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Relationship Issues Reflect Life

Relationship Issues Reflect Life

Question: How are relationship issues a reflection of other things happening in my life?Power Struggle Between a Man and a Woman

Answer: There are many complex issues about relationships. We get into relationships to be shown a mirror of ourselves and our unresolved conflicts. If we’re not treating ourselves well, then our partner probably won’t.

They say that opposites attract, and that’s true many times. When we’ve abandoned parts of ourselves, we attract those parts in our partners.

A woman who loves to be a homemaker may attract a successful man. An analytical person will attract someone very intuitive. If one person is always late, they may attract someone who is always early. The issue is the same – time – but they act on it differently.

And you can look at the challenges in a relationship as if they are metaphors, as well as with anything else, because you are half of the dynamics of it. Don’t focus on the particulars, but become more objective to perceive the broader picture and bigger issue.

For instance, I once had  a boyfriend who didn’t call me when he said he would. Although the issue might have been perceived as his not following through on his promises, after the relationship was over, I could see that it was actually a lack of communication. He didn’t tell me details about himself that I needed to know to make informed choices about the relationship.

So it’s difficult to know how your relationship issues are reflecting other issues in your life. You may be too close to it, as I was. Notice what isn’t working for you, and see if it shows up in other areas of your life. There very well may be a pattern of miscommunication, disrespect, being taken advantage of, or something else.

Copyright 2005, 2014 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Behind The Curtain Of My Decisions…

Behind The Curtain Of My Decisions…

by Kendall Summerhawk

Ready for a rant?

I recently watched a video of a guru in the self-help world, describing her recommended process for making a decision.

Okay, so I’m intrigued, as the topic of decision making is one I personally love since everything we do, have and are in our lives is the result of our decisions.

Back to our guru gal…I watched as she outlined her process, which centered on checking in with your energy about the decision and “choosing the option that felt light and easy.”

Seriously?

My jaw dropped. Expecting the right decision to be the light and easy one is a recipe for creating avoidance and denial, and cultivating what I call “low decision IQ”.

There is an abundance of situations in your life and business that require you to make decisions. Some will feel difficult or painful, yet are still authentic and honor your values, upleveling your spirit and your integrity in the process.

While I’m not saying that every decision has to be full of drama or take hours to research before coming to a conclusion, what I am saying is that taking the light and easy road will only lead you to decisions that keep you stuck in disempowerment and limit your ability to grow into the extraordinary woman you’re meant to be.

For example, recently I faced these decisions.

Situation #1: What do I do about the friend who has zero boundaries, keeps makes one bad choice after another (creating chaos and drama in her life) and disrespects my time?

On a scale of 1-10 in terms of difficulty (10 being the toughest) this situation rates a 10.5!

Situation #2: In meeting with my financial advisor I’m presented with the opportunity to move some of my savings nest egg — which is getting zero percent interest — over to a 3 year deposit account where I’ll get a nice return as long as I don’t touch a penny of the money for 3 years.

Okay, so using the same rating scale this one sounds like it should be less than 1 on the difficulty meter, but the idea of not being able to get to my money for the upcoming years without paying a penalty makes me a little squeamish and triggers old “but what if something happens??” feelings of potential doom lurking around the corner. (Irrational, I know, given the success of my business but I want to be perfectly transparent with you). So this one jumps up to a rating of 6.

Ready to take a closer look at where the “light and easy road” would lead me?

Situation #1: Remember my friend? The one with no boundaries and an utter disregard for other peoples’ time, including mine. Light and easy would be to skip addressing the problem, making the decision that “it will all work out somehow…I can just feel it”.

Situation #2: And the financial decision? Light and easy would be to do nothing, figuring “the money is fine where it is, and this way, I don’t have to fill out any of those annoying forms or worry that I might need the money in a pinch.”

Can you guess what I did instead? Let’s find out…

Situation #1: I decided to address the issues with my friend, letting her know that her choices where up to her, but they were impacting me, which I wasn’t comfortable with. When nothing changed I let her know that while I cared about her deeply, I could no longer have her chaos in my life and I ended the friendship.

While not a light and easy decision to make, it was a decision that honors my integrity. By standing up for my boundaries I strengthened my self-worth and deepened my connection to valuing myself.

Situation #2: Rather than ignoring a great opportunity I reminded myself that in an extreme emergency I could still get access to the money in the longer term investment. Plus, by moving the money from my regular savings account I was creating a ‘gap’ that I could get excited about filling with more savings. The decision made, I asked my financial advisor for help on filling out the forms, sent off a check and felt awesome about making a financial decision from a grown-up mindset.

Ladies, “light and easy” decisions are best left for deciding whether to have pizza or enchiladas for Friday night dinner.

The rest of the time? Make decisions based on what will help you achieve the results you want. Every decision you make from this place of clarity and integrity adds grace and ease to your life, which is the ultimate way of creating joy!

 

Would you like to learn simple ways you can brand, package and price your services, quickly move away from ‘dollars-for-hours work’ and create more money, time, and freedom in you business? Check out my web site, http://www.KendallSummerHawk.com, for free articles, resources and to sign up for my free audio mini-seminar “Money Blocks & Breakthroughs.”

Do You Want To Avoid Being Miserable? Here Are Habits To Avoid.

Do You Want To Avoid Being Miserable? Here Are Habits To Avoid.

In the article, 14 Habits of Highly Miserable People, author Cloe Madanes explores the ways in which people can hone their skills in this area. She starts with “Be afraid, be very afraid of economic loss,” and ends with “Be critical.”

With each habit, she includes an exercise to develop the unhappiness that goes with it. I found the habits and exercises illuminating. It illumines how a person can make their life unsatisfying without even being aware of it.

She also describes the benefits of being miserable. You wouldn’t think there would be an upside to this, but there always is or it wouldn’t be worth it. Only when someone reaches a point where the benefits no longer outweigh the detriments will they begin to change.

Although this is written in a tongue-in-cheek style, it’s a great commentary on how to avoid being happy. Even though it’s about being miserable, it’s also enlightening on what not to do in your life. If you want to have a happy and fulfilled life, these are habits you should avoid.

Read the article, and see if you spot any of your habits in her list. If you do, you might want to think about changing them.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Adjusting To A Life Shift

Adjusting To A Life Shift

When you have a change in your life, you can have a sense of loss and sadness over what has gone. People don’t understand that this is a normal process. Even if you’re eager for the new door opening, there can be some grief over the old one closing. Learn how this is a normal process and how to approach it.





~ Linda-Ann Stewart

“No You May Not!”

“No You May Not!”

by Barb Wade

Did you ever play the game “Mother May I” when you were a kid? You know, one child plays the “mother” and the other are the children. You must preface every move you make with the phrase, “Mother May I” or else you are out of the game.

And you can’t move until you get permission.

It’s surprising how many adults still play this game everyday. They are waiting around for someone – their boss, spouse, friends, and even, yes, their mother to give them permission to do the things they really want to do.

There is a part of us that is very comforted by getting permission and especially approval. That’s normal. But there comes a time when you must break free of the waiting game and take your own life by the horns.

At some point we have to realize that what is lurking behind all that longing for approval is fear, doubt, and feelings of not being good enough.

The biggest problem is that those fears and feelings aren’t based on reality – they are often irrational and false. Which means, that no amount of permission is going to make them go away.

But once you decide that you can give yourself the go-ahead, then no one can take that away from you. (At least not without your permission!)

If you find all of this easier said than done, don’t worry – you’re not alone. I know I’ve been there more than once. The next time you’re stuck, consider that all you might need is a little nudge of permission. Then try this:

Listen To Your Self-Talk:

When I say that people wait to get permission, it’s usually not literal. Sometimes we tell ourselves that we “can’t, shouldn’t, or must not” do something and we believe those thoughts to be true at face value.

The funny thing is, our beliefs (including the very self-limiting ones) are often picked up along the way, even since childhood and although they may sound like our ideas, they are actually deeply embedded reactions that don’t  necessarily reflect who we have grown to be as a person. The are “someone else’s voice.”

So next time you hear that voice of fear say, “I just can’t…” take a look at it as an observer and ask yourself, “Who says I can’t?” You might even get a very specific answer! (Like, “my 3rd grade teacher says so”). Once you know whose idea it really is, you can boldly proclaim, “Well, thanks for sharing, but I’m in charge and I say I CAN!”

And in doing so, give yourself complete and unabashed permission. It’s amazing how liberating that little exercise can be.

Once the fear and doubt have subsided a bit, make a plan to take some empowered action to “seal the deal.” So go to that event, take that class, make that phone call, hire that mentor – you don’t have to wait for permission!

Then surround yourself with friends and colleagues who will support you stepping into your new decision. Who knows what you might create?

Whatever it is you wish to do, be, or have, it’s time to decide that you’re worth it, you deserve it, and give yourself permission to follow your bliss today.

Copyright 2013 Barb Wade
All Rights Reserved

Business Coach & Mentor Barb Wade specializes in teaching entrepreneurs how to make more money more easily while enjoying a business and lifestyle that reflects their priorities. Download Barb’s “Word-for-Word Scripts To Overcome Objections” and book more high-paying clients now at www.BarbWade.com

Make Self-Care A Habit

Make Self-Care A Habit

Your life is run by habits. One of the habits that is essential, but that is ignored too often, is the one of self-care. It recharges your batteries and helps you deal with the challenges you face. Learn how important self-care is and how you can include it in your life.




~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Drink In Motivation and Inspiration To Keep A Positive Attitude

Drink In Motivation and Inspiration To Keep A Positive Attitude

Making sure you get motivation and inspiration is as important as drinking enough water. If you get parched, and you inspiration runs dry, it may take some time to get your attitude back on track. Discover how to make sure you keep your mind hydrated with enough motivation and inspiration so you get better results.



Copyright 2013 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

The Spiritual Blame Game

The Spiritual Blame Game

Over the years, I’ve been distressed when a person who has had a trauma, whether physical, financial or health, had their “well meaning” spiritual friends ask, “Why did you attract this?” Unfortunately, this question rarely helps, and just gets in the way of that person healing. They’re already reeling from the crisis, and probably asking themselves that same question.

That comment is simply a new way of blaming the difficulty on the wounded. It used to be that a woman who was raped was held responsible for dressing provocatively or “asking for it.” Now we know that the rapist is simply trying to exert control over another person. The woman was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and happened to somehow trigger the rapist’s fantasy.

When a challenge happens, so much more is going on than anyone knows. Many health issues are triggered or made worse by stress. And there are a lot of stressful occurrences that have happened in our world. Believing that we control all the factors that go into our lives is a simplistic attitude.

No one is perfect, so there’s plenty in our consciousness that could contribute to a cluster of events that result in problems. Jesus said, “He who is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” The same sentiment is true for those who have suffered setbacks. Rather than asking, “What was in your consciousness that attracted this,” a better response would be, “What can you learn from this.”

We don’t have control over the economy or other people. We have control over our response to what happens to us. By accepting what has happened, rather than trying to analyzing why it did, we free up resources to move forward. Instead of resisting the situation, ask how we can take the challenge and derive something beneficial from it. This is a much more kind, healing and empowering way to approach the situation.

How To Make And Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions, Part 2

How To Make And Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions, Part 2

by Linda-Ann Stewart

First, as you might do every year, write down all the things that you want to change in your life. But this time, prioritize them. Decide which are the most important, then select one of these to concentrate on. By focusing on one area at a time, you will be able to improve your chances of success.

Once you’ve chosen which area you want to concentrate on, write down all the steps you need to take to fulfill that goal. For instance, suppose Sam decides he wants to get healthy. To do so, he chooses to quit smoking, eliminate caffeine, sugar, and alcohol, to stop partying, get enough sleep every night, lose weight, start exercising, and eat right. He can’t do all of these at the same time, or his subconscious will rebel. Therefore, he decides which facet he wants to tackle first.

Break your goal down into reasonable steps. Don’t try to change the world in one week. As you accomplish one component, move onto the next one. It may actually take a couple of years to achieve your whole list, but in a couple of years you’ll be so much healthier than you are now.

Once you have your first element chosen, you can now decide on what physical actions to take every day. Taking physical action helps to convince the subconscious that you mean business, and shows commitment to the process.

Visualize yourself acting out your objective. As you imagine yourself living your goal, this gives your subconscious mind the direction it needs. It must follow your envisioning. Mentally rehearse each day, identifying with your new ideal, feeling how good it is to have accomplished your aim.

Write a short positive statement in the present tense that embodies your resolution. Use this affirmation in your visualization to reinforce it. Say the declaration aloud one hundred times a day. Print it on index cards and place them where you see them often. This keeps you focused on your goal and begins to impregnate your subconscious with what it is that you want. Trust that your subconscious is making deep level changes, and knows the best way to help you to transform.

By following these directions, you will be able to successfully make and keep your New Year’s resolutions. You have all the power within you to create a wonderful new life for yourself. Don’t be afraid to use it.

Copyright 2001, 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

How To Make And Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions, Part 1

How To Make And Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

I used to make a list of New Year’s resolutions, such as: lose weight, exercise, organize my desk, eat better, etc., etc., and so forth. However, within a day I’d broken at least half of them. The rest were blown by the end of the week. Since I felt like a failure, I just stopped making them. I figured why should I put myself through the frustration?

It’s too bad, because resolutions are a positive way to improve your life and change old habit patterns. Starting a new year with the intention of establishing a healthier life helps us to wipe the slate clean, to write a better script. We begin with great hopes, only to get sucked back into the familiar rut. Why is it that so many times we fail to attain our list of resolutions?

Think about this. What if your partner brought you a long list of things they wanted you to do immediately? For example, they wanted you to move all the furniture in the house, change the landscaping, paint the house, completely redecorate within a week? You’d groan, crumble and look for the closest hole to hide in. The same is true of your subconscious mind.

Your subconscious mind processes and stores everything you’ve ever seen, done, heard, thought, or experienced. All of this information mixes together to give you the life you now have.

If you resolve to completely recondition yourself within a month, your inner mind falters. “Too much!” it screams, and then proceeds to get you so involved in life that you forget all that silly stuff. An excessive amount of change at any one time overwhelms your subconscious. However, there are some things you can do to maximize your success with New Year’s resolutions.

Copyright 2001, 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved