Can Kindness Backfire?
by Linda-Ann Stewart
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “No good deed goes unpunished.” This is often times true if you do your good deed for external gratitude or appreciation. If that’s the reason you perform your good deed, you miss the inner rewards that come with giving of yourself. But there are times in which too much kindness, or trying to push it on others, can be a problem.
The Downside of Kindness
There are times when your intention is to be kind, but it’s not helpful to the person, or may actually harm you. Here are some examples of when kindness can misfire.
Misinterpreting the situation. What you offer as a kindness the other person may reject. You may sincerely want to help those who want to remain self-reliant. For instance, a child whose parent tries to tie their shoe, only to have the child say, “I can do it myself.” In this case, respecting their independence is kindness.
People who don’t want help. You notice that someone needs help, but they don’t want any assistance. Early in my hypnotherapy and coaching practice, I learned that I couldn’t help those who didn’t want help. If I tried to convince them that things could be better, it caused them to rebel and cling more tightly to their issue. Kindness would be to let go and wait until they ask for help.
Giving too much of yourself. Many years ago, I got into a situation where I was involved in a lot of groups. Because I was overinvolved and not taking care of myself, my health started to sputter and I was constantly sick. To be kind to myself, I had to back out of all of my commitments and lower my stress so I could get healthy again.
People expecting too much. This is the second part of the last example. The person in charge of one of the groups I was volunteered at insisted I continue to work, despite my health issues. She expected me to do what she wanted, no matter how it harmed me. When someone tries to bully you, your responsibility is to be considerate of your needs.
Find a Balance
Being kind is important, for your well being and for the benefit of others. But don’t try to force kindness on people, because that can create a backlash. And that may cause you to be less kind in the future. If you find yourself being taken advantage, of or trying to force kindness on others, take a step back and reassess.
When your kindness is rejected and you may want to shut down, remember your intention was to help. Aesop said, “No act of kindness, no matter how small, was ever wasted.” Find those who will welcome your help or those that you can help in smaller ways.
If you find yourself overextended, or being taken advantage of, pull back and set boundaries. Self-care must come first or you can’t help anyone else. The most important person to help and to be kind to is you. Kindness spreads kindness, and when you attend to your needs, you have more to give.
Affirmation:
I am loving, compassionate, and kind to myself and others. I recognize when my kindness will be welcomed and accepted. Even in delicate or difficult situations, I am Divinely guided in ways to be kind with helping others. I treat others with respect and empathy. By embracing kindness, I’m able to wisely use it in the best way for everyone concerned.
Watch the accompanying video, Be as Kind to Yourself as You Are to Others.
As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To boost productivity and reduce overwhelm, register for her FREE guide, Design Your Best Day, at Linda-AnnStewart.com/guide.html You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.