Empowering Your Mind – Page 116 – Mindset, Motivation and Empowerment

“Love Enough To Let Others Heal” Part 2

September 13, 2011 Linda-Ann Stewart

by Linda-Ann Stewart

I know I’m not alone in the struggle between loving others unconditionally and loving myself. Many of the people I meet, and my clients, struggle with this, too. How can we balance our spirituality with insisting someone treat us with honor?

With God as a loving Presence, God accepts all that we do without judgment. As we try to emulate that aspect of God, we forget that God doesn’t protect us from the consequences of our actions.

If we step on a rake, we get to experience the rake hitting us in the face. We learn from that to be careful around rakes. God doesn’t stop the rake from hitting us, but if we ask for help in healing our bruised face, God is there to heal us.

That is why there is cause and effect. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. This is to help us learn from our mistakes.

The core of this is, God doesn’t enable. The Universe is constantly growing and expanding. Unless we do the same, we get prodded along. Cosmic two-by-fours whack us.

When you allow people to put you down, humiliate you, belittle you, then you are contributing to making their inevitable consequences harder for them. Universal laws will eventually pull them up short, and the more they’ve run roughshod over peoples’ lives, the harder their lesson is going to be.

By setting boundaries, you are growing in love. Love of self, and loving the other person enough to put a stop to their breaking Universal Laws of compassion. Love them enough to allow them to experience the consequences of their actions.

That’s the only way any of us learn. In that way, you are emulating high spiritual qualities and reflecting the unconditionally loving Divine Presence within you.

“Love Enough To Let Others Heal” Part 1

September 7, 2011 Linda-Ann Stewart

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Over several years, as I grew spiritually, I discovered that letting others hurt me, and excusing them, hurt them as well. My intentions were to make them feel better about themselves. I was trying to reflect the Divinity within me by loving unconditionally.

When my friends would snap at me, I’d tell myself they didn’t mean it, that they were simply unhappy. Returning anger and hatred with love and compassion, I let my friends treat me like dirt because I knew they were wounded.

I wanted them to heal, and thought my loving them unconditionally would initiate the healing. It never did. It just encouraged them to remain wounded and lashing out at me.

In co-dependency terms, this is called “enabling.” Some time back, when I was told that it wasn’t my role to be their whipping boy, I countered with “But, we’re supposed to turn the other cheek. Give the shirt off our backs. Love unconditionally. Be nonjudgmental.”

As time went on, I finally realized that I wasn’t helping them by letting them hurt me. I was enabling them to remain the same, and continue treating me with disrespect because they knew they could.

I wasn’t creating any urgency for them to heal. And sooner or later, they were going to get a cosmic two-by-four up side the head to force them to begin the healing process. The longer they continued their behavior, the worse their eventual crisis would be.

I was actually contributing to their woundedness by not setting any limits. I needed to value myself enough to stop them devaluing me. As I began to cherish my well being, and counter their humiliations, my life began to improve overall.

What Are You Holding Onto That’s Holding You Back?

September 2, 2011 Linda-Ann Stewart

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Kay had been unsuccessfully searching for a job for over a year. Unfortunately, her choices were limited because she had only minimal computer skills and didn’t want to learn any more. Finally, one night she capitulated. “Fine. If I have to learn to work with computers to get a job, I’ll do it.” Within a week, she’d found a job and needed only minor computer skills for it. But she didn’t find the job until she let go of resistance that was limiting her choices.

When you’re stuck in place, and not making any progress, you may need to release something that you’re hanging onto with all your might. It may be an idea, belief, attitude, role, relationship or outdated image of yourself. You may not even be aware of what it is. But it’s blocked the flow of your life. Here are some things to consider if your life isn’t moving forward like you want it to.

1. Is your image of how a situation “should” or “ought to” be constricting you? Have you placed conditions on what you will and won’t do? As long as you’re trying to direct the way circumstances unfold, you’re blocking the flow of energy. It can be scary to release your preconceptions, because you don’t know what the results will look like. But you can’t control them anyway, and trying to do so is getting in the way.

2. Many times, you need to release a lesser desire for a greater reward. For instance, it’s easier to lounge on the sofa than it is to get up and exercise. But the outcome from the activity has so many benefits. To receive them, you have to let go of your short-term comfort to achieve long-term goals. Or you may need to cut an old friend loose if their negative attitude is affecting yours thus making room for someone who is more positive.

3. If you’re stuck, consider what idea, belief or attitude might be holding you back. Just as Kay was attached to her hatred of computers, you may be reluctant to let go of some long-held idea. The concept may not even be about the area you want to move toward. But it’s some unreasonable condition you’re clinging to that you’ve placed on your life. It could be a role or self-image, such as “Managers don’t do filing,” “I can’t lead meetings” or “I’m not good enough.” Whatever it is, the idea isn’t serving you any more, and you need to let it go to move forward.

4. Ask yourself, “What am I holding onto the hardest?” or “What am I resisting letting go of the most?” It may not be the idea itself that’s restricting you. It’s the energy you’re using to hold onto it that’s created the block. Kay didn’t need computer skills for the job she got, she just needed to open her mind to the possibility. If you refuse to move forward in one area, other areas have a hard time expanding, too.

The Universe is about expansion and flow. It’s like a river, always trying to move you forward. However, if you want to go “tubing” down a river, but you’re hanging onto a rock, you won’t get very far, and you’ll never flow downstream to a greater good.

Affirmation

The Universe always wants to expand through more good into my life. I open my mind to be willing to recognize what’s holding back my progress. I now release any self-imposed obstacles to greater good. They’re old ideas that no longer serve me. I let them go easily and smoothly, knowing that better things are on their way to me now.

The Problem Solving Capacity of Your Subconsious Mind

August 30, 2011 Linda-Ann Stewart

Have you ever walked away from a problem, then had a light bulb go off in your head and had the answer? That’s the way the mind works when it’s looking for solutions. Several recent studies have validated that your subconscious mind is hard at work while your conscious mind is otherwise engaged.

Apparently, your subconscious has been hard-wired to accumulate information to make the best decisions for you. According to research, the conscious mind does a better job at making analytic decisions. But the subconscious mind is more capable of solving greater challenges and making discoveries.

Learning to trust the subconscious is key to allowing it to dealing with complex problems. If your conscious mind keeps turning the issue over and over again and keeps it front and center in your attention, the subconscious never has a chance to work on it.

Just like when you try to remember someone’s name and let it go. Shortly thereafter, while you’re in the middle of doing the dishes, it pops into your mind. You have to be able to let go of the problem.

The subconscious also helps you make better decisions. It uses the same process as with problem solving. Evaluate all the information, and then go on to some other task. This allows the subconscious to process the data. If no insight comes to the surface, reassess or gather more information and let it go again. Eventually, you’ll get a sense of which direction you want to go.

Your subconscious mind is creative, resourceful, and a problem solver. It processes the information that your conscious mind has given it and comes up with a solution. Now, research and studies are validating what many of us have known for decades.

Information in this article based on these studies from Science Daily:
Decision-Making May Be Surprisingly Unconscious Activity
Our Unconscious Brain Makes The Best Decisions Possible
Eureka! How Distractions Facilitate Creative Problem-Solving
Profound Impact Of Our Unconscious On Reaching Goals Revealed

Lesson Learned: Creativity Feeds The Soul

August 23, 2011 Linda-Ann Stewart

I love weaving and embroidery, but have been so focused on work that I haven’t had time for either for a very long time. Also, my loom is in storage because it’s too big for our condo. So I’ve spent my free time hiking and doing other enjoyable things. But it hasn’t been the same or given me the same fulfillment.

Recently, I took a class that included doing a little bit of simple embroidery on some felt. I didn’t finish it in class but worked on it a few days later. Unfortunately, I found out that the embroidery floss supplied by the class was about 6 inches too short to finish the project.

I had to wait for several weeks until we went to a nearby city to get the needed embroidery thread. During that time, the project sat on the table, as a reminder that it needed to be completed. Every time I went by and glanced at it, I got a thrill of joy, excitement and satisfaction. The same feelings I had when I actually worked on it.

I realized that I needed to make the time to do some of the fiber handiwork that feeds my soul. Eventually, I need to find a smaller loom. Until then, I’m designing an embroidery project that will satisfy my need to create.

And I wasn’t the only one in my life to come to this conclusion. A friend of mine loves music and hasn’t been able to play her piano for quite some time. A few days ago, she went to play it, and once again discovered how it makes her heart sing. She’s committed herself to practicing again because it’s so important to her emotional health.

Creativity helps keep a person young and their brains active. It’s when we block our creativity that we begin to shrivel up inside.

What creative pursuit have you abandoned to focus on family, work, or other pastimes? How can you begin to include that activity in your life again? When you do, it will enhance your relationships, reduce stress, and give you more energy because you’re being authentic and attending to your soul’s needs.

Book Review: “Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out: On Relationship and Recovery”

August 23, 2011 Linda-Ann Stewart

Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out: On Relationship and
Recovery
by Patricia Evans

This book is the sequel to the book I reviewed last month. As much as I learned from the first book, I learned even more from this one. Not only does it contain letters from people that have experienced verbal abuse, but the author goes into much greater detail analyzing the problem and ways to deal with it.

In one letter, a woman writes that she attended a support group for abused women. The women would discuss their bruises, broken bones, etc. She’s ask each woman, “Which was worse in your relationship, the physical or verbal abuse?” Each woman asserted the verbal abuse was worse.

Verbal abuse isn’t something that can be pointed to and a person can say “I have a bruise, therefore I was hurt.” It’s much more diffuse and dangerous than that.

The author covers the different games and “traps” an abuser uses to convince the survivor that it’s their fault. Just like a physical batterer will convince his/her victim that they deserved the battering. Near the end of the book, there are affirmations for self-esteem and instructions on how a person can begin to build their self-worth.

Verbal abuse kills the spirit. But with time and help, and self-recognition, a person can heal. This book is a great resource in the direction.

“Can I do an affirmation on behalf of someone else?”

August 17, 2011 Linda-Ann Stewart

Question: Can I do an affirmation on behalf of someone else?

Answer: You can affirm on behalf of someone else, as long as that person has asked for the affirmation. If they have not asked for it, you might be interfering with their choices and learning if you affirm something better for them.

I had a friend who affirmed that her husband would refrain from drinking. It worked, he stopped, until she realized that it wasn’t his choice to do so. When she stopped affirming that, he began drinking again. He had other things he needed to learn before he could make the decision himself to stop drinking.

It’s hard when you see someone you love in distress, and you want to help, but they’ve created the situation to learn from. What you can do is affirm for their Highest Good, or when you state a specific affirmation, include a statement such as “if they’re in mental agreement.”

Don’t Sabotage Your Goals With Unrealistic Expectations

August 16, 2011 Linda-Ann Stewart

When you have a goal, you may set too many goals at any one time. This can overwhelm your inner mind, and cause it to undermine your progress. You’ll have to make some adjustments to gain your inner mind’s cooperation. Learn how to overcome this barrier and reach your goals.

The Symbol Of The Butterfly

August 12, 2011 Linda-Ann Stewart

by Linda-Ann Stewart

When we talk about transformation, the image that comes to mind for most of us is the butterfly. A beautiful, filmy creature that glides about the sky, bringing joy to our hearts. But we tend to forget what the butterfly has gone through, how it has struggled to reach its place on the breeze.

Our path of transformation can be likened to that of the butterfly’s. Generally, when we embrace transformation, we only want to think of the end result. We don’t want to think about the work that goes into it, or the sacrifices we’ll have to make to be able to soar. I know that when I went through a transformation some years ago, I thought “Wonderful. Things will be better.” They were, but in the process there were attitudes and behaviors I had to surrender that were central to my life.

Transformation begins with the Universe pressing us forward into desiring something better for ourselves. We may not know what it is that we want, just that we have this impulsion for something more. Originally, the butterfly was once a caterpillar, inching across the grass to climb up the marigold to reach its daily meal. Its main drive was to eat, to fill its stomach.

The same could be said of us. Before we begin to transform, we have a compulsion to meander around; reading books, listening to tapes, attending lectures, digesting information. We’re still in the old form, fattening our minds up to get ready to build a cocoon, where we’ll use all that we’ve digested to transform our lives into a greater reflection of the Universal good.

Once our appetite has been appeased, we’ll feel compelled to allow what we’ve learned to gestate. Letting it process is like the caterpillar inside its cocoon. This is the time to incubate. It may last for a few days or a few months. While it is happening, we’re changing. We may not see the change, but there are parts of us that are being released, transformed and altered. At this point, our lives will sometimes become very uncomfortable for us. During my transformation, I had an intimate relationship that got progressively difficult.

When its transformation is complete, the butterfly begins its emergence from its cocoon. It must fight its way out of the old form, through the silky shell it created, letting it go, into a new world. Just as we must struggle to move through our barriers and outmoded attitudes. Behaviors that served us when we were caterpillars are no longer helpful. We can’t live the way we used to. We’re transcending the old patterns. But since they were familiar, and successful in our old form, we resist discarding them.

I eventually had to release beliefs that were no longer in my best interest. No longer could I play a role that I had outgrown. The relationship came to an end. It was very painful to let go, and very scary to change the role. My whole life had changed.

As we emerge from our cocoon, we take time to adjust to our new circumstances. Things are different, and we have to learn how to handle our new selves. We act in new ways. The things we say are surprising to others, because it’s not what they’re familiar with. People respond to us in a manner in which we’re not used to. Because of my new attitudes, I lost some friends who couldn’t adjust to the shift. And I made new friends who were walking the same path I was.

Eventually, the butterfly climbs free and rests, spreading its wings. For the first time, energy flows through them and they expand, finally ready to carry the butterfly on the breeze. Just as we soon feel confident with our new self, and we fly free, a beautiful butterfly gracefully fluttering from flower to flower. A living jewel fluttering about in the sky.

Vacation In Vegas – Love the Creativity There

August 10, 2011 Linda-Ann Stewart

Jeff and I took a short vacation in Las Vegas. Over the years, we’ve puzzled about why we are drawn to this glitzy, showy town. When I visited it in the early 1990’s, I couldn’t wait to leave. Jeff and I first visited in 2000 to enjoy the Star Trek ride (yes, I love Star Trek), and we expected that one extra day would be all we could stand.

Instead, we were enthralled with the themed casinos: Luxor, Excalibur, New York/New York, Treasure Island, and the Venetian. The waste of electricity and water violated our green sensibilities, and yet we loved the lights and Bellagio Dancing Waters.

After mulling over it, we finally realized that we love the creativity and sense of design. The details in some of the themed casinos are beautiful. Unfortunately, the new business attitude in Vegas wants to erase the themes. This is unfortunate, because most of the crowds were in the casinos and shopping areas that still looked different.

We found enough in Vegas to again want to return. This year, we went to Shark Reef in Mandalay Bay. I touched Stingrays, Horseshoe Crabs, and baby Zebra or Leopard Sharks. Our feet hurt from the miles we walked each day and we’re nursing blisters, but we’re elated from our adventure.