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You Are Your Authority, Part 2

You Are Your Authority, Part 2

by Linda-Ann Stewart

When you listen to the critical things that you say to yourself, you can begin to deal with them. As with everything in the subconscious, they once had a reason and a purpose to protect you. Although they’ve been trying to help you, they’ve been doing it in a way that you have outgrown. Those messages were patterned on the authority figures in your childhood so that you could fit into the conditions at that time. But they are no longer necessary, and won’t realize it until you tell them so. Believe it or not, they’re waiting for you to assert your power over them and reclaim your authority.

If the old ideas are telling you that you don’t deserve good, or that you’re not worthy, realize that the Universe has much more authority than the people who implanted those beliefs in you. And the Infinite knows that you deserve all the good that Life has to offer. Spirit is stronger than any outdated attitude. A Divine truth is that the Universe wants you to accept and express the wholeness of your being.

You have the right to re-examine the standards by which you have lived your life. Those condemning internal messages have been trying to keep you living within the bounds of someone else’s values. With all the knowledge you now have, you can change the attitudes that no longer serve you. Using affirmations and Divine guidance, you can transform the outdated values into ones that are in alignment with love, harmony, joy, abundance, and all the good there is.

Affirmations I used during this period were, “I am the authority in my life” and “I own my authority.” I had to review all the standards I’d grown up with, reassess them and release the ones that no longer served me. When I began to do this, it was scary. The first few times that I stood up for myself, I felt the sky might fall. It didn’t. Instead, the Universe rushed in to support me and my world expanded. The same will be true for you.

Affirmation:

I know that the Universe supports me in the good that I desire. The only one that keeps my good from me is my own thoughts about it. I now release any old concepts that might have restricted my acceptance of all the good I desire. As I place my desire in my mind, knowing that I deserve it, then the All of the Universe rushes in to fulfill it in a perfect way.

Copyright 2000, 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

You Are Your Authority, Part 1

You Are Your Authority, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Years ago, I discovered that the critical people in my life, who loved to pick at me and tear me down, were just echoing the condemning voices in my head. I’d spent so much time distracted, defending myself against those outer critics, that I hadn’t addressed the real issue, how I felt about myself. I’d given the past, and the people in it, authority over me.

Most of us have disapproving judgements about ourselves that tell us that we’re not good enough. Maybe you have an inner critic that tells you that you can’t do anything right, that you “should” be perfect, or that making a mistake is worse than death. I know of people who can’t take a day off because they’d feel guilty. And others who refused to hire someone to paint their house because they felt they “ought” to do it. Your internal judge pounds you with its condemnations, both from within, using guilt, and outwardly by reflecting your inner feelings in how the people in your life treat you.

Many people who have rebelled against authority figures in the past tend to have problems now with bosses, police, the IRS, etc. They defy internalized critical messages from their childhood environment, and don’t accept responsibility for their actions. Therefore, the energy that they have resisted and disowned increases and echoes back to them from the world.

Whatever you feel victimized by will mirror in your life. Just as my environment had been reflecting back to me what was already in my consciousness. I had to change my attitude from defending myself to addressing the internal messages from a position of strength. As I took responsibility for my own well being, the critics began to fade out of my life. I’m not saying it was easy. It wasn’t. But once I convinced myself that no one had the right to put me down, including my internal critic, my life began to improve.

Copyright 2000, 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Rewrite Your Life’s Script

Rewrite Your Life’s Script

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.”
~ Shakespeare

You are the writer, actor, director and producer of the play of your life. You often react automatically to the situations in your play. These responses are habits that were often formed during childhood. But you ultimately decide whether you’re going to continue in this rut or choose a new path.

Many times, because of your reaction to a situation, other people apply labels to you that you agree with and maintain. Whenever you retain a label that others’ have plastered you with, you let them define who you are and how you’ll act. You give them the power to assign a role for you to play. One that doesn’t reflect the authentic you.

It only takes a single powerful event at a key moment to make an impression that lasts a lifetime. A gifted, young pianist hits a wrong key during a recital, and her father berates her with, “You’re a failure as a musician.” From that moment on, her fingers fumble on the keys when she plays. She accepts the criticism and it becomes her identity.

A label makes sure that you know your lines and your part when the situation calls for it. You know what’s expected of you, and you do what’s expected, whether it’s good for you or not. If you’re really attached to the label, your subconscious will reject any opinion that conflicts with what you believe about yourself.

For instance, a person could believe that they’re not an artist because “I can’t draw a straight line.” But they have a great eye for design and composition. They won’t believe anyone who recognizes their talent because it goes against their long-held belief. They’ll continue to play the role of frustrated artist until they eliminate their label.

What roles have you accepted that are no longer valid or serving you? They may be so engrained, you aren’t even be aware of them. Consider where you feel frustrated, bad about yourself, or when you belittle yourself. These are great areas to start to peel off your labels and rewrite your roles. Decide how you want your play to change and begin producing a new one.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Change Your Labels And Change Your Life, Part 2

Change Your Labels And Change Your Life, Part 2

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Ned identified with being “obnoxious.” He hid a sensitive nature under a brash and aggressive act. Even when he could see the advantages of being calmer, he refused to change his ways because he was tied to his label. It provided him with a sense of power, belonging and security. And, because of it, he offended and alienated people he liked.

There’s usually a lot of emotional energy applied when you label yourself. Shame, anger, sadness, fear, insecurity and frustration can all play a role.

If you call yourself a “nervous” person, then whenever your heart jumps will feed into that belief. You might avoid any exciting experiences for fear of the repercussions. Your world will become smaller and you’ll have less opportunity to grow. Instead, to begin to open up to a greater potential, you could simply recognize your increased heart rate as a normal response to an unexpected event.

Labels come from beliefs, attitudes or actions that have been performed over and over until they have become habits. The good news is that those same beliefs, attitudes and behaviors can be changed. Start by recognizing the labels you’ve given yourself. Notice how you feel about them and about changing them.

If you’re really uncomfortable about letting them go, it indicates how invested you are in them. They may have become excuses so you’re not expected to excel or change. You may feel they keep you safe. Reappraise your labels to discern if they’re serving you now, or preventing you from expressing more of who you are.

This is where categorizing can help because you can use it to decide what to do to change. Identify what beliefs, attitudes, actions and behaviors need to be adjusted to eliminate the label. Start with one small change that you can commit to doing. When you get that one accomplished and stable, choose another change and work on it.

By releasing the labels you limit yourself with, you’ll be opening up the possibility for growth and expansion for yourself. Your horizons will be wider, and you’ll feel better about yourself. All you need to do is believe in yourself and your potential.

Affirmation

I know that I’m more than the labels I’ve given myself. They’re only beliefs that I’ve allowed to become habits. The Universe believes so much more about me, and wants to give me greater good than I’ve accepted. I now assess the labels attached to me, and open my mind to understand why they got established. Divine Guidance directs me to the steps I need to change, and helps me to commit to living up to my potential.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Change Your Labels And Change Your Life, Part 1

Change Your Labels And Change Your Life, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Labeling things in your life allows you to distinguish between them. You can tell an apple from an orange, Joe from Mary, a tree from a flower. You categorize the details of your life to put them into perspective. When you want a blue car, you don’t choose a yellow bike.

It’s especially helpful for being able to identify what you might be feeling. Emotions are signals that let you know if you’re on the right track, or if something is wrong. An abused spouse feels confused between what she perceives in her relationship and what her partner tells her is happening. This is a red flag she needs to heed.

Being able to identify anger or sadness allows you to deal with its cause. It might be that someone violated your boundaries, you might have lost someone close to you, or it’s time to leave that job before you explode and get fired. Being able to categorize what you’re feeling is valuable and appropriate, and allows you to seek ways to take care of your well being.

However, there’s a darker side to this. If you begin to label yourself, especially in a negative way, you put yourself in a box and make yourself smaller. Everything outside of that box is then out of your reach. For instance, someone who procrastinates would view themselves through that filter and would live according to all that label implies.

They won’t be able to get things done in a timely fashion, because that would conflict with what they believe about themselves. They might pass up opportunities, because they’re not confident they’ll get things done on time. Or they might fail to get a project done by the deadline, and lose out on a promotion.

Labeling yourself means that you’ve carved out a certain way of acting and responding. It may have started out to help you handle a difficult situation. But those reactions may not serve you now, but you find yourself still using them. The subconscious will use your label to restrict your actions and make sure that you don’t do anything that would contradict it.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Book Review – Bradshaw On: The Family

Book Review – Bradshaw On: The Family

Bradshaw On: The Family:  A New Way of Creating Solid Self-Esteem
by John Bradshaw

The author states that emotions are “energy in motion,” and valuable to us. This is only one of the many eye-opening concepts in this book.

Mainly, this book is written for people who have experienced dysfunctional homes, such as alcoholism or any sort of abuse in their childhood. Its information helps to identify and understand how the dysfunction affected them as children, and how it continues into adulthood.

Understanding is the first step to being able to move beyond the self-punitive and self-destructive habits that they may have as adults. But it’s also helpful for those who grew up in so-called “functional” homes, since in most homes there’s some sort of dysfunction.

The author writes a lot about rules, roles and how they affect an individual. He also addresses the family “trance,” saying that we accept ideas in that state and continue to operate with those concepts until the trance is broken.

This book was based on John Bradshaw’s television series of the same name. The series was more impromptu and as the author says, “lacked detail.” This book guides the reader into a better understanding of what they’re doing and why, and why their life may not be working.

Book Review – “How To Raise Your Self-Esteem”

Book Review – “How To Raise Your Self-Esteem”

How To Raise Your Self-Esteem: The Proven Action-Oriented
Approach to Greater Self-Respect and Self-Confidence
by Nathaniel Branden

This is a great book, not just for self-esteem, but also to raise self-awareness. This book is filled with strategies and exercises to help the reader not only improve their self-esteem, but increase confidence, self-acceptance, self-respect and authenticity.

The author describes self-esteem as “a feeling of personal competence and a feeling of personal worth…a sum of self-confidence and self-respect.” All of these go into a feeling of value. A person must feel “enough” to feel good about themselves and what they do. And a person with high self-esteem treats others with value and respect.

The author states that living consciously, in the sense of being aware of what they’re thinking and doing, is necessary to high self-esteem. Living consciously means a person learns to listen to themselves and to trust their impressions and decisions.

Other chapters address feelings of guilt, integrating the younger self, living authentically, selfishness, nurturing the self-esteem of others and more. The exercises are easy to do, mainly completing sentences, and the answers can be very illuminating. For any person troubled with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, I’d recommend this book highly.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

“5 Keys To Forgiveness, Part 1”

“5 Keys To Forgiveness, Part 1”

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Wounds caused by what loved ones, friends, colleagues and employers say and do can affect you at a deep level. However, hanging onto the hurt can harm you even more. Not only is it bad for your mental, emotional and physical health, but also it can draw more distress into your life.

Unforgiveness poisons your mind, body and affairs. Healing traditions from religion to psychotherapy to 12-Step programs agree that forgiveness of self and others needs to occur before you can have peace of mind.

Forgiveness is a powerful process that will give you greater understanding of yourself. It will also free more of your energy and access to your power. But forgiveness of these deep wounds shouldn’t be done lightly; otherwise, you’re just covering up the hurt.

For true healing, you need to acknowledge what happened, how it affected you and discover what you can learn from it. Any true forgiveness changes you at a deep level. It clears a path for the Law of Attraction to flow smoothly, to draw what you want into your life.

To work towards forgiveness, apply these five points when someone has hurt or offended you.

1. Identify the injury. This doesn’t mean relating what actually happened, but what you feel was broken. Before you can actually forgive, you need to understand what you’re forgiving. What principles, beliefs or expectations were violated? Whatever you feel was shattered has to be identified before you can truly forgive.

2. What do you feel about the offense. What did the injury mean to you? Journaling about how it made you feel can help you understand it better and reprocess the experience. Most people experience anger as a result of some wound. If you hold onto anger, you’re doing so to try to protect yourself and keep the event from happening again.

3. Mourn what has been lost or changed. You may feel a loss of belief in another person, in fairness, or safety. Grieving over the loss in necessary and appropriate. Your life has changed irrevocably. The relationship with the other person has also altered. But you will emerge stronger from this process.

4. Uncover the lesson for you. You could decide that no one is trustworthy, but is that belief going to be useful for you? That’s not necessarily the best lesson from what happened. You can decide what message you want to take from the event. What do you want to believe that will help you in the future? Wouldn’t a more reasonable belief be that some people can’t be trusted, and to be more vigilant for red flags in the future? By doing this step, you’re reprocessing how you fit into life and adjusting your beliefs to reflect the new you. This can help you learn what values you hold most dear.

5. Choose to forgive the person. You are not pardoning or excusing what happened. In this step, you’re making a choice to let go of any anger towards them. They’re human, with their own faults and character flaws. By accepting them as they are, you recognize that they can’t fill all your needs. The relationship will be different, because you’ll be more self-reliant and aware of their imperfections.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

“How to Cope With Liking a Person Who Disrespects You” by wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit

“How to Cope With Liking a Person Who Disrespects You” by wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Liking someone who disrespects you presents something that you should take into account when assessing their character, leading you to dismiss liking them outright; on the other hand, whether or not we’re attracted to someone is often not within our control and for some reason, the heart keeps insisting. Indeed, in some cases their rudeness and disrespectful attitude can be attractive in a perverse way because we’re into rescuer or pleaser mode, thinking we can either redeem or change this person for the better.

If you’re in this situation, it can be confusing and hurtful, especially if they continually put you down despite your kind and attentive advances. If so, it’s time to take account of their attitude and give yourself more respect instead of giving them any further leeway to be rude to you. This article will give you tips on how to get over this person by unearthing respect for yourself again.

Steps

  1. Beware the glamor effect. Sometimes it is easy to fall for the role, position or the status that a person represents, rather than the actual person and their true character. This confusion of identity can be hard to untangle if you’re struck by the glamor of what they “do”, but if you don’t try to separate the person from the position, then you might be falling for something that isn’t even real. To elaborate, if this person is in a position of authority, power or respect in something that interests you or matters a great deal to you, whether it’s a work, hobby, club or sports role, you might have confused the role or position of the person with who they really are. This is a common misunderstanding in a world where we overvalue what people “do” instead of who people are by way of their “character”.
    • For example, Jenna’s got a crush on Gary. He is the top debater for the year and has an incredible way with words, which is something she wishes she had the courage to stand up and do too––indeed, hearing his delivery just causes her to melt inside. He is also the President of the debating society and has a lot of influence within the English faculty. He seems to have endless people surrounding him wanting a piece of his time. Jenna especially wants to be a debater and to be noticed for her word skills too. She knows Gary is not very nice to her and has even outright insulted her on a number of occasions but she thinks this is almost charming because it’s a sign he’s clever, witty and one day, may come to realize that she’s good with words too. Jenna is sorely mistaken––she loves what Gary stands for, not the prig that Gary actually is.
    • George is falling deeply for his boss. She is smart, clever, sassy and there is constant talk that management is so impressed with her that she’s slated for promotion to a top role shortly. Yet, she is always snarky and cutting in remarks she makes to George and insists that he redo his work constantly, even though George has always been a top performer and other people recognize that he has excellent work outcomes. Yet, George is ready to put his own work down because he thinks that his boss is smarter than him and that if he does as she asks, she’ll come to realize that he’s special and will agree to go out with him. As with Jenna, George is sadly mistaken––he is struck by the glamor of his boss’s role and the accolades she gets and downplays her rudeness to him in the hope she’ll change. She won’t change and he’ll just keep on putting himself down.
  2. Find your own place of self respect. Continuing to like someone who disrespects you will often be grounded in your own insecurities and lack of self-respect. In some ways, you may see this insulting and rude crush as someone who could fill what you perceive as the empty spaces inside of you. In reality though, nobody can complete you; only you can complete you and if you have low self-esteem, low self-respect and a ton of insecurities, then you’ll need to focus on yourself and your own needs rather than continuing to chase after someone who knows how to zero in on your weaknesses and turn the knife. Be prepared to stop putting yourself through this and start improving your own sense of self worth instead. Remind yourself that no person who insults you or puts you down deserves to form a part of your life.

  3. Don’t over-analyze their behavior. Likely they’re the way they are because of 1001 reasons, from their own insecurities through to attention-seeking. However, ultimately you should reach a point of saying to yourself “who cares”? You’re not their guardian angel, you’re not their health professional and you’re not their personal trainer. If they have problems, you are not there to save or change them and you risk making up reasons to excuse their behavior if you over-analyze what impels them to behave in a certain way. If the way they behave toward you is getting you down and is hurtful, that should be enough of an alert for you to start extricating yourself from your one-sided crush on them.
  4. Realize that you will have to get over this person. A healthy relationship between two people is not possible if one lacks respect for the other. While this is the hardest part of the process, it’s the most essential part. If you’re unwilling to put your feelings for this person behind you, then you’ll continue to long after this person and not put your own needs and respect first.

  5. Focus on why you should dislike this person’s attitude toward you rather than on why you like them. Once they have shown a disrespectful attitude towards you on several occasions, this should be sufficient warning to you that they’re not going to stop and that their view of you is always going to be unfriendly and unkind. If you keep excusing their behavior or treating their attitude as something other than what it is, you continue to let their rudeness and disrespect occur and allow them to get away with atrocious behavior toward you. Ask yourself how they’re putting you down or insulting you. For example: Does this person embarrass you in public? Tease you relentlessly? Annoy you to no end? Throw barbs your way, especially when others are there to hear them? Mock you? Knowing why you should not desire to be linked with this person romantically or otherwise is an essential part of getting over a misplaced crush.

  6. Protect yourself by disengaging. Possibly you’ve been putting yourself into a position of being in their presence as often as possible, enduring their rudeness and insults for the sake of spending time near them, just to be in their presence. Whatever your current behavior toward them, it must end––for your sake. It is suggested that you pull away from this person completely and start pulling yourself together instead. Here is what to do next:
    • Do not speak to this person. They clearly do not deserve your attention.
    • If you have their phone number in your contacts, their e-mail in your address list, or their profile on a social networking site, delete every source of contact and connection. (You can even go as far as blocking them.) This will let the person know that you will not accept their past actions and won’t put up with any future rudeness.
    • If the person attempts to talk you, do not respond. Simply walk away. If saying nothing feels too rude to you (after all, you don’t want to dip to their level), simply say one polite thing to excuse yourself and then leave.
    • If you have no choice but to talk to them (such as at work), be perfunctory and say only what needs to be said, all in a professional tone and manner. Consider keeping a record of any insults relating to you personally or your work performance, to raise with your boss or someone else. Turn this type of situation right around in your mind from being a tolerable crush to being an intolerable harasser.
  7. Stop talking about this person to anyone else. Do not gossip or insult them behind their back. That is simply playing their game and failing to strengthen your own self-respect and character. When someone asks you what happened between the two of you, say something along the lines of “I was tired of dealing with him/her.” Or simply say that both of you agreed to disagree and that you’re not interacting much these days. Ultimately, it really isn’t anybody else’s business, so you’re free to say “Why do you want to know? It’s not something I care to discuss.”

  8. Get support from family and genuine friends or even from colleagues or team members you know you can trust. Cutting someone off hurts, especially if you’ve been fantasizing about their potential future role in your life and you’ve been expending endless energies trying to get them to come around to seeing you in a better light. You may still have some feelings for them afterward and that’s natural but it’s not a reason to fall back into old patterns of behavior. Arrange a gathering for a few friends in order to get your mind off this person, spend time hanging out with people who see and acknowledge the good in you and be with people who are supportive of you, whether you’re a success or not at any endeavor. Let yourself feel what it’s like to be around people who respect you and don’t give you grief.

  9. Get on with your life in a more positive and self-thoughtful manner. Be mindful in future of how you’ll interact with the people who cross your path and don’t allow your heart to run away with crazy ideas of saving or redeeming anyone. People will only change who they are of their own volition. Moreover, fantasizing that someone will come around and see the “real you” means that the “real you” isn’t shining forth enough to begin with and spending time polishing the “real you” should now be your current focus. We attract and are attracted to like people, so sometimes we are attracted to a person who reveals something we’ve disowned inside of ourselves. It’s important to learn from the fact that you’ve been attracted to someone deeply negative because it says a lot about how you feel about yourself inside. You do deserve more and you need to remind yourself of this constantly until it becomes second nature, as well as working on those aspects of yourself that you need to nurture with greater kindness.
    • Stand tall and have confidence in yourself. You will attract like-minded people who share your positivity and who appreciate your strengths and personality when you choose this path. It may seem hard now but this is the only genuine way of attracting a person who sees the “real you”––by being a person who is unafraid to express yourself and to expect respect back from others.
    • Read How to stand up for yourself for more ideas.

Tips

  • A person who disrespects you doesn’t “need” you in any form or shape. They may lap up the attention you continue lavishing on them but it won’t change their attitude any. If anything, the constant attention in spite of insults and disrespect simply reinforces for the other person that they can treat you like a doormat, regardless of your feelings and humanity. Be done with such a person, no matter what your heart tells you.
  • As part of your letting go process, try calling out this person for their comment or behavior and see what happens. Call them on their bad attitude for a change. It’s likely they’ll be surprised that you have done so and very defensive about the comments. They may even confront you about your own behavior, providing you with an opportunity to express that you regret having not stood up earlier to the insults and bad attitude but that you’ve found your spine since and you’re doing it now. Avoid attacking them as a person, just point out factual occasions on which they’ve said things that were hurtful.
  • Act as if you never knew this person. Your life will go on and their comeuppance will happen somewhere along the line. Even if they don’t get any karma reverberation, it doesn’t matter because the focus is on being the best person you can be, not on what happens to them.

Warnings

  • Do not continue any contact with this person, even if they call you saying how “sorry” they are and how it “will never happen again.” This is almost always a method to suck you back in.
  • If this person threatens or stalks you, report it to your local authorities right away.

Related wikiHows

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“Cleanse Your Mind Of Resentment, Part 2”

“Cleanse Your Mind Of Resentment, Part 2”

by Linda-Ann Stewart

You may hang onto resentment because you feel it protects you. It reminds you not to trust the person who hurt you or go back to the company that treated you unjustly. But you can learn that lesson, and avoid falling into that trap again, without it costing you.

There are definite consequences to holding onto grievances. Mark experienced all of these.

  • It makes you unpleasant to be around. People like to be around those who are positive, upbeat and cheerful. That does not describe someone with a grudge. The people you attract are going to be resentful and disgruntled like you.
  • It gives you an excuse for failing or committing yourself to your progress. Resentment can cause you to feel that nothing you do will make a difference. It sabotages your success and undermines your goals.
  • Holding a grudge siphons off enormous amounts of energy that could be channeled into accomplishment. It’s debilitating on every level.
  • It actually hands the control of your emotions and decisions over to others. You give them the power over whether you move forward or sit and stew.

When you’re resentful, it tells your subconscious that you want to have more to resent. Also, what you wish for others, your subconscious accepts as a wish for yourself. It’s the Law of Attraction. You attract what you focus on. Resentment is the biggest obstacle to achieving your desires and having more good in your life.

The opposite of hate or resentment isn’t love or approval. The solution to resentment is apathy. You don’t have to pardon the offense, just put it in the past. When you cease resenting others, you don’t care what they do or think. You’ve successfully detached yourself from them and the situation. It no longer affects you in any way. You’ve freed yourself and taken back your power. And this opens the way for success and a happy life.

Affirmation:

I now break the chains of resentment that have restricted my success and progress. Grudges no longer need to remind me to avoid toxic people and situations. I’ve learned my lesson and am able to successfully take care of my well-being in a constructive way. When I let go of past grievances, I reclaim my self-esteem and power. I now channel my energy into accomplishing my desires. Because I’m more upbeat, I attract more positive people and open the way for success.

Copyright 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved