Don’t park discernment at the door of your consciousness. Just because you’re working at being non-judgmental, more tolerant and compassionate doesn’t mean that you should avoid being discerning. If someone is being rude, discourteous, inconsiderate, you don’t have to label them as “bad.” But it also doesn’t mean that you have to put up with their attitude or actions. If you’re being used or abused in some way, recognize it and deal with the situation appropriately. Discerning whether someone or something is good for you is a god-given attribute.
Personal Boundaries 101 – Part 2
If you read part 1 of this article, you know what boundaries are. Now it’s time to execute them. It’s hard to express them to other people, especially if you haven’t in the past. But this is where they are truly helpful. This article sets some simple guidelines of how to enforce your boundaries.
Why We Sabotage Ourselves
There are all sorts of reasons why we sabotage ourselves. Sometimes it’s due to fear, and other times it’s a reaction to past abuse. But you can change the pattern and begin to have what you want. This article gives some guidance as to how you can identify and resolve self-sabotaging behavior.
Rohn: If You Change Yourself, You Can Change Your Life
As humans, we have power over our attitudes. They aren’t set in stone. When you change your attitude, it enables you to make different decisions, which alters your outcomes. You may not be able to change others, but you can change yourself. And that determines how to respond to the difficult situations that arise in your life.
From Zilla to Chill-a: What To Do When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed (…By The Good Things)
We’re used to dealing with life when we have a myriad of difficulties. But when we have a plethora of good happening, we tend to get overwhelmed. It stirs up feelings of unworthiness and guilt, and we start to sabotage ourselves. Here’s some good advice from someone who found her way through. But her suggestions can also be used for when you’re just plain overwhelmed.
5 Suggestions for Setting Realistic Expectations for Yourself
Many people have unrealistic expectations for themselves and their lives. They expect idealistic outcomes in a specific way every time. And if they don’t get their perfect result, they feel like they’ve failed. Talk about pressure. Instead of undermining yourself at the start, use these ideas to establish reasonable expectations for yourself so you can be more flexible and happier.
Personal Boundaries 101 – Part 1
We all need personal boundaries so that people know what their limits are with us. Boundaries keep us safe and teach people how to treat us. Our well being is our responsibility and boundaries are a way to take care of it. This article has 3 great questions to help us define and describe what our boundaries are. When implemented, you’ll feel more comfortable and freer.
VideoComments Off on Make Yourself a Priority to Reduce Overwhelm
How many roles do you fill? Do you ever feel like they’re pulling you in a hundred different directions all at once? This contributes to a feeling of overwhelm, because you can’t do it all. Learn a couple of techniques of how you can prioritize yourself in a way that supports your mental and physical health.
How many roles do you have? Mother, father, wife, husband, sister/brother, business owner, worker, manager, daughter, son, and on and on? Do you ever feel like they’re pulling you in a hundred different directions all at once? Like you have too many people who want you to help them, or want something from you, and they all want it now? This contributes to a feeling of stress and overwhelm, because you can’t do it all. And trying to can impact your personal and professional life. I’d like to give a couple of suggestions of how you can prioritize yourself in a way that supports your mental and physical health.
I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, a vision strategist. For almost 30 years, I’ve been a hypnotherapist. Clients came to see me to create change in their lives. Over time, I discovered that they had to also have a vision of where they wanted to end up with that change to be truly successful. Now, as a vision strategist, I help women entrepreneurs get clear, focused and get back in control so they’re able to accelerate to the next level of their business.
I don’t know about you, but I’m always fighting against being a people pleaser. In the past, my needs took second place to what others wanted. If a group I was volunteered for asked me to be part of committee, I’d generally say “yes,” even when the time involved impacted my work or well being. The wake-up call came when I got so over involved with different organizations that my health was affected. That’s when I developed the ability to say “no.” I realized I couldn’t be all things to all people, and still be there for myself. I couldn’t please everyone. Can you?
For instance, you know you can’t satisfy all of your potential customers. Some will just be more trouble than they’re worth. You’ll have to choose your values and peace of mind over what they want from you. Setting boundaries on your time may be your first step. For instance, you don’t answer the phone outside of office hours. Or, if you need to be on call, you establish some rules for customers who abuse the privilege.
In my first years as a hypnotherapist and coach, I learned not to give my home number to clients (this was in the years before cell phones). Too many called in the evening, just to talk. So what kind of boundaries can you set? It’s just another way of saying “no.”
If people in your personal life demand what you struggle to give, it’s important to use both of those strategies. Learn to say “no” to requests that you know will mean you have to sacrifice something important to you. And establish boundaries for when you will and won’t be available, what you’re willing to do and not do. Especially if they’re things that the person asking can do for themselves. You can’t please everyone, and you need to take care of your well being or you won’t be able to be there for others.
Years ago, I had to end my association with some of the organizations I’d been involved with. They couldn’t accept that I wasn’t at their beck and call anymore. It was hard, and I probably wouldn’t have done it if my health hadn’t been involved. But learning to say “no” was a valuable lesson. It’s one that has served me well in my personal and professional life since.
What can you say “no” to? How can you set boundaries in your life? These are very important abilities to develop. They allow you to prioritize what’s important for you. And when you do that, you’ll reduce your stress and have more peace of mind.
As a vision strategist, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart helps women entrepreneurs and small business owners who feel stuck, immobilized and overwhelmed to to get clear, focused and on the fast track to the next level of their business. If you'd like some help to reach your goals, email her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com with "Complimentary Consultation" in the subject line.
There is only one person that you can change and that’s yourself. It would be nice if you could change the way others behaved and thought. But you can’t. It’s a hard lesson to learn. You can’t keep others from sabotaging their lives, hurting themselves, or how they feel about you. The one thing you can do is change the kind of treatment you’ll accept. If you’re being criticized, hurt, abused, or in some other destructive way, you have the ability to say “no” to it. Set boundaries, and establish consequences if they violate your limits. Even if the decision is to no longer associate with them. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. You may not be able to change another person, but you can change the way they treat you.
“If you don’t run your own life….someone else will.” – John Atkinson
When you give up what’s important to you because someone else wants you to, then you’re allowing them power over your life. You could have planned a quiet evening at home, but a friend wants you to go to a movie you have no desire to see. If you let yourself be talked into it, you have abandoned yourself. You have a right to live your life your way.