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Loving Others Begins With Yourself

Loving Others Begins With Yourself

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Hearts

On Valentine’s Day, we show our love to the significant others’ in our lives; our husbands, partners, friends and family. But what do you do to show love for yourself? What are you doing to take care of yourself, and of your needs? Many of us have been taught to ignore our needs, that we’re selfish if we think of ourselves first. However, we’ve taken this idea too far and don’t think of ourselves at all. Charity and love begin at home, with you.

A person who does everything for everyone else, and nothing for himself/herself will eventually burn out. Ultimately, their needs will be taken care of some way, generally in a way that isn’t enjoyable. The inner self will cry out for attention, beginning with small warnings, such as a cold, tension, anxiety, or feelings of being overwhelmed. But if the inner self is ignored, it will escalate it’s demands by creating more discomfort. Many people experience some sort of health crisis because their inner self needs some consideration. The health issue could be fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, heart disease, or even cancer.

Attend to Your Needs

When you first begin to attend to your needs, you may get resistance from the people in your world. Suddenly, you’re not serving them like you’ve done in the past. They’re being forced to take responsibility for themselves. They may even call you “selfish.” Before you agree with them, evaluate whether they have an agenda for this accusation. Do they want you to do things for them, or fulfill their desires (not their needs, but their desires)?  If so, they’re trying to manipulate you to return to your old ways so that they’re more comfortable.

The challenge is to know how to balance self-love with other-love. But self-love must come first. That’s the bottom line. Your needs must be your primary concern, or else you may not be able to do for others. Your loved ones may even have to take care of you. However, once you begin to take care of your needs, you’ll actually have more energy, more life, and more love to give to others because you feel so much better.

Affirmation:

I begin to assess my needs, and know that my needs are more important than someone else’s desires. I take care of my responsibilities, but I also have a responsibility to take care of myself. I give myself permission to attend to my needs, despite any outer resistance. I remember that I’m the most important person in my world. I need to fulfill my needs so that I have more to give to others.

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The Importance of Self-Acceptance

The Importance of Self-Acceptance

by Linda-Ann Stewart

When I was fourteen, I was fitted with braces. At that age, shiny metal covering your teeth  severely impacts your self-image. Friends who’d already been fitted with braces did their best to hide them. They refused to smile and kept their mouths closed so no one would see the silver glint.

However, their attempts to hide the braces brought more attention to the fact that they were cursed with this awful dental appliance. Their self-consciousness opened the door for bullies to call them, “metal mouth.” I decided not to try to cover up the fact that I was wearing braces. After they were attached, I smiled and laughed as I normally did. Because I wasn’t embarrassed about them, bullies didn’t get any reaction teasing me, so they left me alone.

But the best response came in my typing class. Cindy sat in front of me, and at the beginning of each class, she’d turn around to chat for a few moments. Six months after I’d begun wearing the braces, as usual, she turned to say hi. She looked startled, and asked,

“When did you get braces?”

“Six months ago,” I replied.

“No, that’s impossible,” she said. “I talk to you every day, and I would have noticed.”

Except that she hadn’t noticed, because I’d accepted them as normal.

People Take Your Lead

If you don’t pay attention to your imperfections, no one else will. They’ll take your lead concerning your assessment of yourself. When you accept yourself as you are, you’re not concerned about how others perceive you. You’re not afraid of their judgements and are able to be more authentic. Because you don’t pay attention to your limitations, they’re not so apparent to other people.

Self-acceptance doesn’t mean that there isn’t room for improvement. I couldn’t wait to get the braces removed and looked forward to that day. Accepting yourself means that you’re not resisting, criticizing or hating a part of yourself, all of which creates a block to improvement. Self-acceptance simply recognizes and acknowledges the reality of what is. From that perspective, you can plan how to make changes, if that’s what’s necessary.

The Opposite of Self-Acceptance

Self-rejection, which is the opposite of self-acceptance, makes you defensive. You’re sensitive about the part of you that you feel is lacking, and concerned that others will attack you over it. Because you expect to be confronted, often that’s what happens, as it did with the bullies and my friends. You might even overcompensate for what you think is a fault, by bringing it to others attention deliberately or accidentally, when it wasn’t necessary.

For instance, you’re interviewing for a job that you have the experience for, but don’t have a degree in the area. You feel insecure about the shortcoming, and your nervousness makes a bad impression on your interviewer. However, if you considered that your experience made up for no degree, your confidence would have influenced the interviewer more positively.

Benefits to Accepting Yourself

There are a lot of personal and subjective benefits for accepting yourself. These would include raising your self-esteem and self-confidence, allowing you to be more authentic in your life, enabling you to feel comfortable with yourself and more.

There are also objective benefits to self-acceptance. All of these benefits are helpful in both your personal and professional life.

You’re more open with others, so you don’t push people away. People are attracted to you and want to get to know you. Your relationships are better and deeper.

You’re able to be more present with other people. Because you’re not concerned about your imperfections, you can listen to the other person and understand what they’re saying. As a result, you have better communication and connection with them.

If others do notice your shortcomings, it doesn’t bother you. Often, they’re just curious and want some background information. And if they’re rude, it’s easier to realize that the issue is with them, not you, so you don’t take it personally.

Practice Self-Acceptance

Everyone has imperfections. Accepting them means you approach situations feeling empowered and have more resources to deal with challenges. Practice self-acceptance and notice how much freer and happier you feel.

I was thrilled to get my braces removed two months earlier than expected. But my main reason to be happy wasn’t because I was rid of the metal. I was ecstatic because I could once again have popcorn, taffy and bubble gum. And you know what? No one mentioned that the braces were gone.

Affirmation:

The Universe accepts me as I am. I now accept myself, with all my imperfections. I feel more comfortable with myself and this communicates to the world around me. With this attitude, I can now change and improve myself. More good flows to me and through me as I open the door to a greater sense of well being.

Watch the accompanying video, Guided Meditation for Self-Acceptance.

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The Power Of Self-Acceptance

The Power Of Self-Acceptance

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Woman with outstretched arms
Woman with Arms in the Air — Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis

You own a manual within you that contains all the wisdom, understanding and knowledge you need to resolve or heal any undesirable condition in your life. One of the most powerful tools in that manual is self-acceptance. When you accept yourself fully, you begin to release the blocks to your good and your Higher Self. This doesn’t mean that you may not want to choose to change some things about yourself. But you have to acknowledge that something exists, and accept that it is part of you before you can transform it.

I had a client who had been told that no part of her was adequate to anyone in her life. When we began working together, she was afraid I’d be offended by her past and how she’d coped. It wasn’t anything I hadn’t heard before. Because I reassured her that she had acted appropriately and understandably for her situation, she began to realize that she wasn’t a terrible person.

The Universe Accepts You

The Universe accepts you as you are. If you feel rejected or abandoned, realize that those feeling come from past experiences. This is how you feel about yourself, not how the Universe feels about you. However, you’ve believed that you deserved it, and continued to reject or abandon yourself in the present.

As the sessions with my client progressed, she was able to validate her emotions of fear, anger, and sadness as being signals to herself that something detrimental was occurring or had occurred in her life. As she accepted herself, and listened to what her feelings told her, she was able to turn her life around.

When you accept yourself, along with everything you think and feel as being proper, you start to reconnect with your Higher Self. For it is only when by cherishing yourself that you can experience the love of the Divine.

Affirmation

I now accept myself fully, knowing that the Universe accepts me as I am right now. I recognize that my perceptions, my feelings, my ideas are just right for me. I validate myself and give myself permission to be who I am. It is safe to be me. I deserve to be here. Every part of my being is loved and cherished by the Universe. Therefore, I also love and cherish myself. 

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Special or Safe Place Imagery

Special or Safe Place Imagery

Sparks of Insight

Question: Does the “special, safe or happy place” in self-hypnosis or guided imagery have to be from a childhood place?

Answer: The peaceful, special, safe or happy place doesn’t have to be from childhood. When I’m leading a client into it, I tell them to imagine a vacation spot or someplace completely imaginary, where no one can bother them and they feel completely safe. It could be on a cloud, above the cares of the world, or on a deserted beach.

Only a few people have had a hard time with that, and usually it’s because they can’t remember ever feeling safe. In that case, I recommend that they think of a time when they felt a little safe, maybe with a trusted friend. I then tell them to continue practicing with it, because each time they’ll get a little closer to the feeling of safety.

Not only is a feeling of safety important for stress reduction, but also for any improvements in your life. If you don’t feel safe, the subconscious won’t to create anything new. It will still be in “survival mode” and consider that any change is threatening to your current tenuous sense of security.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

How One Small Technique Can Improve Your Attitude

How One Small Technique Can Improve Your Attitude

by Linda-Ann Stewart

When you’re in a bad mood or feeling down, it seems like nothing goes right. If you can shift your attitude to being more upbeat, life flows more smoothly. There is a simple technique you can use to improve your mood and attitude, and it just takes a minute. Here are 3 tips on how to use it to feel better and be happier.

Transcript:

Thank you for watching. I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, a vision empowerment coach. Everyone has bad days, right? When you’re having one, it’s hard to get anything done, isn’t it? You feel like you’re wading through molasses. You know you’re fighting an uphill battle with your attitude and it seems that anything that could go wrong, does go wrong.

You realize that if you can shift your mood to a better one, everything flows more smoothly, right? What if I told you there was one small action you could take that could boost your attitude, lower your stress, and be happier? Would you try it? I certainly would.

Believe it or not, it’s something as simple as smiling. Please, bear with me. I know, when you’re feeling down, the last thing you want to do is smile. But smiling, whether you mean it or not, will make you feel better. It stimulates your brain into a more positive state, fooling it into thinking that you are actually feeling good. The old cliché, “Fake it until you make it,” is true in this situation. The brain can’t tell if your smile is real or forced. 

My first tip is going to look silly, but try it. You have nothing to lose, except your dignity. When you’re not feeling like smiling, but want to feel better, take a pen or pencil and put it between your teeth. [DEMO]

Looks silly, right? But notice how it activates the same muscles you use when you’re smiling? The muscles of the corner of your mouth turn up. Your brain doesn’t know that you’re just pretending. Hold it for a minute or so, and then take it out. Try smiling on your own, and see if it isn’t easier. 

My second tip is to start the day by deliberately smiling for 30 seconds to a minute. That will set your day up to be more productive, and you’ll approach your work with a more positive attitude. When you’re more positive, your day goes smoother, doesn’t it?

My third tip is to do the same thing when you hit a slump or start to feel stressed during the day. Smile for 30 seconds to a minute, again. It will cause you to be more upbeat, lower your stress and energize you.

So, “Turn that frown upside down.” Yes, I know, it’s corny. But smiling will encourage your brain to shift into a more positive state. You’ll look at your life differently. And when you change your attitude, then your responses, and your life, changes.

Please subscribe to my YouTube channel to receive more mindset coaching tips to improve your life.

Thank you for watching. And remember, smile.

Please read the accompanying article, How Simple Actions Improve Your Attitude.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

How Simple Actions Improve Your Attitude

How Simple Actions Improve Your Attitude

Exuberant woman on beach

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Have you ever had a lousy morning, felt frustrated, upset or discouraged, and had the day go downhill from there? It can be hard to turn things around when your attitude is in the dumps. You don’t have much motivation, focus or creativity. Nothing goes right. And it doesn’t seem that you have any control over your mood. You think you just have to ride it out until it runs its course.

But what about the opposite, when you started out in a foul mood, then felt better after you encountered someone who was upbeat? It could have been a smiling server, a congenial person in line, or someone who opened the door for you. Didn’t their cheery attitude brighten your day a bit?

You Can Change Your Mood

You aren’t doomed to wait until chance improves your mood. Your attitude is influenced by your actions and by the actions of others. For instance, when my mother was young, she used to break her boredom on the bus by yawning, and seeing how many people yawned in response. Her deliberate act of yawning was contagious, just as someone else’s pleasant disposition is infectious.

Just as a stranger can impact your mood in a short time, you have the ability to shift your attitude, too. You don’t have to wait and hope it will change. You can become more positive by taking the following small, deliberate actions.

Take a walk. Many years ago, I was deeply depressed from a relationship breakup. Knowing a walk would make me feel better, I dragged myself out of the house. A half-hour later, as I was returning home, my mood had improved by about 80%. Studies find that walking is as effective as antidepressants to improve mental attitude. Walking is also good for creativity.

Write down gratitudes. At the beginning of each day, write down three things you’re grateful for. That way, you start your day on a high note. When something goes wrong during your day, remember the gratitudes you wrote down that day, or find something new to be thankful for. 

Take small actions on a goal. Your mind loves to achieve things. When you accomplish something, no matter how small, you trigger the pleasure center of your brain. This gives you a flush of happiness and increases your motivation to continue.

Smile. Whether you feel like it or not, make yourself smile for at least a minute. Smiling tricks your brain into feeling better. Not only will you feel better, but you’ll spread good cheer to others. When you smile at others, you’re giving yourself and them a gift.

Watch a funny video. Find something that will make you laugh to bring you out of the dumps. Laughter reduces stress, lowers blood pressure, and eases pain. Just a minute of it will brighten your outlook. Laughter is uplifting, and is also contagious, making other people respond in the same way.  

If you’re in a bad mood, use one of these tips to turn it around. When you’re feeling more positive, you’re more likely to take productive action. Your whole day flows more smoothly, harmoniously and you’re more effective. It takes a willingness to empower yourself and be proactive, but it’s well worth the effort. And as you become happier, notice how you’re able to spread your good mood and inspire others.

Affirmation:

I have the power and ability to keep a positive attitude, no matter what’s going on in my world. When I’m in a pleasant mood, my channel to the Universal Good is wide open. I listen to the still, small voice within that tells me that all is well. I am grateful for all that I have. The Divine Pattern for good flows through my mind, body and spirit.

Please watch the accompanying video, How One Small Technique Can Improve Your Attitude.

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Walk to Improve Your Wellbeing

Walk to Improve Your Wellbeing

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Walking down a path

Many years ago, I was devastated when a relationship ended. All I wanted to do was pull the covers over my head and escape. I knew that taking a walk would improve my mood, but it was an act of will to get myself prepared. As one sock went on, I thought, “Maybe I’ll just go lie down.” Forcing myself to pull the other sock on, I thought, “Maybe I’ll just go watch TV.” Lacing each shoe brought up other excuses not to go. But I persevered, took a deep breath and pushed myself out the door.

Research on depression has shown that exercise and walking is almost as effective as anti-depressants. Brain chemicals called endorphins release during exercise, and they naturally elevate mood. Studies have also shown that people who exercise have higher self-esteem, a greater sense of competence and internal control over events, and sleep better. It’s been said that if there’s a fountain of youth, it’s exercise.

Half an hour later, I was returning home with a quarter mile to go and decided to check my inner self to determine how I was feeling. Although I was still sad, I was amazed to find that I could now plan ahead. I actually looked forward to getting involved with a project waiting for me at home. My mental outlook had improved by over 80 percent. To me, at the time, that was a miracle.

Even if I feel exhausted after work, walking rejuvenates me. That’s because the tiredness is more mental than physical. Whenever I need to ground myself, clear my head, break through a writer’s block, or ruminate on a problem, I know that taking a walk will help all of those things. I sometimes say affirmations as I stroll. It’s as if the exercise starts stagnated energy moving again. Walking jumpstarts my well being on a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level. So, anytime you’re feeling sad, angry, blocked, or stuck, try taking a walk. I’ll bet you’ll find that it helps you clear the way for the changes you desire.

Affirmation:

My well being is important to me, and I make attending to it a priority. I know that exercise is beneficial on a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level. Knowing that, I find the time to exercise in the best way for my body. As I walk, deeper levels of my mind are at work finding solutions to whatever challenge I’m facing. If I’m reluctant to take a walk, I remind myself of all the benefits, take control of my own well being, and get my feet moving.

Book Review-Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy

Book Review-Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy
by David Burns, MD

Here’s a book that gives specific instructions on how to change the way you think about your life. It was created to help people erase depression, anxiety, procrastination, guilt, pessimism, as well as perfectionism, anger, stress and low self-esteem. And it works. In a study of people with clinical depression, 70-75% of them were “cured” three months after reading this book and following the exercises.

By becoming aware of what you think, and then either addressing it or disputing the reasons, you begin to change the mental processes that have sabotaged you. Many people resist writing down their thoughts, for various reasons, but doing so allows you to view them more dispassionately. No longer are you controlled by your moods or negative thinking, you are empowered to confront it and change it.

Awareness and claiming your authority are key. When you take the time and effort to pay attention to what you’re thinking and write it down, you’re taking control. Then, by responding to it rationally, more positively, you’re accepting your authority over your own thoughts. This will begin to change your life.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

If you criticize others for some reason, it says more about you than it does about them. Your criticism shows your mental filters, and what causes you discomfort or irritation. It also indicates what you criticize yourself about, because what people object to in others, they tend to object to in themselves. So when you feel tempted to criticize someone, stop and consider what the condemnation says about you.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Guided Meditation to Create a New Self-Image

Guided Meditation to Create a New Self-Image

Your self-image can either support or sabotage your goals. If you’ve been having trouble reaching a particular goal, your view of yourself is probably involved. Fortunately, you can change your self-image. This short guided meditation will get you started to improve your self-image regarding a particular goal.

Transcript:

Are you having trouble achieving a particular goal? If so, your self-image may not be in alignment with it. When your view of yourself conflicts with the goal you want to accomplish, you’ll either sabotage yourself or won’t be able to maintain the goal.

The good news is that you can change your self-image. It’s only a belief, and beliefs can be changed with some work. I’d like to lead you through a short meditation to get you started on improving your self-image regarding a specific goal.

If you’re so inclined, close your eyes. Think of a goal you want to accomplish. It could be changing a habit, developing a talent, changing your lifestyle or something else. But pick something specific you want to work on or that you’ve been working on.

Now, consider how your self-image fits in with it. Can you imagine yourself achieving your goal easily and maintaining whatever change it would require? Is there something in you that might undermine your progress with it? Can you identify yourself with the completion of that goal? For instance, “I am a..” fill in the blank with how the goal would change your identity. If you have any part of you that doubts you can achieve it, there’s some issue with your self-image.

Shifting from considering your self-image, think of how achieving your goal could benefit you. This is your “why.” Imagine how your life would be different once you’ve accomplished your goal. Don’t just imagine the immediate change, but how your life would be a year from now. How strongly do you want that? If you can, enhance your motivation with whatever will support your endeavor. You are worthy to be successful with this.

Once you’ve realized what your life would look like with your goal, how good it is for you, what actions do you need to take now to move towards your goal? Imagine yourself going through those steps, a little at a time.

If you can only imagine taking a baby step, that’s fine. Visualize one, feel and sense yourself doing it, while reminding yourself why you’re doing it. As you accomplish that one, visualize yourself taking the next step. How can you get comfortable with these actions?

Now, imagine it’s a year from now and you’ve achieved your goal, and it’s become a fact of your life. Imagine how elated you feel, and how you can now identify yourself with having accomplished your goal.

You may notice other changes in your life, in the way you think and feel. How do you view yourself in this future, that’s different than it was at the beginning of the goal process? How can your self-image be even better? You deserve your success.

Open your eyes. Did you notice a shift in your self-image as you went through the visualization? The meditation gives your subconscious mind a map to follow as you rehearse your new actions and responses. If you do something like this every day, you will change your self-image, accomplish your goals and improve your life.

To be notified when new videos come out, please subscribe to my channel.

Thank you for watching. You do deserve all the best.

Read the accompanying article, 4 Steps to Create a New Self-Image.

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