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Practicing Self-Directed Goodwill

Practicing Self-Directed Goodwill

Sending thoughts of goodwill towards others can be an effective way to increase your sense of well being. But always thinking of others, and not paying attention to yourself, can eventually deplete you.  To make sure you have the energy to practice goodwill to others, and have energy for yourself, you have to find ways to replenish yourself. Discover some ideas on how to fill your own well of energy. Watch Practicing Self-Directed Goodwill.

Transcript:

Welcome. Sending thoughts of goodwill towards others can be an effective way to increase your sense of well being. But always thinking of others, and not paying attention to yourself, can eventually deplete you, can’t it?

To make sure you have the energy to practice goodwill towards others, and have energy for yourself, you have to find ways to replenish yourself. In this video, I’d like to share some ideas on how to fill your own well of goodwill energy.

I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, a focus mentor, writer and hypnotherapist. These videos are dedicated to empower you to focus and align your heart with your vision so you can achieve your goals.

How can you practice goodwill towards yourself? Goodwill means to wish the best, in this case, to yourself. So what’s the best way you can recharge yourself? I don’t mean indulging in excess food or drink. That’s not what’s best for you, is it? But what are some ways you can revitalize yourself so you have the energy to care for yourself and others?

Here are some tips on how to fill your energetic battery: Like take a warm bath, take a walk, get into nature, meditate, read a book, do a craft or hobby, call a friend, write down your gratitudes or do something else that is inspiring to you. Do anything that’s just for you that  makes you feel uplifted and that gratifies you.

By setting time and energy apart for you, you’re communicating goodwill to yourself. You want the best for yourself, and are making space to act on that intention. Practicing goodwill towards yourself will fill your energy stores so you have more going forth in your life. What can you do to fill yourself today? Even if it’s only for 10 minutes?

Thank you for watching. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. And if you’d like to be notified when I release more videos on mindset, motivation and empowerment, please like my channel and click on the bell. As always, stay focused.

Read the accompanying article, How to Practice Goodwill and Preserve Your Peace.

Be as Kind to Yourself as You Are to Others

Be as Kind to Yourself as You Are to Others

Being kind to others brings great rewards. But there are times when you get depleted when you’ve been kind without paying attention to your needs. Learn some signals that let you know when you need to be kind to yourself. Watch Be as Kind to Yourself as You Are to Others.

Transcript:

We all know that it’s important to be kind to others. One small act of kindness can spread, like the ripples in a pond. But there are times when giving too much of yourself can deplete you. People can expect too much, take advantage of you, or you just can’t draw the line. It’s hard to say “no” when your spirit is willing, but your physical, mental and emotional well being is drained.

I know how it is to be stretched beyond your limit by volunteering and giving of your time and energy. At one time, I’d overextended myself so much that my health suffered.

I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, a focus mentor and hypnotherapist. I empower people to focus and align their heart with their vision so they can achieve their goals.

I learned that to be able to have enough energy to give to others, you need to be able to replenish what you have. Being kind to yourself is as important, if not more so, than being kind to others. If you’re depleted, then you can’t help anyone.

One of the ways to make sure you stay balanced is to know when to pull back and say “not now” or “no.” Some good signals to do this are when you’re starting to feel overwhelmed, resentful,or exhausted. These indicate that it’s time for you to step back, be kind to yourself and restore your energy.

Kindness begins with your being kind to yourself. Give yourself the same thoughtfulness that you give to others, and then you’ll be able to spread that kindness in a much greater way. How can you be kind to yourself today? Thank you for watching.  If you’d like to be notified when I release more videos on mindset, motivation and empowerment, please like my channel and click on the bell. Be kind, to yourself and others, and as always, stay focused.

Please read the accompanying article, Can Kindness Backfire?

Can Kindness Backfire?

Can Kindness Backfire?

by Linda-Ann Stewart

No act of kindness, no matter how small, was ever wasted

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “No good deed goes unpunished.” This is often times true if you do your good deed for external gratitude or appreciation. If that’s the reason you perform your good deed, you miss the inner rewards that come with giving of yourself. But there are times in which too much kindness, or trying to push it on others, can be a problem.

The Downside of Kindness

There are times when your intention is to be kind, but it’s not helpful to the person, or may actually harm you. Here are some examples of when kindness can misfire.

Misinterpreting the situation. What you offer as a kindness the other person may reject. You may sincerely want to help those who want to remain self-reliant. For instance, a child whose parent tries to tie their shoe, only to have the child say, “I can do it myself.” In this case, respecting their independence is kindness.

People who don’t want help. You notice that someone needs help, but they don’t want any assistance. Early in my hypnotherapy and coaching practice, I learned that I couldn’t help those who didn’t want help. If I tried to convince them that things could be better, it caused them to rebel and cling more tightly to their issue.  Kindness would be to let go and wait until they ask for help.

Giving too much of yourself. Many years ago, I got into a situation where I was involved in a lot of groups. Because I was overinvolved and not taking care of myself, my health started to sputter and I was constantly sick. To be kind to myself, I had to back out of all of my commitments and lower my stress so I could get healthy again.

People expecting too much. This is the second part of the last example. The person in charge of one of the groups I was volunteered at insisted I continue to work, despite my health issues. She expected me to do what she wanted, no matter how it harmed me. When someone tries to bully you, your responsibility is to be considerate of your needs.

Find a Balance

Being kind is important, for your well being and for the benefit of others. But don’t try to force kindness on people, because that can create a backlash. And that may cause you to be less kind in the future. If you find yourself being taken advantage, of or trying to force kindness on others, take a step back and reassess.

When your kindness is rejected and you may want to shut down, remember your intention was to help. Aesop said, “No act of kindness, no matter how small, was ever wasted.” Find those who will welcome your help or those that you can help in smaller ways.

If you find yourself overextended, or being taken advantage of, pull back and set boundaries. Self-care must come first or you can’t help anyone else. The most important person to help and to be kind to is you.  Kindness spreads kindness, and when you attend to your needs, you have more to give.

Affirmation:

I am loving, compassionate, and kind to myself and others. I recognize when my kindness will be welcomed and accepted. Even in delicate or difficult situations, I am Divinely guided in ways to be kind with helping others. I treat others with respect and empathy. By embracing kindness, I’m able to wisely use it in the best way for everyone concerned.

Watch the accompanying video, Be as Kind to Yourself as You Are to Others.

As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To boost productivity and reduce overwhelm, register for her FREE guide, Design Your Best Day, at Linda-AnnStewart.com/guide.html You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

When Reframing Is Counterproductive

When Reframing Is Counterproductive

Reframing is a powerful way to change your thoughts and belief about yourself or a situation. However, there are situations that reframing will just make worse. Learn the 3 types of situations in which reframing doesn’t work, and what to do about them.

Watch When Reframing Is Counterproductive

Transcript:

Thank you for joining me for a mindset tip. This one is about reframing. I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, a focus coach and hypnotherapist.

Reframing is a powerful way to change your thoughts about yourself or a situation. You take a different perspective, which can change your thoughts about it. When you change your thoughts, then you have more options, and can make better decisions and take different actions. This will affect the situation, and generally benefit you in the long run.

However, there are situations that reframing will just make worse. Therefore, reframing shouldn’t be used as a way to improve your outlook or excuse behavior. When a situation has become unacceptable and won’t change, it’s not helpful for you to try to reframe it to adjust to it.

I know. I’ve experienced each of these issues and tried to change my thinking about it to make it better. It didn’t work out well in any of them. Instead, it’s better take action to deal with the situation, even if it’s painful. The types of situations I’m talking about are:

1. Relationships. I’m especially talking about friends or romantic relationships, but it could be any relationship you might have. When two people are incompatible or have grown apart, no amount of thinking differently about what’s going on is going to make it better. Trying to adjust and just live with it will just prolong the pain. Instead, it’s time to face reality and free yourself and the other person to find someone who truly suits you.

2. Abuse. This would be a more intense version of what I just mentioned. Again, this could be in a romantic relationship, family, friend or work relationship. If someone is constantly harassing you, changing your thinking about it or them isn’t going to make them stop. Excusing their behavior will just encourage them to continue. Your responsibility is to your well being and to find someplace healthier for you.

3. Avoid Accountability. When you’ve made an agreement with someone, yourself or others, reframing doesn’t give you the excuse to avoid fulfilling that agreement. You’ll lose respect for yourself and so will the other person. The situation isn’t going to go away. Instead, accept the responsibility, and decide how you need to address it. It’s better for you in the long-run.

All of these confuse reframing with making excuses, for yourself or for others, in an attempt to avoid taking action. Reframing shouldn’t be used to maintain the status quo or stay in an unhealthy situation. Once you’ve decided on the best course of action for you, you can then reframe the situation as a learning experience. That’s what I’ve done in each of these cases.

Thank you for watching. If this video was helpful, and you’d like to be notified of others I release, please subscribe to my channel.

Read the accompanying article, Reframe to Empower Yourself

Accept Your Introvert or Extrovert Temperament

Accept Your Introvert or Extrovert Temperament

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Coffee cup saying Choose Happy

Some years ago, I had a friend urge me to go write and work on my business in coffee shops. She loved to work around people, and said, “You’ll get so much done!” I unsuccessfully tried to explain to her that I couldn’t concentrate with other people around. Their activity and noise was too distracting. She never understood.

It was the classic difference between an introvert, like me, and an extrovert, like her. An extrovert loves being around people. Extroverts are buoyed up by the energy of people and ride that wave. Introverts get overwhelmed and overstimulated by being around too many people. They might like to be around people for a short time, but then they have to go recharge in solitude. To an extrovert, being isolated would be punishment. For an introvert, it’s nirvana.

The Differences Between Extroverts and Introverts

Extroverts and introverts process information through different parts of the brain. For an introvert, the information has to go through more areas of the brain for them to come to a conclusion. They consider more deeply and thoroughly about a subject before they arrive at a decision.

Extroverts process information as they interact. They’re spontaneous, and like to talk a subject through or think out loud to reach an answer. While extroverts will say the first thing that comes to mind, introverts reflect about a question before they answer.

Being an introvert isn’t synonymous with being shy. I’ve known shy extroverts and outgoing introverts. Whether you’re an extrovert or introvert depends on whether you get energized or depleted around groups of people and how you think. Introverts have rich inner lives, while extroverts need to be stimulated by outer experiences.

Each Type Has Value

Western society prefers and rewards extroverts, who are gregarious and risk takers. Eastern culture values introvert’s traits of reflection and seclusion. The West loves outgoing people and thinks that loners are somehow lacking in social skills. That’s not true, because introverts are much better listeners. But, in western society, introverts are often shamed and pressured to try to be like an extrovert. As a result, this decreases an introvert’s self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence.

No one is fully an extrovert or introvert. It’s not either/or. It’s a spectrum. If you identify a bit with both of them, you may be an ambivert. This is someone who loves to be around people, but does need alone time afterwards to recharge.

Honor Yourself

No matter whether you’re an extrovert, introvert or ambivert, accept your temperament and that it’s right for you. It reflects the individual that you are and what you need for your wellbeing. If you’re an extrovert, find a way to be around people in person or even virtually. However, if you’re an introvert, find your interaction limit, and give yourself permission to have alone time afterwards. 

Recognize how you gain energy, whether it’s being around people, in solitude, or a combination. Find a balance of social stimulation that works for you. Accept that how you think and process information may be different from others.

These traits aren’t learned. You’re born this way. Don’t let anyone shame or pressure you to conform to their idea of who they think you should be. Honor and respect your temperament. You’ll be happier, healthier and be able to utilize your strengths to create a life that suits you.

Affirmation:

The Universe accepts me as I am. I recognize my strengths and use them in a positive way. I also understand that others may be different from me. As I listen to my inner self, it guides me to create balance and joy in my life. I now honor and respect myself and what I need for my wellbeing.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Podcast Interview – Service Without Sacrifice

Podcast Interview – Service Without Sacrifice

Camille Diaz and I were introduced by a mutual acquaintance, with the aim to see if I’d be a good fit for her podcast, Money Heart. Her podcast explores the emotional side of money. Camille is a business coach with The Optimized Zone, who offers courses and private coaching to help business owners streamline their business.

After we decided I’d be a good fit for her podcast, she broached the idea of my wearing a costume for it. I was prepared, as I’d already looked at some of the podcasts. I whipped out the tiara and necklace that I wear to to the Renaissance Faire each year, in costume. She laughed and said she loved to go to Renaissance Festivals in costume, too, and would wear her costume. To see photos of all the looks follow @moneyheartshow on Instagram.

In the podcast, I started out  with my personal story of how I got over involved in community affairs many years ago. My health suffered from stretching myself too thin, and I had to back out of them all to get healthy again. It was so hard to do that, especially when one person resisted. But it was the beginning of my journey to saying, “No,” and I learned valuable lessons from the experience.

We discussed what service actually means. And that when you choose to serve at the expense of your health and well being, there’s nothing left to give to anyone. Unfortunately, women have been trained to set aside their priorities. To serve, they think they have to sacrifice what’s precious to them. In our conversation, we explored why that wasn’t correct.

We agreed that with any service, there needs to be a balance of power and energy. Without that balance of giving and receiving, someone is going to feel uncomfortable. And if someone feels like they have to sacrifice themselves to serve, the issue is generally about something else, like self-esteem or old ideas. Camille asked how we can reprogram those thoughts, and I shared an exercise of how to identify and change the old ideas.

I had a great time talking with Camille. This is a subject we agree is an important one for women to reprocess. It’s time for us to realize that we can serve and have a reasonable exchange that’s beneficial to all concerned.

Watch Service Without Sacrifice.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Empathy Overlooks Behavioral Consequences?

Empathy Overlooks Behavioral Consequences?

Question about affirmations

Question: How can empathy make people overlook the consequences of the actions of another person?

Answer: When we’re empathetic, we feel another’s pain. Because it hurts us, we want to fix it (their pain) and make it go away so it stops hurting us. Many times, this means that we excuse an offender, let them get away with inappropriate behavior, so that they feel better/feel better about themselves (so we think), and our pain eases. The problem with that is that they don’t learn from their mistake. We take away the motivation for them to learn from it, by excusing them. In so doing, we make ourselves part of the problem.

It’s not easy to let someone take the consequences of their actions, when we’re sensing their inner pain. But the only way many people learn is to be in enough pain to finally decide to change. In 12-Step programs, this is called “hitting bottom.” Sometimes, an intervention can help to make the alcohol/drug abuser uncomfortable enough to accept help. But during an intervention, the consequences of not accepting help have to be severe enough, and decided enough, to make them realize that they’re not going to be allowed to continue taking advantage of others.

When do we nurture and when do we let them fall flat on their face? If it’s a pattern of behavior, I think it would be time to allow them to experience some consequences. Unfortunately, most people only learn to treat others well by experiencing some discomfort for their behavior.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Book Review: Bex Beltran’s Journals

Book Review: Bex Beltran’s Journals

Bex Beltran’s Journals

I love journals that you write in. Research has shown that writing by hand is more effective than typewriting or using a keyboard. Using a pen or pencil engages the mind more, allows more inner communication, processes information better and remembers the material better.

Bex Beltran has created a line of journals to cover all sorts of issues, from intuition to lists, manifestation to a crystal journal. Some are for business and business development, like the networking followup, client record, or social media content creator. And others are for personal use, like one for goal setting, reviewing accomplishments, or self-care for a highly sensitive person.

I especially love that some have questions to inspire you, for insight or help you overcome blocks. In a way, some could also be called workbooks. At this writing, there are almost ninety of them, and she continues to add more. I’m sure there’s one that you’ll find valuable. I’ve linked to the page that lists them, so you can browse through these amazing, inexpensive journals.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

How to Demonstrate Self-Love

How to Demonstrate Self-Love

by Linda-Ann Stewart

I have always loved the 1927 poem by Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, and have done my best to live by its wisdom. I especially love the paragraph, “Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.” To me, this means treating myself kindly, loving myself and taking care of my needs, because I have worth by just being here.

Whenever I am tempted into some decision or behavior that isn’t for my well being, I pause. I ask myself questions like the following:

  • Is it going to contribute to my self-respect or erode it?
  • Do I need it or want it?
  • Does the behavior or decision support my goals?
  • Will the temptation be worth it, or will I regret it later on?

It’s not easy, but most of the time, I choose to avoid the lure of temptation and support my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual needs. (Full disclosure: I sometimes stay up too late at night watching a television program and regret it in the morning.)

Needs vs. Wants

Are you treating yourself well and addressing what you need for health and well being? Many people confuse taking care of their needs with indulging in what they want. Your wants may be old habits or ways of reacting. For instance, there’s a part of you that wants to eat that entire bag of chocolate candy, even though it’s bad for your health. The chocolate isn’t something you  need, it’s something you want. Giving into a chocolate binge is a short term tactic to satisfy a craving. The gratification lasts for only for a few minutes, and isn’t worth the risk of weight gain, cavities or self-reproach afterwards.

Instead, healthy eating habits are long term strategies to treat yourself kindly. You show yourself love by eating fruits, vegetables, protein and getting enough exercise. These are behaviors that are necessary for a healthy and happy life. They build self-respect and self-esteem. With self-love, you take actions that may make you uncomfortable, but you know will eventually bring you what you ultimately need and desire.

Your Relationships Improve

When you show up for your well being, you demonstrate that you value yourself. Your relationship with yourself improves because you think better of who you are. This attitude translates to your relationships with other people. Because you have self-love, you love others more deeply and have more to give to them.

As you treat yourself with care, you attract others who also treat you that way. If they don’t respect you, your sense of self-worth causes you to recognize they don’t belong in your orbit. This realization includes friends, clients and customers. Set boundaries and take actions to appropriately protect yourself against those who can’t appreciate you the way you deserve.

Forgiving Yourself

Treating yourself kindly also means to forgive yourself for any mistakes you might have made. They were simply learning exercises. Mistakes are how we learn and grow. But all too often, we chastise ourselves for infractions for far longer than we should. This can create a cycle of self-abuse that drags you down and keeps you stuck in the past. Systemic self-criticism also leads to other negative decisions that shred your love of yourself.  

Instead, once you learn the message a mistake has for you, any guilt from it has no further purpose. You don’t have to castigate yourself after you’ve made amends and set an intention not to repeat the error. Be gentle with yourself. Accept that you’re human and grow from the experience.

Demonstrate Your Love of Yourself

Self-love isn’t just a warm feeling about yourself. It also includes “a wholesome discipline,” as the poem says. When you demonstrate caring for yourself with actions, you prove how much you appreciate yourself. Treating yourself in a kind, gentle and loving way, and one that supports your worth, allows you to thrive and to fulfill your potential.

Affirmation:

The Universe recognizes my worth, because It put me here. I now accept my value and treat myself with respect. If I’ve made a mistake, I learn from it, forgive myself and move on. I attend to my needs, and support my health and well being. When I love myself, it translates into better decisions and actions.

Watch the accompanying video, Guided Meditation to Encourage Positive Actions.

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Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you welcome an offender back into your life. That may be the worst thing you could do for yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t absolve a person of the responsibility of what they’ve done and they might not have changed. Forgiving simply means you’re letting go of your anger against the person. When you can truly wish them the best, then you know you’ve forgiven them.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart