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Stop Shaming Yourself

Stop Shaming Yourself

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Break the inner chains that bind you.

When I used to facilitate tobacco-cessation classes, I told the participants not to condemn themselves if they relapsed. Feeling ashamed would just make them feel powerless and they’d give up. It’s much like someone on a diet who eats a cookie and figures, “Oh, well. I’ve failed. I might as well eat the whole bag.” In reality, the relapse is simply an opportunity to learn what else they need to do to become a nonsmoker. They’ve stumbled onto a trigger that they hadn’t planned on or had no strategy in place to deal with.

Shame and Guilt Are Different

Most of us dump shame on ourselves at one time or another. Shame is different from guilt. Shame is usually deposited on us by someone else, or can be an exaggerated form of guilt. Guilt signals us when we’ve violated some reasonable standard or value, so that we learn the lesson and don’t do it again. Such as accidentally stepping onto someone’s foot, feeling upset that it happened, apologizing or making amends, and moving on with our lives.

However, guilt morphs into shame when we do something we regret, and then the emotion grows to infect every aspect of our lives. Shame permeates our whole beingness and isn’t just about what we’ve done, but about who we are.

The more we wallow in guilt, and transform it into shame, the more powerless and worthless we feel. When that happens, we tend to act in self-destructive ways to try to numb the pain of how bad we feel, as well as verify the low opinion of ourselves.

A smoker will smoke more, someone with an eating disorder will spiral into more of the problem, a couch potato will avoid getting any exercise, a rage-aholic will lash out at those close to them, a workaholic will spend less time at home, and even those with no major addiction problems will do more of what made them feel ashamed in the first place. It’s a vicious cycle.

Stop the Cycle of Shame

As with everything else, “Energy flows where attention goes.” If our full attention is on how bad we are because of the awful thing we did, and we focus on that to the exclusion of anything good we’ve done, our subconscious has no other choice than to continue to recreate the negativity. It’s only doing what it perceives we want. The Universe doesn’t want us to suffer like that. It’s all our doing.

It’s not easy to stop the cycle. We’ve been trained to be very critical of ourselves. Our culture tends to shame those who don’t meet its measure of perfection. I’ve even heard spiritual people say, about someone going through a challenge, “I wonder what was in their consciousness to bring that into their experience?” It’s just another form of judging a person for not meeting some impossibly high standard.

It’s About Learning

We’re here to learn lessons, to become skilled at love, power and manifestation. If we were perfect, we wouldn’t be here. This life is a process of training. A child doesn’t walk the first time they stand up. They fall, and try again. After learning to balance, they then take a step and tumble down. They’re learning how to use their muscles. Eventually, through trial and error, they are able to walk, run and skip.

As we learn, we practice our new abilities each day. Sometimes we backslide to learn another aspect of the lesson. A child doesn’t shame themselves for not being able to walk as soon as they emerge into this world. They learn from their mistakes and get on with the process. We need to be more like children when we don’t succeed immediately, because the more we slip-up, the more we get to experience new facets of our lesson.

Whenever that shaming voice begins to shout, remember that the original issue isn’t about the whole being, it’s about a single event. Focus on that one incident, learn what you need to do differently, make any amends necessary, forgive yourself, and implement the changes you want to make. Then let it go and move on. In this way, we release and direct Universal energy to grow and evolve.

Affirmation:

Shame is a denial of Universal love. Any shame I feel is false information about who and what I am. I am a worthwhile child of the Infinite. I give myself credit for the good that I’ve done. Whenever I take a mis-step or make a mistake, I realize that it’s simply part of my learning process. Guilt is a signal that I violated my own standards. I learn the lesson, make amends, forgive myself and let it go. In so doing, I move forward in my spiritual awareness and evolution.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Podcast Interview – Hypnotizing Your Mindset to Achieve Your Goals

Podcast Interview – Hypnotizing Your Mindset to Achieve Your Goals

Lois Sonstegard, Ph.D., ACC and I were introduced through a mutual acquaitance, and Lois invited me to be interviewed on her podcast, Building My Legacy. The podcast encourages, stimulates, challenges and motivates you as a leader to answer , “What’s next in my life?” She thought I had a unique perspective that her listeners would appreciate.

Because of my background as a hypnotherapist, we started out talking a bit about hypnosis.  As most people are, Lois was curious about the process. She was slightly surprised to hear that hypnosis is simply an intensely focused state of attention. We discussed how my hypnotherapy practice and what I learned from it has inspired my work as a coach for women small business owners.

We talked about our how, because we live in such a technologically driven world, and it’s easy to get distracted. Distraction from what’s important will undermine you personally and professionally.  Being distracted causes stress, and prevents you from thinking clearly or creatively. When you’re stressed, you react to the immediate problem without thinking the issues through. During our exchange, I described a simple technique you can use to calm your mind down and think more clearly.

Unfortunately, distraction can become a habit. The more you get distracted, the more you train yourself to be distracted. The good news is that if you can train yourself to be distracted, you can train yourself to be focused. I explained the process I use with my clients, to help them gain clarity, get focused and stay on course. Most people know what they don’t want, but have a hard time figuring out what they do want. At Lois’ request, I shared a technique I teach my clients to gain clarity. 

We had a delightful conversation. I love offering tips and explanations that empower people to have more satisfying and fulfilled lives. For more of Lois’ podcasts on becoming a better leader in your personal and professional life, listen to Building My Legacy on Spreaker or any of the major podcast channels.

Listen to Hypnotizing Your Mindset to Achieve Your Goals.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

There are some people want their thoughts to manifest immediately. Can you imagine what chaos would ensue if you got every desire instantly? Your mind is usually like a runaway horse and takes discipline to bring it under control. There’s a reason for the delay. It gives you time to think about, consider, and contemplate if that’s what you really want and how badly you want it.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Some people don’t like that you have to focus on your goal to be able to manifest it. They’d prefer to be able to desire one thing and think about another. But that would take an entirely different set of natural laws. Is it reasonable to expect to drive in one direction while staring in another? The natural response is to drive in the direction of your vision. So if you’re driving west, and looking to the south, your response is to turn the car to drift south. The same is true of your mind. If you keep thinking of what you lack in your life, you won’t experience much abundance. Your vision gives your subconscious mind the direction of what you want.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Guided Meditation to Gain Clarity

Guided Meditation to Gain Clarity

Are you having trouble with an issue that’s holding you back, but you’re unclear as to what the problem really is? For you to be able to overcome the issue, you have to identify what’s really going on. Being able to express how the situation is affecting you is a major step to finding clarity. Explore how the situation is affecting you so you can move forward and find solutions.

Transcript:

Are you having trouble with an issue that’s holding you back, but you’re unclear as to what the problem really is? For you to be able to overcome the issue, you have to identify what’s really going on. Confucius said, “He who cannot describe the problem will never find the solution to that problem.” So being able to express how the situation is affecting you is a major step to finding clarity.

I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, a focus coach, and I’d like to lead you through a short meditation to help you gain the clarity you need.

If you’re so inclined, close your eyes. Now think of the area in which you’re feeling uncomfortable, discontented, upset or blocked. You know there’s an issue that’s obstructing you, but you may not know exactly what it is.

Once you can describe what the problem is, you have something solid to handle. With that, you can start to find solutions. So you’re going to explore how the situation is affecting you so you can get clarity on the problem.

Ask yourself, “How is this situation affecting me?” Consider all aspects of how it’s concerning you. How is the issue affecting you mentally? What are you thinking about the problem? What are you believing about what’s going on?

How is the issue affecting you emotionally? Are you frustrated, upset, angry, sad or some other emotion?

How is the situation affecting you physically? How is it keeping you from what you want? Where are you stuck? How is the issue blocking your way forward?

Describe the issue in as great a detail as you can. Define everything about it and how it’s influencing your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, actions and behaviors. What is it costing you?

What do you think is the real issue here? Just allow any impressions to surface. They may filter into your mind now, or later on, when it’s appropriate.

Now, turn your attention from the problem… to what you desire beyond it. Imagine the problem is completely resolved. Imagine you have what you want. As you look back, you know what you needed to do to resolve the issue, to deal successfully with the situation. You may not have this information in this moment, but the knowledge will filter into your conscious mind at the right time.

Ok, open your eyes. What were some of your insights? If you don’t have any right this moment, you’ll have some ideas in the near future.

Allowing yourself to fully acknowledge  and recognize the issue frees you to seek the proper solution or solutions. Putting your attention on the problem releases its hold on you and brings it into the light, where you can deal with it.

To be notified of more Mindset Coaching videos, click the “like” to follow my channel.

Thank you for watching. Stay focused.

Read the accompanying article, The Journey to Finding Clarity.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Book Review – 365 Science Of Mind

Book Review – 365 Science Of Mind

365 Science Of Mind” A Year of Daily Wisdom
from Ernest Holmes

I received this little jewel for Christmas fifteen years ago, and still use it. It’s a wonderful book to start the New Year with. Ernest Holmes founded the philosophy, Religious Science (which is my spiritual foundation), teaching practical spirituality for richer living. The individual readings from this book are from his early Science of Mind magazine daily guides. Each month is dedicated to a specific topic, such as love, faith, renewal, fulfillment and more.

Only when you change your thinking will you begin attracting more good into your life. By starting out the morning with these inspirational ideas and reinforcing them all day long, your consciousness of good will expand. Old mental patterns will begin to change as you persist through the year. Each day has a quote from a spiritual text at the top, a short essay to focus your mind, and then an affirmation about the subject. Dedicating only a few minutes a morning to your daily reading, you can transform your life within a year.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

“To guarantee success, act as if it were impossible to fail.” – Dorothea Brande

She was an author in the 1930’s who struggled with self-doubt. This caused her to write very little, because she didn’t know how it would be received. When she decided to “Act as if” she’d be a success, her production increased dramatically and so did her sales. As a result of what she learned from simply changing her attitude, she wrote “Wake Up And Live!” Changing your focus from fear of failure to assurance of success means that you’ll take the necessary steps and make the right decisions that will open doors for you. Your momentum will direct your subconscious to bring whatever you need.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

What’s Your Priority?

What’s Your Priority?

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Railroad tracks that split in two directions

When you start to work on a project, have you ever have something else come up that needed your attention? It dragged you away from your priority, while you dealt with the more immediate concern. Did this develop into a pattern for you, so that every time you began to shift your attention to your project, another distraction would arise?

If so, it’s an unconscious tactic to resist moving forward with your vision. You may have an unknown block to creating your goal. Or you could be concerned about leaving your comfort zone. Your subconscious is simply giving you the means to stay where you are.

Resisting Your Priority

Your priority is whatever goal or vision you’re currently working on, and the steps that can bring it into reality. This could be making your business a success, improving your health, or cleaning out the garage. It needs to be attended to before you deal with anything else. And your priority takes precedence over anyone else’s demands on you.

Resistance can take many aspects. You can recognize it if you’re procrastinating some action having to do with your goal. Washing the dishes first could be an excuse to avoid dealing with your priority. If you want to reduce weight, and decide to have that slice of pie at a party, then you’re giving in to the part of you that doesn’t want that slim figure. Or you could just keep postponing diving into a project that needs to be done. All of these are subconscious devices to keep you where it feels familiar.

The Cost of Distractions

It’s also easy for life to distract you from what’s significant. So many other things demand your attention when you’re trying to fulfill your priorities. Answering email, washing the dog, a friend calling you in distress can all be excuses not to put your needs first. Whatever you pay attention to, even if it’s something that’s been thrust on you, becomes your priority for that moment. You have to consciously make a choice of what is most vital to you.

When other things clamor for your attention, and you focus on them and ignore your goal, you’re giving your subconscious the direction to continue to keep you off track. Unless you take action on your goal first, your subconscious will continue to divert you. It follows your direction. When you let yourself be distracted, it takes the message that you want it to continue to undermine your goal.

The Difference Between Immediate and Urgent

You have to determine what needs your attention now, and what can wait for a few hours. It’s hard not to confuse the immediate from the urgent. An email that needs to be answered today means that it can be responded to later. It can be put off until after you spend time on your goal.

If you have something that’s urgent, it needs to be addressed before you work on your goal. For instance, a computer crash prevents you from doing your work. The computer has to be fixed before anything can be done in the area of your business. A crisis can deter you for a short time. But when it’s over, get refocused and back on course. 

Suppose your goal is to eat healthier and avoid sugar. When you have dinner at your mom’s, your priority is to pick the foods that fit your plan. Even if she’s upset when you don’t have a piece of her chocolate cake, choose to stick to your goal. Your seeking health trumps her being offended. Besides, shouldn’t she support your goal to be healthier?

If you want to establish a spiritual practice, you have to set aside time to meditate and read. When you allow other concerns to impede your practice, you establish that they’re more crucial  than your spiritual growth. When you stand firm in your goal, you communicate to the Universe that you recognize the value of your inner life.

Resolving Resistance

When you have a goal, you have to create the plan to achieve it. You’ll develop steps, and then prioritize them, figuring out what comes first, then second and so on. Each day, make your vision your priority and take some action towards it. Only by doing so will you undo the resistance that has been trying to sabotage your plans.

Distractions will diminish, and you’ll handle them better, because your subconscious will get the message that you intend to fulfill your desire. As you make your vision a priority, you’ll be creating the habit of attending to it a step at a time. Step by step, you’ll get to your goal, and your vision will become a reality.

Affirmation:

I now prioritize myself and my vision. No one can stop me but me. What I want is important, and I set my intention to follow through on it. I push through my resistance, in whatever form it takes. Every day, I take positive action in the direction of my goal. As I do, I establish the habit of supporting myself and my priorities.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity..To achieve
your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.