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Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.” –  Thomas S. Szasz, Professor of Psychiatry

Forgiving and then forgetting means that you don’t learn from the situation. You have no memory to warn you if the same situation is happening again. To best honor yourself, you can forgive the person, but remember their offense. This way, if you begin to notice a pattern, you can then decide what you need to do from a stronger position.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

People mistakenly think that to forgive a person, they have to excuse the event, too. Nothing could be further from the truth. The individual acted in a particular way that hurt you, and that is their responsibility. In your mind, separate the person from their mistake. Because their action isn’t what you’re forgiving. You’re letting go of your anger, resentment and grudge against the person. And you’re not doing it for them. You’re doing it so it doesn’t continue to poison you. 

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

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Trending Articles of the Week

9 Telltale Signs You’re Dealing With an Inauthentic Person

There is no skill more important to success than being able to detect who is sincere and who isn’t. Inauthentic people try to be someone they’re not, in an attempt to be successful. But, because of that, they can’t be trusted. When you learn who is faking it, you can then decide how to handle them.

Nine Little-Known Signs of Perfectionism

You may be a perfectionist and not even know it. There’s a price that comes with being a perfectionist, such as being controlling, micro-managing, and never feeling good enough. When perfectionism is mild, it can contribute to success. When it’s extreme, it can sabotage you. Learn the signs and how to let go of what may not be working for you.

5 Signs Someone Is Manipulating You

It can be difficult to determine when someone is manipulating you. Usually, they’ve developed the skill over years and hide their intent well. But if you can recognize the behavior, you won’t fall into their trap and can make a better decision on how to handle the situation.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

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Trending Articles of the Week

Think Positive: 11 Ways to Boost Positive Thinking

There are a myriad of benefits to being more positive, from improved health to being more attractive to employers. Positive people aren’t born, they choose to be that way. They’re trained over a lifetime. And you can train your brain to be more positive by using these techniques.

How to Stop Procrastinating and Achieve Your Goals

By focusing on the things you’re truly sold on, you’ll move closer towards to achieving your vision. This 3-minute, animated video will help you identify the things that you really want to do so you’ll take action.

How to Stay Motivated and Reach Your Big Goals in Life

Motivation is one of the keys that allows you to accomplish your goals. But it’s hard to stay inspired to follow through, especially when you have to perform tasks you don’t like. Here are 5 simple yet effective ways on how to be motivated and get what you want.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

How to Adjust to Change

How to Adjust to Change

by Linda-Ann Stewart

During the shutdown, many people felt unmoored, unsettled, anxious and depressed. Many over-achievers wandered from room to room, unable to focus on doing anything. Part of it was that their routine was destroyed, and they didn’t know what was coming next. And part of it was that they realized that life wasn’t going to go back to “normal.” There were going to be changes that they would have to adjust to. Without realizing it, they were grieving over what they’d lost, and trying to accept the changes that would become a permanent part of their lives.

Whenever there’s a change, whether good or bad, you mourn over what you’ve left behind. Grief isn’t just limited to the death of a loved one. For instance, you get a promotion, but there’s a part of you that’s yearning for the simpler responsibilities you once had. Even a smoker who quits generally grieves over giving up cigarettes, even though they’re thrilled to welcome their new found health and freedom.

With any change, there’s always a sacrifice. You gain something new while you let go of something old. The Universe always wants the best for you. But And when your new circumstances aren’t immediately better than the old ones, your feelings of grief increase. Those feelings can be addressed and understood.

The Stages of Grief

When you’re able to recognize what’s going on, then the feelings can begin to move through you. It helps to be able to identify the different stages of grief. You probably won’t go through these states in order, and may go through one of them more than once.

1. Denial or resistance. You feel shocked, refuse to believe that things have changed or resist the changes that are necessary.

2. Anger. You’re furious over what’s happened, even though you know it was no one’s fault.

3. Bargaining. You try to find ways to change the past or reduce the adjustments you must make.

4. Depression. You’re deeply sad, overwhelmed, and feel hopeless and helpless.

5. Acceptance. You come to terms with what’s happened and begin to put your life back together in a new way.

6. Meaning. You seek to find the lessons for you in what’s happened. This connects you to your inner and Higher Self, and opens you up to Universal good.  

The Importance of Finding Meaning in Life’s Changes

There are always lessons to be learned from any challenge you face. When you look for what those lessons might be, you find purpose in what’s happened. That purpose can shift the situation from unhappy to manageable, and possibly even positive. You’re taking control of your thoughts about it and determining to make the best of it.

Some of the questions you can ask yourself are:

  • “What do I still have that I can use to rebuild my new life?”
  • “How has the situation changed me?”
  • “What do I appreciate that I have had or now have?”
  • “What have I learned from this that can help me moving forward?”
  • “What good has emerged from this?”

Finding meaning in what’s happened empowers you. It transforms the outcome of an awful situation from disabling to fulfilling. You decide how change is going to impact you and how it’s going to help you grow.

Affirmation:

The Universe always wants the best for me. When one thing leaves my life, something new enters. I allow myself to mourn what’s gone, while I welcome what’s new. As I uncover the meaning that the situation brings to me, I regain my power and purpose.

Watch the accompanying video, Guided Meditation to Adapt to Change.

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Trending Articles of the Week

How to Tame a Worrying Mind During Difficult Times

Worry can rob you of sleep, ability to think clearly, and peace of mind. When you’re able to let go of worry, you’re more resilient, make better decisions and have a greater sense of well being. Use the three strategies in this article to take charge and let go of worry.

Boost Productivity with Strategic Breaks and Sustainable Focus

Working more hours doesn’t necessarily mean that you get more done or are more productive. The mind can only focus for so long before becoming fatigued. And once your focus is gone, your productivity fades with it. Follow these three ways to take breaks and your focus will be renewed.

How to Find Motivation When You’re Totally Burnt Out

When you’re tired and discouraged, it’s hard to find the energy to do anything. But you can find the motivation to get moving again with a change of perspective. Using the Princess Bride movie as her inspiration, the author shows you how you can once again find your motivation. She shares four solid ways you can dig yourself out of your hole and back to feeling yourself again.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Trending Articles of the Week

Trending Articles of the Week

5 Powerful Mindset Shifts to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think

When you care about what other people think, they will always have power over you. Other people’s opinions have nothing to do with you and you’ll never be able to please everyone. Using the mindset shifts in this article will allow you to live more authentically and reclaim your power.

Feeling Insecure? 6 Tips To Quiet Your Inner Critic

The voice in your head constantly comments on what and how you’re doing. But instead of being objective, most of the time it’s negative and holds you back. You don’t have to give it so much power over you. You can tame it with these tactics.

13 Simple Habits to Cultivate Self-Compassion

Many times we’re more compassionate towards others than we are to ourselves. It’s time to show the same kindness you have for others and show it to yourself. When you exhibit self-compassion towards yourself, your perception of yourself and your life will change. Practice just a few of these tips and notice how your life improves.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Your Write To Self-Discovery

Your Write To Self-Discovery

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Journaling Notebook

Many years ago, I took some creative writing classes in which I was taught a valuable technique called “freewriting.” I used it frequently to help me break through writing blocks. Solutions came through me that I would never have conceived of consciously. Some time later, a friend was describing a process she’d learned in a journaling seminar.

I recognized the instructions and said “Oh, that’s freewriting.”

“No, it’s not.” she snapped at me. “It’s called journaling.”

Gingerly, I asked her for more information on the process and realized that the technique might be used for a different purpose, but it was the same method I’d learned in my writing class.

Ira Progoff calls it “journaling,” Dorothea Brande, writer and writing teacher from 70 years ago calls it “writing exercise,”  Julia Cameron, author of “The Artist’s Way,” calls it “morning pages,” writing teacher Natalie Goldberg calls it “writing practice,” someone else called it “rapidwriting,” my high school english class called it “stream of consciousness,” and I learned it under the term “freewriting.” I’m sure there are many other labels for this method, but they all describe the same process.

What Journaling Does

The idea is to start writing, without thinking about what you’re writing, or thinking about how to say it. In this way, you bypass the mental editor that tells you “You can’t say that, it’s not nice,” “Don’t say it that way,” or “You forgot to dot the ‘i.'” When you do this, it allows you to mine the true thoughts and feelings of the subconscious mind.

In my writing class, there was a family man who was looking forward to attending his family reunion. He was someone the entire family looked up to and depended upon for guidance. One week, we had an assignment to do a freewriting. He did the assignment early in the morning, shortly before the reunion. During class, we each read our freewriting aloud.

When it was his turn, it was the first time he’d read his freewriting since he’d written it. One of the passages he read was that he was “bracing” himself for his reunion, with all of the demands his family would place on him and the difficulty of trying to keep the peace between family members. After he read his piece, he said in a bewildered tone, “I didn’t know I felt that way.”

Creatively, the technique works because you’re able to follow the normal meanderings of your creative processes without interference. The method acts in much the same way during journaling, by keeping the internal critic out of your processing. In all cases, it builds a trust in yourself, your mind and your feelings.

Benefits to Journaling

There are tangible reasons to practice this technique. Research indicates that those who write down their feelings about the challenges or traumas of their lives are actually healthier, with stronger immune systems, than those who don’t write. Studies are also showing that writing can alleviate symptoms of asthma and rheumatoid arthritis, as well as lowering blood pressure, improving depression, anxiety and self-esteem. Writing about your challenges helps the mind to release the pent-up emotion and integrate the situation in a new, healthier way.

How to Practice the Exercise

Begin writing, don’t pause at all. Keep the pen or pencil moving at all times. Write whatever comes into your mind, even if it’s “I don’t want to be doing this. I’d rather be washing the dishes.” These conscious thoughts are normal, what I call the “detritus” or debris of the mind. They’re surface thoughts, from the conscious mind or censor trying to gain control and get you to stop. If you write through these objections, you’ll get beyond them to what your subconscious wants to say.

Don’t cross out words, don’t try to punctuate, spell correctly or capitalize if it’s a bother. Just keep the pen moving, writing anything at all, even if it’s garbage. If another thought comes to you before you finish a sentence, leave that sentence and begin writing on the new thought. Follow where your mind takes you. It has its own logic and reasoning that doesn’t agree with the analytical mind. Don’t try to think about what you’re writing or worry if it makes sense or not. Trust your mind.

Set a time limit of writing for at least twenty minutes a day, or write at least two pages a day (Julia Cameron suggests three pages). This lets the mind know what is required of it, and how long it has to get its ideas through to you.

You can begin your writing with something that’s made you angry, sad or scared. Or you can start with the phrase “I feel….” and go from there. Write about experiences that have affected you deeply, whether positively or negatively. If you feel blocked in some area, write about why you feel that way and what might be causing it.

Recommendations

It’s recommended that you practice the exercise for several days in a row to get the mind to flow. Dorothea Brande and Julia Cameron suggest that the best time is in the morning, before the day’s responsibilities pounce on you. But if you can’t do it in the morning, anytime is good, as long as you do it.

As a technique for self-discovery and personal growth, this is one of the best. You learn to trust yourself and listen to the wisdom of your own mind. For you have all your answers within yourself. All you have to do is take the time and listen.

Affirmation:

I now take the time for myself each day and journal. Although the feelings that come up may be uncomfortable, I know that they’ve been a part of me and need expressing. I let myself write what I want to, without interference from my censor. In this way, my  subconscious mind can re-assess the challenges of my life, releasing what no longer serves my Highest Good. When I write, I follow where my mind wants to go and trust its wisdom.

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10 Excuses the Mind Will Tell You Before You Take the Next Step

The mind is an excuse-making machine that frequently tries to convince us not to take actions we know are good for us. The mind wants to stay in the familiar or a comfort zone. When you overcome its excuses, you’re empowered to make the changes you want in your life.

How To Meditate: A Beginner’s Guide To Meditation Practice

Meditation is one of the most valuable practices that someone interested in personal development can utilize. But as with so many things, meditation is very easy to learn, but difficult to master. This article will explain the many benefits of meditation, answer some common objections to it, teach some meditative techniques, and how to make meditation a part of your life.

How To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done – 5 Expert Tips

Some days the to-do list seems bottomless. Just looking at it is exhausting. We all want to know how to stop being lazy and get more done. This article addresses some of the misconceptions about how you can be more productive and gives specific strategies to help you get more done.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

When Life Gives You Lemons…

When Life Gives You Lemons…

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Shift happens. Generally, it’s unexpected and unsettling. Bull markets eventually stop rampaging, hibernate for a while as the country experiences a recession. You find out an old acquaintance has been trying to undermine your relationships with mutual friends. Just as you get settled into a new home, you lose your job and must adjust to a lower income. The only constant in the Universe is change. It’s a signal from the Infinite that you’ve outgrown your current circumstances and it’s time to expand to a greater reality.

Change Your Thinking, Change Your Response

The attitude you have towards these distressing events impacts their outcome. Epictetus, the Greek philosopher, said, “People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them.” Your perspective determines whether your response will be positive or negative.

If you respond positively to a situation and believe it will get better, you’ll take actions that bring about a beneficial result. However, if you bemoan the situation and sink into immobility, then you’ll end up worse than when you began. The Law of Attraction acts on whatever your predominant mindset is, not just on one area that you’re focusing on.

One of the ways to adjust your attitude is to alter the way you look at the situation. Over the years, clichés, proverbs and quotes have helped people to realize that there is more than one way to look at a problem. When you do, you open your mind up to other possibilities. Here are some ideas that will help you keep things in perspective:

Necessity is the mother of invention. When there’s a problem, let it inspire creative efforts to find a solution. If there’s no problem, we coast along and don’t make progress. How can you engage your creativity even when there isn’t a problem?

Into every life, a little rain must fall. No one gets through this life without some difficulty or upset. Right now, it seems as if it’s pouring. But the storm will pass.

Make the best of a bad situation. Accept what’s happened. Then, figure out what tools you have to work with and get resourceful. How can you find something beneficial in the situation that makes things bearable or better?

This too shall pass. In early adulthood, this phrase got me through a very bad day at work. It became my mantra for the day. It was my lifeline. That day did end, as all do. Eventually, your crisis will also be in the past.

“Tough times don’t last, but tough people do” Robert Schuller. You’ve made it this far in your life, so you’re tougher than you know. You have the ability to make it through this, too.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. What lessons can you learn from the current situation that you can use in the future?

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity”Albert Einstein. Challenges get people to think about problems in new ways. Consider how people are now figuring out how to use 3-D printers to create vitally needed medical equipment. It’s unlikely that would have happened without this crisis. What opportunities can you find in life’s difficulties for yourself?

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. This sums up the situation. We have a lemon of a situation right now, no doubt. But if you shift your perspective, you’ll be able to develop something sweet and pleasant.

What Are Your Next Steps?

This isn’t to say that you should ignore feeling scared or upset. Take the time to mourn what’s gone or not currently available. Acknowledge it and let it flow through you. Just don’t let the grief immobilize you. The longer you stay immobilized, the longer it will take you to start living again and moving in a positive direction.

Take a deep breath, and another. What steps do you need to take to move forward? Get creative. Life is always changing. You will get through this and the Universe will support your endeavors. And you can find a way to make the situation work for you, to come out of it stronger, and more resourceful. And you might even have some lemonade.

Affirmation:

The Universe will protect and guide me to my greater good. I know that something beneficial emerges from this for me. I don’t know what or how it will happen. That’s not my responsibility. My responsibility is to keep my thoughts positive and optimistic. As I do, the Universe finds a way to deliver my good to me.

Watch the complementary video, How to Get Unstuck and Reduce Stress.

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