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Break Free from the Prison of Conformity

Break Free from the Prison of Conformity

by Linda-Ann Stewart

prison-539636-smWhen Miriam was growing up into a teenager, she craved to fit in. She submitted to peer pressure to conform to the norms of the group. Just to have a date, she would go out with guys she didn’t like. Although she loved art, she took home economics in high school because it was expected. When she tried to stand out and show her creativity, she was accused of showing off and faced criticism and derision from her family.

Maturing into adulthood, Miriam brought those painful lessons into her personal and professional life and she complied what others wanted. But her desire for approval, and submitting to be average, didn’t give her the opportunity to thrive or explore her talents. She became more and more unhappy.

It can be less stressful to conform, because you don’t have to make decisions for yourself. You follow along with the herd. When you yield to others ideas, you allow them to set your agenda. You’re accepting their goals and vision as your own and abdicating your potential so that you avoid attention. For many people, this is fine. They’re content to set themselves on autopilot and sleepwalk through life. It frees them to spend their energy on family, hobbies and activities that they enjoy.

But if you’re pursuing a dream, or want to fulfill your potential, conformity breeds mediocrity. You do just enough to get by, and fall back onto what’s worked before, even if the situation is different. Although it’s important to utilize proven methods to make things easier, blindly relying on old ideas stifles innovation and progress.

And conforming to others ideas signals the Law of Attraction that you’re willing to settle for less than the best. So when you want to manifest something better, you already have a stronger instruction that undermines that desire. It will draw to you only what fits into your limited vision of what is acceptable.

Eventually, the discomfort of conforming became too strong for Miriam. She decided to be authentic, follow her own path and take art classes. It wasn’t easy. Although some of her friends encouraged her, loved ones tried to convince her to retreat back into what they wanted her to be. They were uncomfortable with this new person who didn’t accept their authority over her.

It takes courage to break free of conformity. You may face opposition from the environment, colleagues, friends or loved ones, as Miriam did. They know how to relate to the old you. The new person doesn’t fit their ideas of who you are or who they want you to be. They may object and try to pressure or manipulate you to return to what they expect you to be.

As you reject conformity, you may feel the Universe is against you, because difficulties may rise up. But the Universe is on your side and supports you. The problems are caused by your subconscious being concerned for your wellbeing. Old habits and ideas are working their way to the surface to be acknowledged and released. Persist, and the challenges will begin to melt away.

As you leave conformity behind, you reclaim your authenticity. You start to make your own decisions, are accountable for them and follow your own agenda. It’s more important for you to be true to yourself than to accommodate others and make them comfortable. This also means you establish and live by standards that are right for you. For instance, if you resent your brother using your garage for his storage, you give him a time limit to find another facility.

As a result of Miriam turning her back on conforming to what others expected of her, she became a successful artist. Not only did she work in watercolor, but the lessons she’d learned in home economics allowed her to become a fabric artist. In her new life, she was finally able to thrive.

Conforming doesn’t allow you to evolve into the person you want to be or are destined to be. It constricts and restricts you to the prison of other’s expectations. To fully thrive and pursue your dreams, you have to risk becoming more authentic. It means a big shift for you, but you are rewarded by becoming fully and completely your own person.

Affirmation:
I know the Universe wants the best for me. I now expand my ideas to accept the best that Life has to offer. I let go of any need to conform to anyone else’s ideas about me. The Universe has a perfect idea of who I am, and I begin to accept and expand into that greater idea. I allow myself to become the person the Universe destined me to be.

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When someone asks you for help, as an entrepreneur, “No” can be a gift for them and for you. For one thing, you’re too busy to help everyone who asks for it. Letting them know why you’re declining to help can be more valuable than if you’d spoon-fed them information.

A neuroscientist who studies decision-making reveals the most important choice you can make
Apparently, the surest way to maximize happiness has nothing to do with experiences, material goods, or personal philosophy. Instead, it comes more from the company you keep for some surprising reasons.

3 Toxic Thinking Habits That Feed Your Insecurity
What makes you feel insecure about yourself, your relationship, or your life? Surprise! The culprit is your very own mind. This article reveals three toxic thinking habits that keep you feeling insecure, plus offers three ways to feel more confident.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” – Albert Einstein

Remember the old saying, “Misery loves company?” If you’re feeling peaceful, creative, have great ideas, successful, there are going to be people who are going to try to pull you down. Expect it. And it doesn’t have anything to do with you. They’re just unhappy with their lot in life, and can’t stand to see anyone who’s not. They want everyone to conform to their negativity. You’ve heard them say, “You can’t do that.” It’s just that they can’t envision it and they can’t do it. Don’t let them destroy your spirit.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

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Step Through WoodsFrom Zilla to Chill-a: What To Do When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed (…By The Good Things)
We’re used to dealing with life when we have a myriad of difficulties. But when we have a plethora of good happening, we tend to get overwhelmed. It stirs up feelings of unworthiness and guilt, and we start to sabotage ourselves. Here’s some good advice from someone who found her way through. But her suggestions can also be used for when you’re just plain overwhelmed.

5 Suggestions for Setting Realistic Expectations for Yourself
Many people have unrealistic expectations for themselves and their lives. They expect idealistic outcomes in a specific way every time. And if they don’t get their perfect result, they feel like they’ve failed. Talk about pressure. Instead of undermining yourself at the start, use these ideas to establish reasonable expectations for yourself so you can be more flexible and happier.

Personal Boundaries 101 – Part 1
We all need personal boundaries so that people know what their limits are with us. Boundaries keep us safe and teach people how to treat us. Our well being is our responsibility and boundaries are a way to take care of it. This article has 3 great questions to help us define and describe what our boundaries are. When implemented, you’ll feel more comfortable and freer.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight“A weed is only a flower whose use has not been found.” ~ Emerson

You have talents and abilities that make you unique, but that you may not be using. Maybe you believe that, “Everyone can do that” or “No one would want that.” But you were endowed with those gifts to be able to express them, and just need to discover how to do so in a way that fulfills you and blesses the world. Just because you haven’t found a way to put them to use doesn’t mean that they’re worthless. It’s just that you haven’t uncovered their particular benefit.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Give Yourself Permission to Dream

Give Yourself Permission to Dream

Do you not allow yourself to conceive of a dream you want to accomplish? Many people will deny their dreams and won’t try to strive to fulfill their potential. When you give yourself permission to contemplate your dream, amazing things happen.


Transcript:

Do you know what your dream is? Do you think it’s out of your grasp so you deny a dream exists for you? This could mean that you don’t even allow yourself to know what you want. Maybe you don’t want to be disappointed again, or you believe you can’t achieve it. So you decide not to want anything. It’s safer that way. If you don’t expect anything, you can’t be disappointed.

Whenever a dream begins to rise to the surface, you turn away from it. But your dream is there, ready to be discovered. It’s a longing that you haven’t given voice to. Today, I’d like to talk a little bit about how you can give yourself permission to contemplate your dream. And what can amazing thing that can happen when you do.

I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, a vision strategist. For almost 30 years, I’ve been a hypnotherapist. Clients came to see me to create change in their lives. Over time, I discovered that they had to also have a vision of where they wanted to end up with that change to be truly successful with their change. Now, as a vision strategist, I help women entrepreneurs get clear, focused and get back in control so they’re able to accelerate to the next level of their business. I’ve helped scores of people uncover their dream and achieve the goals to get them there.

If you could have anything you wanted, if everything fell into place for you, if success was assured, what would that dream be? I’m not talking about winning the lottery. I’m talking about your being able to accomplish something for you. Make more money, lose weight, write a book, create a nonprofit. It could be something others consider small, but that would be huge for you. Just consider for a minute what that might be for you. Will you give yourself permission to contemplate what that might be?

It may be hard to envision it. You’ve spent so much time denying it Maybe others told you you couldn’t or shouldn’t have it. If that’s the case, is that true? Probably not. Or you’re afraid of what others will think. But they’re not living your life, are they? You aren’t here to fulfill anyone else’s expectations of you. You’re here to fulfill your potential.

Acknowledge and accept that your dream is yours and you have a right to have it. How does that feel when you accept that idea? You know that the only way you’re going to reach more of your potential is to reach higher. You know the old saying, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’re always going to get what you’ve always got.” So your first step to having something more is to allow yourself to conceive of it.

So give yourself permission to dream. Permission to conceive of something greater. Even if it’s something massive that it seems out of your reach. When you start considering it, and wondering how you could achieve it, your subconscious starts looking for ways to help you. It begins to seek out information and opportunities in your world to support your quest.

One time, I was wondering how I could better promote a workshop I was giving. At the grocery store, I bumped into someone I knew who had an interview show on a local radio station. When I told her what I was doing, not thinking about her show, she offered to interview me. It was my very first radio interview. Has something like this ever happened to you? Syncronicities happen when you give yourself permission to step out of your box and dream bigger.

As Napoleon Hill said, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.” But first you have to give yourself permission to conceive of it. Everything else hinges on that. How can you give yourself permission to dream?

If you’d like more tips on how to make your day flow more smoothly, download my free guide, Take Control of Your Day.

Thank you for watching. I hope this has encouraged you to open up to your dreams. And I would love to know your progress with them. I believe you can achieve them.

Read the accompanying article, 7 Ways You Unconsciously Limit Your Vision.

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7 Ways You Unconsciously Limit Your Vision

7 Ways You Unconsciously Limit Your Vision

“Aim at heaven and you get Earth thrown in. Aim at Earth and you get neither.” C.S. Lewis
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Are you aiming high enough to achieve your dream or are you keeping your vision little and manageable? A dream is what you’re working towards. Your vision of it should be out of your immediate reach so it inspires and motivates you and pulls you farther than you thought you could go. You may not get as far as your dream, but you’ll soar higher if you have it as your target. The Universe always wants something greater for you.

But too many people keep their vision small and insignificant, so they can stay invisible and play it safe. If you do that, you’ll never be able to reach much further than where you presently are. You’ll just be playing in the same sand box and never climb out of it to explore what else is possible. And you thwart what the Universe wants for you.

By aiming too low, not only do you limit your potential, you also sabotage yourself by holding yourself back. You don’t take the actions that would lead to success, choosing instead to do what is familiar and comfortable. For instance, you don’t follow through on leads, prospects or customers. In so doing, you’re instructing your subconscious / the Law of Attraction to keep you stuck.

There are all sorts of reasons and ways you undermine your dream. Most have to do with the past or fear of the results. Once you recognize how you’re keeping yourself small, you can turn it around and aspire to something greater. Here are 7 ways in which you may be keeping yourself grounded and how you can cut the restraints.

1. Habit.
You’ve created a habit of creating easy goals to achieve, so you have a feeling of accomplishment. But they’re haphazard, don’t take you in any particular direction, and you don’t make any progress.

Choose goals that lead in a specific direction, each one building on the one before. This takes you out of your comfort zone and creates a new habit of success.

2. Past disappointments.
You figure it’s easier to keep your dream reachable, especially when you’ve been disappointed in the past. So you focus on manageable goals, but don’t get very far towards your dream.

Create a vision that’s just out of reach, and set manageable goals that can take you there. As you accomplish them, it will encourage you and build your confidence to aim higher.

3. Doesn’t fit your self-image.
You want to be a leader in your field and make your mark, but you can’t imagine yourself as that person. The person you want to be has qualities you don’t have and are alien to the way you perceive yourself.

Decide what characteristics you need to cultivate so you can become the person you want to be. Take one at a time, and practice incorporating it into your life.

4. Fear your dream will take over your life. You’re concerned about what achieving your vision would change. For instance, you may have to work longer hours and not be able to spend time on other activities you value.

Reaching your vision will change your life. But you always have control over how much time and effort you put forth.

5. Fear you won’t be able to handle success. Reaching towards your vision stretches you and takes you out of what you’re familiar with. So you try to stay in your comfort zone and safe.

You can always develop the new skills, abilities, and characteristics you need. When you do, you will grow and expand to fill your new role and responsibilities.

6. Fear of being criticized.
You’re afraid of people disapproving of the changes you’ll be making. To avoid this, you make sure you stay invisible, under their radar, so you don’t get hit with their condemnation or rejection.

The person you most need acceptance and approval from is yourself. When you’re pursuing your dream, you’re on purpose and fulfilling your highest potential.

7. Guilt about how it will affect others. If you commit to your vision, you may not have as much time for friends or family. Or you’re concerned that you’ll be taking advantage of others if you get ahead.

Ask yourself, “How much more can I offer if I reach my vision?” Playing small doesn’t help you and doesn’t give you the greater opportunity to help others.

These issues need not concern you any longer. You have gained wisdom, maturity and understanding and can now handle the challenges your vision brings. The Universe will always support you on your path. Use your vision as your destination, and establish goals like rungs on a ladder to climb to new heights. You’ll be able to accomplish your goals, while staying on track to your vision.

Affirmation:
The Universe wants something more for me. I now have the wisdom, maturity and understanding to aspire to something greater. Any old issues are now dissolved in the light of peace. With the support of the Universe, I can handle any situation that arises. I am always Divinely guided and directed to make the best decisions.

Watch the accompanying video, Give Yourself Permission to Dream.

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Our happiness and success rely on thinking constructive thoughts, acting with intent and creating strong relationships with others. The good news is we have control over all of these areas. It is possible to choose to change. Here are some of the most common changes that can make the biggest impact in your life.

How Successful People Stay Calm
The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. Moderate, intermittent stress can be helpful, but it can be managed. Here are some of the strategies top performers use to lower their stress levels despite what’s happening in their world.

Should You Go With Your Gut or Think it Through?
Many people will say that it’s better to follow your heart, and it will never steer you wrong. But research is showing when this is true and when it isn’t. Your intuition is an important step to help you make a decision, but there are other factors involved. Learn about how your intuition works to help you and how you can maximize its guidance.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

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Researchers have developed a new online brain training program that can help reduce anxiety and depression. This new program aim to shift the rigid, negative thoughts that come with anxiety and depression. It’s designed to teach users to develop a new style of thinking. In the article, there’s a link to the free online program.

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Ikigai is a Japanese concept meaning “reason for living.” It incorporates the answers to four questions and the intersections between them. It’s a practical and pragmatic way to view life, and can increase your desire to get up in the morning.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Habits Become Your Destiny

Habits Become Your Destiny

by Linda-Ann Stewart

“Watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

Over 90% of your thoughts, beliefs and actions are ruled by habits. Those habits were formed from what you focused on, and the actions you took over and over again. They dug a groove in your psyche, and when triggered, you react automatically.

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Some of those habits are beneficial, such as brushing your teeth or sending a thank you card for a referral. But many of them don’t support where you want to go in life. They actually undermine it. Your negative habits developed at a time when they were helpful, but they’ve outlived their usefulness. They’re so automatic that you may not even realize that they’re no longer suitable.

They may be habits that you’ve just fallen into because of laziness or not being aware of the effects they would have on your future. Habits have cumulative effects, either beneficial or detrimental, that don’t show up until later in life. And they will shape your future.

For instance, do you exercise? Over the years, not exercising negatively impacts the quality and quantity of your health. You’ll get weaker as you age, have problems with balance, and not be able to walk very far. But I know people in their 80’s who still hike several miles every week because they’ve stayed in shape. Exercise keeps your heart healthy and reduces the incidence of many diseases. Cultivate this habit for a better, healthier life.

The habitual tendency of pessimism or optimism builds up over time. Either way, it affects the quality of your relationships, as well as your success in life. In my youth, I knew a young man who enjoyed putting others down. He considered it a game. Years later, as a mature adult, he verbally attacked others in cruel and malicious ways. That habit escalated over the years to its present level. It’s cost him jobs, friends and loved ones, but this habit is so ingrained in him that he sees no reason to change.

Do you procrastinate? That habit probably formed early in life. Although it might have been helpful then, it’s not now. For instance, chronically putting off paying your credit card won’t help your pocket book because of late charges. Needing to have the latest phone or gadget won’t benefit your bottom line either. You could have had a nice nest egg if you’d invested that wasted money.

For example, in the stop smoking classes I facilitated, participants were encouraged to save the money they used to spend on cigarettes. They put it into a jar to save for a specific goal. Within 18 months of starting that habit, one couple was able to take the cruise they’d always dreamed of. That money accumulated quickly to bring their dream to reality.

Do you want less stress and anxiety? Become aware of habits that promote those feelings. Small issues can be the worst contributors. For instance, where do you put your keys when you come in the door? Do you put them in one specific place, like on a hook or in a bowl, or do you drop them in random places? How much time do you waste looking for them when you need to leave? Are you ever late for work or an appointment as a result? What kind of impression does your tardiness make on others? That one small habit could mean a lost opportunity or promotion.

It all comes down to your habits. Are your habits supporting your path or sabotaging it? Your habits create your destiny by the thoughts you think and the choices you make on a day to day basis. If you want a different outcome, you’ll have to start making different choices.

Your first step would be to decide on the result you want. Do you want less stress, more joy, to be healthier, or more successful? It must be something you really want and are willing to work towards. Your subconscious doesn’t like change. Your motivation must be stronger than the natural inclination to fall back into the old groove.

Your second step is to decide what habits have to be in place to support your dream. For better health, you’d need to make better food choices and exercise more. To be more productive at work, determine what tasks you need to focus on to reach your goals.

Your third step would be to become aware of the habits that are interfering with your chosen result. They may be small, insignificant ones. Such as always checking your email as soon as you get to work and letting them sidetrack you from your priorities. Or chronically waiting until the last minute to get gas and either running out or running late.

The fourth step is to commit to substituting the new habit for the old one, each and every time. Habits aren’t easy to break. You have to stay aware of what you’re doing whenever you’re in that situation, and make a different choice. It isn’t easy, but it can be done.

When you create habits that support what you want, you’re changing the course of your life. It will take persistence and determination to do so, but your future is worth it. Your habits determine your destiny. Make it a good one.

Affirmation:
I now decide what it is I want in my life. I realize that I deserve to have a better future. The Universe always wants for me what I want for myself. Everything I need to support my choice now appears. As I make the choice to change, all levels of my mind align to strengthen my resolve.

Watch the accompanying video, Better Habits Make for a Better Life.