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“5 Keys To Forgiveness, Part 2”

“5 Keys To Forgiveness, Part 2”

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Just because you’ve forgiven them doesn’t mean that there aren’t consequences from their actions. You may forgive the person but not want them in your life any longer. Their offense may be so severe that any trust is permanently broken and you realize they won’t change. In this case, you want no further association with them. By forgiving them, you’re freeing them and yourself to move on with your lives.

Forgiveness also doesn’t mean forgetting what happened. If you erase the memory, you don’t have it to remind you to avoid the same situation in the future. It also means you won’t identify any patterns that might be forming. For example, you fight over the same issue every week. If you “forgive and forget,” you won’t recognize that this same problem keeps popping up. This will prevent you from addressing what the core issue might be.

Unless it’s a minor infraction, true forgiveness takes deep thought and introspection. If you don’t take the time and consideration it needs, unresolved issues and emotions will surface later to interfere with your life and relationships. But if you follow it through, forgiveness is a powerful balm that truly brings peace to your soul.

Affirmation:

I recognize and acknowledge that I feel injured by what has occurred. By going through the process of exploring the hurt and anger, I learn more about myself. I let go of what no longer serves me and integrate the lessons I’ve learned. When I fully forgive, it makes me stronger and gives me a sense of peace. I cleanse my mind of any disharmony, and as a result, I attract more abundance of all good things into my life.

Copyright 2012 Linda-Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

“5 Keys To Forgiveness, Part 1”

“5 Keys To Forgiveness, Part 1”

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Wounds caused by what loved ones, friends, colleagues and employers say and do can affect you at a deep level. However, hanging onto the hurt can harm you even more. Not only is it bad for your mental, emotional and physical health, but also it can draw more distress into your life.

Unforgiveness poisons your mind, body and affairs. Healing traditions from religion to psychotherapy to 12-Step programs agree that forgiveness of self and others needs to occur before you can have peace of mind.

Forgiveness is a powerful process that will give you greater understanding of yourself. It will also free more of your energy and access to your power. But forgiveness of these deep wounds shouldn’t be done lightly; otherwise, you’re just covering up the hurt.

For true healing, you need to acknowledge what happened, how it affected you and discover what you can learn from it. Any true forgiveness changes you at a deep level. It clears a path for the Law of Attraction to flow smoothly, to draw what you want into your life.

To work towards forgiveness, apply these five points when someone has hurt or offended you.

1. Identify the injury. This doesn’t mean relating what actually happened, but what you feel was broken. Before you can actually forgive, you need to understand what you’re forgiving. What principles, beliefs or expectations were violated? Whatever you feel was shattered has to be identified before you can truly forgive.

2. What do you feel about the offense. What did the injury mean to you? Journaling about how it made you feel can help you understand it better and reprocess the experience. Most people experience anger as a result of some wound. If you hold onto anger, you’re doing so to try to protect yourself and keep the event from happening again.

3. Mourn what has been lost or changed. You may feel a loss of belief in another person, in fairness, or safety. Grieving over the loss in necessary and appropriate. Your life has changed irrevocably. The relationship with the other person has also altered. But you will emerge stronger from this process.

4. Uncover the lesson for you. You could decide that no one is trustworthy, but is that belief going to be useful for you? That’s not necessarily the best lesson from what happened. You can decide what message you want to take from the event. What do you want to believe that will help you in the future? Wouldn’t a more reasonable belief be that some people can’t be trusted, and to be more vigilant for red flags in the future? By doing this step, you’re reprocessing how you fit into life and adjusting your beliefs to reflect the new you. This can help you learn what values you hold most dear.

5. Choose to forgive the person. You are not pardoning or excusing what happened. In this step, you’re making a choice to let go of any anger towards them. They’re human, with their own faults and character flaws. By accepting them as they are, you recognize that they can’t fill all your needs. The relationship will be different, because you’ll be more self-reliant and aware of their imperfections.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

“Be Who You Were Meant To Be, Part 2”

“Be Who You Were Meant To Be, Part 2”

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Some of the reasons we hang onto low self-worth include:

1. Fear of responsibility. If we have greater self-worth, we have higher expectations of ourselves. This can develop into more responsibility that, right now, we’re not certain we could handle. We’d have to make decisions and take actions that we’re uncomfortable with. It’s so much easier to stay in our comfort zone and let others make choices for us.

2. Old programming. As children, we were told over and over again that we weren’t worthwhile. This conditioning is still operative and keeps us in its grip. We learned to be helpless and keep our abilities hidden. It’s become a habit that is so engrained that we don’t even notice it anymore. And we reinforce it every time we choose to avoid our power.

3. Conflicts with programming. When we start to break out of old beliefs, we start to feel uncomfortable. This is simply the subconscious mind trying to keep us in our comfort zone. The subconscious wants to keep us safe, and will resist efforts to change if its not convinced that it’s okay now.

4. Fear of the ego. So many people fear that their ego will get too big if they think well of themselves. Oddly enough, the ego is already involved if we’re trying to play small. We’re too worried about how we appear to others. The ego only gets out of hand when we falsely believe that we’re the center of the universe. That’s exactly the opposite of what happens when we’re being authentic.

5. Afraid of offending others. Having self-worth can only displease those who want to control us. They want us to live our life their way. We can’t please everyone. Pleasing ourselves doesn’t mean that we step on anyone else’s rights. But we are entitled to our choices, opinions and to fulfilling our talents.

6. Fear of others’ jealousy. If others are envious of us, it’s because they have low self-esteem. They’re fearful that they can’t do as well as we can. People who want others to feel as inadequate as they do will do anything to discourage our positive outlook. We can’t do anything about them. Our purpose is to be the best person we can be. Letting them hold us back encourages them to inhibit everyone’s progress.

It all comes down to fear. Both fear of what will happen when we step out of our comfort zone and fear of what other people will think. Restricting our potential doesn’t serve anyone, least of all ourselves. It keeps us helpless and permits others to control our feelings and behaviors.

We have to decide which is more important: to stay safe and continue to feel inadequate, or recognize our worth and be empowered. Marianne Williamson, author and spiritual leader, says, “Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure about you.” Being authentic and accepting our greatness not only benefits us, it allows us to be a role model for others.

Affirmation:

I’m an expression of the Universe, and It wants me to authentically represent myself. Any fear that’s holding me back is a false idea that I release because it no longer has any benefit to me. I now claim my power and accept my true worth. I have the courage to live my life according to my values. My true purpose is to be the best person I can be and serve the world in a much greater way.

Copyright 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

“Be Who You Were Meant To Be, Part 1”

“Be Who You Were Meant To Be, Part 1”

by Linda-Ann Stewart

When I was in the twelfth grade, my English teacher asked us to raise our hands if we liked ourselves. No one dared to because we knew we’d be harassed by our classmates for thinking too highly of ourselves. When no one responded, she then berated us by saying, “That just shows that you have low self-esteem.”

If any of us did like ourselves, we caved into the fear of our fellow classmates’ persecution. We wanted to be accepted and fit in, but we sacrificed our courage and authenticity to do so.

Unfortunately, this is a common occurrence, even as we become adults and go through life. We avoid being genuine to gain others’ approval. Watch how a co-worker or friend accepts a compliment. Do they graciously say “Thank you” or do they brush it off? Whichever way they accept it shows how high or low their self-esteem is.

There can be a purpose for holding onto low self-esteem. In the case of my twelfth grade class, it was to avoid being hassled. The intent was to protect ourselves. Before we can raise our self-concept, we have to address the reasons around why we resist being authentic.

Copyright 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Be Courageous And Let Your Light Shine

Be Courageous And Let Your Light Shine

We fear being authentic and letting our light shine. But staying safe that way has consequences for ourselves and others that blocks what we truly want to do. Discover how those fears affect our personal and professional lives.



Copyright 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

“How do we determine what our lesson might be?”

“How do we determine what our lesson might be?”

Question: I realize that we have to go through various experiences to grow and learn a particular lesson and then move on, but what happens if we do not know what the lesson was supposed to be?

Answer: It doesn’t matter if we consciously know what the lesson is or not. Subconsciously we do, and so does our Higher Mind. When you have a challenging experience, you do the best you can with it. (Hopefully you’ve also been able to stay in alignment with your principles.)

Most of the time, you’ll have the same lesson appear over and over again, in different aspects. It’s to “help” you explore different ways to deal with it, and/or to give you an opportunity to master it. In the mastery of it, you may get to experience all sorts of different sides of the issue.

For instance, a person might have a lot of critical people in his/her life. The challenge would be to deal with the criticism in a way that would emotionally support him/herself. But s/he might not know that. All s/he knows is that people are always picking at him/her.

Once s/he begins to stand up for him/herself, the critical people begin to either fade away or change their attitudes. One of his/her issues would be to realize that the critics are simply echoing what is already going on in his/her mind.

In AA, they say that if a partner of an alcoholic doesn’t heal what attracted the alcoholic in the first place, that the partner will continue to attract alcoholics, even if they leave the original one.

If you’re wondering what the lesson could be, assess how you felt during it. Think about other challenges in your life. Is there anything similar about the feelings, or the thoughts you had during it that you’ve had before? With life lessons, there will always be some sort of pattern. The situations may be different, but the feelings will likely be the same.

Copyright 2002, 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Book Review – “Beyond Positive Thinking”

Book Review – “Beyond Positive Thinking”

“Beyond Positive Thinking: A No-Nonsense Formula For Getting The Results You Want”
by Dr. Robert Anthony

This book is a step-by-step process for “right thinking” rather than “positive thinking.” It doesn’t pull any punches regarding why you do the things you do that sabotage your goals. And it specifically tells you what to do about them, so you can achieve your dreams.

This is a users manual for the Law of Attraction. Beginning with the basics of self-esteem, it dives deeply into all the aspects of what could block you from your desires. It addresses the obstacles you encounter and suggests solutions for them.

This is one of the best books I’ve found that explains how to go about creating the life you want. It doesn’t just give you steps to follow, but instructs you on strategies and time-tested techniques. It explains how to use affirmations, intentions, visualization and more.

It’s written in a very clear and understandable manner, directly addressing what to do and why. It’s tightly packed with information, explanations and exercises to change your thoughts and reframe your beliefs.

You’ll need to read this book over and over again, because you won’t be able to absorb all of it in a single reading. If you want to change your mind to change your life, read this book.

~ Linda-Ann

“Expand Beyond Your Comfort Zone, Part 3”

“Expand Beyond Your Comfort Zone, Part 3”

by Linda-Ann Stewart

What it comes down to is that most people don’t feel worthy of experiencing more of what life offers. A woman will put up with a verbally abusive spouse, because she’s been convinced that she deserves his attacks. Or a man will suffer with a raging boss, because he doesn’t believe he can find a better job. (These are gender interchangeable.)

A person may want to be healthier, but doesn’t take the action necessary to do so, such as stopping smoking, exercising, and eating properly. Whenever there can be something done for change, and nothing is done, it’s due to a lack of self-esteem. A person doesn’t think enough of themselves to leave the marriage, change jobs, stand up for themselves, or take care of themselves.

So how can you tell if you’re keeping yourself in a comfort zone? Is there anything that you are unhappy with? Do you want more in some area of your life? Notice what thoughts go through your mind about that area. Be aware of the feelings that arise when you consider a change. Does fear surface? Fear of what? You’re the only person that’s keeping yourself in your comfort zone.

It’s like you’re in a cage with the door open. Remaining in the cage, you know when your meals are, where your bed is, and when to go to bed. You have everything set in a habit pattern, and don’t have to change anything. You’re in a rut, which is a grave with both ends removed.

If you leave the cage, you have to change some of your expectations, and deal with some uncertainty. You’re the one who will have to decide what to eat each day, rather than have someone fix it for you. However, you’ll be able to see the sky, and have the freedom to explore your potential.

By becoming aware of what you’re thinking and feeling, you can begin to dissolve the limitations that have kept you there. You’re the one who created them, so you can transcend beyond them. It may be scary, because you’re facing your fears and moving through them. But persist, because life wants to give you more. And imagine that all of life is supporting you in your expansion.

Copyright 2000, 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

“Expand Beyond Your Comfort Zone, Part 2”

“Expand Beyond Your Comfort Zone, Part 2”

by Linda-Ann Stewart

What is it that causes people to remain in their comfort zone? Many people have a fear of the unknown. When faced with a new situation, they don’t know if they can handle it, doubting their abilities. Just like I felt about my move.

A person may have a fear of responsibility. I know of people that have done menial jobs all of their lives, and turned down managerial duties because they didn’t want the additional authority. They’re very comfortable doing the duties they know, and don’t want to learn anything new. A nine to five job satisfies them, and they don’t want to have to expand their horizons.

For some, moving out of their comfort zone means that they’re afraid that they’ll lose control. A woman I knew had been very ill for several years.  Her family catered to her, and she didn’t have to deal with running a household. When she recovered, she continued to be treated like she was made of glass and would break at any time. She did nothing to contradict this. Her illness gave her control over her family, and she wasn’t going to give up that control.

Though her family assumed she wasn’t well enough to take care of the housework or the cooking, she was healthy enough to volunteer as an aide in a charity hospital. She was comfortable believing that she was an invalid, because she avoided responsibilities she didn’t want. If she had given up her invalid role, she would’ve lost the ability to control her family.

Even remaining at the same income level can be a way of staying in your comfort zone. Or not being able to exceed a certain amount in your savings account. Accepting only so much good in any one area is a way of keeping yourself in a situation that you’re familiar with. By doing so, you don’t have to handle the anxiety of any uncertainties. You’re on well-known terrain, and know all the hills and valleys.

Copyright 2000, 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

“Expand Beyond Your Comfort Zone, Part 1”

“Expand Beyond Your Comfort Zone, Part 1”

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Have you ever felt yourself being pulled in two different directions? Many years ago, I really wanted to move to Sedona. But when the time came to pack, I was reluctant to leave Houston, where I’d grown up. Even though I didn’t like my old home, it was a familiar place. I knew where things were, and what the environment was like. Sedona would be a complete change, from city to small town, from suburbs to the country. It was a change I desperately desired, but still it was scary.

Take a look at your life. Is it everything you want it to be? Are you as happy as you’d like? Do you have the prosperity you want, the relationships, the health? If you’re not experiencing all that you want in life, then you’re keeping yourself from it. Life wants to give you all the good you can hold. If you’re not constantly accepting more good in your life, you’ve settled into a rut. This is called a comfort zone. Everyone does this, in some way or other.

I’ve heard of prisoners who are freed, who have waited years to be released. But once they have their freedom, they can’t handle it. They’ve spent so many years having someone telling them when to eat, when to sleep, when to exercise, that they can’t function without anyone telling them what to do. Therefore, some former prisoners deliberately commit another crime simply to be caught and put back in prison. They have been forced out of their comfort zone, and want back in.

Most of us don’t have quite this extreme situation. But have you ever had an opportunity that you turned down out of fear? Some people will work hard to succeed, and just as it’s about to happen, they will sabotage it. They’ll forget a vital appointment, they’ll get sick, they’ll begin to drink, or insult the boss. Their comfort zone may not be comfortable, but it is familiar.

Copyright 2000, 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved