something, discernment is when you assess a situation or a person objectively and decide that you don’t want to participate. For instance, they don’t like apples, and decide not to eat one. There is no emotion attached to the decision. Just a simple “no thank you.”

Maybe an acquaintance keeps making disparaging remarks about Jill’s clothing as a way of teasing her. Jill has the right to decide that this isn’t a person she wants in her circle of friends. It doesn’t mean that she judges this person as “bad.” Just that the person’s actions makes her uncomfortable, and she doesn’t want to be around them.

Jill can accept the person as they are, knowing that they have the right to express themselves as they want. But also knowing that their self-expression isn’t compatible with hers. And if they really hurt her feelings, she can accept the individual, but not the way they act. If what they’re doing is inappropriate, then she can separate it from the person. Suppose a child leaves their bicycle behind her car, she doesn’t see it and runs over it. The child isn’t a bad person. They just did something irresponsible.

Being discerning means detaching from a situation, and letting go of any need to feel superior. It also means not avoiding making a decision for fear of being judgmental. Either of those issues has an emotional charge. Discernment is a spiritual quality, and one which we all need to develop for our spiritual evolution. We need to learn to say “no thank you” to that which is our lesser good, so we can say “yes” to our greater Good.
For if we can’t decide between turning left or right, how can we learn to follow the path of our Highest Good?

Copyright 2001, 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Judgment Vs. Discernment, Part 1

Judgment Vs. Discernment, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Those of us on the spiritual path generally aim to be nonjudgmental. We know the dangers of being judgmental, and what can happen to ourselves and others when we fall into those negative patterns. But do you really know what judging is? Judgement is when a person places an emotional value of good or bad on an activity, person, or experience. When they see an apple, if they determine that it’s a terrible fruit, then anyone who eats one is also bad. Judgement comes from a feeling of shame and inferiority.

A person who judges others feels inadequate. They feel that they aren’t good enough. Not that what they DO isn’t good enough. But that they are not enough. They probably had parents and an environment that criticized them repeatedly, and they have internalized those statements. The only way they can get some relief from the pain and anguish is to dump their negative feelings on others. They judge others as “bad,” and then, momentarily, they can feel superior to someone or something else.

I once had someone tell me that anyone who likes the color green is stupid and has no sense of taste. Because I had the audacity to disagree, she took it personally, as if my opinion was attacking hers.

Being judgmental becomes a vicious cycle. If a person judges others, you can bet they’re doing the same thing to themselves. Otherwise, they wouldn’t need to find a target to shame. As people who are interested in developing spiritually, we don’t want to judge others, and we certainly want to stop judging ourselves. But too many people on the spiritual path swing too far in the other direction, and don’t utilize their God-given ability to discern what is better for them and what is not so great. There actually is a difference between judgement and discernment.

Copyright 2001, 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Reclaim Your Authenticity, Part 2

Reclaim Your Authenticity, Part 2

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Here are some things you can do to begin to reclaim your authenticity.

1. Stop rejecting yourself.

If someone misinterprets what they see in you, or something you do, there’s generally nothing you can do to erase that misconception. It comes from their filter, the way they perceive the world around them. Even if you make a mistake, accept yourself and realize it’s part of your exploring the possibilities. If necessary, you can make amends.

2. Ask yourself some questions in a new way.

  • “What’s so bad about me?” This isn’t about what people in your childhood thought about you, but as if you were assessing a good friend. Would your characteristics be acceptable in a friend?
  • “What’s so unacceptable about me that I have to keep my inner self hidden away?” What do your supportive, encouraging, positive friends and loved ones say about this? The Universe accepts you as you are now.
  • “What’s the worst that could happen?” You could lose a friend who’s not good for you. Or you could get rejected, which you can now handle as an adult. It won’t destroy you as it would have when you were a child.

3. Reconnect with who you really are.

This doesn’t mean that you attack, explode or demean others. Those reactions are parts of your mask. They’re what you used to protect yourself when you felt inadequate, insecure, anxious or defensive. Allow yourself to be visible and exhibit your talents, abilities, feistiness, insights, silliness, problem solving skills, and opinions.

4. Learn to trust yourself.

With all your experience, wisdom, and knowledge, it’s unlikely you’re going to overstep your bounds. Are you editing yourself too much? Trust the Universe and your subconscious to lead you to the right things to say and do. Practice being more spontaneous in your life.

When you start living authentically, your self-respect increases. As a result, your self-esteem and self-worth rises. Tension and anxiety decrease, because you don’t have to edit every word and judge every action. If there’s any adverse reaction, you have confidence that you can deal with it. When you live from your true self, you have the power and insight to handle anything that comes your way. Since you’re focusing on what’s right about you, the Law of Attraction can draw more good to you.

Asking for what I want doesn’t create overwhelming anxiety in me anymore. My teacher handled the situation like the autocrat she was. I now know that what I asked for was reasonable. Now I’m able to be more assertive and visible. I reclaimed a piece of my authentic self, and you can, too.

Affirmation

I give myself permission to be authentic. I realize that my inner self and self-expression is just fine. When I relax and be myself, I feel safer and more secure. With my accumulated knowledge and wisdom, I can handle anything that comes up in my life. I trust that the Universe and my subconscious mind guide me to the appropriate things to say and do. I now accept myself with all my flaws and good qualities.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Reclaim Your Authenticity, Part 1

Reclaim Your Authenticity, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

When I began 2nd grade, I’d read all the Easy Reader books that interested me in the school library. Shortly after school began, my teacher told the class we’d be allowed to start reading in the Juvenile section once we asked her permission. As soon as that class ended, I went up and asked her, and she said, “No.”

She didn’t explain that she needed to assess my level of reading ability, which I’m guessing was her reasoning. My request was simply rejected and I didn’t know why. Fearing being turned down again, I waited until I was one of the last kids in the class to ask a second time. Because of this experience, I stopped asking for what I wanted or knew I was capable of handling. I hid away a piece of my authenticity for safety.

  •  When you were a kid, did you have your natural rambunctiousness shut down?
  • Did your schoolmates tease you for knowing the answers, being overweight or different?
  • Were you told by grownups to be seen and not heard?
  • Were your parents amused when you splashed water on them one day, then punished you the next for doing the same thing?
  • Did your folks change the rules from day to day?
  • Did you become an over-achiever to get their approval that never came?

Any of these things could have shut down your natural self-expression. You learned it was dangerous to express your authentic self.

The problem wasn’t with you. You were simply being who you were. The issue was with the adults who wanted you to conform to their standards and convenience. This wasn’t part of raising you to be a courteous, compassionate, responsible adult. It was you trying to learn what the grown-ups wanted, even when their expectations changed daily.

In general, people shut you down and tried to confine you for their benefit, not yours. Your natural expression made them uncomfortable, took attention from them, came at a bad time or when they were in a bad mood. They weren’t concerned so much about your well-being as they were interested in their own welfare.

Because of this, you might have grown up feeling like your beingness was “wrong” somehow. That nothing you could do was right. And the more you tried to be perfect, the further you moved away from your true self and the worse you felt. When you did this, you shut off your connection to the Universe. It couldn’t give you the good you deserved because you couldn’t accept it.

Because others rejected you, you rejected yourself in the same way. Now, when you make decisions, do you make them for your well-being or to try to make other people happy? If you try to make everyone happy, you’re doomed to failure and disappointment. It’s time for you to start accepting yourself and realizing that you are fine the way you are.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

You Are Your Authority, Part 2

You Are Your Authority, Part 2

by Linda-Ann Stewart

When you listen to the critical things that you say to yourself, you can begin to deal with them. As with everything in the subconscious, they once had a reason and a purpose to protect you. Although they’ve been trying to help you, they’ve been doing it in a way that you have outgrown. Those messages were patterned on the authority figures in your childhood so that you could fit into the conditions at that time. But they are no longer necessary, and won’t realize it until you tell them so. Believe it or not, they’re waiting for you to assert your power over them and reclaim your authority.

If the old ideas are telling you that you don’t deserve good, or that you’re not worthy, realize that the Universe has much more authority than the people who implanted those beliefs in you. And the Infinite knows that you deserve all the good that Life has to offer. Spirit is stronger than any outdated attitude. A Divine truth is that the Universe wants you to accept and express the wholeness of your being.

You have the right to re-examine the standards by which you have lived your life. Those condemning internal messages have been trying to keep you living within the bounds of someone else’s values. With all the knowledge you now have, you can change the attitudes that no longer serve you. Using affirmations and Divine guidance, you can transform the outdated values into ones that are in alignment with love, harmony, joy, abundance, and all the good there is.

Affirmations I used during this period were, “I am the authority in my life” and “I own my authority.” I had to review all the standards I’d grown up with, reassess them and release the ones that no longer served me. When I began to do this, it was scary. The first few times that I stood up for myself, I felt the sky might fall. It didn’t. Instead, the Universe rushed in to support me and my world expanded. The same will be true for you.

Affirmation:

I know that the Universe supports me in the good that I desire. The only one that keeps my good from me is my own thoughts about it. I now release any old concepts that might have restricted my acceptance of all the good I desire. As I place my desire in my mind, knowing that I deserve it, then the All of the Universe rushes in to fulfill it in a perfect way.

Copyright 2000, 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

You Are Your Authority, Part 1

You Are Your Authority, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Years ago, I discovered that the critical people in my life, who loved to pick at me and tear me down, were just echoing the condemning voices in my head. I’d spent so much time distracted, defending myself against those outer critics, that I hadn’t addressed the real issue, how I felt about myself. I’d given the past, and the people in it, authority over me.

Most of us have disapproving judgements about ourselves that tell us that we’re not good enough. Maybe you have an inner critic that tells you that you can’t do anything right, that you “should” be perfect, or that making a mistake is worse than death. I know of people who can’t take a day off because they’d feel guilty. And others who refused to hire someone to paint their house because they felt they “ought” to do it. Your internal judge pounds you with its condemnations, both from within, using guilt, and outwardly by reflecting your inner feelings in how the people in your life treat you.

Many people who have rebelled against authority figures in the past tend to have problems now with bosses, police, the IRS, etc. They defy internalized critical messages from their childhood environment, and don’t accept responsibility for their actions. Therefore, the energy that they have resisted and disowned increases and echoes back to them from the world.

Whatever you feel victimized by will mirror in your life. Just as my environment had been reflecting back to me what was already in my consciousness. I had to change my attitude from defending myself to addressing the internal messages from a position of strength. As I took responsibility for my own well being, the critics began to fade out of my life. I’m not saying it was easy. It wasn’t. But once I convinced myself that no one had the right to put me down, including my internal critic, my life began to improve.

Copyright 2000, 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Rewrite Your Life’s Script

Rewrite Your Life’s Script

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.”
~ Shakespeare

You are the writer, actor, director and producer of the play of your life. You often react automatically to the situations in your play. These responses are habits that were often formed during childhood. But you ultimately decide whether you’re going to continue in this rut or choose a new path.

Many times, because of your reaction to a situation, other people apply labels to you that you agree with and maintain. Whenever you retain a label that others’ have plastered you with, you let them define who you are and how you’ll act. You give them the power to assign a role for you to play. One that doesn’t reflect the authentic you.

It only takes a single powerful event at a key moment to make an impression that lasts a lifetime. A gifted, young pianist hits a wrong key during a recital, and her father berates her with, “You’re a failure as a musician.” From that moment on, her fingers fumble on the keys when she plays. She accepts the criticism and it becomes her identity.

A label makes sure that you know your lines and your part when the situation calls for it. You know what’s expected of you, and you do what’s expected, whether it’s good for you or not. If you’re really attached to the label, your subconscious will reject any opinion that conflicts with what you believe about yourself.

For instance, a person could believe that they’re not an artist because “I can’t draw a straight line.” But they have a great eye for design and composition. They won’t believe anyone who recognizes their talent because it goes against their long-held belief. They’ll continue to play the role of frustrated artist until they eliminate their label.

What roles have you accepted that are no longer valid or serving you? They may be so engrained, you aren’t even be aware of them. Consider where you feel frustrated, bad about yourself, or when you belittle yourself. These are great areas to start to peel off your labels and rewrite your roles. Decide how you want your play to change and begin producing a new one.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Change Your Labels And Change Your Life, Part 2

Change Your Labels And Change Your Life, Part 2

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Ned identified with being “obnoxious.” He hid a sensitive nature under a brash and aggressive act. Even when he could see the advantages of being calmer, he refused to change his ways because he was tied to his label. It provided him with a sense of power, belonging and security. And, because of it, he offended and alienated people he liked.

There’s usually a lot of emotional energy applied when you label yourself. Shame, anger, sadness, fear, insecurity and frustration can all play a role.

If you call yourself a “nervous” person, then whenever your heart jumps will feed into that belief. You might avoid any exciting experiences for fear of the repercussions. Your world will become smaller and you’ll have less opportunity to grow. Instead, to begin to open up to a greater potential, you could simply recognize your increased heart rate as a normal response to an unexpected event.

Labels come from beliefs, attitudes or actions that have been performed over and over until they have become habits. The good news is that those same beliefs, attitudes and behaviors can be changed. Start by recognizing the labels you’ve given yourself. Notice how you feel about them and about changing them.

If you’re really uncomfortable about letting them go, it indicates how invested you are in them. They may have become excuses so you’re not expected to excel or change. You may feel they keep you safe. Reappraise your labels to discern if they’re serving you now, or preventing you from expressing more of who you are.

This is where categorizing can help because you can use it to decide what to do to change. Identify what beliefs, attitudes, actions and behaviors need to be adjusted to eliminate the label. Start with one small change that you can commit to doing. When you get that one accomplished and stable, choose another change and work on it.

By releasing the labels you limit yourself with, you’ll be opening up the possibility for growth and expansion for yourself. Your horizons will be wider, and you’ll feel better about yourself. All you need to do is believe in yourself and your potential.

Affirmation

I know that I’m more than the labels I’ve given myself. They’re only beliefs that I’ve allowed to become habits. The Universe believes so much more about me, and wants to give me greater good than I’ve accepted. I now assess the labels attached to me, and open my mind to understand why they got established. Divine Guidance directs me to the steps I need to change, and helps me to commit to living up to my potential.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Change Your Labels And Change Your Life, Part 1

Change Your Labels And Change Your Life, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Labeling things in your life allows you to distinguish between them. You can tell an apple from an orange, Joe from Mary, a tree from a flower. You categorize the details of your life to put them into perspective. When you want a blue car, you don’t choose a yellow bike.

It’s especially helpful for being able to identify what you might be feeling. Emotions are signals that let you know if you’re on the right track, or if something is wrong. An abused spouse feels confused between what she perceives in her relationship and what her partner tells her is happening. This is a red flag she needs to heed.

Being able to identify anger or sadness allows you to deal with its cause. It might be that someone violated your boundaries, you might have lost someone close to you, or it’s time to leave that job before you explode and get fired. Being able to categorize what you’re feeling is valuable and appropriate, and allows you to seek ways to take care of your well being.

However, there’s a darker side to this. If you begin to label yourself, especially in a negative way, you put yourself in a box and make yourself smaller. Everything outside of that box is then out of your reach. For instance, someone who procrastinates would view themselves through that filter and would live according to all that label implies.

They won’t be able to get things done in a timely fashion, because that would conflict with what they believe about themselves. They might pass up opportunities, because they’re not confident they’ll get things done on time. Or they might fail to get a project done by the deadline, and lose out on a promotion.

Labeling yourself means that you’ve carved out a certain way of acting and responding. It may have started out to help you handle a difficult situation. But those reactions may not serve you now, but you find yourself still using them. The subconscious will use your label to restrict your actions and make sure that you don’t do anything that would contradict it.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Book Review – Bradshaw On: The Family

Book Review – Bradshaw On: The Family

Bradshaw On: The Family:  A New Way of Creating Solid Self-Esteem
by John Bradshaw

The author states that emotions are “energy in motion,” and valuable to us. This is only one of the many eye-opening concepts in this book.

Mainly, this book is written for people who have experienced dysfunctional homes, such as alcoholism or any sort of abuse in their childhood. Its information helps to identify and understand how the dysfunction affected them as children, and how it continues into adulthood.

Understanding is the first step to being able to move beyond the self-punitive and self-destructive habits that they may have as adults. But it’s also helpful for those who grew up in so-called “functional” homes, since in most homes there’s some sort of dysfunction.

The author writes a lot about rules, roles and how they affect an individual. He also addresses the family “trance,” saying that we accept ideas in that state and continue to operate with those concepts until the trance is broken.

This book was based on John Bradshaw’s television series of the same name. The series was more impromptu and as the author says, “lacked detail.” This book guides the reader into a better understanding of what they’re doing and why, and why their life may not be working.