When you make a mistake or mess up, you probably harshly judge and condemn yourself. This is your inner critic trying to motivate you to do better. But it generally makes things worse. To tame your inner critic, stop accepting what it says or fighting it. Instead, use self-compassion and be kind to yourself and that part of you. Here’s a three step strategy to defuse your inner critic and improve your relationship with yourself.
Thank you for watching. I’m Linda-Ann Stewart of Heartvision Consulting and a vision strategist. I’d like to give you a strategy that will help you improve your relationship with yourself and your ability to achieve your goals. It has to do with being kind or compassionate to yourself and your inner critic.
Unfortunately, when people do something less than perfect, they tend to judge, criticize and beat themselves up. Do you ever do that? Your inner critic is trying to whip you back into line, to motivate or protect you. But all those negative beliefs and labels you’ve given yourself surface, and make you feel lousy. Does it ever help? No, it doesn’t.
So how can you be compassionate with yourself and deal with the inner critic? Here’s a three step strategy to do so.
1. The first step is to pay attention when your inner critic starts its refrain, but refuse to buy into it. What it’s saying is generally not true. It’s just regurgitated stuff from the past, isn’t it? Just observe what you’re thinking and the feelings it dredges up. This is called being mindful. Not reacting to those ideas, just recognizing them.
2. Second step, acknowledge your inner critic and what it’s repeating. How could you be compassionate to this inner critic? Instead of fighting it, just say something like, “I understand what you’re trying to do.” Or “I know you think this is helpful, but it’s not.” One way is to talk to it like you would to a child who is verbally beating themselves up. Be kind.
3. Third step, be compassionate towards yourself. Say something like, “I messed up, but I’ll do better next time.” Or “I’m human and learning more every day.” Or “I had a moment of weakness. I’ll make a better choice next time.” What would you say to your best friend who’d made the kind of mistake you did? You’d be kind.
When you’re nice to yourself, you have more motivation to do and be better. You actually take more responsibility for your actions. Being compassionate towards yourself allows you to learn and make different choices next time. It will improve your self-image, your well being and your ability to achieve your goals.
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It is so easy to fall into the trap of being critical. Our society actually encourages it. When you judge another person, condition or situation, you’re limiting Universal energy from flowing through you. Judging is a false way of feeling superior or powerful. As soon as you condemn, you’ve labeled it and restricted any benefit that could come from it or to you. And many times, what you’re judging in others is what you’re critical of in yourself. When you become aware of judging any person or thing, catch yourself and stop. Realize that you may not know all the details. Lighten up with others and with yourself.
~ Linda-Ann Stewart
VideoComments Off on How to Raise Your Self-Esteem by Acknowledging Yourself
A lot of people have a strong inner critic that tears them down, no matter what they do. Instead of helping you, this can undermine your confidence and motivation. To combat this critical inner voice, build yourself up by appreciating yourself and what you do. Linda-Ann will share some specific tips that will cause you to feel better about yourself and accomplish more.
Thank you for joining me. I’m LAS. A lot of people have a strong inner critic. Do you? It’s a part of you who is always criticizing you and everything you do… or don’t do. It tells you that you’re not good enough, not doing enough, not accomplishing enough… just not enough.
Many of my clients have said that they just didn’t feel like they were enough. That was the way they put it, “I don’t feel like I’m enough.” Have you ever felt that way? You may think that always criticizing yourself can push you to do more, but the opposite is, in fact, true. It can actually sabotage you because it undermines your confidence and motivation. I mean, why try when it’s never enough, right?
Today, I want to give you some specific ways you can respond to the constant criticism you hear from yourself. These tips help to shift your attention to something more positive and build you up rather than tear you down. It’s something I do with my clients, both in my coaching and hypnotherapy practice.
Linda-Ann Stewart of Heartvision Consulting, vision strategist. Using my 30 years of experience as a hypnotherapist, I help women business owners and entrepreneurs align their heart with their vision, chart their course and focus on the strategies that will bring them greater success and prosperity on their terms.
When we talk, I urge them to pay attention to what has changed or improved since our last session. To what they have accomplished. Many of them first tell me nothing is different. But as they talk, they realize just how much has changed and what they have accomplished.
We focus on their progress, and by doing so, are able to build on it. It’s a simple technique of acknowledging what they’ve done, instead of focusing on what they haven’t done. When you focus on what you HAVE done, then you’re motivated to do more. You build up momentum, because you’re feeling successful. And success breeds success.
For instance, I once had a friend, Laura, who used this technique of acknowledging what she’d done. She had a strong inner critic that paralyzed her. Do you ever feel that way? She discovered a way to combat that inner critic. She’d acknowledge her small wins each day. In her journal, she’d list that she’d eaten breakfast, fed the dog, washed her dishes, etc.
These are all daily tasks that had to be done each day, right? And you might wonder why she’d write down these daily tasks shortly after she got up. But it made her feel like she’d accomplished something. It triggered the reward circuit in her brain and released pleasure chemicals into her body. It energized her to keep going and do more. It got her out of the paralysis. Sounds good, right?
I’m sure you’ve heard of a gratitude journal, where you write down things that you’re grateful for each day. Some research is now showing that doing the same thing with your accomplishments, no matter how small, can turn your mood around and make you feel more motivated. It can make you feel like you’re good enough, just like when my clients would start to acknowledge their changes. Acknowledging 3 small wins each day for 7 days can lift your self-esteem for 3 months. Wouldn’t that be great? And it’s simple to do.
Just make a commitment to recognize what you’ve done during the day. It can be in a journal form, or on your phone or calendar. You can acknowledge small achievements, like my friend Laura did, or bigger ones. But don’t just limit this to your accomplishments. Also recognize when you’ve made a small step forward. Not just that you’ve finished a project, but that you’ve worked on a small part of it. Give yourself credit for your effort, not just the results. What can you acknowledge yourself for today?
For instance, acknowledge when you declined that donut, or only had one bite of it, or had a salad for lunch. When you balanced your checkbook or paid down your credit card. Or when you made that one follow up call you’d been dreading. All of these are valid actions to celebrate.
Other items you can appreciate about yourself are your strengths, your values, and your talents. For instance, you are consistent in sending out an ezine every month. That’s something to acknowledge. Or when you fulfill a promise, to yourself or someone else, like being on time for a lunch date. Or if you’ve been wanting to draw, and finally put a pencil to paper, that’s something to be proud of.
When you begin to focus on what’s good about you and what you do, instead of what’s negative, you’ll feel better about yourself. You’re praising yourself for being who you are in your life. You’ll feel like you’re making progress, which is important. Because progress means you’re moving forward. It’s encouraging and inspiring. And isn’t that a better way to motivate yourself?
If you’d like some help in achieving your goals, apply for a complimentary Clarify Your Vision coaching consultation.
Thank you for watching. I hope to hear from you that acknowledging yourself has made you feel more motivated and enough. Take care.
As a vision strategist, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart helps women entrepreneurs and small business owners who feel stuck, immobilized and overwhelmed to to get clear, focused and on the fast track to the next level of their business. If you'd like some help to reach your goals, apply for her complimentary "Clarify Your Vision" consultation at http://www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/coaching.shtml
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