Browsed by
Tag: personal growth

Change Your Labels And Change Your Life, Part 1

Change Your Labels And Change Your Life, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Labeling things in your life allows you to distinguish between them. You can tell an apple from an orange, Joe from Mary, a tree from a flower. You categorize the details of your life to put them into perspective. When you want a blue car, you don’t choose a yellow bike.

It’s especially helpful for being able to identify what you might be feeling. Emotions are signals that let you know if you’re on the right track, or if something is wrong. An abused spouse feels confused between what she perceives in her relationship and what her partner tells her is happening. This is a red flag she needs to heed.

Being able to identify anger or sadness allows you to deal with its cause. It might be that someone violated your boundaries, you might have lost someone close to you, or it’s time to leave that job before you explode and get fired. Being able to categorize what you’re feeling is valuable and appropriate, and allows you to seek ways to take care of your well being.

However, there’s a darker side to this. If you begin to label yourself, especially in a negative way, you put yourself in a box and make yourself smaller. Everything outside of that box is then out of your reach. For instance, someone who procrastinates would view themselves through that filter and would live according to all that label implies.

They won’t be able to get things done in a timely fashion, because that would conflict with what they believe about themselves. They might pass up opportunities, because they’re not confident they’ll get things done on time. Or they might fail to get a project done by the deadline, and lose out on a promotion.

Labeling yourself means that you’ve carved out a certain way of acting and responding. It may have started out to help you handle a difficult situation. But those reactions may not serve you now, but you find yourself still using them. The subconscious will use your label to restrict your actions and make sure that you don’t do anything that would contradict it.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Book Review – Guilt Is the Teacher, Love is the Lesson

Book Review – Guilt Is the Teacher, Love is the Lesson

Guilt Is the Teacher, Love is the Lesson
by Joan Borysenko, Ph.D.

Healthy guilt lets us know when we’ve violated our principles, formulates our conscience, and teaches us how we can do better in the future. However, when healthy guilt gets twisted into shame, it becomes toxic to the mind, body, soul and spirit. The author calls shame or unhealthy guilt as an “autoimmune disease.” With it, we reject our worth and very being.

This book is a valuable asset for anyone who is carrying around the burden of shame or unhealthy guilt. It begins by explaining the difference between healthy and unhealthy guilt, and details some of the characteristics of shame. Once a person recognizes the difference, they can do something about it.

The author explores the inner child’s role in a person’s life, and how the joy of the inner child has become suppressed through shame. Using questions, exercises and meditations, the reader learns to free their inner child from the bonds of shame. Ms. Borysenko also addresses the subject of forgiveness, stating that we forgive the person but not the offense.

This is a book of self-discovery and personal growth, that clarified for me how toxic shame can be. As we learn to love ourselves, letting go of the punishment that shame brings us, then we are able to move forward in our spiritual evolution.

Book Review – “How To Raise Your Self-Esteem”

Book Review – “How To Raise Your Self-Esteem”

How To Raise Your Self-Esteem: The Proven Action-Oriented
Approach to Greater Self-Respect and Self-Confidence
by Nathaniel Branden

This is a great book, not just for self-esteem, but also to raise self-awareness. This book is filled with strategies and exercises to help the reader not only improve their self-esteem, but increase confidence, self-acceptance, self-respect and authenticity.

The author describes self-esteem as “a feeling of personal competence and a feeling of personal worth…a sum of self-confidence and self-respect.” All of these go into a feeling of value. A person must feel “enough” to feel good about themselves and what they do. And a person with high self-esteem treats others with value and respect.

The author states that living consciously, in the sense of being aware of what they’re thinking and doing, is necessary to high self-esteem. Living consciously means a person learns to listen to themselves and to trust their impressions and decisions.

Other chapters address feelings of guilt, integrating the younger self, living authentically, selfishness, nurturing the self-esteem of others and more. The exercises are easy to do, mainly completing sentences, and the answers can be very illuminating. For any person troubled with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, I’d recommend this book highly.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Stop Multitasking To Reduce Stress, Part 2

Stop Multitasking To Reduce Stress, Part 2

by Linda-Ann Stewart

However, when you’re able to focus on one thing at a time, it allows access to more mental and emotional resources. For example, driving the car without talking on the phone or texting is safer and less stressful than dealing with those distractions. Working on a project without interruptions means you’re able to bring all of your creativity to it.

Being fully engaged in a conversation means you’ll hear what the other person is saying and be able to respond appropriately. If you have to reply to an upsetting email, having the time and space to rationally choose what to say is better than reflexively shooting out a nasty response.

When you learn to be more mindful and more present in your life, you’re able to engage much more of the brain’s creativity, abilities, perspective, problem solving, and flexibility. You open up channels to the Universe and allow more of Its guidance and wisdom into your life.

Take some time to turn off all the technology in your life and shut out the distractions. Focus the light of your attention on one task. Immerse yourself in it.

If it’s washing the dishes, don’t watch TV at the same time or focus on hating the chore. Just do it without giving it much emotional energy or distraction. Consider it time for your mind to recharge without having to think ahead. Just be. The same technique can be used for a project at work, or a task at home.

Instead of tying up so much of your resources in your day-to-day scramble, learn to be more focused and mindful. This allows you to release more of the talents and creativity that are innate within you.

Affirmation

I commit myself to be in the present. The past is over, the future is yet to be. When I have a task, I focus on it and it alone. This gives me more mental, emotional and spiritual resources. It allows me to hear Divine Guidance more clearly and use it to make better choices. So I choose to shut out distractions and be right here, right now.

Read part 1 of Stop Multitasking to Reduce Stress.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Stop Multitasking To Reduce Stress, Part 1

Stop Multitasking To Reduce Stress, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Most people are overwhelmed by the amount of distractions in their lives. When you’re trying to work, you’re interrupted by phone calls, texts, or a problem suddenly needing an immediate solution or decision. All of this diverts your attention and keeps you from focusing on one thing at a time.

You’re trying to multi-task to be more efficient and you’re accomplishing exactly the opposite. Your attention is split between all of the distractions, and nothing gets your best effort. So everything suffers from a lack of your full capabilities.

Unfortunately, your fast-paced lifestyle promotes stress and anxiety. This engages the Fight or Flight mechanism that causes you to be in survival mode. Everything that happens is then considered to be a threat. You can’t keep things in their proper perspective.

For instance, let’s say you’re expecting a busy day at work. In the morning, you take the trash bag out of the trashcan and the bag breaks. Now you have to clean it up before you can leave. On the freeway, you’re caught in an unexpected traffic jam and get to work late.

You’d planned to have plenty of time to print out a report for a meeting. But because of the morning’s delays, you’re hurrying to get it done. The printer jams and you’re ready to throw it through the window. Due to the accumulated frustrations, an insignificant problem (the printer) has been blown up out of proportion. It takes on monumental importance, when it actually may simply take a couple of minutes to fix.

When your mental reserves are completely used up and you’re in survival mode, stress monopolizes resources in the brain. It’s like a huge program that consumes all the available memory in a computer. There’s nothing left over to make rational decisions.

Being stressed and in overwhelm means that you can’t think straight, be creative, resourceful, or plan effectively. You’re reacting from your past experience and conditioning and can’t choose a different response.

Read part 2 of Stop Multitasking to Reduce Stress.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Use Positive Imagery To Rewire Your Brain And Ward Off Depression

Use Positive Imagery To Rewire Your Brain And Ward Off Depression

When a person comes to see me, as a hypnotherapist, to work on stress, I teach them relaxation and have them create a peaceful place in their minds. I tell them, “This can be a favorite vacation spot, or a place you create solely in your imagination.” The main idea is that it’s serene and safe.

I’ve heard people poke fun of the idea of a “peaceful spot.” They can’t believe that anything so simple can be effective. But after working with hundreds of people with this concept, I’ve seen the positive results. Practicing relaxation daily with this image can reduce stress significantly. I’ve seen stress, pain, and anxiety decrease immensely with this technique.

Recently, I read an article about girls who were susceptible to depression. They were able to rewire their brains to reduce this risk. People like them have an overreaction to upsetting experiences, which can be seen in brain scans.

Stanford researchers scanned the brains of these girls to see how they responded to negative pictures. The area of the brain that responds to stress showed increased activation on the scans. The researchers then instructed them to think of pleasant experiences and shift their focus from negative to positive images. On brain scans, it showed that the part of the brain triggered by stress calmed down.

Even several days after the exercises, the girls showed the same reduced reaction to stressful images. They were able to rewire their brains to be less reactive to stress, which in turn reduced the likelihood of depression later on.

This is very similar to the technique I teach my clients. But I also include relaxation, which reduces stress on its own. You can rewire your brain so you don’t overreact to stress, which will reduce the amount of stress and anxiety that you experience in your life.

Practice relaxation and imagining yourself in a special place. Then imagine an upsetting image, and immediately switch your attention back to your special place and all its peace.

This is one of the traditional ways hypnotherapists, like me, have used to help clients deal with stress. It’s gratifying when the techniques I’ve used for so many years are proved to be valid by scientific research.

Inspired by: Study suggests girls can ‘rewire’ brains to ward off depression.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

The Principle of Appreciation, Part 1

The Principle of Appreciation, Part 1

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Cricket wanted to improve her self-image. Though she hated her appearance, she knew she had to find something to appreciate about her looks to be able to increase her self-concept. After trying desperately to find something she could value about herself, she decided that she liked her hair a little bit.

Knowing that praising something made it improve, she began to praise her hair. Every morning and every evening, she looked in the mirror and told her hair how much she approved of it. She liked its thickness, its length, its health. Over the next few months, her hair began to respond by beginning to curl for the first time in her life.

Whatever you appreciate in your life expands. Being grateful means you are appreciative of benefits you’ve received. As a matter of fact, the definition of both gratitude and appreciation is “thankfulness.” But the definition of appreciation goes further.

Appreciation also means recognizing the high value of something. In addition, it signifies an increase in value. So when you appreciate something in your life, not only are you recognizing its worth, but you’re causing that worth to multiply.

Remember how you felt when someone appreciated your efforts. Didn’t you want to do more for them? Now think of how you felt when someone criticized you. Didn’t it make you angry, and not want to help that person in any way? Didn’t it make you feel like crawling into a hole and licking your wounds? Criticism contracts energy, while appreciation allows it to expand.

Test this for yourself. Take two plants. For a month, treat them exactly alike. Water and fertilize them the same, make sure they get an equal amount of sun. However, praise one of them, and criticize the other.

Experiments like this have been done over and over, and the results are the same. The plant that’s praised will grow larger, with greener leaves and more roots. The other one will be stunted and wither.

Copyright 2000, 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Anger As A Constructive Motivating Force

Anger As A Constructive Motivating Force

Anger can be a positive force for good in your life. When you are able to stay conscious enough to recognize anger is a signal, you can rationally decide how to address the issue. Here are 5 questions you can ask yourself so that something constructive can develop from the situation. For explanations of these questions, watch the video.

1. Are they a frequent offender who isn’t valuing you?
2. Do you want to cut the ties with this person?
3. Did they step over an important line for you or were they aware of it?
4. Were you somehow culpable in precipitating the offense?
5. Was it a misunderstanding? Did you filter what they did through a sensitive area of your own?


Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved.

Compassion For The Less Fortunate Promotes Success And Happiness

Compassion For The Less Fortunate Promotes Success And Happiness

Some positive thinking philosophies tell you to avoid charitable works and those who are poverty stricken. The theory is that you might get sucked into their consciousness, and lose your empowered viewpoint. That you could become sympathetic and then part of the problem. Or that you wouldn’t hold the “needy” as powerful enough to heal their wounds or overcome their problems. Somehow, leaving them to their own devices is supposed to empower them to “pull themselves up by their own bootstraps.”

However, I’ve observed people who follow this idea tend to become judgmental and contemptuous about those who are less fortunate. This doesn’t fulfill the spirit of the ideal. Instead, it creates a callousness that negatively impacts their character and undermines the positive attitude that they mean to cultivate. It tends to breed a sense of arrogance and superiority.

Insulating yourself from others’ suffering may mean that you don’t get the opportunity to develop compassion. In a recent study, those who are in the lower socio-economic classes are more responsive to suffering and more compassionate than those in the more affluent class.

The UC Berkeley researchers conjecture that the upper classes aren’t “coldhearted,” it’s just that they haven’t had to deal with the challenges the lower classes have. Therefore, their theory is that the upper classes don’t recognize the distress expressed by people.

Becoming aware of when others are experiencing distress, suffering and anxiety is the first step to becoming more compassionate. With compassion, you can be aware of others’ emotions without getting drawn into the problem. You can then choose a response that can best support and empower the sufferer.

Emotional Intelligence, which has been called more important than I.Q., is the ability to perceive and label yours and others’ emotions. It’s said that this skill is necessary for you to fulfill your full potential in your personal and professional life. So it’s even good for your success in life to be more aware of how other people are feeling.

Compassion opens the heart, reduces stress, promotes success and encourages happiness. Being concerned about the well being of others improves your own.

Inspired by the article: Lower Classes Quicker to Show Compassion in the Face of Suffering

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

 

Are the personal growth methods teaching different things?

Are the personal growth methods teaching different things?

Question: With all the self-development and personal growth methods available, are they all teaching something different?

Answer: Whether it’s yoga, est, reiki, hypnotherapy, EFT, affirmations or whatever, all spiritual development techniques have a similar goal in mind. That goal is to help you open yourself up to a greater flow of Spirit.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a physical, mental or emotional method, it’s designed to change your conception of yourself, your body or your world. That change helps to release resistance to allowing more of Universal good into your life.

They may go about it differently, and state it differently, but when you change your perspective, and have an intention to spiritually evolve, the result is more joy, peace and harmony.

Copyright 2003, 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved