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“Life Is A Metaphor, Part 1”

“Life Is A Metaphor, Part 1”

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Some time ago, I went through some piles on my desk. I’d been feeling hemmed in, overwhelmed, frustrated by them. I hadn’t had time for months to take care of them, and finally it got to a breaking point. I didn’t have room to work on my desk, and I couldn’t find things I needed.

Stymied, restricted, overwhelmed  Recently, this had been the way I’d been feeling about life and my work. And here it was staring me in the face. I’d been manifesting my feelings in my work area.

Life is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. Since I hadn’t cleared away those piles, I’d blocked myself from moving forward. My own tendency not to file old mail and magazines had resulted in life not flowing easily for me. I’d been building a new business so fast, that I hadn’t taken the time to clear away the debris. And it was beginning to obstruct access to the new structure.

We all do this. However we act towards ourselves, comes back at us from our world. Life is simply a mirror for us. All we have to do is look at where we’re uncomfortable in our outer lives, and we can see where we’re uncomfortable within our own minds and hearts.

Copyright 2000, 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Book Review – “Beyond Postive Thinking”

Book Review – “Beyond Postive Thinking”

“Beyond Positive Thinking:
A No-Nonsense Formula For Getting The Results You Want”
by Dr. Robert Anthony

This book a step-by-step process for “right thinking” rather than “positive thinking.” It doesn’t pull any punches regarding why you do the things you do that sabotage your goals. And it specifically tells you want to do about them, so you can achieve your dreams.

This is a users manual for the Law of Attraction. Beginning with the basics of self-esteem, it dives deeply into all the aspects of what could block you from your desires. It addresses the obstacles you encounter and suggests solutions for them.

This is one of the best books I’ve found that explains how to go about creating the life you want. It doesn’t just give you steps to follow, but instructs you on strategies and time-tested techniques. He explains how to use affirmations, intentions, visualization and more.

It’s written in a very clear and understandable manner, directly addressing what to do and why. It’s tightly packed with information, explanations and exercises to change your thoughts and reframe your beliefs.

You’ll need to read this book over and over again, because you won’t be able to absorb all of it in a single reading. If you want to change your mind to change your life, read this book.

“How long does it take for an affirmation to take effect?”

“How long does it take for an affirmation to take effect?”

Question: How long does it take for an affirmation to take effect?

Answer: It depends on how long and how deeply ingrained the old conditioning is. If it’s been there for a long time, or it’s a deeply held belief, it may take a few months of constant affirmation to completely change it. You will likely notice small improvements along the way.

Think of it like tacking a boat. You have to make small incremental changes in the boat’s course to turn it around. If you try to change the course too fast from due west to due east, then you risk ending up in the water. Keep track of the improvements, and use them to encourage yourself.

I tell my clients that it takes thirty days to change a habit (mental or physical), another thirty days to create a new habit (which would be your new thought pattern), and another thirty days to make that new habit familiar.

Even after that, you may find that times of stress may tempt you back to the old way of thinking. That’s normal, because that way has been the most familiar to the subconscious. Just start declaring your affirmation again.

Copyright 2002, 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

How To Break Through Your Deadlock

How To Break Through Your Deadlock

Sometimes, when you’re stuck, you don’t know what to do to get things moving again. The problem may be that you’re holding onto some idea that’s holding you back. Here’s a simple technique that comes from Feng Shui, endorsed by organizers, that can help loosen that energy and get life moving again.



The Symbol Of The Butterfly

The Symbol Of The Butterfly

by Linda-Ann Stewart

When we talk about transformation, the image that comes to mind for most of us is the butterfly. A beautiful, filmy creature that glides about the sky, bringing joy to our hearts. But we tend to forget what the butterfly has gone through, how it has struggled to reach its place on the breeze.

Our path of transformation can be likened to that of the butterfly’s. Generally, when we embrace transformation, we only want to think of the end result. We don’t want to think about the work that goes into it, or the sacrifices we’ll have to make to be able to soar. I know that when I went through a transformation some years ago, I thought “Wonderful. Things will be better.” They were, but in the process there were attitudes and behaviors I had to surrender that were central to my life.

Transformation begins with the Universe pressing us forward into desiring something better for ourselves. We may not know what it is that we want, just that we have this impulsion for something more. Originally, the butterfly was once a caterpillar, inching across the grass to climb up the marigold to reach its daily meal. Its main drive was to eat, to fill its stomach.

The same could be said of us. Before we begin to transform, we have a compulsion to meander around; reading books, listening to tapes, attending lectures, digesting information. We’re still in the old form, fattening our minds up to get ready to build a cocoon, where we’ll use all that we’ve digested to transform our lives into a greater reflection of the Universal good.

Once our appetite has been appeased, we’ll feel compelled to allow what we’ve learned to gestate. Letting it process is like the caterpillar inside its cocoon. This is the time to incubate. It may last for a few days or a few months. While it is happening, we’re changing. We may not see the change, but there are parts of us that are being released, transformed and altered. At this point, our lives will sometimes become very uncomfortable for us. During my transformation, I had an intimate relationship that got progressively difficult.

When its transformation is complete, the butterfly begins its emergence from its cocoon. It must fight its way out of the old form, through the silky shell it created, letting it go, into a new world. Just as we must struggle to move through our barriers and outmoded attitudes. Behaviors that served us when we were caterpillars are no longer helpful. We can’t live the way we used to. We’re transcending the old patterns. But since they were familiar, and successful in our old form, we resist discarding them.

I eventually had to release beliefs that were no longer in my best interest. No longer could I play a role that I had outgrown. The relationship came to an end. It was very painful to let go, and very scary to change the role. My whole life had changed.

As we emerge from our cocoon, we take time to adjust to our new circumstances. Things are different, and we have to learn how to handle our new selves. We act in new ways. The things we say are surprising to others, because it’s not what they’re familiar with. People respond to us in a manner in which we’re not used to. Because of my new attitudes, I lost some friends who couldn’t adjust to the shift. And I made new friends who were walking the same path I was.

Eventually, the butterfly climbs free and rests, spreading its wings. For the first time, energy flows through them and they expand, finally ready to carry the butterfly on the breeze. Just as we soon feel confident with our new self, and we fly free, a beautiful butterfly gracefully fluttering from flower to flower. A living jewel fluttering about in the sky.

Copyright 2000, 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Book Review – “The Verbally Abusive Relationship”

Book Review – “The Verbally Abusive Relationship”

The Verbally Abusive Relationship:  How To Recognize It And How To Respond
by Patricia Evans

Years ago, this book leaped off of the library shelf at me. It was at a time in which I was just recognizing that some people in my life were belittling and demeaning me, and that type of behavior wasn’t beneficial. It seems so simple now, but at the time this was a new concept for me. The information in this book was an eye-opener to me. The author explains how a person becomes a verbal abuser and why they do it.

I thought that if I could just explain myself better, the person would understand and not be so angry and mean. I learned that they didn’t want to understand. A verbal abuser feels so bad about themselves that they put others down to make themselves feel better, more powerful. And nothing I said or did was going to change their behavior.

This book details the different types of verbal abuse, how to recognize if you’re being abused, and what to do about it. The author describes the signals you might physically and mentally experience when you’re being verbally abused.

As children, we’re told that “Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt me.” But words do hurt, deeper and longer sometimes than physical abuse. My hurt feelings were always invalidated, and I went along with that, until I read this book. This book is so valuable to me that I don’t let it out of my possession.

Copyright 2003, 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Gratitude Boosts Your Positive Mindset

Gratitude Boosts Your Positive Mindset

Researchers estimate our thoughts are predominantly negative. Increasing the amount of constructive thoughts is something to strive for. Studies indicate that gratitude is one of the best ways to boost your positive mindset. Learn how thankfulness can be a key for you to change your life.

Copyright 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Having The Wisdom To Know You Can Only Change Yourself

Having The Wisdom To Know You Can Only Change Yourself

In many self-help programs for addictions and anxiety, they recite a prayer to help them focus on what they can change and what they cannot. It’s called the “Serenity Prayer” and is helpful to remember that you can’t always change what’s going on.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference

When you stop resisting what is, you can put your energies and resourcefulness to dealing with it. You can then create something better because you know in what area you can then change.

After my last article, “You Can Only Change Yourself,” a reader sent me this spin on the original Serenity Prayer. I loved it!

God grant me the serenity
To accept the people I cannot change,
The courage to change the one I can,
And the wisdom to know it’s me.

This pretty much sums up my article.

You can change your responses, attitudes and actions towards other people, but you won’t change anyone else. If you set boundaries, you can improve the way they treat you. But it depends on your establishing and sticking to the consequences you decide on if you’re not treated according to your wishes.

Accept the wisdom to know that the only one you can change is you.

Book Review-“Embracing Your Inner Critic: Turning Self-Criticism into a Creative Asset”

Book Review-“Embracing Your Inner Critic: Turning Self-Criticism into a Creative Asset”

“Embracing Your Inner Critic: Turning Self-Criticism into a Creative Asset”
by Hal Stone and Sidra Stone

Review by Lorna Stewart

I found this book to be eye opening. The authors urge us to become aware of that inner voice that constantly criticizes us for everything we do — or do not do. This voice will even bring up things from the distant past, for instance, “Why didn’t you write and thank Aunt Bertha for the birthday card?” Never mind that the card was sent 63 years ago and that it — and Aunt Bertha– have been dust for fifty-five of them. Once we become aware of the voice and its messages we can begin to take
steps to change the messages.

The key to doing this is to recognize that the frantic criticism is, in reality, a frantic call for help! Help in handling a situation that has gotten out of hand. The Inner Critic is frightened! By finding out what is threatening it and offering support in dealing with the situation you can enlist its help on finding out just what issues need to be addressed — and then addressing them. The big difference is that now you must take responsibility for solving the problems. In other words you must move from the passive to the active role.

It is an excellent book…not an easy read because it is jam packed with new concepts. But stick with it. I think you will be well rewarded.

You Can Only Change Yourself

You Can Only Change Yourself

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Many years ago, I was in a relationship with someone who took me for granted. On a 100-degree day in May, I waited outside in the shade for an hour for him to come meet me. When he finally arrived, he had a great excuse. After a couple of similar incidents, I realized it was a pattern, and made a different decision. I couldn’t change him or control his actions, but I could certainly change how it affected me and my actions.

The only person you can truly change is yourself. When someone treats you with less than respect, you can go into victim mode and feel helpless, or you can choose a more empowered way to respond to it.

You may have a co-worker who lives to criticize, a boss who micromanages, an adult child who is self-destructive, or an abusive spouse. All of these are difficult situations and relationships. If you could fix them easily, they would already be resolved. But it’s not about fixing, it’s about responding to them in a different way.

1. Love yourself. Love yourself enough not to sacrifice your well being to their insensitivity. The Universe doesn’t want you hurt in this way. Have compassion for yourself and for them. They have their own connection to their inner selves and don’t need you to cater to their demands. If your best friend were having the same experience you are, what would you suggest they do?

2. Take your power back. You aren’t at their mercy. How long are you going to let them control your feelings? There are things you can do to circumvent their inconsiderate treatment of you. Some of these strategies take action on your part. When one person changes in a relationship, the dynamics of the relationship change. The other person sometimes changes as a result. Or they can escalate their demands and abuse to try to force you back into the familiar role. But taking back your power puts you into a pro-active rather than re-active position.

3. Change the way you think about it. It’s not about them. It’s about you and your well being. You aren’t the target. They’re doing what they are because they’ve gotten away with it for so long. Nobody has held them accountable for their actions. They may act this way to feel powerful, or for some other reason. But their excuse isn’t important. No matter what you do, it’ll never be enough for them.

Sometimes, you can’t just tell them to take a hike. It may be counter-productive to your bank account or downright dangerous to confront them. There are many resources on how to deal with bullies, difficult or toxic people. Search for them and find techniques that will work for you. The bottom line is, how can you deal with them while taking care of yourself?

A year after the first incident with my then boyfriend, I was once again waiting outside in the heat for him to meet me. However, this time, after twenty minutes, I left. When he called me later, he had a great excuse again.

“That’s fine,” I said. “But in the future, I’ll only wait fifteen to twenty minutes. If you don’t show up, I’ll leave.” He argued with me, rationalized his actions, but I held firm. I wasn’t going to be left outside twiddling my thumbs and risking heatstroke again.

The choice was his. Either meet me when he said he would, or I’d leave. Simple. I let him know what the consequences of his decisions would be and followed through on it. Interestingly enough, after he did it one more time and I carried out my promise, he never made me wait again. I didn’t change him at all. All that changed was the way he treated me.

Affirmation:

I let go of trying to change other people, and concentrate on my own beliefs and behaviors. Everyone has the same access to their own power and inner self. I love myself enough to care for my well being and allow others to do the same. I am now in charge of my feelings, and know that I have the power to make positive changes in my life. I’m Divinely guided to the best way to constructively cope with difficult people while taking care of myself.

Copyright 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved