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Don’t Take It Personally

Don’t Take It Personally

by Linda-Ann Stewart

My friend, Kay, is a waitress. Sometimes customers come in and are in a really bad mood. No matter how nice she is, no matter how good her service, no matter how delicious the food, they find something to complain about and leave a minuscule tip. If she didn’t know how good she was, when she discovered the skimpy gratuity, she might wonder what she did wrong. But because of her experience, she doesn’t take the customer’s attitude to heart. She recognizes that they were determined to be unhappy, and there was nothing she could do to change that. 

Many people don’t have Kay’s confidence. They’ll take someone else’s disposition personally. If a coworker is grumpy, this person may think that it’s their fault, even though the coworker crawled into the office that way. When I work with clients who are this sensitive, I remind them that they’re not responsible for the grump’s attitude. And the grouch would act that way no matter who they came in contact with.

The Problem Isn’t You

Even if someone deliberately attacks a person, the issue may not be about that specific person. The problem is the attacker’s own insecurities erupting, and simply wanting to destroy whatever good they see. It’s unfortunate, but misery loves company. If someone in pain sees another person with a better life, they’ll try to tear that more fortunate person down. People who are unhappy want everyone around them to feel as bad, or worse, than they feel.

It’s not that they’re evil. It’s just the only way they can have a little break in their pain. It gives them a brief distraction from it. Everyone is just trying to make themselves feel better, but we go about it differently. One person with a lot of anger, sadness and pain may try to spread it around so that others feel that way, too. While another person with sadness and pain will try to make others feel better because they don’t want anyone to hurt as they do.

In the movie, “You’ve Got Mail,” the chain bookstore owner (Tom Hank’s character) tells the small, independent bookstore owner (Meg Ryan’s character) that it’s not personal that he’s destroying her shop, it’s “just business.” It’s the same way with people who snap at you. It’s not personal; it’s just that they can’t handle their own emotions, so they dump them on others. They’d do it no matter who was there. Just as Tom Hank’s character would build a store without considering that another bookshop was in the area.

It’s About Them

Sometimes, people can get very personal in their attempts to make themselves feel better. I’ve had acquaintances who have told me that I didn’t deserve what I’d worked for, because I “hadn’t struggled enough.” Clients of mine have had friends blame them for walking away from the friendship, when it was the friend who did so. Other clients have had customers rage at them for not getting the work done three days before it was due. The attacks were irrational, but it’s hard to be objective and realize that when you’re being verbally assaulted.

When someone attacks you, puts you down, demeans you or belittles you, stand up for yourself. Because if you don’t, it’s unlikely anyone else will either. That doesn’t mean to counter-attack. If you know that what they’re asserting is false, say so, and walk away. It’s likely they’ll want to keep trying to get you to accept their belief, and won’t give up. Just know that it’s not true, and take back your power in this situation. Realize that it’s not about you or what you’ve done or haven’t done. It’s all about them and their pain. On the other hand, you don’t have to accept their degrading treatment of you simply because they’re hurting. Just address the situation with integrity and in the best way you can to support yourself. Remember that it’s not personal.

Affirmation:

I am a special, individualized expression of the Universe. I deserve to be respected and to respect myself. When someone attacks me, I recognize that it’s their issue, not mine. I remain objective, and don’t take it personally. I am Divinely guided as to the best way to respond to the situation to support myself. 

As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To boost productivity and reduce overwhelm, register for her FREE guide, Design Your Best Day, at Linda-AnnStewart.com/guide.html You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Optimism: The Key Ingredient for Success

Optimism: The Key Ingredient for Success

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Your attitude determines your direction

When I first began my hypnotherapy practice, I was in a depressed emotional state. After I opened, some people said that hypnosis wasn’t in demand in our area. That belief lodged in my already disheartened mind. Although I advertised, spoke at clubs, networked, and gave seminars, my attitude was such that my efforts did very little. Not surprisingly, I had a hard time paying my bills. The Universe and my creative mind were just supporting my negative conclusion that there were few clients available.

One day, I decided to change my mindset about the number of people who wanted to use my services, and just see what happened. I began to market myself by giving talks about hypnosis, and promoting these talks with fliers and through press releases. This time, I held the attitude that I would reach the people who were interested. Almost immediately, my practice began to grow.

The Role Optimism Plays in Success

How many people do you know who begin a project, a hobby, or a new business with stars in their eyes? They have the ability, the desire to make it a success, but after the first couple of bumps or setbacks, they give up and quit. These folks lack one ingredient they need to be successful – optimism. This concept gives them the attitude that with a bit more work and perseverance, things will get better.

A person can have incredible gifts, but if they don’t do anything with them, because they don’t believe in themselves, they won’t achieve anything. That same person can have all the motivation and desire to get ahead, but if they lose heart and get discouraged when things don’t go their way, they will begin to give up and stop doing what’s necessary to create a success. In Learned Optimism, by Martin Seligman, it states that talent plus desire, but without optimism, will result in failure. Therefore, optimism and belief in oneself is absolutely paramount to succeeding in any venture.

Your Attitude Helps or Hinders You

When a person has a belief that things won’t work out, the Universe fulfills that concept. When an obstacle comes up, we need to seek out new avenues of expression rather than just giving up, or just going through the motions. It’s been said that, “God can’t steer a parked vehicle.” As long as we’re moving in a direction, we can be guided, if we believe we will be. If we figure, “What’s the use?” then the Universe has no opening to help us. We’ve blocked It out. We then sink into a swamp of despair of our own making.

If I hadn’t changed my attitude from being pessimistic to optimistic, my practice would never have thrived. I altered the way that I perceived the public and my marketing methods. In so doing, my more positive attitude unconsciously communicated with people. Telemarketers are instructed to smile as they call, because the person they talk with can hear it in their voice. Having an optimistic attitude, in addition to ability and motivation, is essential to success in any area of life. The Universe flows into the positive attitude to create new possibilities, making it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Affirmation:

I have the talent, ability, desire and motivation to achieve my goals. Negative beliefs that I won’t be able to reach my goal can be self-fulfilling. I examine those concepts to identify what may be holding me back, and change them to more positive ideas. As I move in the direction of my desire, I remember that the Universe is guiding me. I open myself up for that guidance, recognizing it when it comes, and following it. I now have all the attributes I need to be a success.

As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To boost productivity and reduce overwhelm, register for her FREE guide, Design Your Best Day, at https://www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/guide.html You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Tip the Scales Towards the Positive

Tip the Scales Towards the Positive

When there’s a tragedy, you may resist feeling good because you think it’s inappropriate. But this is the most important time for you to focus on the good in your life. Doing so builds resiliency to handle difficult times. Learn a powerful technique that allows you to create more strength and empowerment for good times and bad. Watch Tip the Scales Towards the Positive.

Transcript:

Sometimes, when bad things have happened, such as a tragedy in the world or in your personal life, you might feel guilty for feeling upbeat. You might think it’s selfish, inappropriate or that you don’t deserve to.

This is common and natural, but doesn’t help you or anyone else. It just perpetuates the negativity, undermining your strength and reducing your ability to handle the situation. This is really the most important time for you to focus on what is good in your life.

When you pay attention to the good things in your life, you tip the scales toward feeling better. This results in more happiness and well being for you, more kindness and compassion towards others. You’ll have more resources to draw from to deal with the tragedy and when other upsetting experiences do occur.

I’m Linda-Ann Stewart and I empower people to focus and align their heart with their vision so they can achieve their goals. I’d like to share with you how you can give yourself a well of resilience to draw from in good times and bad. This is a technique I use in my life and it’s served me well.

Neuroscience tells us that “neurons that fire together, wire together.” That means that the more you focus on the positive, the more neurons you build in the areas of encouragement, empowerment, and inspiration.

To stimulate your neurons to create more positive emotions, when you find  something pleasant in your life, let it fill you up. Instead of just thinking of it  for a few seconds, which, don’t get me wrong, is good, spend 20-30 seconds focusing on it.

Feel it, savor it. Let it pour through you like a warm glow, or golden liquid. I will often stop with the intention to take time to relish a scene or experience  to allow the joy and serenity of it to imprint on my memory.

The longer you dwell on the pleasant  experience and allow it to stimulate gratifying emotions, the stronger and more powerful the your positive neurons become.

I suggest practicing this several times a day. The more often you do this, the more you build a net of positive neurons that can support and nourish you in tough times.

Thank you for watching. If you enjoyed this video, please like my YouTube channel and click the bell to be notified of future videos about mindset, motivation and empowerment. Until next time, stay focused.

Read the accompanying article, Find the Good in Your Life.

Reprogram Your Negative Self-Chatter

Reprogram Your Negative Self-Chatter

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Thoughts in a head

Have you ever monitored what you say to yourself? Listened to the self-talk that chatters away without your being aware of it? Automatic phrases, such as “I can’t do this,” “I’m not worthy,” “I can’t handle this,” “I can’t afford it” and others. You may even find yourself saying them to the people in your life. These are beliefs that have been programmed into you, just like into a computer. Suppose the boss asks you to come into his office. Your first reaction may be “Uh, Oh. I’m in trouble,” even though he may want to praise you.

These ideas come from your past, but  they create a self-fulfilling feedback loop in your subconscious. Without your being aware of it, they provide background noise in your life. Is it any wonder that it’s hard to make any changes? They echo the words of parents, siblings, friends, teachers, anybody whose opinion you ever accepted, whether it was true or not. You were hypnotized into believing them, and you’ve stayed true to the conditioning.

How to Reprogram Negative Thoughts

An affirmation is a statement that confirms what you hold to be true, and though we generally use the term for positive declarations, these statements can be either positive or negative. When you tell yourself over and over that you’re not worthy , it convinces your subconscious that this is what you want, and your subconscious creates this reality.

The first step is to become aware of what you’re telling yourself. Write down these statements. Then formulate a sentence that counters what you’ve been believing all these years. Use it repetitively, because that’s how you were programmed in the first place. By hearing the same or similar things over and over.

Remain conscious of the background noise of your thoughts. And when the negative statement rises up, use your new phrase. Be patient. That original idea has been there a long time. It’ll take time, consistence, and persistence, but eventually you’ll change the thought to one that more truly reflects the Universe’s loving opinion of you.

Affirmation:

I monitor my self-talk and now become aware of what I’m telling myself. I realize that these negative ideas came from the past and have no relation to my present life. I recognize my own worth and the authority of my positive declarations. I am patient, consistent and persistent in reprogramming my mind, for I know that the changes are happening with every constructive affirmation that I state.

As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, freedom, wellbeing and prosperity. Register for her FREE Design Your Best Day guide and guided meditation video at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/guide.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Defuse the Power of Negative Thinking

Defuse the Power of Negative Thinking

by Linda-Ann Stewart

"We are what we think about all day long." Ralph Waldo Emerson

“We are what we think about all day long.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

What do you tend to think about all day? Is your awareness focused on beneficial, enriching thoughts or are you mainly thinking discouraging, undermining ideas and telling yourself that “I can’t?” The subconscious follows the tendency of your thoughts, and manifests the average of what you ponder during the day. If the overall quality of your thoughts is positive and uplifting, then the subconscious moves in that direction, and the converse is true.

It’s not easy to think positively every moment of every day. I’m not even sure it’s possible. But the subconscious doesn’t need you to be continuously constructive. It just needs you to be more positive than negative for it to create more harmony. But many people fear their negative thoughts, and that very fear gives those thoughts more energy.

Thought Is Creative

Each thought is potentially creative and is formed of energy. When a person recognizes they’ve considered a negative idea, many times they feel guilty for doing so, and become afraid that it will overcome any positive thoughts. Instead of simply switching their attention to something more beneficial, they continue to spiral downwards, and the negative thought takes on a life of its own. 

For instance, consider a baseball player who has missed every pitch in a game. Instead of figuring he just had a bad game, or the pitcher was especially good, he might begin to doubt his abilities. During practice, and the next game, he’ll tense up and worry too much about hitting the ball. He may recognize the tendency of his thinking, and try to overcome it. But now he’s fighting on two fronts. He’s concerned about not hitting the ball and fearful that his thinking is going to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Once he begins to worry, and not trust his abilities, problems arise.

Your Subconscious Programs

Many times, the limiting, negative thoughts are simply a part of the subconscious trying to protect you and keep you safe. You might hear that little voice in your head saying:

  • If you don’t try, then you won’t fail, right?
  • By expecting the worst, you won’t be disappointed when it happens.
  • If you don’t succeed, then people won’t expect more of you.

This little voice is part of the subconscious mind using fear, doubt, and worry as a way to keep you from growing and moving forward. As long as you’re in familiar territory, then it figures nothing bad will happen.

It’s simply doing its job, repeating what it’s been programmed to do. So instead of vilifying it, resisting the negative thoughts and fearing their power, change your way of responding to them. When you become aware of a negative idea, simply say, “Thank you.” This immediately defuses the power you attach to the negative thought. You’re acknowledging its attempt to help, instead of rebelling against it. State, “Thank you, but that’s no longer helpful,” and respond with a beneficial concept.

How to Deal with Negative Thoughts

A long time ago, I learned a powerful way of dealing with negative thoughts. Divide a paper in half, write your affirmative goal on the left side, and record any objection that comes to mind on the right side, and then reply with “Thank you.” By writing down its concerns, and then acknowledging it with a “Thank you,” you’re letting the subconscious mind know that you recognize its distress. On the next line, write your goal again, and then any negative response, and “Thank you.” Continue until you don’t notice any negative thoughts about it coming into your mind.

Eventually, it will cease to bother you with protests, because you’ve let it know you’ve heard it, but are still going to move in that new direction. You’ve taken back your power. It will respect that, because that’s its true goal. As long as you accept your own authority in directing your life, the critical voice will quiet down. And you can now put your attention on what it is you want in your life, without wasting your energy resisting your negative thoughts.

Affirmation:

Negative thoughts are simply outdated ideas that I accepted sometime in the past. They are no longer valid or necessary to help me. Whenever I recognize myself dwelling on a negative concept, I remember that it’s simply my subconscious mind concerned about me. I respond with “Thank you, but it’s safe for me to experience progress.” I accept that I am the authority in my life and now take back my power.

As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Train Yourself to Be Positive

Train Yourself to Be Positive

It’s normal to pay more attention to negative situations than positive. But if you view everything in your life through this filter, you could become anxious and depressed. Fortunately, you can counterbalance this attitude so you’re more positive, happier with greater well being. Learn 2 tried and true methods to train yourself to be more positive and better deal with distressing situations that occur.

Transcript:

Did you know humans have a natural tendency to pay more attention to negative situations than positive? It’s called the Negativity Bias. It’s purpose is to help you survive and keep you safe. But if you view everything in your life through this filter, it no longer is being helpful.

Fortunately, you can counterbalance this ancient attitude so you’re not as affected by it. When you do, you’ll be happier, have greater well being and be more resourceful in dealing with the upsetting situations in your life.

I’m Linda-Ann Stewart and I empower people to focus and align their heart with their vision so they can achieve their goals.

I’d like to share two ways to change from being distressed to having a more positive frame of mind. By practicing these tactics each day, you’ll begin to inoculate your mind against dwelling on the negative.

The first tactic is to shift your attention from a negative mindset to something more uplifting. Write down positive things that have happened to you during the day. It could be as simple as traffic being lighter than expected, finding a close parking space, or a phone call going well.

Think of the small things that went right, such as your victories and what you accomplished. Do this every day and soon it will become a habit to notice them as your day progresses. This trains your brain to seek out the positive.

A second tactic is slightly different from the first, though they could be combined. Write down five things you’re grateful for every day. This is a tried and true method to begin to train yourself to be more optimistic overall. Studies have shown multiple benefits from consistently keeping a gratitude journal.

The  items you’re grateful for could be more general than the specific things that went right in your day. For instance, it could be that you’re grateful for your health, how the day was productive, or for the friends in your life. But, like I said, gratitudes could combine with thinking about what went right in your day and then being thankful for each one.

Either, or both of these tactics together, will improve your life in multiple ways. They will help from seeking out the positive becoming automatic, to being less affected when negative things do occur, to just being more productive. You’ll notice that you feel better about yourself and have a better outlook on life.

Thank you for watching. If you enjoyed this video, please like my YouTube channel and click the bell to be notified of future videos. Stay focused.

Read the accompanying article, Find the Good in Your Life.

Find the Good in Your Life

Find the Good in Your Life

Linda-Ann Stewart

Have you ever had someone rudely jump ahead of you in line at the grocery store, and it soured your mood for hours? Or had someone make a spiteful remark, and it ruined your day? Even if the rest of the day was pleasant, you likely dwelled on the annoying encounter and were sensitized to notice more irritations afterwards. This is a natural occurrence.

People are primed to notice more negative things than positive. Your brain was designed to help you survive, and does so by detecting threats to your life. If your ancestors hadn’t registered that the tiger was about to pounce on them, they wouldn’t have survived to pass their genes onto you.

Nowadays, there aren’t as many physical dangers, but the mind doesn’t distinguish between what might kill you and what disturbs you emotionally or mentally. The brain perceives them all as potential threats and spotlights what’s upsetting to you so it can try to help you survive.

The Negativity Effect

Scientists call this the Negativity Bias or Effect. Humans are more inclined to recognize and remember the negative, and brush off the positive. It’s the brain and subconscious mind’s effort to keep you safe.

It’s not an issue if it only happens once in a while, such as from an unpleasant encounter. But if you get stuck in viewing the world through this dark lens, it adversely impacts how you think and react in other areas. You only perceive what’s wrong, and can become cynical, irritable and depressed.  

You need to be careful as this primal characteristic can overwhelm your life. If you’re always braced for something to go wrong, you’re predisposed to overreact to minor upsets or annoyances, and you notice them more. At the same time, you don’t recognize the good in your life.

You’re always in a fight or flight mode, stressed, anxious and exhausted. If this is the case, you don’t have enough resources to think clearly or be creative. You automatically react like you did in the past, without considering other alternatives.

Why It’s Important to Overcome This Tendency

The more you focus on what bothers you, the more incidents you notice, and this mindset becomes a habit. This ingrained attitude can lead you to expect the worst in people and situations, and can adversely affect your relationships. Your actions follow your beliefs and attention, so you could unwittingly create the very conditions that would confirm your pessimistic expectations.

Fortunately, you’re not a captive to this ancient bias. You can counteract your brain’s predisposition to lean to the negative by training yourself to pay attention to what’s good in your life. This will balance out that primeval tendency to always be on alert for threats. You have the power to decide how much of an impact unpleasant situations will have on you.

Instead of getting sucked into a negative frame of mind, you can train yourself to notice what’s good in your life. It takes time and practice, but when you persist in developing this skill, annoyances will bother you less overall. You may be aware of the irritations, but they won’t trigger you to fall into a well of cynicism.

What You Focus on Grows

As you begin to pay attention to what’s going well in your life, you’ll discover there’s more that’s good than you originally thought. What you focus on grows in your awareness and your subconscious mind will begin to scan your environment for other positive aspects.

Scientists say that “neurons that fire together, wire together.” If you dwell on the negative, you grow more brain cells that create discouragement, depression and helplessness. This is how pessimists are created. However, when you focus on the positive, brain cells grow in the areas for happiness, wellbeing and resourcefulness. Doing this develops optimists.

The One to Five Ratio

Scientists say that, in a relationship, it takes between four and five positive interactions to overcome a single negative one. If you’ve had an unpleasant disagreement with a friend, you’ll need several amicable exchanges with them to feel comfortable with them again. I think the same might be true of events. When you’ve experienced a distressing situation and it has soured your mood, it may take four to five pleasant incidents to improve your outlook.

You can be more proactive to start to feel better. Shortly after you’re upset, irritated or annoyed, find five things you’re grateful for in your life. Or seek out five items that make you happy in the moment. They can be small pleasures, like a flower, clouds floating in a blue sky or a child’s laugh. This will balance out the negativity, and help you shake off the unpleasantness you encountered.

Creating a New Brain Pattern.

You don’t have to let upsets or irritations control your overall mood or mindset. As you deliberately seek out more of the positive, you establish a new pattern in your brain. You create more positive leaning brain cells. By training yourself to pay attention to what’s positive, negative situations will bother you less. You won’t waste mental energy on minor negative incidents. They’ll reduce in importance, and you’ll increase your ability to handle them.

Not only that, you’ll be able to recognize more possibilities that you would have ignored before. Because you’re more open to them, your subconscious will search your environment for opportunities that benefit you. To uplift your entire life and overcome your ancient bias to be negative, spend time to enjoy pleasant moments and rewire your brain to be happy.

Affirmation:

I have the power and ability to choose where to put my attention. When I focus on more positive thoughts, I know that it impacts my life in a beneficial way. I become aware of when I start to slide into negativity, and decide to notice what’s good in my life. As I seek out the positive, I establish a new pattern within my mind that leans to optimism. This opens my mind to greater wellbeing and happiness.

Watch the accompanying video, Train Yourself to Be Positive.

As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity. Register for her FREE guide to Design Your Best Day at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/guide.html. You can also contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

What Are You Training For?

What Are You Training For?

by Linda-Ann Stewart

woman with balloon

There’s an old saying that “You get out of a project what you put into it.” This means that however much energy you put into an activity, project or talent, you reap the benefits in equal measure. Athletes wouldn’t dream of attempting to “go for the gold” without training mentally and physically. An artist knows that their talent grows the more they exercise it. They recognize there will be hurdles to overcome, but those obstacles simply make their abilities stronger. 

The same is true of every aspect of life. If you focus your energy in the direction of prosperity, you’ll reap abundance. However, if you expend your thoughts in the area of fear of not being able to pay the bills, that’s what you’ll manifest. It’s like a bank account. Think of what thoughts you’re depositing in your mind. Whether those thoughts are positive or negative, you’ll earn interest based on the contents of you “account.”

It takes concentrated practice to be aware of what thoughts you’re thinking. And it takes even more attention and discipline to transform those ideas into ones that are positive and beneficial. Are you putting in ten thoughts of fear for every single thought of faith and confidence? If so, you’ll draw out whatever it is that you fear. When you practice focusing on the good each day, you’re exercising your confidence in the Universe. If you come up against an obstacle, you’ll have the strength to handle it. 

Whatever kind of energy you’re putting out, you’ll be experiencing that in your life. Are you depositing thoughts of an expanded, more abundant life? If not, begin to become aware of what kind of thoughts you’re depositing in your emotional bank, and start to train for a better life.

Affirmation:

I become aware of the thoughts that I think that might not be in harmony with the Universe. I train myself to transform them into the kind of idea deposits that I desire. I know that my thoughts manifest their equivalent in my life. I keep my thoughts positive and focused on the Universal Good. Even though I might not see the good in any situation, it is there awaiting my recognition of it. The more I practice this, the stronger and more empowered I become.

Reclaim Your Power from Your Inner Critic

Reclaim Your Power from Your Inner Critic

Do you ever hear yourself say you “should” do something? Most people hear this term in an attempt to motivate them to take a particular action. That nagging inner voice comes from the past, and is usually counterproductive. Learn why it harasses you, and what you can do to quiet it down.

Watch Reclaim Your Power from Your Inner Critic.

Transcript:

Thank you for joining me. Do you ever “should” on yourself, as in “I should [fill in the blank]?” Most of us do to some extent. And most of us resent that inner voice and resist what it’s trying to guilt us to do. But do you ever wonder where that critical voice came from?

I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, and I’m a focus coach and hypnotherapist. I’ve worked with many people who were dealing with inner critical voices that were making their lives miserable. It doesn’t have to be that way.

When you hear “you must,” “you ought to,” or “you should,” that voice is generally an echo from earlier in your life. It’s repeating what your mom, dad, relative, teacher, or some other authority expected you to do.

Think about it. Aren’t those dictates familiar? That voice is simply trying to make sure you do what it thinks is necessary for you to gain the approval of the past authority figure. But it’s no longer necessary.

You’re all grown up now, right? You don’t need the approval of people who no longer have any control over your life. You can make your own decisions about what’s best for you. Sometimes, what you decide may align with what that voice wants, and sometimes it won’t. But you no longer have to live up to those expectations.

That voice is trying to help you by keeping you out of trouble with people who may no longer be in your life. It’s an outdated response, isn’t it? So when you hear that order, respond by saying something like, “Thank you, but I can take care of myself now,” or “Thank you, but I can make the decision now.”.

By thanking it, you’re acknowledging that part’s purpose to help. By letting it know you are responsible for your life now, and take care of your responsibilities, it relieves it of further effort. You can then decide what you want to do about whatever it’s concerned about.

It may take some time to re-educate that part of you, so don’t give up. This type of response to it  will be much more successful than resisting or avoiding the dictate. By taking back your power and responsibility over your life, you’ll be more effective, successful and authentic.

Thank you for watching. If you liked this video, please like my YouTube channel so you’re notified when I post future ones.

Please read the accompanying article, Are You Shoulding on Yourself?

The True Role Of Your Inner Critic

The True Role Of Your Inner Critic

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Rainbow and tree

Are you constantly putting yourself down? Do you ever tell yourself demeaning statements like: “You can’t do that,” “What’s the point,” “You don’t deserve anything,” “You’re so stupid.” Do you feel guilty when you do something as innocuous as spill a glass of water or drop a cookie on the floor? If so, you have an active inner critic.

Your inner critic or judge is an aspect of your personality that echoes what the authorities in your life said to you when you were younger. My fourth grade teacher berated the class with “You’re so stupid,” until many of us believed the lie. A friend’s father convinced her that she was worthless. One of my clients was told that she was responsible for the happiness of her entire family.

Old Messages

These are all false ideas that are accepted by the person because of the authority of those who stated them. As we grow up, we internalize the concepts as our inner critic. It takes over the role of the critical people from our youth and it repeats their messages over and over. In adulthood, those we’re close to and respect can trigger the critic’s voice and add to the messages.

The inner critic holds you back, makes you doubt yourself, lowers your self-worth, and undermines your self-confidence. It judges your behavior by someone else’s standards and reaffirms that you don’t measure up to their unreasonable expectations, and makes you feel guilty for failing. My clients have said that they don’t feel like they’re “enough.” That nothing they do will be good enough, or that they can’t fulfill what they believe is expected of them.

What Your Inner Critic Is Trying to Do

Believe it or not, this aspect of your personality is actually trying to help you. It accepted the attitude from the people you were dependent on to try to protect you from their disapproval. If a child spills his milk, and cries from fear of punishment, then his mom generally will reassure him and just wipe it up. He’s accepted his responsibility, since he’s showed his remorse, so mom figures she doesn’t have to chastise him. By feeling guilty, he’s protected himself from being sent to the corner.

A child will emulate the attitudes of the caregivers around him to try to fit in. Because if he doesn’t get accepted by the clan, then he’s shunned, abandoned either physically or emotionally, and that means death to a child. Even if the child rejects the attitudes of the caregivers as unreasonable, he will still have soaked them in before he was old enough to recognize their unfairness.

So your inner critic is still trying to keep you safe. However, it’s trying to protect you from an environment that you left long ago. You no longer need the approval of your caregivers in order to survive. You have the ability to say “no” and have it stick. If you’re in an unfriendly situation, you can now leave. Even if it’s difficult, you can still leave and you will survive. You inner critic is responding to conditions that you’ve outgrown, but this part of you doesn’t realize it.

How to Work with Your Inner Critic

Instead of fighting against your inner critic, or knuckling under it, you can begin to re-educate it. Its true role is to help you, protect you, to encourage and nurture you. If it realizes that you’re a big person who’s living in a different environment, with the ability to take responsibility for yourself, it will generally begin to reduce its nagging. You can let it know that it needs to update its responses so that it actually helps you in your present day conditions.

Once it begins to understand its true role, and uses its energy to help you in the now, you’ll notice a tremendous improvement. You’ll have more self-confidence, feel better about yourself and be more productive because you won’t be second-guessing every little thing you do. You won’t be fighting against yourself anymore, and your whole inner being will be on your side.

Affirmation:

The critic within me no longer needs to protect me the way it did when I was a child. I now have the knowledge to protect myself. My inner critic now recognizes this and updates its protection so that it serves me in my current life. It now fulfills its true role to help me, encourage me, and nurture me.