Browsed by
Tag: beliefs

What Are You Holding Onto That’s Holding You Back?

What Are You Holding Onto That’s Holding You Back?

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Kay had been unsuccessfully searching for a job for over a year. Unfortunately, her choices were limited because she had only minimal computer skills and didn’t want to learn any more. Finally, one night she capitulated. “Fine. If I have to learn to work with computers to get a job, I’ll do it.” Within a week, she’d found a job and needed only minor computer skills for it. But she didn’t find the job until she let go of resistance that was limiting her choices.

When you’re stuck in place, and not making any progress, you may need to release something that you’re hanging onto with all your might. It may be an idea, belief, attitude, role, relationship or outdated image of yourself. You may not even be aware of what it is. But it’s blocked the flow of your life. Here are some things to consider if your life isn’t moving forward like you want it to.

1. Is your image of how a situation “should” or “ought to” be constricting you? Have you placed conditions on what you will and won’t do? As long as you’re trying to direct the way circumstances unfold, you’re blocking the flow of energy. It can be scary to release your preconceptions, because you don’t know what the results will look like. But you can’t control them anyway, and trying to do so is getting in the way.

2. Many times, you need to release a lesser desire for a greater reward. For instance, it’s easier to lounge on the sofa than it is to get up and exercise. But the outcome from the activity has so many benefits. To receive them, you have to let go of your short-term comfort to achieve long-term goals. Or you may need to cut an old friend loose if their negative attitude is affecting yours thus making room for someone who is more positive.

3. If you’re stuck, consider what idea, belief or attitude might be holding you back. Just as Kay was attached to her hatred of computers, you may be reluctant to let go of some long-held idea. The concept may not even be about the area you want to move toward. But it’s some unreasonable condition you’re clinging to that you’ve placed on your life. It could be a role or self-image, such as “Managers don’t do filing,” “I can’t lead meetings” or “I’m not good enough.” Whatever it is, the idea isn’t serving you any more, and you need to let it go to move forward.

4. Ask yourself, “What am I holding onto the hardest?” or “What am I resisting letting go of the most?” It may not be the idea itself that’s restricting you. It’s the energy you’re using to hold onto it that’s created the block. Kay didn’t need computer skills for the job she got, she just needed to open her mind to the possibility. If you refuse to move forward in one area, other areas have a hard time expanding, too.

The Universe is about expansion and flow. It’s like a river, always trying to move you forward. However, if you want to go “tubing” down a river, but you’re hanging onto a rock, you won’t get very far, and you’ll never flow downstream to a greater good.

Affirmation

The Universe always wants to expand through more good into my life. I open my mind to be willing to recognize what’s holding back my progress. I now release any self-imposed obstacles to greater good. They’re old ideas that no longer serve me. I let them go easily and smoothly, knowing that better things are on their way to me now.

Copyright 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Book Review: “Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out: On Relationship and Recovery”

Book Review: “Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out: On Relationship and Recovery”

Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out: On Relationship and
Recovery
by Patricia Evans

This book is the sequel to the book I reviewed last month. As much as I learned from the first book, I learned even more from this one. Not only does it contain letters from people that have experienced verbal abuse, but the author goes into much greater detail analyzing the problem and ways to deal with it.

In one letter, a woman writes that she attended a support group for abused women. The women would discuss their bruises, broken bones, etc. She’s ask each woman, “Which was worse in your relationship, the physical or verbal abuse?” Each woman asserted the verbal abuse was worse.

Verbal abuse isn’t something that can be pointed to and a person can say “I have a bruise, therefore I was hurt.” It’s much more diffuse and dangerous than that.

The author covers the different games and “traps” an abuser uses to convince the survivor that it’s their fault. Just like a physical batterer will convince his/her victim that they deserved the battering. Near the end of the book, there are affirmations for self-esteem and instructions on how a person can begin to build their self-worth.

Verbal abuse kills the spirit. But with time and help, and self-recognition, a person can heal. This book is a great resource in the direction.

Copyright 2003, 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Don’t Sabotage Your Goals With Unrealistic Expectations

Don’t Sabotage Your Goals With Unrealistic Expectations

When you have a goal, you may set too many goals at any one time. This can overwhelm your inner mind, and cause it to undermine your progress. You’ll have to make some adjustments to gain your inner mind’s cooperation. Learn how to overcome this barrier and reach your goals.



Copyright 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

The Symbol Of The Butterfly

The Symbol Of The Butterfly

by Linda-Ann Stewart

When we talk about transformation, the image that comes to mind for most of us is the butterfly. A beautiful, filmy creature that glides about the sky, bringing joy to our hearts. But we tend to forget what the butterfly has gone through, how it has struggled to reach its place on the breeze.

Our path of transformation can be likened to that of the butterfly’s. Generally, when we embrace transformation, we only want to think of the end result. We don’t want to think about the work that goes into it, or the sacrifices we’ll have to make to be able to soar. I know that when I went through a transformation some years ago, I thought “Wonderful. Things will be better.” They were, but in the process there were attitudes and behaviors I had to surrender that were central to my life.

Transformation begins with the Universe pressing us forward into desiring something better for ourselves. We may not know what it is that we want, just that we have this impulsion for something more. Originally, the butterfly was once a caterpillar, inching across the grass to climb up the marigold to reach its daily meal. Its main drive was to eat, to fill its stomach.

The same could be said of us. Before we begin to transform, we have a compulsion to meander around; reading books, listening to tapes, attending lectures, digesting information. We’re still in the old form, fattening our minds up to get ready to build a cocoon, where we’ll use all that we’ve digested to transform our lives into a greater reflection of the Universal good.

Once our appetite has been appeased, we’ll feel compelled to allow what we’ve learned to gestate. Letting it process is like the caterpillar inside its cocoon. This is the time to incubate. It may last for a few days or a few months. While it is happening, we’re changing. We may not see the change, but there are parts of us that are being released, transformed and altered. At this point, our lives will sometimes become very uncomfortable for us. During my transformation, I had an intimate relationship that got progressively difficult.

When its transformation is complete, the butterfly begins its emergence from its cocoon. It must fight its way out of the old form, through the silky shell it created, letting it go, into a new world. Just as we must struggle to move through our barriers and outmoded attitudes. Behaviors that served us when we were caterpillars are no longer helpful. We can’t live the way we used to. We’re transcending the old patterns. But since they were familiar, and successful in our old form, we resist discarding them.

I eventually had to release beliefs that were no longer in my best interest. No longer could I play a role that I had outgrown. The relationship came to an end. It was very painful to let go, and very scary to change the role. My whole life had changed.

As we emerge from our cocoon, we take time to adjust to our new circumstances. Things are different, and we have to learn how to handle our new selves. We act in new ways. The things we say are surprising to others, because it’s not what they’re familiar with. People respond to us in a manner in which we’re not used to. Because of my new attitudes, I lost some friends who couldn’t adjust to the shift. And I made new friends who were walking the same path I was.

Eventually, the butterfly climbs free and rests, spreading its wings. For the first time, energy flows through them and they expand, finally ready to carry the butterfly on the breeze. Just as we soon feel confident with our new self, and we fly free, a beautiful butterfly gracefully fluttering from flower to flower. A living jewel fluttering about in the sky.

Copyright 2000, 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

The 1% Mindset Boost

The 1% Mindset Boost

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Think Positive

Researchers say that between 65% and 80% of what we think is negative or counterproductive. This shouldn’t be surprising, considering all the negative messages we received as children, the unsettling information we get about the state of the world, and the difficulties we have in our fast paced culture.

The subconscious acts on the average of our thoughts. Depending on how much of our thoughts are positive or negative, our lives flow smoothly or we struggle. We feel empowered to make changes or feel helpless. Energy is available for us to be productive or spin our wheels. With the amount of negativity the researchers say we experience, it’s amazing that we’re able to progress at all.

If we could increase the amount of positive thoughts by even 1%, we’d be able to improve our lives. It doesn’t sound like much, but it would be a start and we could then build on that foundation. Here are some ways you can create that 1%.

Economy and politics. Stop listening to the news so much. You can’t do much about it anyway, so why let it pollute your thought field? By taking a more philosophical and objective view of the situation, you can stop it from destroying your peace of mind. One way to do this is to assert that somehow everything is working for the good of the nation and the world. You can do this no matter what your political opinion or stance. It’s not easy, because you’ve probably been emotionally invested with things working out in a particular way. But this is a great practice to detach from needing a specific outcome.

Work and career. You probably can’t just walk out of a difficult work environment right now. But you can change your attitude so you’re not so miserable. It may take some doing, but it can be done. For instance, if your boss is a micromanager, realize it doesn’t reflect on your capabilities. It’s just that your boss has a hard time letting go of control. Stop focusing on what you hate about your job. You know what you dislike, so you don’t have to keep reminding yourself. It doesn’t change it and makes you feel helpless and a victim. So stop hammering your thumb with it. Find one thing a day that you appreciate about your work.

Relationships. Eliminate or minimize your contact with negative people. You can’t change them. When they start to drag you down, excuse yourself and leave the area. Just because you can’t abolish them from your life completely doesn’t mean you have to subject yourself to their pessimism. We train people how to treat us. By refusing to let them dump their negativity on you, they just might learn your boundaries. If they value you, they’ll reduce the amount of gloom they spread to increase the time they spend with you. And if they choose to wallow in their unhappiness, at least you’ll be taking care of your mental health.

It’s all about shifting perception and focus. Look for and find ways to improve your mental attitude by just 1%. It will mean that you have that much more energy for your subconscious to use to solve problems and create a more harmonious life for you.

Affirmation:
I now consciously choose to shift my attention from the negative and consider more positive and empowering perspectives. When I notice myself thinking in a counterproductive way, I take charge of my thoughts and channel them into more constructive avenues. I set boundaries and take care of my mental health. Each day, I find things to be grateful for. As I increase the amount of positive and productive thoughts, I notice how my life flows more smoothly and harmoniously.

Copyright 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

The Three Blessings Exercise by Martin Seligman

The Three Blessings Exercise by Martin Seligman

Martin Seligman, Ph.D. is the founder of the positive psychology movement, and author of Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life and Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment. These are books I recommend highly.

In this video, he describes an exercise where you examine what has gone right in your life that day, rather than dwelling on what has gone wrong. Many studies show that focusing on what you have to be grateful for increases your overall mood and well being. It trains the subconscious to scan for things to be grateful for and creates a sense of optimism.


In the exercise, you think of constructive things that have happened, and what caused them to occur. This allows you to focus on what’s positive. And energy flows where attention goes. So this is an easy technique to begin boosting your positive thoughts.

“What can I do when I get concerned about my finances?”

“What can I do when I get concerned about my finances?”

Question: “What can I do when I get concerned about my finances?”

Answer: When I get into that state (as I sometimes do), I immerse myself in books on prosperity. This not only helps my peace of mind, but keeps my thoughts more positive.

See if your local library has any prosperity books, especially by Catherine Ponder or Joseph Murphy. One of my standby’s is “The Abundance Book,” by John Randolph Price. There are also a bunch written recently by other authors. Even books on general mind principles by Emmet Fox are great for this.

Your library is probably connected to a library system, so if they don’t have the book you want, another in the system probably does and you can order it.

Copyright 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

A Positive Mindset Is More Important Than Skillset In Business

A Positive Mindset Is More Important Than Skillset In Business

Even with incredible knowledge, abilities and skills, your beliefs and attitudes can hold you back in all areas of life. This is especially true in the work arena. If you have a negative mindset, it can cost your job or a promotion.

In a recent study, Harvard lecturer, Paul Stoltz and recruiter, James Reed surveyed thousands of employers. They discovered an overwhelmingly majority of employers, 98%, considered mindset to be the most important thing in hiring.

81% of employers considered it more important than skillset when granting a raise. And a whopping 91% chose it as vital when giving a promotion. Employers would trade 7.2 normal employees for 1 with a winning attitude.

So create a strong winning, positive attitude and mindset to find, keep and excel at your job. You can always develop better skills once you have this foundation.

“How can I develop my ‘psychic gifts?'”

“How can I develop my ‘psychic gifts?'”

Question: I have been trying to develop my “psychic gifts” for many years now, without success. What can I do to get past it?

Answer: Many people are in a similar situation to you. They would like to develop an ability or talent more, but feel that it’s being blocked somehow. Sometimes, its cause is in a past life, and is re-stimulated in the present life. I’d recommend you read my article, “Past Lives: 101, Part 1-3” especially part 3, (go to my Article Index page and scroll down near the bottom) to get some deeper understanding of how this works. And many times, it’s something that has happened in the current life that has shut it down.

As to how to get past it, begin telling yourself that it’s safe now to experience those gifts. The subconscious is just trying to keep you protected and safe. If some trauma happened in a past life that made it dangerous to express them, then letting the subconscious/soul know that the fear is a response to a time long ago, and not relevant now, is key. Inner reassurance that it isn’t dangerous for you any more, that this is a different situation, can help to reduce the subconscious’ attempt to protect you.

Generally, as with any block, a past life issue was then re-triggered in the present life. If you can track back to what might have been said or done that shut you down as a child, that can be very helpful. An adult might have disbelieved you or was afraid of how you could sense things. Unfortunately, this happens a lot.

To handle it, you follow the same process as dealing with a past life issue. Reassurance, encouragement, specifically addressing what was said or done, will help the subconscious realize that it’s okay now.

Then start practicing your psychic gift in a small way, in one area. For instance, sense where you should go for the best parking place. Or, when the phone rings, sense who it might be. You could get the pack of “psychic cards,” that have different shapes on them, choose one at a time, and practice predicting which one has been selected. Pick one exercise, and do that and only that one for a while.

This is to help begin expanding the availability of your gift, as well as showing the subconscious that nothing bad is happening from it.

Take it slow, one step at a time. This builds your confidence that can expand into other areas, and it builds the subconscious’ feeling of safety. I know you want to make faster progress, but it could be counter-productive. If you try to go too fast, it might be too much for your subconscious to handle, and it’ll shut down again. Take it slow and steady.

Copyright 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

You Can Only Change Yourself

You Can Only Change Yourself

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Many years ago, I was in a relationship with someone who took me for granted. On a 100-degree day in May, I waited outside in the shade for an hour for him to come meet me. When he finally arrived, he had a great excuse. After a couple of similar incidents, I realized it was a pattern, and made a different decision. I couldn’t change him or control his actions, but I could certainly change how it affected me and my actions.

The only person you can truly change is yourself. When someone treats you with less than respect, you can go into victim mode and feel helpless, or you can choose a more empowered way to respond to it.

You may have a co-worker who lives to criticize, a boss who micromanages, an adult child who is self-destructive, or an abusive spouse. All of these are difficult situations and relationships. If you could fix them easily, they would already be resolved. But it’s not about fixing, it’s about responding to them in a different way.

1. Love yourself. Love yourself enough not to sacrifice your well being to their insensitivity. The Universe doesn’t want you hurt in this way. Have compassion for yourself and for them. They have their own connection to their inner selves and don’t need you to cater to their demands. If your best friend were having the same experience you are, what would you suggest they do?

2. Take your power back. You aren’t at their mercy. How long are you going to let them control your feelings? There are things you can do to circumvent their inconsiderate treatment of you. Some of these strategies take action on your part. When one person changes in a relationship, the dynamics of the relationship change. The other person sometimes changes as a result. Or they can escalate their demands and abuse to try to force you back into the familiar role. But taking back your power puts you into a pro-active rather than re-active position.

3. Change the way you think about it. It’s not about them. It’s about you and your well being. You aren’t the target. They’re doing what they are because they’ve gotten away with it for so long. Nobody has held them accountable for their actions. They may act this way to feel powerful, or for some other reason. But their excuse isn’t important. No matter what you do, it’ll never be enough for them.

Sometimes, you can’t just tell them to take a hike. It may be counter-productive to your bank account or downright dangerous to confront them. There are many resources on how to deal with bullies, difficult or toxic people. Search for them and find techniques that will work for you. The bottom line is, how can you deal with them while taking care of yourself?

A year after the first incident with my then boyfriend, I was once again waiting outside in the heat for him to meet me. However, this time, after twenty minutes, I left. When he called me later, he had a great excuse again.

“That’s fine,” I said. “But in the future, I’ll only wait fifteen to twenty minutes. If you don’t show up, I’ll leave.” He argued with me, rationalized his actions, but I held firm. I wasn’t going to be left outside twiddling my thumbs and risking heatstroke again.

The choice was his. Either meet me when he said he would, or I’d leave. Simple. I let him know what the consequences of his decisions would be and followed through on it. Interestingly enough, after he did it one more time and I carried out my promise, he never made me wait again. I didn’t change him at all. All that changed was the way he treated me.

Affirmation:

I let go of trying to change other people, and concentrate on my own beliefs and behaviors. Everyone has the same access to their own power and inner self. I love myself enough to care for my well being and allow others to do the same. I am now in charge of my feelings, and know that I have the power to make positive changes in my life. I’m Divinely guided to the best way to constructively cope with difficult people while taking care of myself.

Copyright 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved