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Reclaim Your Power from Your Inner Critic

Reclaim Your Power from Your Inner Critic

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Do you ever hear yourself say you “should” do something? Most people hear this term in an attempt to motivate them to take a particular action. That nagging inner voice comes from the past, and is usually counterproductive. Learn why it harasses you, and what you can do to quiet it down.

Watch Reclaim Your Power from Your Inner Critic.

Transcript:

Thank you for joining me. Do you ever “should” on yourself, as in “I should [fill in the blank]?” Most of us do to some extent. And most of us resent that inner voice and resist what it’s trying to guilt us to do. But do you ever wonder where that critical voice came from?

I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, and I’m a focus coach and hypnotherapist. I’ve worked with many people who were dealing with inner critical voices that were making their lives miserable. It doesn’t have to be that way.

When you hear “you must,” “you ought to,” or “you should,” that voice is generally an echo from earlier in your life. It’s repeating what your mom, dad, relative, teacher, or some other authority expected you to do.

Think about it. Aren’t those dictates familiar? That voice is simply trying to make sure you do what it thinks is necessary for you to gain the approval of the past authority figure. But it’s no longer necessary.

You’re all grown up now, right? You don’t need the approval of people who no longer have any control over your life. You can make your own decisions about what’s best for you. Sometimes, what you decide may align with what that voice wants, and sometimes it won’t. But you no longer have to live up to those expectations.

That voice is trying to help you by keeping you out of trouble with people who may no longer be in your life. It’s an outdated response, isn’t it? So when you hear that order, respond by saying something like, “Thank you, but I can take care of myself now,” or “Thank you, but I can make the decision now.”.

By thanking it, you’re acknowledging that part’s purpose to help. By letting it know you are responsible for your life now, and take care of your responsibilities, it relieves it of further effort. You can then decide what you want to do about whatever it’s concerned about.

It may take some time to re-educate that part of you, so don’t give up. This type of response to it  will be much more successful than resisting or avoiding the dictate. By taking back your power and responsibility over your life, you’ll be more effective, successful and authentic.

Thank you for watching. If you liked this video, please like my YouTube channel so you’re notified when I post future ones.

Please read the accompanying article, Are You Shoulding on Yourself?

When Reframing Is Counterproductive

When Reframing Is Counterproductive

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Reframing is a powerful way to change your thoughts and belief about yourself or a situation. However, there are situations that reframing will just make worse. Learn the 3 types of situations in which reframing doesn’t work, and what to do about them.

Watch When Reframing Is Counterproductive

Transcript:

Thank you for joining me for a mindset tip. This one is about reframing. I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, a focus coach and hypnotherapist.

Reframing is a powerful way to change your thoughts about yourself or a situation. You take a different perspective, which can change your thoughts about it. When you change your thoughts, then you have more options, and can make better decisions and take different actions. This will affect the situation, and generally benefit you in the long run.

However, there are situations that reframing will just make worse. Therefore, reframing shouldn’t be used as a way to improve your outlook or excuse behavior. When a situation has become unacceptable and won’t change, it’s not helpful for you to try to reframe it to adjust to it.

I know. I’ve experienced each of these issues and tried to change my thinking about it to make it better. It didn’t work out well in any of them. Instead, it’s better take action to deal with the situation, even if it’s painful. The types of situations I’m talking about are:

1. Relationships. I’m especially talking about friends or romantic relationships, but it could be any relationship you might have. When two people are incompatible or have grown apart, no amount of thinking differently about what’s going on is going to make it better. Trying to adjust and just live with it will just prolong the pain. Instead, it’s time to face reality and free yourself and the other person to find someone who truly suits you.

2. Abuse. This would be a more intense version of what I just mentioned. Again, this could be in a romantic relationship, family, friend or work relationship. If someone is constantly harassing you, changing your thinking about it or them isn’t going to make them stop. Excusing their behavior will just encourage them to continue. Your responsibility is to your well being and to find someplace healthier for you.

3. Avoid Accountability. When you’ve made an agreement with someone, yourself or others, reframing doesn’t give you the excuse to avoid fulfilling that agreement. You’ll lose respect for yourself and so will the other person. The situation isn’t going to go away. Instead, accept the responsibility, and decide how you need to address it. It’s better for you in the long-run.

All of these confuse reframing with making excuses, for yourself or for others, in an attempt to avoid taking action. Reframing shouldn’t be used to maintain the status quo or stay in an unhealthy situation. Once you’ve decided on the best course of action for you, you can then reframe the situation as a learning experience. That’s what I’ve done in each of these cases.

Thank you for watching. If this video was helpful, and you’d like to be notified of others I release, please subscribe to my channel.

Read the accompanying article, Reframe to Empower Yourself

Live Authentically

Live Authentically

If you’re not living authentically, then you probably feel out of tune with yourself. Being true to yourself is important for you to feel whole. To discover what living authentically means to you, ask yourself these 4 questions. They’ll open the door to self-discovery and a greater sense of well being. Watch Live Authentically.

Transcript:

Do you ever feel like you’re out of phase with your true self? Like you’re trying to squeeze into a suit that doesn’t fit? If so, you’re probably doing something that’s not genuine for you. When people act in ways that aren’t natural for them, they feel like they’re betraying themselves. Being authentic isn’t just a self-improvement catch-phrase, it’s an instinctive imperative.

I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, a focus coach and hypnotherapist. For over 30 years, I’ve helped people achieve their goals in life and business. I learned that self-worth and authenticity was important for a greater sense of well being.

When you’re living authentically, you feel in tune with yourself, with greater self-acceptance and self-worth. The challenge is to discover how you can be more authentic in your life. To do so, you’ll have to become aware of what makes you feel aligned with your inner self.

You can ask yourself some questions, like:

  * When do I feel out of tune with myself?

  * What can I do in those situations to improve my well being?

  * When do I feel the most whole and at ease with myself?

  * What actions do I need to take to feel the most authentic?

By pausing to think over these questions, you’ll open a new door. You’ll begin to figure out what you need to do to be in alignment with your deepest self. As Shakespeare said, “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

As you take small, daily steps to being more authentic, and accepting yourself, you’ll learn how important it is to be true to yourself.

Thank you for watching. If you liked this video and would like to be notified of future videos in which I’ll give you tips on mindset, motivation and empowerment, please like my channel. Stay focused.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Podcast Interview – Hypnotizing Your Mindset to Achieve Your Goals

Podcast Interview – Hypnotizing Your Mindset to Achieve Your Goals

Lois Sonstegard, Ph.D., ACC and I were introduced through a mutual acquaitance, and Lois invited me to be interviewed on her podcast, Building My Legacy. The podcast encourages, stimulates, challenges and motivates you as a leader to answer , “What’s next in my life?” She thought I had a unique perspective that her listeners would appreciate.

Because of my background as a hypnotherapist, we started out talking a bit about hypnosis.  As most people are, Lois was curious about the process. She was slightly surprised to hear that hypnosis is simply an intensely focused state of attention. We discussed how my hypnotherapy practice and what I learned from it has inspired my work as a coach for women small business owners.

We talked about our how, because we live in such a technologically driven world, and it’s easy to get distracted. Distraction from what’s important will undermine you personally and professionally.  Being distracted causes stress, and prevents you from thinking clearly or creatively. When you’re stressed, you react to the immediate problem without thinking the issues through. During our exchange, I described a simple technique you can use to calm your mind down and think more clearly.

Unfortunately, distraction can become a habit. The more you get distracted, the more you train yourself to be distracted. The good news is that if you can train yourself to be distracted, you can train yourself to be focused. I explained the process I use with my clients, to help them gain clarity, get focused and stay on course. Most people know what they don’t want, but have a hard time figuring out what they do want. At Lois’ request, I shared a technique I teach my clients to gain clarity. 

We had a delightful conversation. I love offering tips and explanations that empower people to have more satisfying and fulfilled lives. For more of Lois’ podcasts on becoming a better leader in your personal and professional life, listen to Building My Legacy on Spreaker or any of the major podcast channels.

Listen to Hypnotizing Your Mindset to Achieve Your Goals.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Check Your Preconceptions at the Door

Check Your Preconceptions at the Door

So often, we get upset over the way a stranger behaves towards us. We let the situation disturb our equilibrium and ruin our day. Why waste your time on what’s probably a momentary event? Instead, try this mindset shift so these kinds of encounters don’t affect you so much. Watch Check Your Preconceptions at the Door.

Transcript:

Have you ever walked up to a frowning, grumpy grocery checker, and thought they’re upset with you? Or maybe, you got offended, thinking they should be more pleasant. If so, you’re not alone.  But you don’t know what’s going on with them or why they’re unhappy. Their feet could be hurting, their child may be sick or they’re angry about the fight they had with the boss.

None of it has anything to do with you. They’re concerned with what’s going on with their life, and doing the best they can to deal with it. But, because we all filter life through our own thoughts and perspectives, what we perceive may not have any relation to what’s really going on. But your thoughts about the situation disturb you, and they don’t have to.

Why waste your energy on a situation that’s momentary? For instance, the guy who cut you off in traffic may be late for an important medical appointment. Why let him ruin your morning?

I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, and I’m a focus coach and hypnotherapist. I’d like to share a tip help you shift your viewpoint in distressing situations you encounter so they don’t affect you so much.

To break that pattern of negative perceptions, one of the things you can do is to make it a habit to question them. Feelings aren’t facts. They’re signals that something may be off or different, but that’s all. What you’re feeling about a situation may not reflect what’s really going on. Feelings are how you’re judging the situation, through your beliefs and past experiences. But those beliefs and experiences may not relate to the current conditions.

So dispute your thoughts, feelings and beliefs about a person’s behavior. Ask yourself if your feelings are actually real or true, or if there could be another reason for the way the person is acting. Consider how there might be another explanation for what’s happening, one that has nothing to do with you.

It really doesn’t matter if you find the actual reason for the other person’s behavior. The point is to not take it personally and realize that other things may be going on that you have no way of knowing. And there’s no reason why you should feel upset about something that’s transitory.

If you liked this video, please subscribe to my YouTube channel and click the notification button so you’re notified of new videos I add. Thank you for watching.

Read the complementary article, What Are You Expecting?

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Resistance is Futile

Resistance is Futile

Change is going to happen whether you resist it or not. Resistance to change just delays it and exhausts your energy. Learn a better way to respond to change.

Transcript:

Did you ever watch the series, Star Trek: The Next Generation? They had an enemy called the Borg who’s catch phrase was, “Resistance is futile.” It sounds hopeless, but the Borg were finally defeated by the crew of the Starship Enterprise. The Enterprise didn’t so much as resist as figure out how to destroy the Borg. The crew of the Enterprise were proactive. But the Borg’s catch phrase is very true.

It’s normal to resist a change that you’re being driven towards. But if you try to resist or resent change, you could become bitter and angry. Change is going to happen, whether you want it or not. You really don’t want it to drag you kicking and screaming into the future.

I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, a focus coach and hypnotherapist. I’ve helped hundreds of people navigate changes in their lives.

There’s an old saying, “What you resists, persists.” When you resist, you’re pouring energy into opposing  a change. That energy feeds into the change, making its pull stronger and makes the change  harder. Your energy could be used much more productively. Shift your perspective on what you’re resisting.

Consider that maybe the forces of nature are trying to eliminate something you’ve outgrown, or bring something better into your life. Or it could be what you’re resisting is what you should be leaning into and pursuing.

At the very least, be proactive. What do you need to do to deal with what is being forced upon you? You’ll have to be innovative to avoid it, and there will still be change. Accept that change is upon you,  plan for it and make the best of it. When you set your creative mind to finding a way to triumph, instead of resisting, your creative mind will come up with a solution.

If this has been helpful, please like it and subscribe to my channel, so you’ll be notified of my videos as they’re released. Stay focused on improving your life.

 ~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Podcast Interview – Service Without Sacrifice

Podcast Interview – Service Without Sacrifice

Camille Diaz and I were introduced by a mutual acquaintance, with the aim to see if I’d be a good fit for her podcast, Money Heart. Her podcast explores the emotional side of money. Camille is a business coach with The Optimized Zone, who offers courses and private coaching to help business owners streamline their business.

After we decided I’d be a good fit for her podcast, she broached the idea of my wearing a costume for it. I was prepared, as I’d already looked at some of the podcasts. I whipped out the tiara and necklace that I wear to to the Renaissance Faire each year, in costume. She laughed and said she loved to go to Renaissance Festivals in costume, too, and would wear her costume. To see photos of all the looks follow @moneyheartshow on Instagram.

In the podcast, I started out  with my personal story of how I got over involved in community affairs many years ago. My health suffered from stretching myself too thin, and I had to back out of them all to get healthy again. It was so hard to do that, especially when one person resisted. But it was the beginning of my journey to saying, “No,” and I learned valuable lessons from the experience.

We discussed what service actually means. And that when you choose to serve at the expense of your health and well being, there’s nothing left to give to anyone. Unfortunately, women have been trained to set aside their priorities. To serve, they think they have to sacrifice what’s precious to them. In our conversation, we explored why that wasn’t correct.

We agreed that with any service, there needs to be a balance of power and energy. Without that balance of giving and receiving, someone is going to feel uncomfortable. And if someone feels like they have to sacrifice themselves to serve, the issue is generally about something else, like self-esteem or old ideas. Camille asked how we can reprogram those thoughts, and I shared an exercise of how to identify and change the old ideas.

I had a great time talking with Camille. This is a subject we agree is an important one for women to reprocess. It’s time for us to realize that we can serve and have a reasonable exchange that’s beneficial to all concerned.

Watch Service Without Sacrifice.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart