“How to Be Happy” by wikihow

“How to Be Happy” by wikihow

from wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit

So happiness – isn’t that the thing that all of us strive to find and keep? Nobody is happy all of the time, but some people are definitely more fulfilled than others. Studies on what makes people happy reveal that it doesn’t have much to do with material goods or high achievement; it seems to whittle down to your outlook on life, and the quality of your relationships with the people around you. If you appreciate your life you are sure to be a happy person!

1.    Be optimistic. In the 1970s, researchers followed people who’d won the lottery and found that a year after they’d hit the jackpot, they were no happier than the people who didn’t. They called it hedonic adaptation, which suggests that we each have a baseline level of happiness. No matter what happens, good or bad, the effect on our happiness is only temporary and we tend to rebound to our baseline level. Some people have a higher baseline happiness level than others, and that can be attributed in part to genetics, but it’s also largely influenced by how you think.[1] So while the remainder of this article will help boost your happiness, only improving your attitude towards life will increase your happiness permanently. Here are some excellent starting points for doing that:

2.    Follow your gut. In one study, two groups of people were asked to pick out a poster to take home. One group was asked to analyze their decision carefully, weighing the pros and cons, and the other group was told to listen to their gut. Two weeks later, the group that followed their gut was happier with their posters than the group that analyzed their decisions.[2] Now, some of our decisions are more crucial than picking out posters, but by the time you’re poring over your choice, the options you’re weighing are probably very similar, and the difference will only temporarily affect your happiness. So next time you have a decision to make, and you’re down to two or three options, just pick the one that feels right, and go with it.

3.    Make enough money to meet your basic needs: food, shelter, and clothing. In the US, that magic number is $40,000 a year. Any money you make beyond that will have negligible effects on your happiness. Remember the lottery winners mentioned earlier? Oodles of money didn’t make them any happier, and it won’t make you any happier. Once you make enough money to support your basic needs, your happiness is not significantly affected by how much money you make, but by your level of optimism.[3]

  • Your comfort may increase with your salary, but comfort isn’t what makes people happy. It makes people bored. That’s why it’s important to push beyond your comfort zone to fuel your growth as a person.
  • Don’t assume you’re the exception, as in “Sure they didn’t use their lottery money wisely, but if I won it, I’m spend it differently, and it’d definitely make me happier.” Part of the reason many people are unhappy is because they don’t think research-based advice about happiness applies to them, and they continue chasing more money and achievement and material goods in vain.[4]

4.    Stay close to friends and family. Or move to where other members are- so you can see them more. We live in a mobile society, where people follow jobs around the country and sometimes around the world. We do this because we think increases in salary will make us happier, but the fact is that our relationships with our friends and family have a far greater impact on our happiness than our jobs do. So next time you think about relocating, consider that you’d need a salary increase of over $100,000 USD to compensate for the loss of happiness you’d have from moving away from your friends and family.[5] But if your relationships with your family and friends are unhealthy or nonexistent, and you are bent on moving, choose a location where you’ll be making about the same amount of money as everyone else; according to research, people feel more financially secure (and happier) when they’re on similar financial footing as the people around them, regardless of what that footing is.[6]

5.    Find happiness in the job you have now. Many people expect the right job or the right career to dramatically change their level of happiness, but happiness research makes it clear that your level of optimism and the quality of your relationships eclipse the satisfaction you gain from your job.[7] If you have a positive outlook, you’ll make the best of any job, and if you have good relationships with people, you won’t depend on your job to give your life a greater sense of meaning. You’ll find it in your interactions with the people you care about. Now that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t aspire towards a job that’ll make you happier; it means you should understand that the capacity of your job to make you happy is quite small in comparison to your outlook on life and your relationships with people.

6.    Smile. Science suggests that when you smile, whether you feel happy or not, your mood will be elevated.[8] Moreover, studies show that happiness is contagious.[9] With this in mind, consider the implications for happiness that the very act of smiling at another in passing has on not only our psyche, but that of the larger good. More importantly, when we smile at another, it shouldn’t be with the expectation of having a smile in return. Sometimes the people we are smiling at who don’t return the gesture may be the ones who need the smile the most. Just the act of doing something positive — sharing a smile — might be enough to send our neurochemicals in the right direction, regardless of the response.

7.    Don’t take things to heart. Just because one person tells you something doesn’t mean it’s true. Even if it is try to be optimistic about it. Remember – just because one person is against you doesn’t mean the whole world is. Sometimes people don’t know what they are saying.

8.    Practice Acts of Kindness. When we treat others in ways we would wish to be treated, a certain type of synergy develops. The altruistic actions on our part plays dividends in fostering positive relations and forging an upbeat mental attitude. There is an unspoken return to acts of kindness, in which they can manifest in various forms, such as a returned gesture, a happier mental state, and/or improved circumstances for one’s life. It ties into the law of karma, which implies that the merit of actions or deeds come back to the individual who performs them. Given this, acts of kindness are a way to move our lives in a positive and more fulfilling direction.

9.    Exercise, exercise, exercise. For a boost to the immunity system and for an increase in overall wellbeing, exercise provides a healthy means for relieving stress and anxiety. Studies show that people who suffer from depression and other psychiatric conditions benefit greatly from engaging in physical exercise, and those without these conditions stand to benefit just as significantly. Rigorous physical activity can help defuse any stressful thoughts, returning the individual to a healthier equilibrium. Exercise also has the double benefit of making the individual more productive in day to day tasks, and as evidence of this, employees who exercise can generally carry more value in terms of productivity than those who don’t.

10.    Take a vitamin B supplement. For a simple suggestion for increasing one’s level of happiness, a vitamin B supplement can carry a huge health dividend in positively impacting the mood.

11.    Meditate. Meditation is a source of release from the pressures of cumulative, worrisome, and/or troublesome thoughts. Spending even as little as 5 minutes a day engaged in deep breathing exercises can help signiciatnly ease the pressures of the build-up of tension that happens to everyone on a daily basis. Meditation also provides the individual with a useful means to detach from negative thoughts, which prevents distressful thoughts from manifesting in the psyche.

12.    Practice forgiveness. There is a tendency for people who are experiencing distressful circumstances to pass blame onto others. Children, for instance, may commonly blame their parents for the life challenges that they are facing. However, when we practice forgiveness, with it comes a sense of relief from burdensome thoughts in addition to the ability to forge healthier relationships with others. When forgiveness becomes a conscientious practice, anger finds a resolution and true healing can commence. Anger is counterintuitive to happiness, and any incidence of it is best resolved through positive emotions – and forgiveness helps provide this necessary release.

13.    Love yourself. You are here on this planet for a reason. Your very presence is an act of beauty and a gift to humanity. Never undermine the good that you have given and that you stand to give. In saying and thinking positive things about one’s own inner value, tremendous feelings of joy can begin to manifest in even the most depressed mind. Remember that everyone has issues — everyone has something to contend with — and you too have obstacles and challenges. In loving yourself sincerely and humbly you can find a great deal of comfort and joy in knowing that no matter how badly the world may treat you or how badly you may feel about yourself at any given time that you are worthwhile and intrinsically good. Your presence here on Earth signifies your value and worthiness, and your interconnectedness with everything else on this planet signifies your importance in the grand web of life. So love yourself because your love is felt by all of those around you, and your love for yourself is just as important as anyone else’s, especially in times of distress and trouble.

Tips

  • Just because something seems to make other people happy doesn’t mean that it really does. People are very good at pretending they’re happy, especially when they’ve invested so much into the things that are supposed to make them happy; it’s hard to admit that you’ve been placing all your eggs in the wrong basket.
  • Don’t hold grudges against anyone.
  • Don’t ruminate over past mistakes.
  • Don’t hold onto material things too dearly; you cannot keep them forever.

Warnings

  • Happy people aren’t happy all the time. Everyone has times when they feel sad, frustrated, guilty, angry and so on. Happy people are just better at bouncing back to a state of contentedness. We may all feel negative at some moment in our lives, but try to bounce back and live in the moment, and be content with everything you do.
  • Some people may question why you are always happy/complain about you always being happy.
  • You might be considered strange or even odd. They might ask you what you have been doing and who it concerns.

Sources and Citations

  1. http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-science-of-lasting-ha&page=1
  2. The Social Animal by Elliot Aronson
  3. http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2004/08/01/you-only-need-40000-to-be-happy/
  4. http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/01/23/test-yourself-to-find-what-you-need-to-be-happier/
  5. http://www.powdthavee.co.uk/resources/valuing_social_relationships_15.04.pdf
  6. http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/05/21/how-to-decide-where-to-live-2/
  7. http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/01/16/the-connection-between-a-good-job-and-happiness-is-overrated/
  8. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facial_feedback_hypothesis
  9. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,462265,00.html

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Be Happy. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Farewell to a Friend

Farewell to a Friend

Butterflies for ClovisI just received notification that a friend of mine has passed away. I met Clovia Van Dyke when she was my mother’s roommate during my mom’s last months in the nursing home in West Phoenix. Clovia was my mom’s guardian angel, watching over her when I couldn’t be there. When my mom got agitated, Clovia recognized it was a signal that my mom was in pain and would call the nurse for her.

Clovia was morbidly obese, and as a result, was on a ventilator. Even though she needed help to move, she kept herself productive and busy. No matter how difficult or how much pain she was in, she was always able to be creative. She loved crocheting beautiful afghans, doing needlework and making beaded jewelry. She was kind, mischievous and had a great sense of humor. Clovia was an inspiration.

Jeff and I visited her early last month (we visited about once a month when we were in Phoenix) and found that she wasn’t doing well at all. So learning that she died the next week was saddening but it wasn’t a surprise. She will always have a special place in my heart and I will miss her.

“What To Do With Negative People”

“What To Do With Negative People”

by Linda-Ann Stewart

I tend to be positive, consciously looking for the good in most situations. Years ago, I had a friend who appreciated that about me, until things took a tumble in her life. Then, she got upset when I didn’t participate with her when she griped and complained  about her situation.

Over a period of months, she began to put me down, stating that I wasn’t “being real.” Eventually, she eliminated me from her life. It took me a long time to figure out why that happened, and how I manifested her change in attitude towards me.

“Like attracts like” means that people with similar characteristics are attracted to each other. But there’s also a saying, “Opposites attract,” which states that people with different temperments are drawn together. Which is true? In regards to positive people, both. Positive individuals appeal to both positive and negative people.

In general, people tend to gravitate towards those who are more positive and optimistic. They’re more expansive, warm and accepting of others. When optimists get together, they reinforce their upbeat outlook, while the more negative folk enjoy the warmth for awhile. But soon the more pessimistic disposition begins to sour on all that light. It pulls them out of their comfort zone.

Soon, they may start trying to drag you down, focusing on what’s wrong, rather than what’s right. They might play the “ain’t it awful” game, bringing up everything that bothers them. If you try to suggest solutions, they’ll find fault with every one. They want you to take part in their complaining to justify their position. Resist the impulse. It won’t do either of you any good.

If you refuse to join in, and continue to express your brighter perspective, they might turn on you and attack you. They might start to resent you, and begin to pick on you. It may be small derogatory statements, or it could be full blown attacks. They may accuse you of being shallow or not taking things seriously. At this point, realize that their comments are trying to put you on the defensive and don’t let them succeed.

It can be even worse when something goes wrong in their lives. If you don’t sympathize and wallow in their misfortune with them, they get offended. Remember another old saying, “Misery Loves Company.” When you don’t keep them company in their gloom, they get upset.

They don’t understand how you can look for the silver lining or maintain a positive attitude in the face of difficulties. Since they’re in the habit of riding the waves of their emotions, being tossed this way and that, they expect you to act the same. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is not try to help. Simply be neutral and noncommittal, letting them vent until you can disengage.

When you remain positive, you’re showing them a different way of responding and they don’t appreciate it. They want to react the same way they always have and don’t want to make the effort to search for a solution, to seek change, or improve their sense of well-being. Without realizing it, they choose to feel helpless.

With my friend, her rejection wasn’t a result of anything I’d done. It was her inability to change her perspective. I consciously chose to be positive. Pessimism, as well as optimism, is a learned behavior. You cultivate one or the other, either deliberately or subconsciously. Eventually, one becomes a habit, and is the automatic way you respond to your world. When you find negative people in your life, realize that it’s probably due to the fact that you are a more positive person.

Affirmation

I cultivate the habit of being positive. Whenever something challenging happens, I consciously seek the good that can emerge from the situation. Looking on the bright side of conditions is a conscious choice that I make. By doing so, I instruct my subconscious mind to bring me a blessing from the experience. If a negative person objects to my perspective, I just let it go, knowing that they’re making a choice, too.

Copyright 2009 Linda-Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

A nationally known coach, hypnotherapist, writer, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart empowers people to discover new possibilities and realize their full potential. Visit “Secrets To The Law Of Attraction” to download your copy of this free ebook.

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Book Review – “Learning To Love: From the Wise Counsel of Plants, Animals, Insects & Earth”

Book Review – “Learning To Love: From the Wise Counsel of Plants, Animals, Insects & Earth”

Learning To Love: From the Wise Counsel of Plants, Animals, Insects & Earth

Learning To Love: From the Wise Counsel of Plants, Animals, Insects & Earth
by Maia Kincaid, Ph.D.

This is Maia’s second book, and an inspiring sequel to her Being Human & Loving Life: From the Wise Counsel of Plants, Animals, Insects & Earth. As in her first book, in her role as an animal communicator, she details some of her conversations with pets, seeking information from them for their human companions and to understand their perspective.

Many times, the animals reflect their human’s issues and emotions as a way to help them. When Maia learns this, she can inform the owners and give them specific guidance from their pets.

But this book goes into much greater depth about the general messages the natural world has for humankind. We’re told to be more in the present and listen to our hearts. They also explain, from their perspective, a new way for us to view our role in the greater scheme of the universe, and how to improve our lives.

Another wonderful aspect of this book is the description of how Maia communes with creatures. She gives a commentary on what she does prior to her conversations, and how it feels when she is dialoguing with the natural world. And several of the animals give advice to their humans, through Maia, as to how it would be easier to communicate with them.

Reading this book made me much more aware of the intelligence in the plants, insects and animals around me.  It’s a sense that I’ve had off and on throughout my life and I’m now reminded to feel more connected with the essence of the surrounding world.

For more information about her services, visit MaiaKincaid.com.

Book Review – “Minding the Body, Mending the Mind”

Book Review – “Minding the Body, Mending the Mind”

Minding the Body, Mending the MindMinding the Body, Mending the Mind
by Joan Borysenko, Ph.D.

Stress and anxiety affect the body in uncomfortable ways. This book offers a comprehensive program to help reduce the stress of life-whether you’re currently healthy, or suffering from a physical ailment. It has valuable information for the person just learning about the body/mind connection, or the person well versed in the knowledge.

There are instructions on things as varied as how to meditate, breathing exercises, and stretching exercises. Dr. Borysenko
discusses the dangers of feelings of helplessness, the critic within, the traps it lays for us, and the steps to take to counteract these things. Healing the emotions, and accepting yourself, as well the power of affirmations are covered. Whether you are experiencing the physical or emotional results of stress, this book offers a blend of mind/body information and exercises to help reduce the effects.

Moon Over Uptown Sedona – Halloween 2009

Moon Over Uptown Sedona – Halloween 2009

Moon Over Uptown Sedona

Jeff and I spent Halloween in Uptown Sedona for their 23rd annual Halloween celebration, when the shops hand out free candy to the costumed. We love the creative and cute costumes on the kids and adults.

Goofey in Sedona

This year we saw wizards, witches, Goofy, queens, and a mystical character, like out of “Star Wars,” who gave me a token that said, “Peace, Love.” And those were the adults in costume. The kids were dressed as knights, princesses, dragons, and a memorable Barbie in her box.

Ghost Rave

Ghouls dancing to

Jeff and I shared a caramel apple and watched the Ghost Rave, a twirling fire baton, and Ghouls dance to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” Halloween in a small town is relatively tame, but so much more intimate than those in the big city. You get to bump into friends and trade quips with strangers.

Fire Baton

And I discovered a wonderful new shop. As a tea drinker (I don’t drink coffee, at all), specialty coffee houses don’t appeal to me. So, in recent years, I’ve been delighted to observe specialty tea shops springing up. And one of those has opened its doors in the Sedona Uptown Mall. White August Tea has not only intriguing tea blends, but it also holds free classes to teach you how to blend your own teas, experience a tea meditation, and even to read tea leaves.

White August Tea

 

“You Are What You Think”

“You Are What You Think”

by Linda-Ann Stewart

A Sage once said, “Man is what he thinks about all day long.” How true that is. When we think about how much we’re struggling, we experience more struggle. When we contemplate how bad we feel, we get to feel worse. When we focus on our problems, we perpetuate them.

“But,” you say, “it’s in my face all day long. How do I not think about them?” That’s the challenge. To find a way to change your focus.

When we keep our attention on one aspect of our lives, generally what we don’t want, we are impressing our inner mind with that very thing. Our inner mind can’t reason. It gets the impression and creates the outer result from that imprint, just like a rubber stamp. Our creativity carves a star in a block of wood, and then our inner mind stamps it on the fabric of our lives.

“Energy flows where attention goes.” We follow wherever our vision looks. In baseball, the batter keeps his eye on the ball so he can hit it. A basketball player wouldn’t dream of looking at the stands when he was planning to sink the ball in the basket. The same is true of our lives.

So how do you change your focus from your problem to the solution? It takes discipline and persistence. Realize that the problem is simply an outdated creation of yours, an empty shell of an earlier choice. Make a new decision of what you want. Write it down. Cut out pictures of it. Feel yourself having it. Whenever you think of the original problem, substitute what you now want. “That was then, this is now.” The old will begin to crumble way, like old parchment.

No matter how long it takes, keep at it. You’ve had the problem a while. It may take a few months to build the new structure. It may form slowly, or suddenly arrive. Don’t fall back into the old vision, that will delay the new shape. The most important thing, though, is that you are in the process of creating it, whether you see immediate results or not.

In this way, your life is becoming what you consciously think about all day long. So remember to focus on what you want, and keep your eye on the ball.

Copyright 2009 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

A nationally known coach, hypnotherapist, writer, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart empowers people to discover new possibilities and realize their full potential. Visit “Secrets To The Law Of Attraction” to download your copy of this free ebook.

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The Power of Belief

The Power of Belief

More and more, science is catching up with what many of us have known for years. This discussion between Dr. Wayne Dyer and Dr. Bruce Liption touches on many of these facts, showing how science is proving that the mind is powerful. It was recorded on December 11, 2008 on the Hay House Radio Stage at the I Can Do It! Las Vegas.

“Will hypnosis be dangerous if I misuse it?”

“Will hypnosis be dangerous if I misuse it?”

Question: Will hypnosis be dangerous if I misuse it?

Answer: If misused, anything in life is dangerous. Electricity powers our computers, lights, appliances, but if you put your finger in the electric socket, you run the danger of being killed.

In the case of hypnosis, it’s a normal state of mind that you’re in and out of everyday. Whenever you focus on anything, you’re in a state of hypnosis. The only way to misuse hypnosis is to give yourself negative suggestions that would decrease the quality of your life. But we do that whenever we make any kind of negative statement about ourselves, put ourselves down or say “I can’t.”

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An Opinion About the Sedona Sweat Lodge Tragedy

An Opinion About the Sedona Sweat Lodge Tragedy

by Linda-Ann Stewart

I’ve been watching the unfolding of the James Arthur Ray Sweat Lodge (near Sedona) tragedy with horror. It was totally preventable. According to an article I read on the Internet, in a previous Warrior sweat lodge of his, an unconscious participant was taken to the hospital. That should have been a clue that it was too extreme.

I believe James Arthur Ray needs to walk his talk about personal responsibility. The people in that lodge had a responsibility to leave the lodge when they realized they were feeling bad. However, James Ray also needs to take responsibility for keeping them in there too long. If he doesn’t step forward and cooperate with the investigation, I believe he’s lost all credibility.

I’ve experienced a sweat lodge, and know many people who have done so. You’re not kept in there for two hours (as James Ray did) without taking a break outside of the lodge. The body can only take so much heat before it begins to shut down. It takes years, not days and weeks, to train the body to overcome physical stresses. Monks spend years (not days) training their bodies to increase their core temperature and melt snow around them while meditating.

I know there are other retreats and trainings that are as physically rigorous as James Ray’s, with promises of overnight transformation if you attend. And I know that people get injured at them. And unfortunately, many times they’re shamed because they were hurt. This is where the shame that came from more orthodox religions has been translated into the New Age consciousness.

If you fall ill, aren’t wealthy, get injured, or your life isn’t perfect in every way, then you hear, “What’s in your consciousness?” You’re judged for not being perfect. Your life is a work in progress. You wouldn’t be on this physical plane if you had already transcended all your issues. When you have problems, it just means that’s someplace you need to fill with light.

These physically demanding trainings are an attempt to break you down in order to build you up. Just like in the military. But the military takes several weeks in boot camp to do it. And you’re monitored better there than in these trainings. The military have very few deaths as a result, whereas several of these abbreviated trainings have had deaths.

There was one such tragedy with a local group a few years ago. Several people were taken hiking up a mountain, carrying 40 pounds of rocks in a backpack, with very little water. One member died of dehydration and heat exhaustion.

I’ve been to retreats and had amazing experiences, but the high tends to fade in the day-to-day demands of life. That’s normal. You’re able to retain some of the transformation, but what you do with it, such as discipline in meditating, practicing compassion and awareness of your thoughts (not as exciting as “an experience”) is what moves you along.

You may have an experience in a weeklong training, and be able to remember that experience to propel you further, but it takes spiritual practice and discipline to sustain any spiritual progress. A spiritual experience can advance you a ways up your path, but you need tools to continue your evolution.

Part of society’s attraction to these experiential retreats is the desire for “instant enlightenment.” We all want the flash and show of a vision, the bliss of meditation, or the contact high of being with many people of like mind who are going through the same experience.

But you don’t become a concert pianist after a week of intensive training, even if you already knew how to play. If you go to a weeklong yoga retreat, you’re not going to be able to twist your body into a pretzel as a result. It takes time and practice.

That’s not to say the short retreats don’t have their place. They give you something to aim for, a taste of what it can feel like to be aligned with Spirit, and tools that can help you stay motivated and keep going. But I don’t see the value in the extreme, physically demanding, endurance type trainings that can leave people broken at the end of them.

It would be much better to have a series of gentler retreats that lead a person to a higher awareness. Instead of a pickax to break the attendees into chunks, and then glue them back together and send them on their way, a more permanent way would be to sculpt them a bit at a time.

I think this has been a warning to us all. Be careful of what you attend. Don’t mindlessly follow a leader when your instincts are screaming at you. Listen to your intuition and body signals.

And, for the leaders of these types of trainings, take responsibility for your attendees, monitor them better, and don’t shame or judge them when they don’t live up to some unrealistic perfect standard. Leaders lead by example, and I believe that James Arthur Ray needs to fulfill his leadership role by helping the authorities find out what happened and take responsibility.