Many people believe that having no expectations is the road to happiness. But without them, we have nothing to motivate us to improve our lives. The answer is to balance expectations and gratitude. Learn why it’s important and how you can be grateful even if life doesn’t meet your expectations.
Most people are afraid of asking for what they want because they don’t want to be turned down. But then they waste time waiting and wondering if they’ll ever get it. Being clear and being specific in asking for what you want is the fastest way to get there. Learn why asking for what you want is so important.
~ Linda-Ann Stewart
by Linda-Ann Stewart
Many years ago, Julie came to me to use hypnotherapy for weight loss. As we talked about what she wanted, I discovered 
that she had unrealistic expectations about what hypnosis could do for her. She didn’t want to reduce the amount or kind of food she ate, or exercise. Instead, she expected hypnosis to magically speed up her metabolism so she could continue to eat the way she always had and still lose weight.
She went on to explain that she just wanted to eat normal portions. When I asked what she considered those to be, she said, “What you get in a restaurant.” Since restaurants serve hearty portions that would put weight on almost anyone, it was unrealistic that she’d be able to reduce weight if she continued to eat that way.
Are your goals realistic or are they fantasies that could only have a one in ten million chance of coming true? For instance, are you hoping you can dig yourself out of debt by winning the lottery? It happens occasionally, but it’s highly unlikely to happen to you.
Or do you want to attract customers without doing any marketing? Marketing enables your product or service to be visible and lets customers know what you offer. If they don’t know about you, they can’t become customers and you never make sales.
Do you expect people to treat you with respect when you don’t treat yourself that way? Life tends to treat us the way we treat ourselves. When you don’t value yourself, then others are going to take that as a cue to take advantage of you.
Would you expect to play piano without training or rehearsal? Or be a basketball superstar without practice? Except in rare savant or genius instances, you need to cultivate a talent, skill or ability. It doesn’t happen in a week or a month, but over time.
When you have a goal, first you need to decide how realistic it is. If you don’t honestly believe it’s credible, then your subconscious mind will ignore it. Your inner mind follows the lead of your conscious mind. Unless you actually believe you can reach your goal, then your subconscious won’t waste its energy on it.
The next thing you need to do is to commit yourself to whatever it takes to accomplish your desire. This level of intention gets the attention and cooperation of your subconscious mind. It realizes that you wouldn’t be this focused if you didn’t mean it.
Then, break your goal down into small steps. Make sure each one is believable and achievable. Divide it into even smaller components if you don’t think a step can be easily accomplished.
If you’re a couch potato, it’s within reason to conceive of walking five minutes a day and then increase the amount a little bit each week. But if you’d decided to go from the couch to training for a marathon, that would be overwhelming and you’d probably give up.
In the last stage, you dedicate yourself to take a step each day that helps you move in the direction of your goal. Again, taking action convinces the subconscious that you really do want your desire. This helps to dissolve any inner conflicts you may have.
When Julie discovered that she’d have to change her behaviors to reach her goal of weight reduction, she decided not to continue with hypnotherapy. She wasn’t dedicated enough to achieve her goal.
As they say, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” A building needs plans, a foundation, walls, roof, wiring, plumbing, and so forth. Without any of these, the structure is unlivable and may collapse. And, in general, plans need to be done in a specific order. The same is true of any change you want in your life. You’ll need to work on it, realistic brick by brick, until you have the structure you want.
Affirmation
I now assess my desire to realize whether it’s realistic or not. If it’s not, I establish reasonable goals that I know I can accomplish. When I can believe that I can achieve a goal, then I can put my whole being towards creating it. Blocks and barriers fall as I take small steps each day towards my goal. The whole Universe supports me with everything I need to attain my goal as I commit myself to it.
Copyright 2011, 2014 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved
Question: Why hasn’t my situation changed after my repeating affirmations for five weeks?
Answer: From my own experience, when you’re making significant changes, it may take the subconscious some time to do so. At one point in my life, I remember it took about four months of daily affirmations before I saw results, but the results were staggering. You have to continue affirmations even after you start to lose faith, because the follow through also impresses the subconscious.
Also, you need to let the subconscious mind do its work. If your conscious mind keeps asking “when, how?” it draws energy from the subconscious. I know it’s hard not to wonder (believe me, I know), but that’s one of the most important parts of it, and I think, the hardest.
Realize that even though you aren’t seeing results, the affirmations are working. They’re just making changes in the hidden recesses of your mind, and waiting until you let go of the “when, how?” When you’re able to release the concern about it, knowing that they’re working and will show results, then the subconscious can put all its energy into making the changes.
Any doubt or fear will give the subconscious mixed messages. They tell the subconscious you don’t really want your affirmation, because your focus is on the doubt or fear. Remember, the subconscious manifests what you’re focusing on – whether it’s positive or negative – it doesn’t care. It can only go where you direct it.
Copyright 2006, 2014 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved
In this video, bestselling author and speaker Brian Tracy describes how to develop a positive attitude. A positive personality will have more effect on your success and happiness than anything else. Although the video text asserts it will help you double your sales, his instructions apply to success in every aspect of life. He describes the ways to build yourself up and fill yourself with constructive ideas. Following these steps will attract success and create happiness in your life.
~ Linda-Ann Stewart
Question: How long does it take for the subconscious mind to release outdated beliefs?
Answer: I could be facetious and honest if I said “It takes as long as it takes.” But that wouldn’t be very helpful. Actually, there are a lot of factors that go into how long it takes. How badly do you want to make the change? Do you keep your mind focused on the change, knowing that it’s possible? Do you flood your mind with affirmations and statements of the change? Do you take actions that ground the change?
For example, if it would be for smoking, do you cut down, change the places you smoke, etc? For self-esteem, do you treat yourself well, do things that build your feelings of self-worth?
The subconscious will only release its old patterns when it realizes that you don’t need or want them anymore. Your conscious mind must convince your subconscious through the conscious mind’s focus and commitment. And the length of time it takes is in direct proportion to the amount of energy you use for the change. It could be overnight, or it could take years of small changes in that direction.
However, in general, any idea, thought, or belief that your conscious mind stays completely focused on for a month becomes a part of you by becoming part of your subconscious belief patterns.
Copyright 2004, 2013 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved
I’ve been working on a business project for several months. For most of that time, it has been difficult to work with and on. It’s moved forward about as quickly and smoothly as pouring molasses in the winter.
Last week, I decided to change my attitude about it. Instead of dreading working on it and expecting it to be hard, I chose to think that it would be smooth and easy to work on. And as soon as I shifted my expectation, it became easier. I was able to complete a section of it in less than half the time than any of the other sections were done.
Struggling with a situation, dreading the difficulty of a project, or just generally banging your head against a brick wall, creates an expectation of trouble. This brings on more obstacles, and progress becomes like walking through wet cement. However, if you shift your attitude to expect it to be easy, you give the subconscious the instruction to be more resourceful.
This project reminded me to choose to think that the situations of my life can be easy. In the past, when I’ve carried this belief, things have flowed incredibly harmoniously. It isn’t easy to change your expectation when the evidence seems against it, but it’s well worth the effort.
~ Linda-Ann Stewart
Shawn Achor is a researcher in the field of positive psychology. Using a humorous, personal example, he explains that how we perceive our lives creates our experience. He goes on to explain how we have the success equals happiness equation is backwards. When we can reverse that equation, we have a statistically higher chance of success, productivity and many more positive outcomes. In this video, he includes several quick tips on how to improve our state of mind.
Question: Why have I been blocked from manifesting a change in my career?
Answer: If you’re having trouble manifesting your chosen career, I’d suggest examining what your beliefs about it are. You may feel that it’s going to be difficult to make it, you could have a core belief that you have to struggle, or you may have had a life where you tried to please people and fear their envy if you’re successful. Begin by meditating on what you feel is blocking it. You can also affirm that “The truth of this situation is now revealed to me.”
In manifesting what you want, you need to let your subconscious mind know what you want, and trust that it will manifest it in due time. You can affirm that you may not know what to do next, but your subconscious mind knows and now brings to you whatever you need. Follow any leads, any ideas that might come to you. Realize that the result may not come directly from what actions you take, but the actions are creating a ripple effect, and the fulfillment may come from an unknown direction.
Copyright 2004, 2013 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved
Question: If I find it hard to clearly visualize my goal, does that mean it won’t manifest?
Answer: The term “visualization” or “imagery” tends to mislead people. So many people tell me that “I can’t visualize.” But visualization doesn’t necessarily mean mentally seeing something in glorious technicolor and surround sound. Most of us don’t have that kind of spontaneous imagination.
We all have a dominant style of imagining. Some people are very visual, like artists. Some are auditory, hearing ideas, like musicians. Others’ are sensory, feeling and sensing something going on. We all have all of the senses in our imagination to some extent.
For instance, describe an apple. What does it look like, how does it smell, how does it feel, how does it taste, how does it sound when you bite into it, how do your teeth feel when you bite into it? Being able to describe that apple is visualization. With practice, we can strengthen the other senses to make our mental visualization more powerful and it’s a good idea to do the practice.
However, being able to mentally see a goal isn’t necessary to manifesting it. If you can imagine yourself having it, how it feels to have it, and keep that feeling at the forefront of your mind and no other thought denies or negates it, then you’ll likely manifest it.
There are some other tips, such as being specific, making sure you’re not deciding ‘how’ it has to happen (let your creative mind figure that out), take any steps towards it that you know to take, etc. Write out what would be in your life with this goal. That also is “visualizing,” because you’re using your imagination to create the vision of it.
Copyright 2003, 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved