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Deliberately Choose Kindness

Deliberately Choose Kindness

When you’re kind to others, you reap rewards of calm and happiness for yourself. In aggravating circumstances, it can be difficult to feel kindly towards those who are rude, inconsiderate or unpleasant. But you can train yourself to intentionally respond more constructively so you are kind to others and yourself. Watch Deliberately Choose Kindness.

Transcript:

Welcome. I’m Linda-Ann Stewart and I empower people to focus and align their heart with their vision so they can achieve their goals. In this video, I’d like to talk about how you can be kind to yourself and others in those momentary upsetting circumstances that happen all too frequently.

This takes practice, but you can train yourself to be intentional and respond more constructively. It’s something I’ve done for decades, because I trained myself to do so. What you do is, in that upsetting situation, you use your imagination to think about what might have caused the other person to act as they did.

Essentially, you’re looking for an excuse for their behavior. Not to excuse them, but so you don’t invest your energy in a negative reaction. You’re thinking kindly and empathizing with them.

For example, when something irritating happens, like someone cutting you off in traffic, imagine that they’ve been called to an emergency. This automatically shifts your reaction from aggravation to compassion. You reduce your stress and let go of the incident.

Or, if a clerk is rude to you, rather than snapping back, imagine that they’ve just had a fight with their spouse. This allows you to be courteous, which may uplift them, and will definitely will make you feel better.

What you’re doing is reframing the situation, thinking about what the other person might be going through that has caused them to be inconsiderate, unpleasant or rude.

I don’t recommend this when someone has consistently and deliberately offended you, but in those situations that can momentarily annoy you and impact your mood.

When you imagine an alternative scenario for the other person’s behavior, you can maintain your calm.  And then you can choose how you want to respond, in a deliberate way, that might spread some cheer, and allow you to feel good.

When you’re kind to others, even if they’re rude, you’re being kind to yourself by reducing your stress and not letting the episode affect you so much. You empower yourself by staying composed and choosing the way you respond.

Thank you for watching. If you’d like to be notified when I release more videos on mindset, motivation and empowerment, please like my channel and click on the bell. Be kind, to yourself and others, and as always, stay focused.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Are You Shoulding on Yourself?

Are You Shoulding on Yourself?

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Your attitude determines your direction

My mom was an awesome life and spiritual coach. One of her main recommendations was to eliminate what she called the “must, ought, shoulds” in your life. When you use any of these three words against yourself, you increase your sense of shame, anxiety, pressure, and guilt.

Statements such as, “I should lose weight,” “I ought to be more productive,” or “I must exercise,” don’t inspire you to comply. These phrases are an attempt to force yourself to do what some inner part of you thinks is important. But coercion of that sort backfires because it’s human nature to rebel against that type of control.

Why You Resist

Often, to escape the negative feelings, you do exactly the opposite, or do something that gives you pleasure. But then, you feel even more guilt, which causes you to further avoid what your inner bully is trying to make you do. This just makes you feel worse. And around and around it goes.

The part of you that’s pushing you this way is doing it to try to help you. It doesn’t feel like support, but that inner voice is trying to get you to do something it thinks will be beneficial for you. That part just isn’t going about it very effectively. Instead of encouraging, it’s trying to pressure you.

How to Take Back Your Power

When you notice that automatic voice in your head, ask yourself these questions:

  • Why should I do what it wants me to do?  
  • What would change if I acted on what it wants?
  • What would the result or benefit be for me?
  • Is this something I want?

If the outcome is one you want, you can shift your response from resistance to making a deliberate choice to act. You can reframe “must,” “ought,” and “should” to “I choose to” or “I choose not to.” If you decide to take the action, that inner voice isn’t winning. Instead, by changing your attitude, you’re taking your power back.

Think about how you’ll feel afterwards by following through. For one thing, you’ll free yourself from that oppressive voice. And second, you’ll you receive the benefits of the action. And lastly, you’ll feel better about yourself and have more energy to do the things you love.

Affirmation:

I now let go of the “must, ought, shoulds” in my life. They aren’t serving a purpose for me anymore. I accept authority over my life. I’m guided by Divine Mind into my right thoughts and actions. The Universe supports, encourages and inspires me to make the choices that bring me the life I desire and deserve.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

When Reframing Is Counterproductive

When Reframing Is Counterproductive

Reframing is a powerful way to change your thoughts and belief about yourself or a situation. However, there are situations that reframing will just make worse. Learn the 3 types of situations in which reframing doesn’t work, and what to do about them.

Watch When Reframing Is Counterproductive

Transcript:

Thank you for joining me for a mindset tip. This one is about reframing. I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, a focus coach and hypnotherapist.

Reframing is a powerful way to change your thoughts about yourself or a situation. You take a different perspective, which can change your thoughts about it. When you change your thoughts, then you have more options, and can make better decisions and take different actions. This will affect the situation, and generally benefit you in the long run.

However, there are situations that reframing will just make worse. Therefore, reframing shouldn’t be used as a way to improve your outlook or excuse behavior. When a situation has become unacceptable and won’t change, it’s not helpful for you to try to reframe it to adjust to it.

I know. I’ve experienced each of these issues and tried to change my thinking about it to make it better. It didn’t work out well in any of them. Instead, it’s better take action to deal with the situation, even if it’s painful. The types of situations I’m talking about are:

1. Relationships. I’m especially talking about friends or romantic relationships, but it could be any relationship you might have. When two people are incompatible or have grown apart, no amount of thinking differently about what’s going on is going to make it better. Trying to adjust and just live with it will just prolong the pain. Instead, it’s time to face reality and free yourself and the other person to find someone who truly suits you.

2. Abuse. This would be a more intense version of what I just mentioned. Again, this could be in a romantic relationship, family, friend or work relationship. If someone is constantly harassing you, changing your thinking about it or them isn’t going to make them stop. Excusing their behavior will just encourage them to continue. Your responsibility is to your well being and to find someplace healthier for you.

3. Avoid Accountability. When you’ve made an agreement with someone, yourself or others, reframing doesn’t give you the excuse to avoid fulfilling that agreement. You’ll lose respect for yourself and so will the other person. The situation isn’t going to go away. Instead, accept the responsibility, and decide how you need to address it. It’s better for you in the long-run.

All of these confuse reframing with making excuses, for yourself or for others, in an attempt to avoid taking action. Reframing shouldn’t be used to maintain the status quo or stay in an unhealthy situation. Once you’ve decided on the best course of action for you, you can then reframe the situation as a learning experience. That’s what I’ve done in each of these cases.

Thank you for watching. If this video was helpful, and you’d like to be notified of others I release, please subscribe to my channel.

Read the accompanying article, Reframe to Empower Yourself

Reframe to Empower Yourself

Reframe to Empower Yourself

by Linda-Ann Stewart

"People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them." Epictetus

The way you think about a situation affects your emotions, actions and your ability to find solutions. When you look at a situation from a single perspective, you get stuck in however it’s making you feel at that moment. The situation doesn’t impact you as much as your opinion about it.

If you’re optimistic about being able to triumph over circumstances, then you’re empowered and have the ability to respond in a positive way. However, if you feel helpless, angry, or stressed, this closes down your creativity. Negative thoughts about a situation freeze your resourcefulness. Your negative emotions will keep you from being able to take actions that will benefit you. In that case, all you can do is to react in ways you’ve done before and get similar results. You’ll also limit the Universe from being able to create something good from it.

Shift Your Perspective

However, you have the power to change the way you think about any occurrence. When you look at the situation from a different angle, you open yourself up to new options and interpretations. You can do this by finding a way to reframe the incident.

Imagine you’re looking out of a window. You see the landscape from a single perspective.  Anything else outside of your view doesn’t exist. You might even judge it to be boring or threatening. Once you’ve decided your attitude towards it, then your choices, and the Universe’s, are limited.

But if you shift your position or your viewpoint in relationship to the window, suddenly you have a different angle on the scene. You notice things you didn’t before, such as beauty or support. You’ve put a different frame around the landscape. Now you have a greater appreciation for what’s there and change your conclusions.

Reframing a situation changes where you place your attention, and helps you to think differently about the conditions. When you think differently, you’re empowered to make different decisions.  Suddenly, a wider world of possibilities is available to you, and the Universe can bring you greater good.

How to Reframe a Situation

Reframing also opens the door for the subconscious to seek solutions. Your subconscious can discover new options and opportunities for you. Learning how to reframe takes a willingness to let go of your preconceived notions and entrenched attitudes. But it can pay off by not only making you feel better, but improving your approach to the circumstances.

1. Notice what’s upsetting you. The way you think about something causes you to feel an emotion. When you recognize you’re distressed, track it back to what you were originally thinking. You may become aware of an outdated idea, attitude or judgment.

2. How else can you look at the situation? Mentally, take a step back from your emotions. Challenge your thoughts and beliefs about the situation. Could there be some other interpretation? Consider a benefit that could come from the situation or what you could learn from it.

3. What’s something more positive you can tell yourself about the situation? You choose what you tell yourself about the circumstances. By taking a different inner position on the incident, you cultivate greater resources to make better decisions. If you can’t think of anything specific about the situation, use a generalized affirmation. “This, too, shall pass” or “Something wonderful comes from this” are ones I’ve used with great success.

Make Reframing a Habit

Your old ways of reacting to situations is a habit, but you can create new habits. When a circumstance arises that makes you uncomfortable, practice disputing your thoughts, beliefs and emotions about it. This breaks up old thought patterns to allow you to build new mental pathways that support your empowerment. Eventually, this process will become automatic.

Wayne Dyer said, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” When you shift your position towards an event, you become aware of other options and actions you can take. As your actions change, so will the dynamics in the situation, and generally for your benefit. The Universe will have a channel to extract the good and present it to you in a way you may not expect.

Affirmation:

Whenever I experience a challenging situation, I immediately seek to find the good in it. I transform any upsetting thoughts about the circumstances into neutral or positive ideas. As I do, I allow the power of the Universe to flow through and create good from the situation. Something wonderful comes to me as a result.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.