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Stop Shaming Yourself

Stop Shaming Yourself

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by Linda-Ann Stewart

Break the inner chains that bind you.

When I used to facilitate tobacco-cessation classes, I told the participants not to condemn themselves if they relapsed. Feeling ashamed would just make them feel powerless and they’d give up. It’s much like someone on a diet who eats a cookie and figures, “Oh, well. I’ve failed. I might as well eat the whole bag.” In reality, the relapse is simply an opportunity to learn what else they need to do to become a nonsmoker. They’ve stumbled onto a trigger that they hadn’t planned on or had no strategy in place to deal with.

Shame and Guilt Are Different

Most of us dump shame on ourselves at one time or another. Shame is different from guilt. Shame is usually deposited on us by someone else, or can be an exaggerated form of guilt. Guilt signals us when we’ve violated some reasonable standard or value, so that we learn the lesson and don’t do it again. Such as accidentally stepping onto someone’s foot, feeling upset that it happened, apologizing or making amends, and moving on with our lives.

However, guilt morphs into shame when we do something we regret, and then the emotion grows to infect every aspect of our lives. Shame permeates our whole beingness and isn’t just about what we’ve done, but about who we are.

The more we wallow in guilt, and transform it into shame, the more powerless and worthless we feel. When that happens, we tend to act in self-destructive ways to try to numb the pain of how bad we feel, as well as verify the low opinion of ourselves.

A smoker will smoke more, someone with an eating disorder will spiral into more of the problem, a couch potato will avoid getting any exercise, a rage-aholic will lash out at those close to them, a workaholic will spend less time at home, and even those with no major addiction problems will do more of what made them feel ashamed in the first place. It’s a vicious cycle.

Stop the Cycle of Shame

As with everything else, “Energy flows where attention goes.” If our full attention is on how bad we are because of the awful thing we did, and we focus on that to the exclusion of anything good we’ve done, our subconscious has no other choice than to continue to recreate the negativity. It’s only doing what it perceives we want. The Universe doesn’t want us to suffer like that. It’s all our doing.

It’s not easy to stop the cycle. We’ve been trained to be very critical of ourselves. Our culture tends to shame those who don’t meet its measure of perfection. I’ve even heard spiritual people say, about someone going through a challenge, “I wonder what was in their consciousness to bring that into their experience?” It’s just another form of judging a person for not meeting some impossibly high standard.

It’s About Learning

We’re here to learn lessons, to become skilled at love, power and manifestation. If we were perfect, we wouldn’t be here. This life is a process of training. A child doesn’t walk the first time they stand up. They fall, and try again. After learning to balance, they then take a step and tumble down. They’re learning how to use their muscles. Eventually, through trial and error, they are able to walk, run and skip.

As we learn, we practice our new abilities each day. Sometimes we backslide to learn another aspect of the lesson. A child doesn’t shame themselves for not being able to walk as soon as they emerge into this world. They learn from their mistakes and get on with the process. We need to be more like children when we don’t succeed immediately, because the more we slip-up, the more we get to experience new facets of our lesson.

Whenever that shaming voice begins to shout, remember that the original issue isn’t about the whole being, it’s about a single event. Focus on that one incident, learn what you need to do differently, make any amends necessary, forgive yourself, and implement the changes you want to make. Then let it go and move on. In this way, we release and direct Universal energy to grow and evolve.

Affirmation:

Shame is a denial of Universal love. Any shame I feel is false information about who and what I am. I am a worthwhile child of the Infinite. I give myself credit for the good that I’ve done. Whenever I take a mis-step or make a mistake, I realize that it’s simply part of my learning process. Guilt is a signal that I violated my own standards. I learn the lesson, make amends, forgive myself and let it go. In so doing, I move forward in my spiritual awareness and evolution.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Resistance is Futile

Resistance is Futile

Change is going to happen whether you resist it or not. Resistance to change just delays it and exhausts your energy. Learn a better way to respond to change.

Transcript:

Did you ever watch the series, Star Trek: The Next Generation? They had an enemy called the Borg who’s catch phrase was, “Resistance is futile.” It sounds hopeless, but the Borg were finally defeated by the crew of the Starship Enterprise. The Enterprise didn’t so much as resist as figure out how to destroy the Borg. The crew of the Enterprise were proactive. But the Borg’s catch phrase is very true.

It’s normal to resist a change that you’re being driven towards. But if you try to resist or resent change, you could become bitter and angry. Change is going to happen, whether you want it or not. You really don’t want it to drag you kicking and screaming into the future.

I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, a focus coach and hypnotherapist. I’ve helped hundreds of people navigate changes in their lives.

There’s an old saying, “What you resists, persists.” When you resist, you’re pouring energy into opposing  a change. That energy feeds into the change, making its pull stronger and makes the change  harder. Your energy could be used much more productively. Shift your perspective on what you’re resisting.

Consider that maybe the forces of nature are trying to eliminate something you’ve outgrown, or bring something better into your life. Or it could be what you’re resisting is what you should be leaning into and pursuing.

At the very least, be proactive. What do you need to do to deal with what is being forced upon you? You’ll have to be innovative to avoid it, and there will still be change. Accept that change is upon you,  plan for it and make the best of it. When you set your creative mind to finding a way to triumph, instead of resisting, your creative mind will come up with a solution.

If this has been helpful, please like it and subscribe to my channel, so you’ll be notified of my videos as they’re released. Stay focused on improving your life.

 ~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Podcast Interview – Service Without Sacrifice

Podcast Interview – Service Without Sacrifice

Camille Diaz and I were introduced by a mutual acquaintance, with the aim to see if I’d be a good fit for her podcast, Money Heart. Her podcast explores the emotional side of money. Camille is a business coach with The Optimized Zone, who offers courses and private coaching to help business owners streamline their business.

After we decided I’d be a good fit for her podcast, she broached the idea of my wearing a costume for it. I was prepared, as I’d already looked at some of the podcasts. I whipped out the tiara and necklace that I wear to to the Renaissance Faire each year, in costume. She laughed and said she loved to go to Renaissance Festivals in costume, too, and would wear her costume. To see photos of all the looks follow @moneyheartshow on Instagram.

In the podcast, I started out  with my personal story of how I got over involved in community affairs many years ago. My health suffered from stretching myself too thin, and I had to back out of them all to get healthy again. It was so hard to do that, especially when one person resisted. But it was the beginning of my journey to saying, “No,” and I learned valuable lessons from the experience.

We discussed what service actually means. And that when you choose to serve at the expense of your health and well being, there’s nothing left to give to anyone. Unfortunately, women have been trained to set aside their priorities. To serve, they think they have to sacrifice what’s precious to them. In our conversation, we explored why that wasn’t correct.

We agreed that with any service, there needs to be a balance of power and energy. Without that balance of giving and receiving, someone is going to feel uncomfortable. And if someone feels like they have to sacrifice themselves to serve, the issue is generally about something else, like self-esteem or old ideas. Camille asked how we can reprogram those thoughts, and I shared an exercise of how to identify and change the old ideas.

I had a great time talking with Camille. This is a subject we agree is an important one for women to reprocess. It’s time for us to realize that we can serve and have a reasonable exchange that’s beneficial to all concerned.

Watch Service Without Sacrifice.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Podcast Interview – Mindset, Vision, Focus

Podcast Interview – Mindset, Vision, Focus

Janice Porter and I met in a networking group and shortly thereafter had a Zoom call to get to know each other better. She’s a Relationship Marketing Specialist and an amazing LinkedIn trainer, who gave me some tips on my LinkedIn profile, which I followed. She’s all about relationship building, online and offline, to grow your business and turn your connections into clients and referral partners. Relationships are so important to her that she has a podcast called Relationships Rule.

We hit it off in our call and, as a result, she asked me to be a guest on her podcast, to talk about focus and how it’s so easy to get scattered. It was a delightful conversation, wandering from how she struggles with being scattered to tips on how to stay focused to mindset to how success begins within. We even discussed whether I believe curiosity is innate or not.

We both are very curious people and it can take us both down rabbit holes. I can spend hours exploring an idea. She has a similar challenge. These tangents don’t help us when we’re trying to accomplish something. I gave her a suggestion, which I use, which can make sure our curiosity doesn’t undermine our goals.

We had a meandering conversation, but kept coming back to focus. We explored tactics to keep yourself focused. She also brought up that she didn’t really like to establish vision and goals. I explained why they’re beneficial and how you can create them in a way that will work with the subconscious mind.

As we discussed mindset, we explored how it’s more than positive thinking. It’s much more global than just optimism. We both weren’t so positive when we were younger and now choose to be positive. It is a choice about how to perceive a situation.

I mentioned how television news engages our emotions, which means it sends us into a light state of hypnosis. This can mean you accept what’s being said without analyzing it. I suggested to read news items, as you can be more objective.

We touched on the subject of believing in yourself. If you don’t believe in yourself, it’s a good bet you’ll sabotage your goals and dreams. She asked what I noticed when someone started to believe in themselves. They immediately change their actions, and start getting better results.

At her request, I gave my last piece of advice.  Focus is a skill you can develop. You can learn how to practice focusing and how to do train yourself to do so. We knew we could have continued our conversation, but unfortunately, our time was limited and we had to end it there.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Update Your Internal GPS to Reach Your Vision

Update Your Internal GPS to Reach Your Vision

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Compass

You’ve probably used a GPS (Global Positioning System) in your car to find your way to a destination. You input your current location, then input your destination, and let the GPS decide the best way to get you there. The GPS tells you the best route to your location.

But the GPS isn’t always accurate. For instance, when repair people use their external GPS to find our house, they usually end up on the other side of town and have to call us for directions. A vehicle’s GPS often is wrong, based on old or incomplete information, and eventually will have to recalculate when new data becomes available.

How Your Internal GPS Functions

Some people say that we have an internal GPS that guides us to reach a goal, and that all we have to do is follow its directions. It’s true we have an internal guidance system, but it isn’t always accurate, any more than an external GPS is always accurate. This inner GPS motivates your decisions and actions. And you may have incorrect or outdated information in your subconscious mind that influences your internal GPS.

Your subconscious mind is the interface between the Universe and your conscious mind. Even though you’re always getting accurate guidance from the Universe, your subconscious filters it through its programming. The message you receive from the Universe may be garbled due to old programming and you don’t understand it clearly.

You can’t follow a GPS’ (internal or external) directions blindly. Without monitoring, old data may detour you, take you down a dead end, or guide you off a cliff. Literally. For example, my husband used to work in a mountain town nearby. Many times, a customer would come into his place of business and would tell him that their GPS had directed them incorrectly. The GPS had said to go left, which would have driven them off a cliff, instead of right, up the road to his business.

Using Your Internal GPS

Instead of mindlessly following directions, with either an internal or external GPS, stay present as to where you’re going and what you’re doing. Be mindful of what turns or steps you’re being guided to take. Engage your rational mind to check and confirm you’re still going in the right direction. There’s an old saying, “Trust, but verify.” You have chosen a destination, and you also have the responsibility to check if the next step is moving you in the right direction. .

If your inner GPS is prompting you to avoid a path, like taking a long detour, this may be old programming based on fear. That’s not intuition or guidance from your internal GPS. Avoidance can be an old idea that is trying to keep you safe in a situation that you’ve outgrown. Only you can determine if it’s warning you of a current danger or if it’s from the past.

Maybe you’re attracted by something new that may sidetrack or delay you from your vision. This could be for your wellbeing or your subconscious is using the detour to sabotage you. You may need more resources or knowledge before you can reach your vision. Or it could be that your subconscious considers your route threatening. Again, it’s up to you to figure out whether the delay helps or hinders you.

Updating Your GPS

It’s always important to assess your mindset about your goal or vision. Your mindset isn’t just about positive thinking, but about how you feel about yourself, your life, and your vision. Do you believe your vision is possible? Are you procrastinating taking action? If so, why? Do you have any resistance to achieving your goal? Are there any old beliefs that are holding you back? Updating your mindset so that it aligns with your vision will ensure your GPS can calculate the best route for you.

As you address each of these areas, your GPS may gain new information and need to course correct to get you to your vision. Keep your thoughts positive, take action and stay focused on your vision and you’ll stay on course. Your internal GPS will recalculate as needed to update its directions to find you the clearest path to your destination.

Affirmation:

I am being guided at all times by the still, small voice of Infinite Mind. I open my mind and heart to clearly hear that guidance. The Universe supports me to accomplish my goal or vision. Any old idea that restricts my path is outdated and now dissolves in the light of day. I keep my mind inspired and uplifted, make wise decisions and take effective action to achieve my dream.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

“Everything can be taken from a man but … the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” – Viktor Frankl

You always have the power over your own beliefs and attitudes. Even when you act on ones inherited from your childhood, you have the ability to change them. Viktor Frankl was a psychiatrist who was a prisoner in the concentration camps of World War II. He discovered that, no matter what atrocities were visited upon the prisoners, they always had the power over their attitudes. They could give up and hate their captors, or stay upbeat and remain neutral about the men in uniform. Though the prisoners’ bodies were shackled, their minds had free choice, just as yours does.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

4 Ways to Overcome Procrastination

4 Ways to Overcome Procrastination

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Procrastination Clock

It’s the night before a project is due, and you haven’t even started on it. Now, you’re going to have to stay up most of the night to get it done. You make the excuse that you always do your best work under pressure. But really, is that true? Wouldn’t you have done a better job if you’d put the project together earlier, when you were well rested and then fleshed it out? And now, you’ll have a sleepless night and be tired when you turn in the project.

Procrastination is a major cause of stress and anxiety, and lowers the standard of your work. You may miss deadlines and, as a result, undermine others’ respect of you. In addition, this habit reduces your productivity, effectiveness and can cost you money. The chore you’re trying to ignore is always in the back of your mind, taking up emotional and spiritual energy. If you’re like most people, you probably feel guilty and beat yourself up when you avoid a task.

Reasons Why You Procrastinate

Most of us procrastinate to some degree or other, but there are some to whom this is a destructive and chronic habit. To address the issue, you must become aware that it exists, and why it’s a problem for you. The following are some reasons you may be procrastinating.

Resistance. It’s not a task you want to do, so you put it off until the last minute. Because the chore is boring or time consuming, you resent that you must complete it.

Perfectionism. You wait to gather as much information as you can, and hope to find the inspiration to put it all together. But because you never get everything you hope for, you delay starting the task until the deadline looms. 

Fear. You’re not sure how to proceed or to get it done. You don’t believe you have the knowledge or skills to do it effectively.

Overwhelm. It’s a huge task, and you don’t know how to get started, or the scope of the issue is overwhelming you.

Disorganized. You don’t have all your notes or details together. Or maybe, you’re often interrupted so you don’t have time to pull everything together.

Uncertain. You don’t know what to do, so you put off making any decisions or taking any action until you have no other choice.

Ways to Overcome Procrastination

Procrastination is a choice. You decide to put something off, something that’s unpleasant, so you focus on something less important, and easier. Once you recognize your issue, you can find solutions.

Break the chore into smaller pieces. Outline what you must do to get the project done. Make sure each item on the list is bite-sized and easy to manage. Being able to handle small pieces will lower your stress and anxiety.

Schedule the chores. Put each small task on your calendar and make sure to keep your appointment with yourself. Each time you can mark one task done, you’ll get a surge of good feelings because the reward center of your brain is triggered. This gives you motivation to keep your next appointment.

Prioritize your lists. If you have a to-do list (as most of us do), prioritize the items and schedule them in accordance with their importance. Again, as you accomplish them, your brain receives a reward and you have a stronger incentive to repeat your action.

Dedicate 5-minutes. If you really feel overwhelmed or resistant, set aside just five minutes to work on your chore. It’s easier to dip your toe into the pool than to dive in head first. This will allow you to chip away at the tasks, and feel productive. If five minutes becomes easy, extend it to ten or fifteen.

Procrastination is a habit that developed in your life over time. The habit won’t be overcome in a day or a week. It took time to create it, and it will take time to break it. Breaking it takes time, dedication, consistency and focus. When you realize that you have the choice to procrastinate or take action, then you’re empowered to choose what’s in your best interest.

Affirmation:

At every moment, I’m Divinely guided with every step I take. As I take a step, the Universe ensures the next one appears. The Universe provides me with everything I need to complete my tasks. I am confident, inspired, uplifted and empowered to take action and fulfill my goals.  

Watch the accompanying video, 3 Tips to Overcome Procrastination.

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Take Charge of Your Life by Living with Intention

Take Charge of Your Life by Living with Intention

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Plane flying

Most people live on autopilot. They routinely think and behave in the same way day after day. If a situation comes up, they unconsciously act as they’ve done in the past. They go through their lives without taking the time to consider what they’re doing. And because they simply react to circumstances, the overall condition of their life rarely changes.

When you react, you’re reinforcing Einstein’s definition of insanity, “Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result.” For your life to improve, you have to change your thoughts and beliefs first. Even if you try to change your situation, it will return to what you’ve experienced in the past unless you shift your attitude.

How to Stay in a Self-Sabotaging Rut

For instance, Sara was a graphic artist. In a proposal early in her career, her estimate to complete a project that was too long for the client, so they went elsewhere. Because of her inexperience, she didn’t realize that their requirement was entirely unreasonable. But from that time on, she was afraid that if she didn’t offer to do the work in a ridiculously short amount of time, she’d lose the job and have very little business.

So she gave completion estimates that she’d barely be able to meet, even if they were her only client. Since she regularly missed her deadlines, she got a reputation of being late with her work. Of course, she lost business because of this, yet she never changed her protocol. Her fear of losing work became a self-fulfilling prophecy. She continued to react to a previous situation, never changed her policy and continued to lose business.

By reacting, you behave the same way you have in the past, which keeps you right where you are, just like what happened to Sara. And you’re acting out of the same mindset, generally one of fear, anger, or sadness. This negative space isn’t a good place to act or make decisions from. As one of my mentor’s said, “Fear isn’t a guidance system.” It won’t bring you the results you want.

How to Change Your Results

Only by intentionally choosing your thoughts and actions will you be able to change your results. It’s not an easy path, but it’s more rewarding and will create better outcomes. To do so, you have to stay aware of what’s transpiring, and not give into impulse.

If Sara had been more aware of her actions and their consequences, she would have chosen more realistic time estimates for projects. It would have been scary at first. She would have had to face down her fears. But she would have gotten more confident as customers approved her proposals and were happy with the end product being delivered on time.

When you live with intention, it means that you’re choosing to respond to situations rather than react to them. You’re being more deliberate and aware with your thoughts and actions. When a situation arises, you’re proactive, thinking your words and actions through. This puts you in the captain’s seat of your life.

How to Become Mindful

The first step is to become mindful of what thoughts you focus on, because they develop into your beliefs. Your beliefs shape how you feel and how you act. For instance, depending on whether you feel comfortable with accepting a compliment or not, you’ll either be delighted or deflect it.

Your second step is to become aware of how you habitually react to specific situations. Does it get you the results you want? If you feel defensive and attack whenever anyone questions you on your work, does this help your career to progress? Or would being open to constructive suggestions help more? Assess whether your reactions are helpful or sabotaging you.

The third step is to consciously choose and implement your new response. When a coworker asks you to lunch, instead of isolating yourself at your desk, go with them. This step gets tougher when crises come up and you don’t take the moment or two to remember your intention. But with practice, this will become easier.

Living with Intention

This is living with intention. You’re being responsive, aware of your choices and purposely choosing your actions. Jack Kornfield, author and Buddhism teacher, said, “Intention leads to behaviors which lead to habits, which lead to personality development which leads to destiny.”

Be deliberate about your thoughts, words, and deeds. You’ll get better results. Instead of riding helplessly in a rudderless boat, at the whim of the wind and water, take the helm. By living with intention, you take control of your destiny.

Affirmation:

I become aware of how I react to situations, and assess whether it’s helpful or hindering me. It’s safe for me to make a different decision than I normally would. I have the knowledge and the resources to deal with the challenges of my life in a new and better way. By choosing to live with intention, I take control of my life.

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Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

“Opportunities pour into my life, allowing me to experience a greater satisfaction and abundance. I am guided as to which opportunities to follow through on and accept.”

Opportunities are always coming your way. Whether you notice them or not depends on the mental filters you have. If you tend to dismiss compliments and potentials, then your subconscious will make sure you don’t notice opportunities. As you change your filter, your subconscious will not only discover more of them around you, but also attract more of them to you. 

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

How Simple Actions Improve Your Attitude

How Simple Actions Improve Your Attitude

Exuberant woman on beach

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Have you ever had a lousy morning, felt frustrated, upset or discouraged, and had the day go downhill from there? It can be hard to turn things around when your attitude is in the dumps. You don’t have much motivation, focus or creativity. Nothing goes right. And it doesn’t seem that you have any control over your mood. You think you just have to ride it out until it runs its course.

But what about the opposite, when you started out in a foul mood, then felt better after you encountered someone who was upbeat? It could have been a smiling server, a congenial person in line, or someone who opened the door for you. Didn’t their cheery attitude brighten your day a bit?

You Can Change Your Mood

You aren’t doomed to wait until chance improves your mood. Your attitude is influenced by your actions and by the actions of others. For instance, when my mother was young, she used to break her boredom on the bus by yawning, and seeing how many people yawned in response. Her deliberate act of yawning was contagious, just as someone else’s pleasant disposition is infectious.

Just as a stranger can impact your mood in a short time, you have the ability to shift your attitude, too. You don’t have to wait and hope it will change. You can become more positive by taking the following small, deliberate actions.

Take a walk. Many years ago, I was deeply depressed from a relationship breakup. Knowing a walk would make me feel better, I dragged myself out of the house. A half-hour later, as I was returning home, my mood had improved by about 80%. Studies find that walking is as effective as antidepressants to improve mental attitude. Walking is also good for creativity.

Write down gratitudes. At the beginning of each day, write down three things you’re grateful for. That way, you start your day on a high note. When something goes wrong during your day, remember the gratitudes you wrote down that day, or find something new to be thankful for. 

Take small actions on a goal. Your mind loves to achieve things. When you accomplish something, no matter how small, you trigger the pleasure center of your brain. This gives you a flush of happiness and increases your motivation to continue.

Smile. Whether you feel like it or not, make yourself smile for at least a minute. Smiling tricks your brain into feeling better. Not only will you feel better, but you’ll spread good cheer to others. When you smile at others, you’re giving yourself and them a gift.

Watch a funny video. Find something that will make you laugh to bring you out of the dumps. Laughter reduces stress, lowers blood pressure, and eases pain. Just a minute of it will brighten your outlook. Laughter is uplifting, and is also contagious, making other people respond in the same way.  

If you’re in a bad mood, use one of these tips to turn it around. When you’re feeling more positive, you’re more likely to take productive action. Your whole day flows more smoothly, harmoniously and you’re more effective. It takes a willingness to empower yourself and be proactive, but it’s well worth the effort. And as you become happier, notice how you’re able to spread your good mood and inspire others.

Affirmation:

I have the power and ability to keep a positive attitude, no matter what’s going on in my world. When I’m in a pleasant mood, my channel to the Universal Good is wide open. I listen to the still, small voice within that tells me that all is well. I am grateful for all that I have. The Divine Pattern for good flows through my mind, body and spirit.

Please watch the accompanying video, How One Small Technique Can Improve Your Attitude.

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