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Meditate Away Stress

Meditate Away Stress

by Linda-Ann Stewart

When people come into my office, I generally have to educate them about stress. They think that stress just arises from difficult relationships, the death of a loved one, or from the workplace. But stress can come from events such as Christmas, moving, a wedding or divorce, a vacation or even winning the lottery. The common denominator of what causes stress is a person having to adjust to something new.

Anytime you have something out of your normal routine, your mind has to make changes to accommodate the new circumstances. The subconscious mind doesn’t like change. It likes the status quo, so whenever anything throws it off its schedule, your subconscious complains.

The Results of Stress

Stress results in tension, anxiety, short temper, tiredness, memory loss, inability to sleep, worry, obsessing over non-essentials, and much more. When you’re stressed, you tend to believe the lie that you are separate from the Universe. Without relief, stress begets more stress, and escalates. If stress continues unabated, it will eventually erode the body’s organs, and create illness or disease.

The Benefits of Meditation

To combat stress and its consequences, meditate each day. This puts a break in the cycle of stress. Meditating and relaxing helps to calm the mind and body. Instead of always feeling on edge and in danger, meditation lets the mind know that all is well and you are safe. This allows the body and mind to recover and recharge. 

As a side benefit of meditation, you actually become more efficient, effective and creative. Your awareness of your intuition will be enhanced. Any kind of meditation will do, from concentrating on a mantra, to doing self-hypnosis. Select the one that you resonate with. You just need to take the time to center, getting back in touch with yourself and your Higher Self. By doing so, you’ll have more time and resources to deal with the events of your life.

Affirmation

I am now relaxed and calm in every situation and circumstance. I know the the Universe protects and guides me at all times. As I take the time to center in this knowledge each day, my life flows more smoothly. When a challenge arises in my life, I remember that the Universe has any answer that I need. I open my mind to listen for the solution.

As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To boost productivity and reduce overwhelm, register for her FREE guide, Design Your Best Day, at https://www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/guide.html You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Is Your Glass Half-Full Or Half-Empty?

Is Your Glass Half-Full Or Half-Empty?

by Linda-Ann Stewart

I’m sure you’ve heard of the test to determine if a person is an optimist or a pessimist. Imagine a table with a glass with water in fifty percent of it. A person is asked “Is the glass half-full or half-empty?” Disregarding whether the glass has just had water poured into it, or half of the water poured out, the optimist will say “Half-full,” and the pessimist will say “Half-empty.” Both are right, and both are looking at the glass from their own perspective, through their own mental filters. Those filters also affect the way they look at the rest of their lives.

The Difference Between a Pessimist and an Optimist

The pessimist will expect the worst to happen. They don’t want to get their hopes up so they’ll never be disappointed. And they rarely are. Since they’re looking for the worst, they’ll generally find it. If a negative thinker receives a compliment at work, he’ll brush it off, figuring it was a fluke and will never happen again. Since they expect the worst, they don’t use their resources to discover a solution. Their life becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, they give up and become stuck where they are.

Conversely, the optimist will look on the bright side, and find it. They’re the ones that “make lemons into lemonade.” Since they look for a way to turn a disaster into an opportunity, they’ll generally create a way to do so. If a person with a positive attitude is praised for a project well done, he’ll accept the congratulations and appreciate it. Optimists expect life to improve, so they look for solutions and take action.

How Realism Impacts Both

There is a difference between pessimism and realism. Suppose you have just enough in your bank account to pay all of your bills. A pessimist may get depressed over this state of affairs, and decide that “I don’t have any extra money for fun, and the situation will never get any better,” which simply tells the subconscious not to find a way to improve the situation.

Someone who is too optimistic may choose to spend some of their income on a good dinner, believing that something will turn up to recoup the money before the bills are due. That’s when a realistic attitude is helpful. A realistic optimist will think “Wow, there’s enough money to pay the bills this month. And since there’s nothing constant in the Universe but change, my financial situation will get better,” instructing their creative mind to keep working on a solution.

Optimists Aren’t Born

Pessimism is actually stressful and hard on the body. Studies have shown that pessimists have more physical illnesses and die at a younger age than optimists. Many people think that if they’re an optimist or pessimist, it’s a permanent condition. Not so. Optimists are not born, they’re trained that way. (The same is true of pessimists.) As children, we might pattern ourselves after the way a parent, friend, or teacher acted towards life; or we might choose the opposite approach. Either way, we learn to either look at the shadow or at the sunny side of life.

Being optimistic doesn’t mean that a person is a Pollyanna, wears rose-colored glasses and never recognizes that something is difficult, hurtful, or sad. It just means that they don’t dwell on it. They choose to focus on the good in life, and look for a way for things to improve. In doing so, they’re instructing their creative mind to find a way to turn the obstacles into a benefit. The Chinese character for “challenge” is the same as the character for “opportunity.”

How to Become an Optimist

Becoming an optimist means changing the way you focus on the events in your life. Listen to what you tell yourself about things. Are they negative? Are they actually accurate? For instance, if a friend betrays you, do you think, “I can’t trust any of my friends, and I’ll never find a friend I can trust?” Simply because one friend betrayed you doesn’t mean that all of them are disloyal. Challenge your own negative beliefs and attitudes. They are not facts. They are simply how you have been trained to think about a situation. If you have been trained one way, you can train yourself to think about it differently.

Give yourself a pep talk, such as “Lois betrayed me. She pretended to be my friend for her own agenda. That’s not my issue, it’s hers. Looking back, I realized that something was amiss in the relationship. I have other friends who have been trustworthy. I’m learning more and more to pay attention to my feelings about who can be trusted. There are lots of nice people with integrity in the world, and I can meet them.” This changes the focus of your attention from “no solution” to “solutions are available.”

Just as when a person sees the glass half-empty or half-full, altering the focus can change your filters. When you change your filters, this transforms the way you perceive life. So, instead of seeing the glass as half-empty, you can begin to see the opportunities of the glass being half-full.

Affirmation:

I know that I perceive life through the filters of my own beliefs. Those beliefs aren’t facts, they’re simply based on conclusions I’ve drawn from past experiences, and from the way I’ve learned to process that information. I now realize that there are many other ways to view the events of my life, and I now choose to change my focus to a more positive one. I actively search for a positive way to look at the situations of my life, a way that supports my well being. As I do, I’m instructing my creative mind to discover ways to improve my life.

Stop Worrying And Be Happy

Stop Worrying And Be Happy

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Stress and Overwhelm

When I was a child, my mother called me a “worrywart.” I was concerned about everything, from the well being of my friends, my parents dying (a normal childhood fear) to whether we were going to have a nuclear war (not normal for someone aged   seven). There was very little I could change about these situations, but that didn’t stop me from trying to figure out what I might do. Worry gave me the illusion of having some control over these circumstances.

From childhood, we’re taught to worry about our lives, the people around us, the state of the world. Mom would say, “Of course I’m worried about you, I care about you.” We then patterned ourselves on that model of caring. As children, if we worried about our grades, or about doing something wrong, then the adults considered that we were more mature. Our society perceives people who worry to be more earnest, responsible, or concerned about conditions. If we don’t show our apprehension about a serious situation, people sometimes perceive us as being flighty, a dreamer, not connected with reality, or worst of all (to them) – “an optimist.”

Worry Is Wasteful

But worry is a useless waste of energy. Most of what we worry about can’t be impacted by our being anxious about it. So far, we haven’t had a nuclear war, so I wasted all those hours reading the Civil Defense pamphlets on how to “duck and cover” and how to make a fallout shelter. Taking realistic actions (if there are any) to prepare for a future event is one thing, obsessing over it after we’ve done what we can or over what we can’t change is another. And because the subconscious follows the conscious mind’s lead, it figures if we’re worrying, we must want more to be apprehensive about.

When we worry, we’re simply living in fear. And FEAR stands for “False Evidence Appearing Real.” Fear of a possibility that may, but generally doesn’t, happen. If there is an outcome that is ordained (such as our getting older or inflation), nothing we can do will change it and we might as well enjoy each moment of life.

Mentally chewing a possibility over and over, and not allowing ourselves to have fun because maybe something bad might happen, is a waste of time and energy. Worry is immobilizing. It actually keeps us from being productive, efficient, and pro-active in the present. Universal energy is diverted to a cycle of anxiety instead of into being more creative and finding solutions.

The Habit of Worry

Worry can become a habit, and gives us an illusion of control over circumstances beyond our influence. We can only change our responses and ourselves. Some chronic worriers, in quiet times of happiness, will actually spoil it with an anxious thought of “What should I be worrying about?” I almost superstitiously felt that if I worried, the feared outcome wouldn’t materialize. Finally, I realized that I could more effectively use positive affirmations to bring out the best.

End the Cycle of Worry

The good news is that this habit can be broken. Remember what The Serenity Prayer teaches. “God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” The challenge is to “know the difference.”

Start writing down your concerns. This brings them into a more rational frame of mind, and you can assess their reality. Challenge them with the idea, “How likely is it that this will happen?” If it is a possibility, what’s the worst that can happen, and what would you do? Can you change the situation? If not, every time you begin to chew on it, remind yourself that you will deal with it if it happens. Find an affirmation that helps reinforce something positive happening.

I still occasionally find myself worrying about things, generally when I’m really stressed. But for the most part, I’ve broken the habit. In doing so, I’ve released more positive energy into my life. As the song says, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.”

Affirmation:

Most of what I worry about never happens, so I end the wasteful cycle of worry. I recognize what I can change and what I can’t, and release those conditions beyond my control to the Infinite. Universal Mind guides me into making the best decisions about what I can change. Only good comes to me, as Divine Right Action takes place in every area of my life. I allow myself to enjoy happiness.

As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To boost productivity and reduce overwhelm, register for her FREE guide, Design Your Best Day, at https://www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/guide.html You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Defuse the Power of Negative Thinking

Defuse the Power of Negative Thinking

by Linda-Ann Stewart

"We are what we think about all day long." Ralph Waldo Emerson

“We are what we think about all day long.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

What do you tend to think about all day? Is your awareness focused on beneficial, enriching thoughts or are you mainly thinking discouraging, undermining ideas and telling yourself that “I can’t?” The subconscious follows the tendency of your thoughts, and manifests the average of what you ponder during the day. If the overall quality of your thoughts is positive and uplifting, then the subconscious moves in that direction, and the converse is true.

It’s not easy to think positively every moment of every day. I’m not even sure it’s possible. But the subconscious doesn’t need you to be continuously constructive. It just needs you to be more positive than negative for it to create more harmony. But many people fear their negative thoughts, and that very fear gives those thoughts more energy.

Thought Is Creative

Each thought is potentially creative and is formed of energy. When a person recognizes they’ve considered a negative idea, many times they feel guilty for doing so, and become afraid that it will overcome any positive thoughts. Instead of simply switching their attention to something more beneficial, they continue to spiral downwards, and the negative thought takes on a life of its own. 

For instance, consider a baseball player who has missed every pitch in a game. Instead of figuring he just had a bad game, or the pitcher was especially good, he might begin to doubt his abilities. During practice, and the next game, he’ll tense up and worry too much about hitting the ball. He may recognize the tendency of his thinking, and try to overcome it. But now he’s fighting on two fronts. He’s concerned about not hitting the ball and fearful that his thinking is going to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Once he begins to worry, and not trust his abilities, problems arise.

Your Subconscious Programs

Many times, the limiting, negative thoughts are simply a part of the subconscious trying to protect you and keep you safe. You might hear that little voice in your head saying:

  • If you don’t try, then you won’t fail, right?
  • By expecting the worst, you won’t be disappointed when it happens.
  • If you don’t succeed, then people won’t expect more of you.

This little voice is part of the subconscious mind using fear, doubt, and worry as a way to keep you from growing and moving forward. As long as you’re in familiar territory, then it figures nothing bad will happen.

It’s simply doing its job, repeating what it’s been programmed to do. So instead of vilifying it, resisting the negative thoughts and fearing their power, change your way of responding to them. When you become aware of a negative idea, simply say, “Thank you.” This immediately defuses the power you attach to the negative thought. You’re acknowledging its attempt to help, instead of rebelling against it. State, “Thank you, but that’s no longer helpful,” and respond with a beneficial concept.

How to Deal with Negative Thoughts

A long time ago, I learned a powerful way of dealing with negative thoughts. Divide a paper in half, write your affirmative goal on the left side, and record any objection that comes to mind on the right side, and then reply with “Thank you.” By writing down its concerns, and then acknowledging it with a “Thank you,” you’re letting the subconscious mind know that you recognize its distress. On the next line, write your goal again, and then any negative response, and “Thank you.” Continue until you don’t notice any negative thoughts about it coming into your mind.

Eventually, it will cease to bother you with protests, because you’ve let it know you’ve heard it, but are still going to move in that new direction. You’ve taken back your power. It will respect that, because that’s its true goal. As long as you accept your own authority in directing your life, the critical voice will quiet down. And you can now put your attention on what it is you want in your life, without wasting your energy resisting your negative thoughts.

Affirmation:

Negative thoughts are simply outdated ideas that I accepted sometime in the past. They are no longer valid or necessary to help me. Whenever I recognize myself dwelling on a negative concept, I remember that it’s simply my subconscious mind concerned about me. I respond with “Thank you, but it’s safe for me to experience progress.” I accept that I am the authority in my life and now take back my power.

As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Find the Good in Your Life

Find the Good in Your Life

Linda-Ann Stewart

Have you ever had someone rudely jump ahead of you in line at the grocery store, and it soured your mood for hours? Or had someone make a spiteful remark, and it ruined your day? Even if the rest of the day was pleasant, you likely dwelled on the annoying encounter and were sensitized to notice more irritations afterwards. This is a natural occurrence.

People are primed to notice more negative things than positive. Your brain was designed to help you survive, and does so by detecting threats to your life. If your ancestors hadn’t registered that the tiger was about to pounce on them, they wouldn’t have survived to pass their genes onto you.

Nowadays, there aren’t as many physical dangers, but the mind doesn’t distinguish between what might kill you and what disturbs you emotionally or mentally. The brain perceives them all as potential threats and spotlights what’s upsetting to you so it can try to help you survive.

The Negativity Effect

Scientists call this the Negativity Bias or Effect. Humans are more inclined to recognize and remember the negative, and brush off the positive. It’s the brain and subconscious mind’s effort to keep you safe.

It’s not an issue if it only happens once in a while, such as from an unpleasant encounter. But if you get stuck in viewing the world through this dark lens, it adversely impacts how you think and react in other areas. You only perceive what’s wrong, and can become cynical, irritable and depressed.  

You need to be careful as this primal characteristic can overwhelm your life. If you’re always braced for something to go wrong, you’re predisposed to overreact to minor upsets or annoyances, and you notice them more. At the same time, you don’t recognize the good in your life.

You’re always in a fight or flight mode, stressed, anxious and exhausted. If this is the case, you don’t have enough resources to think clearly or be creative. You automatically react like you did in the past, without considering other alternatives.

Why It’s Important to Overcome This Tendency

The more you focus on what bothers you, the more incidents you notice, and this mindset becomes a habit. This ingrained attitude can lead you to expect the worst in people and situations, and can adversely affect your relationships. Your actions follow your beliefs and attention, so you could unwittingly create the very conditions that would confirm your pessimistic expectations.

Fortunately, you’re not a captive to this ancient bias. You can counteract your brain’s predisposition to lean to the negative by training yourself to pay attention to what’s good in your life. This will balance out that primeval tendency to always be on alert for threats. You have the power to decide how much of an impact unpleasant situations will have on you.

Instead of getting sucked into a negative frame of mind, you can train yourself to notice what’s good in your life. It takes time and practice, but when you persist in developing this skill, annoyances will bother you less overall. You may be aware of the irritations, but they won’t trigger you to fall into a well of cynicism.

What You Focus on Grows

As you begin to pay attention to what’s going well in your life, you’ll discover there’s more that’s good than you originally thought. What you focus on grows in your awareness and your subconscious mind will begin to scan your environment for other positive aspects.

Scientists say that “neurons that fire together, wire together.” If you dwell on the negative, you grow more brain cells that create discouragement, depression and helplessness. This is how pessimists are created. However, when you focus on the positive, brain cells grow in the areas for happiness, wellbeing and resourcefulness. Doing this develops optimists.

The One to Five Ratio

Scientists say that, in a relationship, it takes between four and five positive interactions to overcome a single negative one. If you’ve had an unpleasant disagreement with a friend, you’ll need several amicable exchanges with them to feel comfortable with them again. I think the same might be true of events. When you’ve experienced a distressing situation and it has soured your mood, it may take four to five pleasant incidents to improve your outlook.

You can be more proactive to start to feel better. Shortly after you’re upset, irritated or annoyed, find five things you’re grateful for in your life. Or seek out five items that make you happy in the moment. They can be small pleasures, like a flower, clouds floating in a blue sky or a child’s laugh. This will balance out the negativity, and help you shake off the unpleasantness you encountered.

Creating a New Brain Pattern.

You don’t have to let upsets or irritations control your overall mood or mindset. As you deliberately seek out more of the positive, you establish a new pattern in your brain. You create more positive leaning brain cells. By training yourself to pay attention to what’s positive, negative situations will bother you less. You won’t waste mental energy on minor negative incidents. They’ll reduce in importance, and you’ll increase your ability to handle them.

Not only that, you’ll be able to recognize more possibilities that you would have ignored before. Because you’re more open to them, your subconscious will search your environment for opportunities that benefit you. To uplift your entire life and overcome your ancient bias to be negative, spend time to enjoy pleasant moments and rewire your brain to be happy.

Affirmation:

I have the power and ability to choose where to put my attention. When I focus on more positive thoughts, I know that it impacts my life in a beneficial way. I become aware of when I start to slide into negativity, and decide to notice what’s good in my life. As I seek out the positive, I establish a new pattern within my mind that leans to optimism. This opens my mind to greater wellbeing and happiness.

Watch the accompanying video, Train Yourself to Be Positive.

As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity. Register for her FREE guide to Design Your Best Day at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/guide.html. You can also contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

You Can Choose Your Beliefs

You Can Choose Your Beliefs

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Breaking the chains of outdated beliefs

When Sandy was a small child, she and her younger brother were playing in the same room. She was playing quietly with a doll, and he was pounding his truck with a rock. Her mother yelled at them to stop it, saying that they were “bad” and “destructive.” She went on to rant that they’d never receive anything good because they wouldn’t take care of it. Because of this episode, Sandy grew up believing that she didn’t deserve anything of value.

This belief had created a filter in Sandy’s life. Whenever she had an opportunity to improve her life or have something of importance, she sabotaged it. One time, she lost a precious necklace soon after she received it. Another time, after getting a promotion, she forgot a vital deadline and was demoted as a result. Her subconscious made her belief that she couldn’t be trusted into a reality.

Break with the Old Belief

One day, as she was relating the memory to a friend, she realized that her mother hadn’t been speaking to her. Suddenly, she recognized that her mother had been addressing her brother. Reassessing the situation from an adult perspective, Sandy understood her mother had been frustrated that her brother had destroyed every toy he’d gotten. Sandy’s entire belief system shifted, and she felt a surge of self-worth.

Although Sandy didn’t consciously choose the belief that she wasn’t worthy of anything good, it was one that she’d accepted before she was old enough to know better? Some of your beliefs are from single experiences that deeply impressed you, like Sandy’s. Others are hand-me-downs from your family or friends when you were too young to decide whether they were valid or not.

Your Beliefs Filter the World

For instance, you may have been a graceful dancer, but a jealous sibling or classmate told you that you were a klutz. If you accepted the judgment, from that point on you had a hard time walking without tripping over a blade of grass.

Or maybe you had a label pinned to you. Were you a strong minded child that refused to blindly follow instructions? If so, you may have been labeled a “troublemaker” by teachers and parents.  And from that point on, you put on that persona and causing trouble became your hobby.

You filter your world through your beliefs. They affect your decisions, behaviors, reactions, and actions. They also influence how you respond to people and situations and how others respond to you. Not only that, your subconscious mind makes sure that you confirm your beliefs. This is why Sandy lost the necklace, the dancer became clumsy, and the stubborn child became a troublemaker.

Assess Your Beliefs

But a belief isn’t set in stone. For instance, the incident with Sandy’s brother didn’t affect him at all. He became a truck driver with an impeccable record. A situation doesn’t create a belief. Your belief is simply an interpretation of events and your comprehension could be incorrect, as Sandy’s was. You may not have all the facts or information, just as Sandy didn’t. Your judgment is also affected by other beliefs and perceptions you have. Two different people would interpret the situation in very different ways, depending on their own experiences, perceptions and beliefs.

You can choose what to believe. If a belief isn’t working for you, then you can change it. Beliefs are created by what you focus on and accept as a reality. If you focus on a feeling of worthlessness, then that’s what you’ll believe. However, if you consciously recognize your true worth, and focus on that, you’ll start to feel deserving.

When you focus on the idea that life is a struggle, then you’ll only notice conditions that verify your belief. Choosing to believe that life can be easy and harmonious will switch your filter, and instruct your subconscious to find ways for life to flow smoother.

Are Your Beliefs Serving You?

Are your beliefs giving you the life you want or taking you where you want to go? If not, what do you need to believe to take you there? When the old belief surfaces, substitute the new one. It may feel threatening at first because you’re changing a long standing habit. But the sky won’t fall if you do.

After the old belief filter disappeared from Sandy’s mind, she got a promotion and this time she remembered her deadlines. Because she realized her value, she was able to accept value into her world. What beliefs do you choose to change so you can claim a better life?

Affirmation:

I reassess old, outdated beliefs and recognize which ones have been limiting filters for me. By identifying them and that they’re no longer useful, I take the first step to changing them. The Universe completely supports me in this endeavor. I give myself permission to change my belief to something more positive and that opens the door to success, health, harmony and abundance.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at https://www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

“I cast off the bindings of the past. The thoughts, beliefs and attitudes of the past no longer have a hold on me. I now establish a greater way of being a doing that brings me harmony and joy.”

Your past beliefs served a purpose for you. They were created at a time in your life when they were needed. But you’ve outgrown them, and they no longer serve you. Although it may feel threatening, it’s time to let them go and move forward. The only way to do so is to convince your subconscious by choosing different thoughts, words and actions. It may rebel a little, thinking that you’re wading into dangerous waters. But as you persist, it will realize that it’s safe now to change.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Are You Expecting Too Little?

Are You Expecting Too Little?

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Years ago, I was involved with someone who never kept his promises. Glenn was always late for a date and never called when he said he would. And, in this pre-cell phone era, I couldn’t call him. To reduce my frustration, I decided not to have any expectations of him. Also, I didn’t want to have my beliefs of how I thought he should act interfere in the relationship.

Unfortunately, since there were no consequences for his actions, it just encouraged his callous behavior. One day, when he was again a half-hour late, I’d had enough and I left. Later, we had a “discussion” about it and all of his other broken agreements with me. Faced with either treating me with more respect or having the relationship end, he said he’d live up to his promises.

The Problem with Low Expectations

The idea that prompted my original attitude was that when you have low expectations, then you’re delighted whenever something special comes your way. Trying to have the perfect relationship, best job, or ultimate success can keep you from enjoying the moment. You’re always living in the future, dissatisfied and unhappy in the present.

However, the attitude of,  “Don’t have any expectations. That way you’re not disappointed with what you get,”  means that you never strive to improve your life. You settle for what you have, happy with crumbs that life throws you, and don’t believe it can get any better. And with this attitude, your subconscious will only give you what it already has. It can’t give you anything more because you’re instructing it not to.

Why to Aspire for More

Aspiring for something better, and not reaching the apex, can bring disappointment. And disappointment hurts. After a failure, many people stop trying. They’re afraid to want more, and just try to be grateful for what they have. But then they don’t work hard towards anything, because why strive when they don’t believe they’ll achieve anything?

In that case, unfortunately, life responds according to our low expectations. By not expecting anything better, we don’t work for it. Being satisfied with the status quo, we don’t take any actions to stand up for ourselves. By not seeking to improve our job position, we will never put forth any effort to move up.  

But is giving up and being complacent the way to grow? Isn’t striving part of the learning process? Without moving toward a vision or a goal, then you’re not progressing. Very few people succeed the first, second or even fifth time. You learn something new with each attempt, and it makes you stronger and wiser.

Avoid Having Unrealistic Expectations

Although having unrealistic expectations can undermine the ability to achieve your goals and destroy your happiness, sensible ones can enrich your life. Working toward a realistic goal can build skills, character and get you closer to the life you want.

Wanting to lose 50 pounds in a month would be unrealistic. Deciding to reduce by 5 pounds a month is doable. It may take you awhile to reach your goal weight, but by the time you’ve lost the weight, you’ll have spent months living with your new eating behaviors. This would give you a better chance of maintaining your weight.

Hoping to become manager of your department a month after you first get the job would be unrealistic. However, meeting deadlines and giving more than asked would get you noticed. Before long, you could be asked to lead up a project that would put you on the promotion track.

Balance Your Expectations

When you have expectations, you’re able to gauge whether your goals are progressing properly or not. They allow you to measure whether you’ve met your objectives. If you haven’t, you adjust them and keep going.

As with everything, there are extremes to having expectations. Having too little can get you stuck in a dead end job, unhappy relationship, or stagnant life. If your expectations are too high or unrealistic, you’ll constantly be dissatisfied, unhappy and may eventually give up. However, when you have realistic expectations that require you to work towards them and grow, they’ll enrich your life.

What I wanted from a relationship was more than Glenn could give me. He continued to treat me as a convenience. Although it was difficult for me, I eventually ended the relationship with him. I wanted and expected better treatment and respect. Only by desiring something different, taking action towards it, and expecting that your actions will be successful, will you be able to experience something greater in your life.

Affirmation:

I give myself permission to accept greater abundance and success into my life. I keep my expectations realistic as I work towards my goals. Even if I don’t succeed the first time, I learn from the situation and try again. Only good comes to me as I pursue my dreams.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity. To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

If you’re ambivalent about your goal, your subconscious knows that. One day you may want to move forward, and the next you wonder if it’ll be worth it. For example, a smoker knows they should quit smoking, but doesn’t want the short-term discomfort that it’ll take to reach that objective. Your subconscious takes its cue from your conscious mind. Only when you commit to a goal, without reservation, will the subconscious fully back you. What beliefs do you need to put into place to commit to it?

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Some people don’t like that you have to focus on your goal to be able to manifest it. They’d prefer to be able to desire one thing and think about another. But that would take an entirely different set of natural laws. Is it reasonable to expect to drive in one direction while staring in another? The natural response is to drive in the direction of your vision. So if you’re driving west, and looking to the south, your response is to turn the car to drift south. The same is true of your mind. If you keep thinking of what you lack in your life, you won’t experience much abundance. Your vision gives your subconscious mind the direction of what you want.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart