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4 Steps to Transforming Your Thoughts through Self-Talk

4 Steps to Transforming Your Thoughts through Self-Talk

Linda-Ann Stewart

Your attitude determines your direction

Your thoughts become your beliefs.

Your beliefs trigger your feelings.

Your feelings create your attitudes.

Your attitudes promote your actions.

Your actions lead to success or frustration.

There is a direct line between your thoughts and how well you do in life. Unfortunately, most of the mental programming behind your thoughts is undermining and sabotaging your efforts. This is because between 65% and 80% of what you tell yourself is counterproductive. Your thoughts are habits, programmed in your past from other people.

Because you were too young to know better, you absorbed older authority’s ideas and assessments, and began acting as if they were true. Those opinions went directly into your subconscious mind. Over the years, you reinforced the negative programming as you repeated those beliefs to yourself. As a result, those detrimental thoughts being so familiar and reflexive went unnoticed.

You Can Direct Your Thoughts

When you do start to become aware of your old thoughts, you can change them into more supportive and productive ideas. Instead of letting your past concepts control you, you can direct your thoughts. You have the ability to transform what you tell yourself, so that your thoughts, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors support your goals and aspirations. You simply have to use the same process you’ve been using, but in a more constructive way. As you do, you give the Law of Attraction instructions of what you want.

But you first have to become aware of those thoughts. And that’s the hardest part. Those old ideas have been flying around under your mental radar for years. Once you identify what those beliefs are, then you can change them by deciding what you want to tell yourself. Instead of criticizing yourself, give yourself beneficial feedback that aligns with the vision for your life. The Universe completely supports you in whatever is for your Highest Good.

Steps to Transform Your Thoughts

First step – Awareness of the old thought.

You have to catch that old thought as it streams through the edges of your mind.

Begin to notice when you’re tense, upset, sad, depressed, overwhelmed, anxious, or angry when nothing in your environment is in upheaval. If nothing in your immediate situation seems to be causing those emotions, check what thoughts are running through your mind. Identify the one(s) that are promoting your distress. 

Second step – Assess that old thought.

Bring the old thought to the front of your mind and examine it. Ask yourself the following questions.

  • Is it accurate?
  • Who says it’s true? This could be some idea you accepted sometime earlier in life, without considering whether it was a fact.
  • How can you challenge that old thought? What are some facts that would neutralize it?

Third Step – Transform that old thought.

  • Shift to a new perspective with the following questions.
  • What other things can you tell yourself that would be more productive?
  • What do you aspire to in this area or circumstance?
  • Develop a statement that directs you to the new way you want to believe, feel or act.
  • Create an affirmation reflecting Universal wisdom about the situation. 

Fourth Step – Be consistent with the new thought.

To be successful with this method, you have to counteract the old thought with the new one whenever the old one surfaces.

  • Repeat your new statement over and over, whenever you think of it.
  • To give your new statement more power, repeat it out loud, in a forceful voice. If you’re alone, you can even shout it. The emotion will get the attention of your subconscious and it will respond more quickly.

The Power of Persistence

You may notice, as you begin to change, that the old idea may try to fight you. It may try to make you doubt yourself. That’s normal. The subconscious doesn’t like change. Just acknowledge the objection as an outdated concept, and continue repeating your new choice. Pretty soon, your subconscious will accept your direction and support it.

When you transform your thoughts, it also transforms your behaviors and decisions. You begin to take actions that lead to greater success and fulfillment in your life. Changing your thoughts really can change the course of your life.

Affirmation:

I become aware of the things I tell myself that are not helpful or constructive. Those thoughts were necessary when they were created, but they aren’t now. It’s safe for me to change those ideas, as my situation is completely different now. Everything I choose is already mine in Universal Mind. Old thoughts that undermined my health, harmony and happiness are vanishing. I’m claiming new thoughts and ideas that help me build the life I want. The Universe completely supports me in transforming my thoughts, as it wants the best for me.

Please watch the accompanying video, Don’t Believe Everything You Tell Yourself.

As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To boost productivity and reduce overwhelm, register for her FREE guide, Design Your Best Day, at https://www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/guide.html

Affirmation for Positive Thoughts Results

Affirmation for Positive Thoughts Results

Question about affirmations

Question: If I say affirmation for positive thoughts 10 times in the morning and at night, will I see results within a week?

Answer: If you say affirmations to be more positive 10 times in the morning and evening for a week, you might see an improvement in a week. However, it would also depend if you’re also monitoring your thoughts during the day.

Affirmations or any such reprogramming techniques work when you’re also addressing the issue during the periods that you’re not saying the, for example: the rest of the day. They’re not magical incantations.

Any reprogramming technique needs the conscious mind to support it and work with it. During the day, when you find yourself in a negative frame of mind, find a way to turn it around to think more positively about the situation, and then say the affirmation to yourself. This reinforces and strengthens the intention of the affirmation.

If you say the affirmation 10 times morning and evening, and during the day consciously choose to think about things differently, as well as using your affirmation at those times, you’ll probably begin to see a slight improvement within a week. If you keep doing it, that improvement will be progressive.

And when you find yourself more positive, you should keep monitoring your thoughts and saying your affirmation occasionally during the day to remind yourself to keep moving in the proper direction.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Failure: The Great Teacher

Failure: The Great Teacher

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Have you ever fallen off your diet, not reached your monthly financial target, or had a relationship fall apart and felt like a failure? Most people have had some experience of not meeting their goals or expectations and feeling discouraged.  There’s no shame in not hitting your mark or having a setback. Everyone has disappointments when they’re making progress. You can’t have success in anything without a few mis-steps. Failure is a valuable teacher. The Universe obviously is using the situation to help you grow and expand.

Failure Isn’t Final

Author Robert Allen said, “There is no failure. Only feedback.” An infant falls many times before they finally walk. Each time they fall, they strengthen their muscles and improve their balance. An entrepreneur generally makes several attempts before their business is a success. With each failure, they learn more, such as where to focus their marketing efforts.

When someone is changing their eating habits, they’re going to have multiple slip-ups their new habits become permanent. They may discover that they need to have other tactics in place. No matter what you’re striving for, the lesson is to learn from your mistakes and apply that to your next endeavor. When you’re open to discover what the situation can teach you, the Universe provides you with inspiration and guidance.

How to Learn from Failure

Instead of viewing failure as the end of your quest, view it as feedback. Consider that there are still things for you to know, understand and implement before you can reach your goal or vision. The Universe has a greater vision for you. When you shift your perception from being dejected that things didn’t work out as you expected, to it being a learning experience, you take back your power and control. And when you reclaim control, you reduce stress and open up to having more resources to innovate. And more Universal Good can flow to and through you.

Once you’ve changed your position towards the situation from failure to experience, you can ask yourself some questions, such as:

* What tripped me up?

* What can I learn from this?

* What can I do differently next time?

These questions trigger your subconscious mind, which is a problem solver, to find the answers. You can then use those answers to formulate how to do better next time. Each setback is a step forward, if you use it constructively. When you choose to learn from your experience, there is no failure, only feedback.

Affirmation:

Every step forward brings me closer to my goal, even if it’s a step back. Any setback has the potential to give me better understanding and knowledge for my next steps. The Universe has a greater vision for me and is guiding and directing each step along the way. As I view setbacks as learning opportunities, I open to greater possibilities of good.

Watch the accompanying video, How to Turn Failure into Success.

As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To boost productivity and reduce overwhelm, register for her FREE guide, Design Your Best Day, at https://www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/guide.html

Mindset, the First Step to Success

Mindset, the First Step to Success

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Steps to Success

When you want to move towards a goal, which comes first, action or mindset? Many coaches  advise you to get into action as quickly as you can. They say that swirling around in planning can suck the life out of a project, which is true. They also say that you’ll build your mindset as your actions are successful.

But if action was the first step to fulfill your vision, then everyone who did it would be successful. So many people jump into motion without considering where they’re starting and where they’re headed.

If mindset wasn’t important, then every person who started a business, quit smoking or set a goal would have been successful by simply taking action. And you know that isn’t the case. The vast majority of people don’t achieve their goals and their businesses fail. In fact, according to Bloomberg, 8 out of 10 businesses fail. Some of the failures are due to not taking action, but most of them are related to a mindset issue.

What Your Mindset Is Composed of

Your mindset is a combination of thoughts, beliefs and attitudes about your vision. It frames your mental patterns about your life and your goal. Because you filter your world through your mindset, it also affects the way you respond to situations. The Law of Attraction operates through your mindset by drawing to you what you mainly think about. Just take a look at your life to see what the tendency of your mindset has been.

Your mindset has to be in alignment with your vision if you want to be successful in any area of life. Along with focus, it spurs your actions. By influencing the decisions you make, it can prevent you from taking action due to a fear of failure or success. To confirm some old concept about yourself, or success, it can also promote wrong action.

Without the right mindset, you could avoid following through with clients or making behavior changes that would improve your life. The wrong mindset is like dragging a 100 pound anchor behind you. You might be able to keep moving, but it’s exhausting and you’ll soon give up. Your mindset is your motivation to move forward, and action is the result.

How Your Mindset Obstructs You and What to Do

Do you have a focused mindset or does it vacillate day to day? An inconsistent mindset produces erratic actions, which leads to failed results. There are several ways your mindset interferes with your actions.

1. You don’t want to do the work. Instead of accepting a step by step approach, you want your vision to magically appear in your life. To remedy this, decide how important what you want is to you. If it’s off the charts, then get started on the consistent actions you need to take.  

2. You don’t want to step out of your comfort zone. Even though you’re not happy where you are, you’re not motivated enough to take the actions necessary to get to where you want to be. The only way to grow is to step into areas that feel scary and unfamiliar. Realize that fear is a normal response to the unknown.

3. You want to avoid pain. Change is difficult. Often you have to let go of ideas and behaviors that have been part of you for a long time. The discomfort will only last a short time. Accept that the benefits of your vision outweigh the pinch of releasing a mindset that no longer works for you.

4. You’re afraid of how the result will affect you and your loved ones. One of the side effects may be that you change the way they think of yourself and your world. And once you’ve accomplished your aim, you fear how others may feel about it. After you realize your vision, your whole world will improve and you’ll feel better about yourself. And the loved ones who are truly on your side will be supportive of your accomplishment.

5. You lack commitment to your vision. You’re ambivalent about whether or not you want to move forward. Many times, you’ll get close to accomplishing your goal, only to back away from it. The next time you’re on the threshold, understand that the fear is simply trying to keep you safe. Step through the doorway and keep going.

How to Move Forward

Once you’ve addressed your mindset and gotten it to support your endeavors, start taking small, consistent actions. This convinces your subconscious that you truly want your vision. Then the Law of Attraction will be successful in drawing possibilities to you. Taking action also builds momentum that helps you stay on course. Only by establishing your vision, and being consistent in your mindset, will you be able to take effective action. Your mindset plus your actions results in success.

Affirmation:

I release any idea, thought or belief that has undermined the accomplishment of my vision for my life. I fully commit myself to moving forward towards my vision. I attract all that I need for the fulfillment of my goals and vision. I deserve it and the Universe completely supports my endeavors.

As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To boost productivity and reduce overwhelm, register for her FREE guide, Design Your Best Day, at https://www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/guide.html

Decisions Design Your Destiny

Decisions Design Your Destiny

by Linda-Ann Stewart

You make decisions every day, such as what to eat, what to wear, what task to do, what to say, and much more. The life you have today is based on the choices you’ve made in the past. You choose what you want, either consciously or unconsciously. Then your choice leads to making a decision, which then results in some sort of outcome. The decisions you make today will create the life you have tomorrow and beyond.

Your decisions channel the energy of the Universe. Have your decisions brought you the results you want? If you don’t like your outcomes, your power lies in being able to make different choices. But what is it that really makes you choose what you do?

What Influences Your Decisions?

There are some basic motivations that compel your decisions. Once you understand what influences your choices, you can adjust them.

Expediency. You quickly make a choice so you can move onto something else.

Past Beliefs. Old ideas unconsciously drive your choices, which may undermine what you consciously want.

Habit. You automatically fall into an old pattern of choice without thinking about it.

Fear. This can prompt you to avoid making a choice, or it can cause you to take action because of the consequences if you don’t.

Desire. You have something you really want, so you choose to go for it.

Goals. You use your goals as a frame for your choices.  

Your Decisions Create Your Life

When you make a choice, you have to abandon other options and possibilities. When you ask for Divine Guidance, the answer often becomes clear. Once you’ve chosen your course of action, follow through on it. And each decision brings consequences, or rewards and positive outcomes.

If your decision hasn’t brought what you want, reassess your original choice. Is it in alignment with your defined goal, vision or your intention? If not, and you were to choose differently, what would your choice be? Make a different decision based on your new choice.

When your decision leads you to what you’d hoped for, then it’s done its work. Each decision, and the action you take concerning it, creates your life. When you make a choice, it sets in motion the power of the Universe. You have the power. Choose your decisions according to the life you want to be living.

Affirmation:

I am divinely guided to make the best decision that brings me my Highest Good. The One Life within me leads and directs my thoughts and choices. I realize that when I make a decision, it sets the power of the Universe in motion. Divine right action takes place in all areas of my life. Only good comes to and through me.   

As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To boost productivity and reduce overwhelm, register for her FREE guide, Design Your Best Day, at https://www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/guide.html

What Are You Choosing?

What Are You Choosing?

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Time for Change Dial

When a smoker comes to see me, many times they tell me they feel controlled by their cigarettes. I remind them that they have the choice whether to smoke or not. Not smoking may result in a brief period of mental/emotional discomfort, but they can say “No” to a cigarette. Their subconscious mind is simply following the direction of what the conscious mind once told it to do. Their decision to smoke seemed appropriate at the time that they first began the habit. The subconscious is still operating on that decision, even though they now want to make a different one. It still is a matter of choice and communicating that choice to the subconscious.

Many times, we make choices that then take on a life of their own. They operate under our mental radar, and we’re not even aware that they’re there. It’s like installing a program on our computer, and having it run in the background. We tend to forget it’s there, even if it begins interfering with the functioning of our computer.

How We Make Decisions

We make decisions based on the best information at the time. As children, we try to fit into a strange world, and learn how to survive there. We take on the attitudes of those who are powerful, such as parents, as a way to gain acceptance, safety and security. When we grow up, we don’t need those same survival strategies, but they continue to function because we haven’t made any attempt to change them.

The automatic programs can be physical ones, such as smoking or overeating to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Or they can be mental/emotional programs of feeling like a victim, having low self-esteem, difficulties with money, or pessimistic thinking. The past choices we’ve made were reasonable at a specific time and place in our lives, but now they’re no longer helping us anymore. Actually, they may be causing us harm. But unless you give the subconscious different instructions, it will continue to operate those old programs, thinking that it’s still what you want.

How We Change Our Choice

One of the first things I do for many of my clients is to make them aware of when their habitual program kicks in. Many of my smoking clients think that they smoke all the time, only to discover that there are only certain times or places that trigger the desire. The same is true of clients who have low self-esteem. They may feel competent doing their job, but as soon as someone criticizes them, they feel worthless. After we discover when the mental program begins to run, we work on retraining the subconscious to think differently.

But first, we have to become consciously aware of the choice. Bringing it out of the shadows, where it’s been operating, and into the light so we can assess it and make a different decision. When we first begin to change the program, the subconscious may rebel by seeming to make the habit more entrenched or causing chaos. It’s just acting on the original instructions of the conscious mind. The subconscious must follow the directions of the conscious mind, and as long as the conscious mind stays focused on the goal, the inner mind will follow.

Be Consistent

Every moment of every day, we’re making choices, whether they’re ones operating automatically or ones we make consciously. If there are areas of your life that aren’t working for your good anymore, then become aware of the reason you made the original choice and make a new one. Figure out what you need to do every time that program begins to run, become aware of it, and then implement the new choice every single time it shows up. You have to make a firm, new choice, and act on it every time, or the subconscious won’t believe the conscious mind is really serious about it.

It’s very simple, but not necessarily easy. There may be some discomfort as you make the changes, just like when you part your hair in a different place. It feels strange at first. But soon your subconscious will recognize your determination, realize that it’s okay to make that change, and will then act on the new instructions. But first you need to be aware of your choices and make a new decision.

Affirmation:

I now choose to become consciously aware of past decisions that I’ve made that are no longer serving a positive purpose in my life. I recognize that they seemed reasonable and appropriate when they were first made, but they are no longer helpful. I now create a new mental program to alert me when the remnant of the old choice starts to operate. As I become aware of it, I now substitute the new choice I’ve made. My subconscious mind now understands that it is safe and better for me in the present to accept the new programming.

As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To boost productivity and reduce overwhelm, register for her FREE guide, Design Your Best Day, at https://www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/guide.html

Stop Worrying And Be Happy

Stop Worrying And Be Happy

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Stress and Overwhelm

When I was a child, my mother called me a “worrywart.” I was concerned about everything, from the well being of my friends, my parents dying (a normal childhood fear) to whether we were going to have a nuclear war (not normal for someone aged   seven). There was very little I could change about these situations, but that didn’t stop me from trying to figure out what I might do. Worry gave me the illusion of having some control over these circumstances.

From childhood, we’re taught to worry about our lives, the people around us, the state of the world. Mom would say, “Of course I’m worried about you, I care about you.” We then patterned ourselves on that model of caring. As children, if we worried about our grades, or about doing something wrong, then the adults considered that we were more mature. Our society perceives people who worry to be more earnest, responsible, or concerned about conditions. If we don’t show our apprehension about a serious situation, people sometimes perceive us as being flighty, a dreamer, not connected with reality, or worst of all (to them) – “an optimist.”

Worry Is Wasteful

But worry is a useless waste of energy. Most of what we worry about can’t be impacted by our being anxious about it. So far, we haven’t had a nuclear war, so I wasted all those hours reading the Civil Defense pamphlets on how to “duck and cover” and how to make a fallout shelter. Taking realistic actions (if there are any) to prepare for a future event is one thing, obsessing over it after we’ve done what we can or over what we can’t change is another. And because the subconscious follows the conscious mind’s lead, it figures if we’re worrying, we must want more to be apprehensive about.

When we worry, we’re simply living in fear. And FEAR stands for “False Evidence Appearing Real.” Fear of a possibility that may, but generally doesn’t, happen. If there is an outcome that is ordained (such as our getting older or inflation), nothing we can do will change it and we might as well enjoy each moment of life.

Mentally chewing a possibility over and over, and not allowing ourselves to have fun because maybe something bad might happen, is a waste of time and energy. Worry is immobilizing. It actually keeps us from being productive, efficient, and pro-active in the present. Universal energy is diverted to a cycle of anxiety instead of into being more creative and finding solutions.

The Habit of Worry

Worry can become a habit, and gives us an illusion of control over circumstances beyond our influence. We can only change our responses and ourselves. Some chronic worriers, in quiet times of happiness, will actually spoil it with an anxious thought of “What should I be worrying about?” I almost superstitiously felt that if I worried, the feared outcome wouldn’t materialize. Finally, I realized that I could more effectively use positive affirmations to bring out the best.

End the Cycle of Worry

The good news is that this habit can be broken. Remember what The Serenity Prayer teaches. “God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” The challenge is to “know the difference.”

Start writing down your concerns. This brings them into a more rational frame of mind, and you can assess their reality. Challenge them with the idea, “How likely is it that this will happen?” If it is a possibility, what’s the worst that can happen, and what would you do? Can you change the situation? If not, every time you begin to chew on it, remind yourself that you will deal with it if it happens. Find an affirmation that helps reinforce something positive happening.

I still occasionally find myself worrying about things, generally when I’m really stressed. But for the most part, I’ve broken the habit. In doing so, I’ve released more positive energy into my life. As the song says, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.”

Affirmation:

Most of what I worry about never happens, so I end the wasteful cycle of worry. I recognize what I can change and what I can’t, and release those conditions beyond my control to the Infinite. Universal Mind guides me into making the best decisions about what I can change. Only good comes to me, as Divine Right Action takes place in every area of my life. I allow myself to enjoy happiness.

As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To boost productivity and reduce overwhelm, register for her FREE guide, Design Your Best Day, at https://www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/guide.html You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

The True Role Of Your Inner Critic

The True Role Of Your Inner Critic

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Rainbow and tree

Are you constantly putting yourself down? Do you ever tell yourself demeaning statements like: “You can’t do that,” “What’s the point,” “You don’t deserve anything,” “You’re so stupid.” Do you feel guilty when you do something as innocuous as spill a glass of water or drop a cookie on the floor? If so, you have an active inner critic.

Your inner critic or judge is an aspect of your personality that echoes what the authorities in your life said to you when you were younger. My fourth grade teacher berated the class with “You’re so stupid,” until many of us believed the lie. A friend’s father convinced her that she was worthless. One of my clients was told that she was responsible for the happiness of her entire family.

Old Messages

These are all false ideas that are accepted by the person because of the authority of those who stated them. As we grow up, we internalize the concepts as our inner critic. It takes over the role of the critical people from our youth and it repeats their messages over and over. In adulthood, those we’re close to and respect can trigger the critic’s voice and add to the messages.

The inner critic holds you back, makes you doubt yourself, lowers your self-worth, and undermines your self-confidence. It judges your behavior by someone else’s standards and reaffirms that you don’t measure up to their unreasonable expectations, and makes you feel guilty for failing. My clients have said that they don’t feel like they’re “enough.” That nothing they do will be good enough, or that they can’t fulfill what they believe is expected of them.

What Your Inner Critic Is Trying to Do

Believe it or not, this aspect of your personality is actually trying to help you. It accepted the attitude from the people you were dependent on to try to protect you from their disapproval. If a child spills his milk, and cries from fear of punishment, then his mom generally will reassure him and just wipe it up. He’s accepted his responsibility, since he’s showed his remorse, so mom figures she doesn’t have to chastise him. By feeling guilty, he’s protected himself from being sent to the corner.

A child will emulate the attitudes of the caregivers around him to try to fit in. Because if he doesn’t get accepted by the clan, then he’s shunned, abandoned either physically or emotionally, and that means death to a child. Even if the child rejects the attitudes of the caregivers as unreasonable, he will still have soaked them in before he was old enough to recognize their unfairness.

So your inner critic is still trying to keep you safe. However, it’s trying to protect you from an environment that you left long ago. You no longer need the approval of your caregivers in order to survive. You have the ability to say “no” and have it stick. If you’re in an unfriendly situation, you can now leave. Even if it’s difficult, you can still leave and you will survive. You inner critic is responding to conditions that you’ve outgrown, but this part of you doesn’t realize it.

How to Work with Your Inner Critic

Instead of fighting against your inner critic, or knuckling under it, you can begin to re-educate it. Its true role is to help you, protect you, to encourage and nurture you. If it realizes that you’re a big person who’s living in a different environment, with the ability to take responsibility for yourself, it will generally begin to reduce its nagging. You can let it know that it needs to update its responses so that it actually helps you in your present day conditions.

Once it begins to understand its true role, and uses its energy to help you in the now, you’ll notice a tremendous improvement. You’ll have more self-confidence, feel better about yourself and be more productive because you won’t be second-guessing every little thing you do. You won’t be fighting against yourself anymore, and your whole inner being will be on your side.

Affirmation:

The critic within me no longer needs to protect me the way it did when I was a child. I now have the knowledge to protect myself. My inner critic now recognizes this and updates its protection so that it serves me in my current life. It now fulfills its true role to help me, encourage me, and nurture me.

Stop Shaming Yourself

Stop Shaming Yourself

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Break the inner chains that bind you.

When I used to facilitate tobacco-cessation classes, I told the participants not to condemn themselves if they relapsed. Feeling ashamed would just make them feel powerless and they’d give up. It’s much like someone on a diet who eats a cookie and figures, “Oh, well. I’ve failed. I might as well eat the whole bag.” In reality, the relapse is simply an opportunity to learn what else they need to do to become a nonsmoker. They’ve stumbled onto a trigger that they hadn’t planned on or had no strategy in place to deal with.

Shame and Guilt Are Different

Most of us dump shame on ourselves at one time or another. Shame is different from guilt. Shame is usually deposited on us by someone else, or can be an exaggerated form of guilt. Guilt signals us when we’ve violated some reasonable standard or value, so that we learn the lesson and don’t do it again. Such as accidentally stepping onto someone’s foot, feeling upset that it happened, apologizing or making amends, and moving on with our lives.

However, guilt morphs into shame when we do something we regret, and then the emotion grows to infect every aspect of our lives. Shame permeates our whole beingness and isn’t just about what we’ve done, but about who we are.

The more we wallow in guilt, and transform it into shame, the more powerless and worthless we feel. When that happens, we tend to act in self-destructive ways to try to numb the pain of how bad we feel, as well as verify the low opinion of ourselves.

A smoker will smoke more, someone with an eating disorder will spiral into more of the problem, a couch potato will avoid getting any exercise, a rage-aholic will lash out at those close to them, a workaholic will spend less time at home, and even those with no major addiction problems will do more of what made them feel ashamed in the first place. It’s a vicious cycle.

Stop the Cycle of Shame

As with everything else, “Energy flows where attention goes.” If our full attention is on how bad we are because of the awful thing we did, and we focus on that to the exclusion of anything good we’ve done, our subconscious has no other choice than to continue to recreate the negativity. It’s only doing what it perceives we want. The Universe doesn’t want us to suffer like that. It’s all our doing.

It’s not easy to stop the cycle. We’ve been trained to be very critical of ourselves. Our culture tends to shame those who don’t meet its measure of perfection. I’ve even heard spiritual people say, about someone going through a challenge, “I wonder what was in their consciousness to bring that into their experience?” It’s just another form of judging a person for not meeting some impossibly high standard.

It’s About Learning

We’re here to learn lessons, to become skilled at love, power and manifestation. If we were perfect, we wouldn’t be here. This life is a process of training. A child doesn’t walk the first time they stand up. They fall, and try again. After learning to balance, they then take a step and tumble down. They’re learning how to use their muscles. Eventually, through trial and error, they are able to walk, run and skip.

As we learn, we practice our new abilities each day. Sometimes we backslide to learn another aspect of the lesson. A child doesn’t shame themselves for not being able to walk as soon as they emerge into this world. They learn from their mistakes and get on with the process. We need to be more like children when we don’t succeed immediately, because the more we slip-up, the more we get to experience new facets of our lesson.

Whenever that shaming voice begins to shout, remember that the original issue isn’t about the whole being, it’s about a single event. Focus on that one incident, learn what you need to do differently, make any amends necessary, forgive yourself, and implement the changes you want to make. Then let it go and move on. In this way, we release and direct Universal energy to grow and evolve.

Affirmation:

Shame is a denial of Universal love. Any shame I feel is false information about who and what I am. I am a worthwhile child of the Infinite. I give myself credit for the good that I’ve done. Whenever I take a mis-step or make a mistake, I realize that it’s simply part of my learning process. Guilt is a signal that I violated my own standards. I learn the lesson, make amends, forgive myself and let it go. In so doing, I move forward in my spiritual awareness and evolution.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Change Starts From Within

Change Starts From Within

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Woman happy she's changed

As a hypnotherapist, people come to see me professionally because they want some sort of change in their lives. Whether it’s to feel better about themselves, stop smoking, reduce weight, increase their self-confidence, improve their health, or have some other positive adjustment, they have made a choice that has brought them to my office. Together we figure out what they need to change within themselves, and what actions they need to take, to bring about the improvement in their lives.

Every so often, someone comes in who wants me to wave a magic wand over their head and make all their problems disappear, without them having to participate. They don’t want to have to alter a belief, attitude or behavior, but have the problem somehow erased. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. For any change to occur, they have to make a corresponding internal and external commitment to that change.

Change from the Inside Out

For instance, a smoker who says they want to quit must truly decide which they want more, to smoke or not to smoke. Once they’ve chosen to stop smoking, they have to learn new ways to cope with life’s challenges, and dedicate themselves to this new lifestyle. Not only do they have to refrain from smoking, but they have to make the inner changes (and they are many) that are necessary to achieve the eventual goal of becoming a nonsmoker. If they try to quit, without these inner changes, then at the first sign of stress they’ll start up again.

All change starts from within. Initially, a person may just know that something has to improve, and may not even know how to go about it. In this case, they need to figure out what’s wrong and what they need to transform that will make it better. Many times, people want the outer world to be different without doing any inner work. But in every instance, progress begins with changing a thought, belief, attitude, and then a behavior before improvement can be seen in the physical world.

Improving Self-Esteem

For example, someone with low self-esteem, who feels like they’re not good enough, or not worth anything, may not realize that they need a greater sense of self-worth and not know what to do to reach it. All that they recognize is that they feel like they don’t deserve anything nice, and that people take advantage of them.

The first step in healing this is to stop putting themselves down and talk to themselves in a more compassionate and supportive manner. But they must also change some of their behaviors to mirror this new inner dialogue. No matter how difficult it is, they must make sure that they begin to stand up for themselves.

Deal with Inner Attitudes

This doesn’t mean that they should indulge themselves in unhealthy behaviors. For instance, I’ve known people who have decided that they deserve to go out and spend $100 on a meal, even if it means they can’t pay their rent, phone bill, or buy groceries. They think that’s the way to improve their self-image and feel better. Unfortunately, the opposite is true. A person with a healthy self-worth will deny themselves immediate, and transitory, gratification to be able to enjoy a sense of security in the long term.

The same is true for anyone who wants to reduce weight. Rewarding themselves with food, or using it to mask emotions, isn’t going to bring any lasting improvement. They must learn healthy eating behaviors, and listen to what their body (not their emotions) wants to eat, along with reducing portion size, and starting to exercise. They also have to learn to deal with their feelings without using food as a crutch. If the inner attitudes aren’t dealt with and adjusted, no diet in the world is going to permanently keep off the weight.

What Do You Need to Change?

Edwene Gaines, prosperity teacher, recommended meditating on this question, “What do I need to change within myself in order to…?” Sometimes it may mean being willing to let go of a relationship, move, or change jobs. It always indicates changing some attitude or belief on the inner plane, while making changes on the physical plane that show your commitment to the shift in your consciousness.

Permanent improvement in any area of life demands our making a choice for something different, begin to align our beliefs and attitudes so that the new idea is possible and desirable, and then take action to embody the new concept. All of these steps are necessary for there to be change. And when we begin to entertain the idea of change, the Universe will bring us opportunities to help it along. New people will show up in our lives, information will drop onto our desk, or some event may nudge it along. We just have to have the courage and commitment to take the leap into a brighter future.

Affirmation:

I now identify the areas of my life that I want to change and recognize what needs to happen for them to improve. I’m guided to understand what I need to change within myself to create the transformation in my life. The answer is clear. With my whole being, I’m willing to do what is necessary to improve. As I make the decision to change, the Universe supports me and brings whatever I need to help me.