Liking someone who disrespects you presents something that you should take into account when assessing their character, leading you to dismiss liking them outright; on the other hand, whether or not we’re attracted to someone is often not within our control and for some reason, the heart keeps insisting. Indeed, in some cases their rudeness and disrespectful attitude can be attractive in a perverse way because we’re into rescuer or pleaser mode, thinking we can either redeem or change this person for the better.
If you’re in this situation, it can be confusing and hurtful, especially if they continually put you down despite your kind and attentive advances. If so, it’s time to take account of their attitude and give yourself more respect instead of giving them any further leeway to be rude to you. This article will give you tips on how to get over this person by unearthing respect for yourself again.
- Beware the glamor effect. Sometimes it is easy to fall for the role, position or the status that a person represents, rather than the actual person and their true character. This confusion of identity can be hard to untangle if you’re struck by the glamor of what they “do”, but if you don’t try to separate the person from the position, then you might be falling for something that isn’t even real. To elaborate, if this person is in a position of authority, power or respect in something that interests you or matters a great deal to you, whether it’s a work, hobby, club or sports role, you might have confused the role or position of the person with who they really are. This is a common misunderstanding in a world where we overvalue what people “do” instead of who people are by way of their “character”.
- For example, Jenna’s got a crush on Gary. He is the top debater for the year and has an incredible way with words, which is something she wishes she had the courage to stand up and do too––indeed, hearing his delivery just causes her to melt inside. He is also the President of the debating society and has a lot of influence within the English faculty. He seems to have endless people surrounding him wanting a piece of his time. Jenna especially wants to be a debater and to be noticed for her word skills too. She knows Gary is not very nice to her and has even outright insulted her on a number of occasions but she thinks this is almost charming because it’s a sign he’s clever, witty and one day, may come to realize that she’s good with words too. Jenna is sorely mistaken––she loves what Gary stands for, not the prig that Gary actually is.
- George is falling deeply for his boss. She is smart, clever, sassy and there is constant talk that management is so impressed with her that she’s slated for promotion to a top role shortly. Yet, she is always snarky and cutting in remarks she makes to George and insists that he redo his work constantly, even though George has always been a top performer and other people recognize that he has excellent work outcomes. Yet, George is ready to put his own work down because he thinks that his boss is smarter than him and that if he does as she asks, she’ll come to realize that he’s special and will agree to go out with him. As with Jenna, George is sadly mistaken––he is struck by the glamor of his boss’s role and the accolades she gets and downplays her rudeness to him in the hope she’ll change. She won’t change and he’ll just keep on putting himself down.
- If you’re suffering from trying to be a people pleaser, see How to stop being a people pleaser for tips on overcoming this self-respect-destroying behavior.
- Do not speak to this person. They clearly do not deserve your attention.
- If you have their phone number in your contacts, their e-mail in your address list, or their profile on a social networking site, delete every source of contact and connection. (You can even go as far as blocking them.) This will let the person know that you will not accept their past actions and won’t put up with any future rudeness.
- If the person attempts to talk you, do not respond. Simply walk away. If saying nothing feels too rude to you (after all, you don’t want to dip to their level), simply say one polite thing to excuse yourself and then leave.
- If you have no choice but to talk to them (such as at work), be perfunctory and say only what needs to be said, all in a professional tone and manner. Consider keeping a record of any insults relating to you personally or your work performance, to raise with your boss or someone else. Turn this type of situation right around in your mind from being a tolerable crush to being an intolerable harasser.
- Stand tall and have confidence in yourself. You will attract like-minded people who share your positivity and who appreciate your strengths and personality when you choose this path. It may seem hard now but this is the only genuine way of attracting a person who sees the “real you”––by being a person who is unafraid to express yourself and to expect respect back from others.
- Read How to stand up for yourself for more ideas.
- A person who disrespects you doesn’t “need” you in any form or shape. They may lap up the attention you continue lavishing on them but it won’t change their attitude any. If anything, the constant attention in spite of insults and disrespect simply reinforces for the other person that they can treat you like a doormat, regardless of your feelings and humanity. Be done with such a person, no matter what your heart tells you.
- As part of your letting go process, try calling out this person for their comment or behavior and see what happens. Call them on their bad attitude for a change. It’s likely they’ll be surprised that you have done so and very defensive about the comments. They may even confront you about your own behavior, providing you with an opportunity to express that you regret having not stood up earlier to the insults and bad attitude but that you’ve found your spine since and you’re doing it now. Avoid attacking them as a person, just point out factual occasions on which they’ve said things that were hurtful.
- Act as if you never knew this person. Your life will go on and their comeuppance will happen somewhere along the line. Even if they don’t get any karma reverberation, it doesn’t matter because the focus is on being the best person you can be, not on what happens to them.
- Do not continue any contact with this person, even if they call you saying how “sorry” they are and how it “will never happen again.” This is almost always a method to suck you back in.
- If this person threatens or stalks you, report it to your local authorities right away.
- How to Deal With Rude People
- How to Ignore People You No Longer Wish to Be Around
- How to Deal With Unrequited Love
- How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust
- How to Deal With a Backstabbing Friend
- How to Ignore People You No Longer Wish to Be Around
- How to Recognize a Disrespectful Boyfriend
- How to Get the Person You Like to Like You Back
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