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The Winding Path Of Change, Part 1

The Winding Path Of Change, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Becky spent months trying to break up with her boyfriend. Although she knew he wasn’t right for her, he’d be so sweet and accommodating when she’d try to split up that she’d slip back into the relationship.

Things would be fine for a few days, then something would happen and she’d be reminded why she needed to move on. And the process would start all over again. Each time she repeated the cycle, it got more apparent why the relationship wasn’t going to last long term and she discovered more about herself.

Change is like that. It rarely tracks in a straight line. Whether you’re progressing in your career, or making personal changes, you’ll probably take detours and side trips along the way. It may feel like you’re going backwards for a while, and you could get discouraged. Fear not, you’ll soon be moving forward again.

Setbacks are part of the process. In a recession, businesses have to pull back and consolidate, strengthening their financial positions. In this recent recession, stores have had fewer products, shorter hours, and less staff. They have to let go of less profitable merchandise to focus on goods that are more popular.

Businesses that are creative and innovative thrive when the economy gets better. Retreating to stabilize your financial structure means you’ll be better prepared when the time comes to expand.

The same is true of personal development. Generally, when making changes, you take two steps forward, then one back. For instance, it takes a smoker an average of four attempts to quit before they succeed. Each time, they discover more about their triggers and strategies that work for them. Any kind of improvement goes through the same type of learning curve.

When you diet, your body can get stuck at a particular weight. If this happens you may lose heart and give up. It’s simply getting adjusted to a new set point. Your body is adapting to being lighter, and once it does, you’ll quickly drop a few more pounds.

Even in your professional life, you probably won’t have a straight path to the next level. You may move laterally for awhile, gaining more experience and developing your abilities. This gives you a better track record and stronger background for when you are promoted.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Make The Effort To Change, Part 2

Make The Effort To Change, Part 2

by Linda-Ann Stewart

My friend Lily read lots of self-help books, listened to motivational CD’s and went to personal development workshops and then complained that her life didn’t improve. When I asked her if she’d practiced any of the exercises in the books or CD’s or workshops. “No,” she said. “That’s too much trouble.”

To change, you need to participate and use the tools you’ve found. It’s easy to fall back into old habits. They’re familiar and comfortable, but they won’t provide you with a new direction. They won’t improve your life. There’s an old saying, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”

Negative thinking is simply a habit. People aren’t born to be pessimists, they learn to be that way. It can be changed with time, attention, and energy. One of the complaints of negative people is that it takes effort to be positive. It always takes work to change a habit, no matter what that habit might be.

Are you going to continue to float along with your old ways of thinking and doing things? If so, your life isn’t going to improve much. What are you willing to do to make it different? Think of one thing that you could start doing, and then commit to practice it every day. It could be meditating, self-hypnosis, being mindful, an affirmation, journaling or one of any number of other techniques and exercises that you’ve found over the years.

By choosing to make one small, consistent difference in the course of your life, you’ll begin to break up the inertia that’s gripped you. Each day that you follow through with your choice will take you in a new direction. You have the power to change your life. You just need to work it.

Affirmation

I have the ability to change my life. All the power of the Universe is available to me to create new ways of thinking and new beliefs. I now decide to use the tools that I’ve been given to create new habits that are more beneficial for me. My life will only improve if I choose to change it. I take charge of my life and commit myself to my well being.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Make The Effort To Change, Part 1

Make The Effort To Change, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

At a meeting, I was talking with a woman and mentioned Joseph Murphy and his best-selling book, “Power of the Subconscious Mind.” She asked, “In his book, did he explain why the subconscious doesn’t work for most people?”

That set me back. The subconscious mind is always working, and it responds according to the nature of your thoughts. But one thing can prevent the subconscious from making the changes a person wants. I responded, “Because they don’t work it.”

“Oh,” she replied. “I guess that’s true. Nothing changes if you aren’t willing to work on it.” I quietly sighed, thinking of all the people I knew who didn’t work on an issue, then complained when change didn’t happen.

Most people resist change and it takes effort to overcome that. Inertia can take over, causing you to drift and stalling your progress. It takes determination to pull out of it and move in a different direction. Change doesn’t happen overnight, nor does it happen without applying shifts in thinking and behaving. Your old ways of doing things are simply habits, and can be changed. But it takes attention to alter your course and initiative to put it into action.

Posting affirmation signs around the house won’t help if you don’t repeat the statement frequently. They work by modifying the things you automatically say to yourself. Passively glancing at them without noticing them won’t make much of an impression on your subconscious. You have to be pro-active in impressing the concepts on your inner mind.

Wanting to be more positive won’t work unless you pay attention and change your attitude when you find your thoughts straying into negative territory. Just as you have to turn the car around when you realize you’re going to the gas station when you meant to go to the store, you have to re-focus your attention when your thoughts go in the wrong direction.

Copyright 2012 Linda-Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Tools For Change

Tools For Change

Reading self-help and personal development books, and listening to CD’s of them, is helpful to expand the awareness of the possibilities for yourself. It also can uplift you and put you in a more constructive mindset. But if you don’t start using some of the tools that you learn about, the improvements won’t last long. You need to create your own foundation so that you can build a strong structure that can withstand the winds of storms.

Here are a few techniques for you to begin with, if you need to start somewhere.

  • Meditation – Studies show that meditation actually changes the structure of the brain. It establishes a sense of well being, allows us to think more quickly and make better decisions, along with a whole host of other positive results.
  • Mindfulness – This type of meditation means that you just remain aware of the present moment. As with meditation, it changes brain structure, reducing fear, improving memory and productivity.
  • Self-hypnosis – This is a process of communication with the inner mind that can change ideas at level where they were programmed. It can reduce stress and anxiety, help change habits, grow self-confidence and improve all sorts of physical issues.
  • Cognitive techniques – This technique instructs you how to become conscious of negative ideas and change them. It’s effective for improving depression, anxiety, and negative self-talk.
  • Journaling – Studies have shown that when you write about your feelings, your situations, or your life, this can improve the way you feel physically and mentally. It helps the mind to reprocess the information at a deep level and builds inner resources.
  • Affirmations/self-talk – When you change the way you talk to yourself, you change the way you believe and behave. It helps increase optimism and is a key to stress management.

Choose one of these to begin practicing consistently and you’ll notice an improvement in your life in a very short time. It will give you the tool you need to hold onto when life gets a little bumpy. You’ll get through the challenges much more smoothly when you have been making time for your personal development.

Take a Risk and Claim Your Authenticity, Part 2

Take a Risk and Claim Your Authenticity, Part 2

by Linda-Ann Stewart

As an art teacher and friend once said, “Give yourself permission to do it badly.” That’s one of the most freeing concepts for creativity. When you do this, you allow yourself to experiment and be spontaneous. And only with experimentation can you find new ways and techniques. Staying with the “same old, same old” will simply keep you in a rut.

Pick up a brush, lump of clay or camera and create something. Challenge some of the beliefs you have and say, “No” to something you don’t want to do. The sky is unlikely to fall, and you’ll feel stronger. Hold your ground when someone tries to bully you. Tell a friend how you feel when she’s always an hour late for lunch.

You’re more authentic when you risk. Stepping out of what’s secure and safe breaks down your inner barriers. You unblock yourself and let the Universe flow more fully through you. And even when things don’t work out, as sometimes happens, you have more resources to handle it philosophically. You can assure yourself, “At least I tried.” Giving yourself permission to try and fail can create a feeling of safety that allows you to try again.

I couldn’t sit silent and let the group be bullied into a course of action that would be unproductive. That would have made me feel like a victim. Because I risked going out of my comfort zone and speaking up, my beliefs were altered in a positive way. It gave me the courage to explore other areas and confront my fears.

When you risk, even if it doesn’t work out, it expands your horizons. You learn something valuable that you can use the next time. You’ve empowered yourself to stretch and be a victor. This establishes a pattern that can continue to reveal more of your authentic self.

Affirmation

When I try new things and experiment, I give myself permission to do it badly or fail. What matters is the attempt to move out of my comfort zone. As I risk new directions and activities, the Universe flows more smoothly through me into greater good. I empower myself explore new avenues and experiences. By allowing myself to risk, I open myself to be more authentic.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Take a Risk and Claim Your Authenticity, Part 1

Take a Risk and Claim Your Authenticity, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Many years ago, I was a member of a group that promoted and encouraged creative writing in the community. We’d been working together for a couple of years when a new member joined us. She came in with a host of ideas, many of which we’d already tried, with no success. Even after we explained that, she insisted on our implementing them anyway.

No one challenged her and said, “No, that didn’t work the first time and we’re not going to do it again.” I decided someone had to draw the line, and although I expected censure from the rest of the group, I stood up to her and said, “No.” It got a little heated.

After the meeting, I was surprised and amazed when the other members thanked me for standing firm. “Someone had to do it,” they said. This was the opposite reaction that I’d learned to expect, based on my childhood experiences. In my youth, if I set a boundary or challenged someone, I was ostracized. The members’ appreciation rocked my worldview. It altered even more when the new member called me and kept trying to change my mind. And that, from then on, she respected me.

When you risk stepping out of your comfort zone, you find a deeper level of self-commitment and self-acceptance. By being true to yourself, you give yourself the message that your opinions and values are important. This buoys up your self-concept and increases your self-respect, which in turn gives you a greater feeling of confidence. It encourages you to open up and be more authentic.

I felt the new member had to be stopped from taking us down a fruitless path, so I acted on what I thought was right. By following my values, I fed my self-respect and felt like I’d accomplished something. When I stepped out of my comfort zone, I found approval when I expected displeasure.

The same thing can be said for trying new things. Making the choice to risk trying something you haven’t done before, whether you’re good at it or not, opens your mind to new experiences and possibilities. You don’t have to be good at it, you just have to try. And if you don’t explore new activities or pursuits, you won’t find hidden treasures that make your heart sing.

This is the way children learn. They try, fail, and try again. When they’re learning to walk, playing with building blocks, or making a sand castle, they don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t work out initially. Exploring and experimentation allows them to expand their awareness and discover what works and what doesn’t. Children are persistent and keep trying, even it they don’t succeed the first time. They’re authentic and their confidence grows as they try again and achieve their goal.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Judgment Vs. Discernment, Part 2

Judgment Vs. Discernment, Part 2

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Whereas judgement assigns an emotional value on something, discernment is when you assess a situation or a person objectively and decide that you don’t want to participate. For instance, they don’t like apples, and decide not to eat one. There is no emotion attached to the decision. Just a simple “no thank you.”

Maybe an acquaintance keeps making disparaging remarks about Jill’s clothing as a way of teasing her. Jill has the right to decide that this isn’t a person she wants in her circle of friends. It doesn’t mean that she judges this person as “bad.” Just that the person’s actions makes her uncomfortable, and she doesn’t want to be around them.

Jill can accept the person as they are, knowing that they have the right to express themselves as they want. But also knowing that their self-expression isn’t compatible with hers. And if they really hurt her feelings, she can accept the individual, but not the way they act. If what they’re doing is inappropriate, then she can separate it from the person. Suppose a child leaves their bicycle behind her car, she doesn’t see it and runs over it. The child isn’t a bad person. They just did something irresponsible.

Being discerning means detaching from a situation, and letting go of any need to feel superior. It also means not avoiding making a decision for fear of being judgmental. Either of those issues has an emotional charge. Discernment is a spiritual quality, and one which we all need to develop for our spiritual evolution. We need to learn to say “no thank you” to that which is our lesser good, so we can say “yes” to our greater Good.
For if we can’t decide between turning left or right, how can we learn to follow the path of our Highest Good?

Copyright 2001, 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Judgment Vs. Discernment, Part 1

Judgment Vs. Discernment, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Those of us on the spiritual path generally aim to be nonjudgmental. We know the dangers of being judgmental, and what can happen to ourselves and others when we fall into those negative patterns. But do you really know what judging is? Judgement is when a person places an emotional value of good or bad on an activity, person, or experience. When they see an apple, if they determine that it’s a terrible fruit, then anyone who eats one is also bad. Judgement comes from a feeling of shame and inferiority.

A person who judges others feels inadequate. They feel that they aren’t good enough. Not that what they DO isn’t good enough. But that they are not enough. They probably had parents and an environment that criticized them repeatedly, and they have internalized those statements. The only way they can get some relief from the pain and anguish is to dump their negative feelings on others. They judge others as “bad,” and then, momentarily, they can feel superior to someone or something else.

I once had someone tell me that anyone who likes the color green is stupid and has no sense of taste. Because I had the audacity to disagree, she took it personally, as if my opinion was attacking hers.

Being judgmental becomes a vicious cycle. If a person judges others, you can bet they’re doing the same thing to themselves. Otherwise, they wouldn’t need to find a target to shame. As people who are interested in developing spiritually, we don’t want to judge others, and we certainly want to stop judging ourselves. But too many people on the spiritual path swing too far in the other direction, and don’t utilize their God-given ability to discern what is better for them and what is not so great. There actually is a difference between judgement and discernment.

Copyright 2001, 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Reclaim Your Authenticity, Part 2

Reclaim Your Authenticity, Part 2

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Here are some things you can do to begin to reclaim your authenticity.

1. Stop rejecting yourself.

If someone misinterprets what they see in you, or something you do, there’s generally nothing you can do to erase that misconception. It comes from their filter, the way they perceive the world around them. Even if you make a mistake, accept yourself and realize it’s part of your exploring the possibilities. If necessary, you can make amends.

2. Ask yourself some questions in a new way.

  • “What’s so bad about me?” This isn’t about what people in your childhood thought about you, but as if you were assessing a good friend. Would your characteristics be acceptable in a friend?
  • “What’s so unacceptable about me that I have to keep my inner self hidden away?” What do your supportive, encouraging, positive friends and loved ones say about this? The Universe accepts you as you are now.
  • “What’s the worst that could happen?” You could lose a friend who’s not good for you. Or you could get rejected, which you can now handle as an adult. It won’t destroy you as it would have when you were a child.

3. Reconnect with who you really are.

This doesn’t mean that you attack, explode or demean others. Those reactions are parts of your mask. They’re what you used to protect yourself when you felt inadequate, insecure, anxious or defensive. Allow yourself to be visible and exhibit your talents, abilities, feistiness, insights, silliness, problem solving skills, and opinions.

4. Learn to trust yourself.

With all your experience, wisdom, and knowledge, it’s unlikely you’re going to overstep your bounds. Are you editing yourself too much? Trust the Universe and your subconscious to lead you to the right things to say and do. Practice being more spontaneous in your life.

When you start living authentically, your self-respect increases. As a result, your self-esteem and self-worth rises. Tension and anxiety decrease, because you don’t have to edit every word and judge every action. If there’s any adverse reaction, you have confidence that you can deal with it. When you live from your true self, you have the power and insight to handle anything that comes your way. Since you’re focusing on what’s right about you, the Law of Attraction can draw more good to you.

Asking for what I want doesn’t create overwhelming anxiety in me anymore. My teacher handled the situation like the autocrat she was. I now know that what I asked for was reasonable. Now I’m able to be more assertive and visible. I reclaimed a piece of my authentic self, and you can, too.

Affirmation

I give myself permission to be authentic. I realize that my inner self and self-expression is just fine. When I relax and be myself, I feel safer and more secure. With my accumulated knowledge and wisdom, I can handle anything that comes up in my life. I trust that the Universe and my subconscious mind guide me to the appropriate things to say and do. I now accept myself with all my flaws and good qualities.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Reclaim Your Authenticity, Part 1

Reclaim Your Authenticity, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

When I began 2nd grade, I’d read all the Easy Reader books that interested me in the school library. Shortly after school began, my teacher told the class we’d be allowed to start reading in the Juvenile section once we asked her permission. As soon as that class ended, I went up and asked her, and she said, “No.”

She didn’t explain that she needed to assess my level of reading ability, which I’m guessing was her reasoning. My request was simply rejected and I didn’t know why. Fearing being turned down again, I waited until I was one of the last kids in the class to ask a second time. Because of this experience, I stopped asking for what I wanted or knew I was capable of handling. I hid away a piece of my authenticity for safety.

  •  When you were a kid, did you have your natural rambunctiousness shut down?
  • Did your schoolmates tease you for knowing the answers, being overweight or different?
  • Were you told by grownups to be seen and not heard?
  • Were your parents amused when you splashed water on them one day, then punished you the next for doing the same thing?
  • Did your folks change the rules from day to day?
  • Did you become an over-achiever to get their approval that never came?

Any of these things could have shut down your natural self-expression. You learned it was dangerous to express your authentic self.

The problem wasn’t with you. You were simply being who you were. The issue was with the adults who wanted you to conform to their standards and convenience. This wasn’t part of raising you to be a courteous, compassionate, responsible adult. It was you trying to learn what the grown-ups wanted, even when their expectations changed daily.

In general, people shut you down and tried to confine you for their benefit, not yours. Your natural expression made them uncomfortable, took attention from them, came at a bad time or when they were in a bad mood. They weren’t concerned so much about your well-being as they were interested in their own welfare.

Because of this, you might have grown up feeling like your beingness was “wrong” somehow. That nothing you could do was right. And the more you tried to be perfect, the further you moved away from your true self and the worse you felt. When you did this, you shut off your connection to the Universe. It couldn’t give you the good you deserved because you couldn’t accept it.

Because others rejected you, you rejected yourself in the same way. Now, when you make decisions, do you make them for your well-being or to try to make other people happy? If you try to make everyone happy, you’re doomed to failure and disappointment. It’s time for you to start accepting yourself and realizing that you are fine the way you are.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved