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Be as Kind to Yourself as You Are to Others

Be as Kind to Yourself as You Are to Others

Being kind to others brings great rewards. But there are times when you get depleted when you’ve been kind without paying attention to your needs. Learn some signals that let you know when you need to be kind to yourself. Watch Be as Kind to Yourself as You Are to Others.

Transcript:

We all know that it’s important to be kind to others. One small act of kindness can spread, like the ripples in a pond. But there are times when giving too much of yourself can deplete you. People can expect too much, take advantage of you, or you just can’t draw the line. It’s hard to say “no” when your spirit is willing, but your physical, mental and emotional well being is drained.

I know how it is to be stretched beyond your limit by volunteering and giving of your time and energy. At one time, I’d overextended myself so much that my health suffered.

I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, a focus mentor and hypnotherapist. I empower people to focus and align their heart with their vision so they can achieve their goals.

I learned that to be able to have enough energy to give to others, you need to be able to replenish what you have. Being kind to yourself is as important, if not more so, than being kind to others. If you’re depleted, then you can’t help anyone.

One of the ways to make sure you stay balanced is to know when to pull back and say “not now” or “no.” Some good signals to do this are when you’re starting to feel overwhelmed, resentful,or exhausted. These indicate that it’s time for you to step back, be kind to yourself and restore your energy.

Kindness begins with your being kind to yourself. Give yourself the same thoughtfulness that you give to others, and then you’ll be able to spread that kindness in a much greater way. How can you be kind to yourself today? Thank you for watching.  If you’d like to be notified when I release more videos on mindset, motivation and empowerment, please like my channel and click on the bell. Be kind, to yourself and others, and as always, stay focused.

Please read the accompanying article, Can Kindness Backfire?

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

When you begin taking back your power, the people in your life will probably react by putting more pressure on you in an attempt to change you back. They’re only mirroring your own ambivalence and uncertainty. When you get clear in your own mind that it’s appropriate to set boundaries, to say “no,” to insist on respect, then the response will be more accepting. So the more determined and committed you are to take back your power, the easier the transition will be.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

At some point, everyone has to deal with someone who is irate. It may be a loved one, a boss, a friend or a customer. If they’re open to listening to your explanations, then you can relate to them on an equal basis and find a resolution. But if they’re irrational, and ignore your reasons, let go of the need to have them understand, at least at that point. They’ll just dismiss your explanation, because it doesn’t agree with what they want to hear or want you to do. You may just need to do what you need to, without telling them why. Because no matter what you say or do, they’re not going to understand.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Where Do You Draw the Line?

Where Do You Draw the Line?

Sometimes, it’s hard to know when you’re being taken advantage of. Maybe you tolerate inappropriate behavior, risk your own well being, and don’t even realize it. How can you recognize when this happens? There are some important cues that can tell you that someone has gone over your line. Once you begin to identify the signals, you can then decide how to handle the situation.

Transcript:

On social media a while back, someone I’ve known for quite some time  took advantage of our connection and regularly needled me. I pretty much ignored it, taking the advice of, “Don’t feed the trolls.” Usually, if someone who trolls you doesn’t get a reaction, they lose interest and leave you alone. They go trolling for people who are more responsive. But when this person escalated the attacks on me, I blocked them.

When the comments were benign, they were a nuisance, but didn’t bother me. This person was just looking for attention. But I drew the line when the comments got malicious. For me, that went way beyond what I would tolerate. The intent was disturbing.

Are there any areas where you’re tolerating inappropriate behavior? I don’t mean just on social media. Maybe, to keep the peace, you’re making concessions that make you uncomfortable or even resentful. For instance, you help someone out, but they expect much more. And you give in because you feel guilty. Or, in business, you cater to a customer who demands more of your time or resources than they’re entitled to. You capitulate because you’re afraid you’ll lose them as a customer.

How do you know when to draw the line? Pay attention to how you’re feeling about the interaction. When you feel agitated, confused, offended, upset, or like I did, disturbed, those are generally signals that someone has crossed a line. That’s when you need to decide what to do to support your well being and peace of mind. You have a right and a responsibility to yourself to take action. It could be just saying, “No,” or “Enough,” and following through on that intention. Or you may have to go further, like I did.

Should I have drawn the line earlier, before the comments escalated? For instance, should I have told them to stop needling me and be civil if they wanted to continue to converse with me? Possibly. But, they already knew what would happen if they went too far. And, knowing this person, I suspect a further warning wouldn’t have worked and the result would have eventually been the same. If a person deliberately chooses to be unpleasant, then there’s no reason for me to give them further  attention.

Draw your lines, set your limits, and by doing do, you show that you respect yourself and your values.

To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, watch my FREE training video, Set Your Course to Success. Register for the video and accompanying action planning guide at www.SetYourCourseGuide.com

Stay focused.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Uphold Your Boundaries for Greater Self-Worth

Uphold Your Boundaries for Greater Self-Worth

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Traffic light that signals both stop and go

When I was a child, I didn’t agree with the phrase, “Give them an inch, and they’ll take a mile,” when referring to how people treat you. I believed that people were kind and would treat others the way they’d want to be treated. As an adult, I learned this wasn’t always true. I’ve encountered many people who tried to take advantage of, or dominate, me.

Originally, I’d explain my boundaries because I expected my limits to be respected. But over and over again, people ignored my limits and steamrolled over them. As I became older and wiser, I realized that the phrase should often be, “Give them a millimeter and they’ll take your soul.”

Boundaries vs. Barriers

There’s a difference between boundaries and barriers. Barriers are walls based on fear of getting hurt, getting too close, or being exploited. Barriers are designed to keep people away. These barricades were probably developed because of painful experiences you had in the past. Unfortunately, barriers don’t just keep others out. They imprison you and prevent you from having your best life. And you deserve the best that the Universe has to offer.

Boundaries are the limits you set on the kind of treatment you’ll allow from another person. This person can be someone you know socially, personally or professionally. These limits define where you leave off and the other person begins. In Universal mind, we are all one. But on the physical plane, we are separate individuals. You have your values and rights, and they have theirs. They’re not entitled to impose on you or vice versa.

Your boundaries are a function of your sense of self-worth, values and self-respect. If you lack these, then you may be allowing people to demean or abuse you. Boundaries are established from a position of strength, assurance, and self-value. They ensure that your rights are respected when people get close to you. They install a sense of safety for you, as well as for the other person. They know where your lines are drawn, and that they must respect them or suffer the consequences.

How to Establish Boundaries

It’s not easy to set and keep boundaries. There are some people who will continue to push against your boundaries to test them, no matter what you say. Others will honor them. But it’s your responsibility to make sure your limits are upheld by the following:

Decide what you’ll tolerate. It’s best to make this determination before the situation arises. Will you allow someone to tease you unmercifully if they’re a family member? What if they’re a boss or a client? Figure out the characteristics of good and bad clients, coworkers, and friends and set your intention to the Law of Attraction to attract positive people. A signal that a boundary has been breached is if you feel uncomfortable with certain interactions. As much as possible, avoid those who continually violate your boundaries.

Stand up for your rights. You have a right to be treated with dignity. Learn to say, “No,” or “Enough,” to those who are uncivil, discourteous or rude. Most people are simply trying to get their needs met. The ones who take advantage are simply trying to get their needs met at your expense. Realize their behavior isn’t yours to fix. It’s their problem and only they can change it. They may not choose to because it’s been getting them what they want. The Universe doesn’t ask that you be a martyr to people to make them feel better.

Consequences. How will you handle behavior that goes past your limit? You can’t change other people. But you can insist that they treat you the way you want. If they don’t, then decide ahead of time what the consequences will be if they don’t. What are you willing to do? Actions speak louder than words. Don’t use a repercussion as an empty threat or manipulation. Both will fail. Instead, state the potential result if they disregard your boundary again, and if they do it anyway, take follow through on your warning. If they refuse to respect you, it’s appropriate to close the door on any future interaction with them. The Universe will find other people that are better for you.

The Result of Establishing Boundaries

Eventually, the people who tried to intimidate me left my life, either through their choice or mine. It’s not easy to establish and maintain boundaries, but it’s certainly better than letting people abuse you. When you set boundaries, you train people how you expect to be treated. And you instruct the Law of Attraction about the kind of people to draw into your life. People will respect you more, disappear or you’ll let them go, depending on the situation. By standing up for yourself, you’re building self-confidence, authenticity and courage. And best of all, you will retain your soul.

Affirmation:

The Universe wants the best for me and I deserve the best that Life has to offer. I am worthy of being treated well in all of my relationships. I have the right to decide how I want to be treated, and to insist that I be treated that way. The Universe completely supports me as I establish my boundaries. As I uphold my boundaries, the Law of Attraction brings me people who will respect them.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity. To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

The Necessity Of Boundaries

The Necessity Of Boundaries

by Linda-Ann Stewart

In my hypnotherapy practice, when a client would come to see me with self-esteem issues, I’d discuss the topic of “boundaries” with them. Some of my clients had never even heard of the idea of boundaries and I had to explain it to them. “Boundaries are like limits you would set with a child,” I’d say, “telling them not to touch the stove, for their own safety. Or not to hit their sibling.” Most of my clients could relate to that.

However, the idea of telling an adult how to treat them could be a foreign concept. “But they should know how to treat me,” my client might say. This is true, but people have different ideas of how to treat each other. And everyone has their own agenda to make them feel more comfortable. Unless you are direct and clear about what you’ll accept and what you won’t accept, the other person won’t know.

What Are Your Current Boundaries?

Boundaries are an important part of life. Think of the boundaries you have now. You wouldn’t allow someone to reach into your pocket or purse and steal your money without complaining. You’ve drawn the line there. Where are some of your other boundaries? In personal relationships and friendships, what kind of limits have you set? Do you allow friends or loved ones to put you down, beat you, take advantage of you? If so, this is an area in which you need to strengthen your boundaries.

When I was little, my parents taught me that having boundaries was a good thing. But as I got into school and made friends, having boundaries meant that I wouldn’t be liked. When a friend hit me and I complained to her mother, the mom told me that I had to forgive her daughter and continue playing with her. The mom encouraged my feelings of compassion for her daughter so that I wouldn’t reject her. From that, I learned to let people walk all over me. 

Why Boundaries Are Necessary

Without boundaries, we allow the world to treat us as they want to. Not as we expect to be treated, but in ways that are convenient for them. Boundaries are necessary for our safety, and to teach others how we expect to be treated. If we don’t teach people to value us, then we have only ourselves to blame when they take advantage of us. A boundary is the communication of how we choose to be treated, and what the consequences are if we’re not treated that way. Sometimes, you don’t even have to state it as long as you have it firmly planted in your consciousness. Your attitude will communicate it clearly.

When I began setting boundaries and standing up for them, it was scary. The people who didn’t value me began to leave my life. In any relationship, when one person changes, then the relationship itself changes. My “friends” weren’t willing to change with the relationship. But then I started attracting people to me who treated me the way I wanted to be treated. And I didn’t have to tell them how. Since I’d gotten it clear in my mind that I wouldn’t be browbeaten anymore (boundary), and if I was I’d end the relationship no matter how much I cared about the person (consequence), that commitment to my well-being communicated itself.

Boundaries Are Your Right and Responsibility

You have a right to establish the standards by which you choose to be treated. The Universe gave you that right by your having been born. You don’t have to accept treatment that devalues you as a person or as an expression of the Universe. You also have a responsibility to yourself, to the Universe, and to the other person to decide on your boundaries. If you don’t, then you’re allowing other people to choose how you will be treated and you’re at their mercy. By setting and maintaining boundaries, you’re accepting the responsibility for your well being. Boundaries demonstrate that you value yourself and that you value the relationship enough to create a secure environment in which it can grow.

Affirmation:

I have a right and responsibility to myself and the Universe to establish meaningful boundaries. I deserve to be treated well, with respect. If my boundaries are violated, I have the right to act on the consequences that I’ve decided on to keep myself safe and secure. I do this with compassion for the other person, but also with compassion for myself because my well being is more important than someone else’s convenience.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity. To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Sparks of Insight

Some people object to boundaries, believing that they should accept the way other people treat them, no matter what. They have a mistaken belief that boundaries keep other people out. Boundaries actually give people a sense of security, knowing what is acceptable and what is not. Remember that the Universe has set boundaries for you. It’s called the Law of Cause and Effect. When you transgress, and do something less than enlightened, then you reap the consequences. It’s the same with the boundaries you have for other people. If they step over the line, then they get to experience the consequences. Boundaries don’t change other people, they just give them the opportunity to change the way they treat you.   

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

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~ Linda-Ann Stewart

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~ Linda-Ann Stewart

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~ Linda-Ann Stewart