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Take a Risk and Claim Your Authenticity, Part 1

Take a Risk and Claim Your Authenticity, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Many years ago, I was a member of a group that promoted and encouraged creative writing in the community. We’d been working together for a couple of years when a new member joined us. She came in with a host of ideas, many of which we’d already tried, with no success. Even after we explained that, she insisted on our implementing them anyway.

No one challenged her and said, “No, that didn’t work the first time and we’re not going to do it again.” I decided someone had to draw the line, and although I expected censure from the rest of the group, I stood up to her and said, “No.” It got a little heated.

After the meeting, I was surprised and amazed when the other members thanked me for standing firm. “Someone had to do it,” they said. This was the opposite reaction that I’d learned to expect, based on my childhood experiences. In my youth, if I set a boundary or challenged someone, I was ostracized. The members’ appreciation rocked my worldview. It altered even more when the new member called me and kept trying to change my mind. And that, from then on, she respected me.

When you risk stepping out of your comfort zone, you find a deeper level of self-commitment and self-acceptance. By being true to yourself, you give yourself the message that your opinions and values are important. This buoys up your self-concept and increases your self-respect, which in turn gives you a greater feeling of confidence. It encourages you to open up and be more authentic.

I felt the new member had to be stopped from taking us down a fruitless path, so I acted on what I thought was right. By following my values, I fed my self-respect and felt like I’d accomplished something. When I stepped out of my comfort zone, I found approval when I expected displeasure.

The same thing can be said for trying new things. Making the choice to risk trying something you haven’t done before, whether you’re good at it or not, opens your mind to new experiences and possibilities. You don’t have to be good at it, you just have to try. And if you don’t explore new activities or pursuits, you won’t find hidden treasures that make your heart sing.

This is the way children learn. They try, fail, and try again. When they’re learning to walk, playing with building blocks, or making a sand castle, they don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t work out initially. Exploring and experimentation allows them to expand their awareness and discover what works and what doesn’t. Children are persistent and keep trying, even it they don’t succeed the first time. They’re authentic and their confidence grows as they try again and achieve their goal.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

The Mirror Principle, Part 2

The Mirror Principle, Part 2

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Whenever you don’t like a trait in someone else, it’s usually reflecting something within you that you’ve concealed from yourself. It also may be that you recognize the potential for that trait within yourself, and don’t like it. I don’t like people to belittle others, or are cruel. When I hurt someone’s feelings, even unintentionally, it hurts me.

In the past, I would even avoid confronting someone who’d been mean to me because I didn’t want to hurt them. What I finally realized is that the potential to be cruel is within me, as it is within us all, but it’s well hidden. Since I acknowledged that, I can now respond appropriately to someone who is nasty.

You don’t have to act on those attributes you don’t like. But when you find out how the qualities you dislike are expressing in you, and accept them, the energy around them melts away. You no longer have to attract people who are reflecting the parts of you that you’ve masked.

The Universe simply sent them into your life to teach you to accept yourself. All of yourself. Once I began to be true to myself, and convey that to the world, I attracted friends and a partner who were more open with me. The Universe accepts you unconditionally as you are. Wouldn’t you want to accept yourself as much as the Universe does?

Copyright 2001, 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

The Mirror Principle, Part 1

The Mirror Principle, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Your life and relationships are a perfectly polished mirror for what is in your consciousness. One of the unpopular concepts having to do with this is, “When you don’t like something in someone else, it’s reflecting something within yourself that you don’t like.” You might have heard about this spiritual principle, and wondered about it, as I did. How could it be? I didn’t like people to be deceptive or cruel. Did that mean that somehow I was being that way? Try as I might, I couldn’t see that in myself. It took many years of observation and contemplation before I finally made some sense out of it.

Some years ago, I was involved with a couple of men who were deceptive and manipulative. These are two characteristics that immediately offend me. However, while I was in the relationships, I wasn’t aware that they were expressing these traits, even when they lied to me. After the second relationship, I decided it couldn’t be a coincidence that I’d attract the same type of man one right after another.

So I began to explore where I might be deceptive and manipulative. What I discovered was that I was deceiving the world about who I was. I was hiding great chunks of myself, afraid of being criticized or rejected. I wasn’t lying to others, the way these men had been. Instead, I was lying to myself.

That’s when I began to understand the principle. A person doesn’t have to be expressing the disliked attribute in the same way. For instance, two friends each have an issue with time. One of the friends is chronically late, and the other is obsessively early. The issue is the same, but they are presenting different facets of it. I know this to be true, as I’ve had friends who are always late, and I’m almost always early.

Copyright 2001, 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Your Personal Efficient Biofeedback Instrument

Your Personal Efficient Biofeedback Instrument

Are your shoulders ever tense? Do you ever clench your teeth? When you’re entering an uncomfortable situation, do you ever have butterflies in your abdomen? All of these just show that your body is an efficient biofeedback tool. It shows you what you’re thinking and feeling, even if you aren’t aware of it.

Whenever you’re stressed, your back muscles will tighten up in preparation to handle the threat. You may not even know that you’re stressed until you check in with your body.

Mentally or verbally rehearsing an argument after the fact may cause an upset stomach. It may not be happening in real life, but that doesn’t mean that your body doesn’t respond as if it’s happening now.

When you’re worried about something, you may unconsciously frown and furrow your forehead. You may even get a headache from tense neck muscles.

Your body shows you what you’re thinking about. Start listening to what it’s telling you. Check in with your body, and ask yourself, “What am I thinking about?” “What’s going on?” This will give you an indication of where your focus has been driving you.

Next, ask yourself, “What needs to change?” Stress, upset, anxiety, worry just keeps you immobilized. It cuts you off from creativity, inner resources and your problem solving abilities.

As soon as you redirect your attention to what you can do improve things, you instruct your subconscious mind to begin accessing those resources. Your subconscious mind will change its direction and begin seeking a solution. You can help it along by taking time to consciously relax. That will give it more energy to do its work.

The next time you feel out of sorts, reconnect with your body. It’ll give you all the guidance you need.

~ Linda-Ann

Let The Past Be The Past, And Create A New Future, Part 2

Let The Past Be The Past, And Create A New Future, Part 2

by Linda Ann Stewart

Here are some tips on how to cut old ties, and start a new tomorrow.

1. Let go of the past. Discard negative associations and reminders that might drag you down. They’ve served their purpose and aren’t of value anymore. They belong to old decisions and experiences that you’ve already learned from. Take what you’ve learned that’s constructive and let the rest go.

2. Be open to change. You may have to let go of ideas, beliefs or situations that you value if you want to have a different future. Being a couch potato isn’t compatible with a goal of hiking in the Grand Canyon. You’d have to reduce your television viewing and commit to walking and training for that objective. Old attitudes and behaviors may not be able to exist in the same space as your goal. Something has to give. Ask yourself, “How badly do I want a brighter future?”

3. Create new thought habits. Your past was created by thoughts that you had when you were younger. They built up, like building blocks, one on top of another, until they formed a habitual way of thinking and acting. If you attend to your thoughts in the present, you will create a different future. Simply change the way you think and create new positive habits. Each moment is a new beginning that brings you this opportunity.

4. Focus on what you want. When you keep looking backwards, you go in the direction of your vision. It pulls at you, and you can’t imagine anything different. You’ll keep recreating it. Instead of focusing on what’s already happened, concentrate on what you want to create. Even if you don’t know how your goal could come about, place your attention on moving towards it. As you fill your vision with what you want, take action toward it and synchronicities will begin to happen. The Universe will support you by bringing you what you need.

5. Don’t limit how your desire could become real. It’s all too human to try to figure out how things could happen, but your only reference is your past. By using that as your guide, you risk muddying the waters of your subconscious mind and restricting what it can do. The Infinite is always pouring Its energy into the subconscious. Because of that, your subconscious can draw on many more resources than your conscious mind can even contemplate. So let your inner mind do its job, which is to figure out how to create the reality you want. So remind yourself, “I don’t know how it can happen, but the Universe and my subconscious knows how.”

Your past performance does not need to foretell your future. Life is in a constant state of flux. The past is over, the future is yet to be. In each present moment, you can make a new decision that steers you in a different direction. Take the lessons of the past and use them to build a better life.

Affirmation
My past does not need to affect my future. Each moment, by paying attention to my thoughts, I can create a new tomorrow. I release old ideas that no longer serve me. I learn the lessons from the past and move forward. The Universe completely supports my vision, bringing me everything I need for the fulfillment of my goal. Although I might not know how it can appear, the Infinite and my subconscious mind know exactly what to do.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Book Review – Bradshaw On: The Family

Book Review – Bradshaw On: The Family

Bradshaw On: The Family:  A New Way of Creating Solid Self-Esteem
by John Bradshaw

The author states that emotions are “energy in motion,” and valuable to us. This is only one of the many eye-opening concepts in this book.

Mainly, this book is written for people who have experienced dysfunctional homes, such as alcoholism or any sort of abuse in their childhood. Its information helps to identify and understand how the dysfunction affected them as children, and how it continues into adulthood.

Understanding is the first step to being able to move beyond the self-punitive and self-destructive habits that they may have as adults. But it’s also helpful for those who grew up in so-called “functional” homes, since in most homes there’s some sort of dysfunction.

The author writes a lot about rules, roles and how they affect an individual. He also addresses the family “trance,” saying that we accept ideas in that state and continue to operate with those concepts until the trance is broken.

This book was based on John Bradshaw’s television series of the same name. The series was more impromptu and as the author says, “lacked detail.” This book guides the reader into a better understanding of what they’re doing and why, and why their life may not be working.

5 Keys To Calm Stress

5 Keys To Calm Stress

When you’re stressed, you go into a Fight or Flight mentality. This reduces access to your brain’s resources, and compromises your ability to think straight. Here are 5 ways to calm down your overactive stress response so you’re able to respond to situations in a more constructive way.



Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Book Review – “How To Raise Your Self-Esteem”

Book Review – “How To Raise Your Self-Esteem”

How To Raise Your Self-Esteem: The Proven Action-Oriented
Approach to Greater Self-Respect and Self-Confidence
by Nathaniel Branden

This is a great book, not just for self-esteem, but also to raise self-awareness. This book is filled with strategies and exercises to help the reader not only improve their self-esteem, but increase confidence, self-acceptance, self-respect and authenticity.

The author describes self-esteem as “a feeling of personal competence and a feeling of personal worth…a sum of self-confidence and self-respect.” All of these go into a feeling of value. A person must feel “enough” to feel good about themselves and what they do. And a person with high self-esteem treats others with value and respect.

The author states that living consciously, in the sense of being aware of what they’re thinking and doing, is necessary to high self-esteem. Living consciously means a person learns to listen to themselves and to trust their impressions and decisions.

Other chapters address feelings of guilt, integrating the younger self, living authentically, selfishness, nurturing the self-esteem of others and more. The exercises are easy to do, mainly completing sentences, and the answers can be very illuminating. For any person troubled with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, I’d recommend this book highly.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Stop Multitasking To Reduce Stress, Part 1

Stop Multitasking To Reduce Stress, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Most people are overwhelmed by the amount of distractions in their lives. When you’re trying to work, you’re interrupted by phone calls, texts, or a problem suddenly needing an immediate solution or decision. All of this diverts your attention and keeps you from focusing on one thing at a time.

You’re trying to multi-task to be more efficient and you’re accomplishing exactly the opposite. Your attention is split between all of the distractions, and nothing gets your best effort. So everything suffers from a lack of your full capabilities.

Unfortunately, your fast-paced lifestyle promotes stress and anxiety. This engages the Fight or Flight mechanism that causes you to be in survival mode. Everything that happens is then considered to be a threat. You can’t keep things in their proper perspective.

For instance, let’s say you’re expecting a busy day at work. In the morning, you take the trash bag out of the trashcan and the bag breaks. Now you have to clean it up before you can leave. On the freeway, you’re caught in an unexpected traffic jam and get to work late.

You’d planned to have plenty of time to print out a report for a meeting. But because of the morning’s delays, you’re hurrying to get it done. The printer jams and you’re ready to throw it through the window. Due to the accumulated frustrations, an insignificant problem (the printer) has been blown up out of proportion. It takes on monumental importance, when it actually may simply take a couple of minutes to fix.

When your mental reserves are completely used up and you’re in survival mode, stress monopolizes resources in the brain. It’s like a huge program that consumes all the available memory in a computer. There’s nothing left over to make rational decisions.

Being stressed and in overwhelm means that you can’t think straight, be creative, resourceful, or plan effectively. You’re reacting from your past experience and conditioning and can’t choose a different response.

Read part 2 of Stop Multitasking to Reduce Stress.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Use Positive Imagery To Rewire Your Brain And Ward Off Depression

Use Positive Imagery To Rewire Your Brain And Ward Off Depression

When a person comes to see me, as a hypnotherapist, to work on stress, I teach them relaxation and have them create a peaceful place in their minds. I tell them, “This can be a favorite vacation spot, or a place you create solely in your imagination.” The main idea is that it’s serene and safe.

I’ve heard people poke fun of the idea of a “peaceful spot.” They can’t believe that anything so simple can be effective. But after working with hundreds of people with this concept, I’ve seen the positive results. Practicing relaxation daily with this image can reduce stress significantly. I’ve seen stress, pain, and anxiety decrease immensely with this technique.

Recently, I read an article about girls who were susceptible to depression. They were able to rewire their brains to reduce this risk. People like them have an overreaction to upsetting experiences, which can be seen in brain scans.

Stanford researchers scanned the brains of these girls to see how they responded to negative pictures. The area of the brain that responds to stress showed increased activation on the scans. The researchers then instructed them to think of pleasant experiences and shift their focus from negative to positive images. On brain scans, it showed that the part of the brain triggered by stress calmed down.

Even several days after the exercises, the girls showed the same reduced reaction to stressful images. They were able to rewire their brains to be less reactive to stress, which in turn reduced the likelihood of depression later on.

This is very similar to the technique I teach my clients. But I also include relaxation, which reduces stress on its own. You can rewire your brain so you don’t overreact to stress, which will reduce the amount of stress and anxiety that you experience in your life.

Practice relaxation and imagining yourself in a special place. Then imagine an upsetting image, and immediately switch your attention back to your special place and all its peace.

This is one of the traditional ways hypnotherapists, like me, have used to help clients deal with stress. It’s gratifying when the techniques I’ve used for so many years are proved to be valid by scientific research.

Inspired by: Study suggests girls can ‘rewire’ brains to ward off depression.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart