When you begin taking back your power, the people in your life will probably react by putting more pressure on you in an attempt to change you back. They’re only mirroring your own ambivalence and uncertainty. When you get clear in your own mind that it’s appropriate to set boundaries, to say “no,” to insist on respect, then the response will be more accepting. So the more determined and committed you are to take back your power, the easier the transition will be.
“I cast off the bindings of the past. The thoughts, beliefs and attitudes of the past no longer have a hold on me. I now establish a greater way of being a doing that brings me harmony and joy.”
Your past beliefs served a purpose for you. They were created at a time in your life when they were needed. But you’ve outgrown them, and they no longer serve you. Although it may feel threatening, it’s time to let them go and move forward. The only way to do so is to convince your subconscious by choosing different thoughts, words and actions. It may rebel a little, thinking that you’re wading into dangerous waters. But as you persist, it will realize that it’s safe now to change.
So often, we get upset over the way a stranger behaves towards us. We let the situation disturb our equilibrium and ruin our day. Why waste your time on what’s probably a momentary event? Instead, try this mindset shift so these kinds of encounters don’t affect you so much. Watch Check Your Preconceptions at the Door.
Have you ever walked up to a frowning, grumpy grocery checker, and thought they’re upset with you? Or maybe, you got offended, thinking they should be more pleasant. If so, you’re not alone. But you don’t know what’s going on with them or why they’re unhappy. Their feet could be hurting, their child may be sick or they’re angry about the fight they had with the boss.
None of it has anything to do with you. They’re concerned with what’s going on with their life, and doing the best they can to deal with it. But, because we all filter life through our own thoughts and perspectives, what we perceive may not have any relation to what’s really going on. But your thoughts about the situation disturb you, and they don’t have to.
Why waste your energy on a situation that’s momentary? For instance, the guy who cut you off in traffic may be late for an important medical appointment. Why let him ruin your morning?
I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, and I’m a focus coach and hypnotherapist. I’d like to share a tip help you shift your viewpoint in distressing situations you encounter so they don’t affect you so much.
To break that pattern of negative perceptions, one of the things you can do is to make it a habit to question them. Feelings aren’t facts. They’re signals that something may be off or different, but that’s all. What you’re feeling about a situation may not reflect what’s really going on. Feelings are how you’re judging the situation, through your beliefs and past experiences. But those beliefs and experiences may not relate to the current conditions.
So dispute your thoughts, feelings and beliefs about a person’s behavior. Ask yourself if your feelings are actually real or true, or if there could be another reason for the way the person is acting. Consider how there might be another explanation for what’s happening, one that has nothing to do with you.
It really doesn’t matter if you find the actual reason for the other person’s behavior. The point is to not take it personally and realize that other things may be going on that you have no way of knowing. And there’s no reason why you should feel upset about something that’s transitory.
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Question: If I say an affirmation for three weeks, will I see results and think only positive thoughts by then?
Answer: If you begin saying a positive affirmation, and say it consistently every day for three weeks, you’ll notice an improvement in your attitude. However, you’ll need to catch each negative thought and idea and change it to a positive for the results to be most effective.
And you won’t have a permanent change in your thoughts after just three weeks. You’ll need to keep up with the affirmation, and transforming your negative thoughts even after that. But the negative thoughts will be fewer and you’ll be more positive overall.
This isn’t something you can do for a few days, weeks or months and then stop doing. It’s a focused change of thinking that must continue. You won’t have to be as diligent later on, because you’ll be more aware of your negative thoughts and automatically change them to positives. Affirmations aren’t magic. You have to use them consistently for them to work.
“People only see what they are prepared to see.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Imagine you’re at a networking meeting where you don’t know anyone. You feel out of place and just a little anxious. A nicely dressed woman walks in your direction. Uneasy, you prepare to introduce yourself and smile at her. But she never makes eye contact, walks right by and you feel snubbed.
You filtered her actions through your beliefs and expectations. Because you already felt insecure, you believed she deliberately ignored you. The truth is that she probably was focused on someone across the room that she knew and never even noticed you. But you interpreted her actions to be what you expected, which was to be ignored, rather than she just wasn’t aware of you.
We See What We Expect
As we go through life, it’s human nature to notice things that reinforce what we already believe. For example, a salesperson gets uncomfortable with a potential client being quiet during a sales conversation. The salesperson thinks the client has no interest in the product, when the client is actually trying to figure out how they can pay for the item.
Negative people seek out any information that downplays optimism being beneficial so they can validate being pessimistic. A self-confident, outgoing person expects people to like them. They believe that everyone they meet is a potential friend, and because of their attitude, most people respond to their warmth.
Expectations Shape Results
Everything in your life is filtered through what you expect and believe. Anything that disputes or questions your perceptions is demeaned or dismissed. When you have so narrow a focus, you won’t notice other ideas or opportunities that present themselves to you. Possibilities may be all around you, but since you’re not expecting them, you overlook them. And sometimes, if they’re presented to you, you rebuff them because they don’t fit into the picture you have in your mind.
If your beliefs and expectations are the lens through which you view life, then that outlook is where your focus is. Wherever you put your attention affects your actions. For instance, when you expect an idea or project to be rejected, you don’t put a lot of effort into it. So your expectations become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because your decisions, behaviors and actions influenced the outcome.
Change Your Filter
The way to see things differently, so your results improve, is to change the filter through which you view conditions. When you have a disappointing encounter, ask yourself the following questions.
What did you expect from it?
Was your expectation unrealistic?
Did you misread the situation?
Did your actions or inactions contribute to the outcome?
Were you open and accepting of other options?
What can you do to improve the situation?
How can you change your beliefs to be more aware of opportunities?
These questions will begin to break through your mental assumptions, allowing you to consider other interpretations. As Wayne Dyer said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Change your expectations, and you’ll start seeing a whole new world of possibilities.
I release limiting beliefs and expectations. They come from the past and no longer support the life I want. I now look at situations from a more objective viewpoint. Possibilities abound in my life, and I recognize opportunities when they come my way. I attract the best that Life has to offer.
As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.
If you’re ambivalent about your goal, your subconscious knows that. One day you may want to move forward, and the next you wonder if it’ll be worth it. For example, a smoker knows they should quit smoking, but doesn’t want the short-term discomfort that it’ll take to reach that objective. Your subconscious takes its cue from your conscious mind. Only when you commit to a goal, without reservation, will the subconscious fully back you. What beliefs do you need to put into place to commit to it?
“When I claim a greater good for myself, I realize I’m not taking that good from anyone else. Everyone has the same ability and connection as I do to receive a better life. Therefore, I release all inner restrictions and open my mind to receive all the best that Life can bestow.”
You deserve greater good. Period. That good is yours no matter what. It doesn’t belong to anyone else. No one else can use it. The only person it can serve is you, and you’re the only person who can deny it. Everyone has as much access to receiving their good as you do. So go ahead and accept what is already yours.
Camille Diaz and I were introduced by a mutual acquaintance, with the aim to see if I’d be a good fit for her podcast, Money Heart. Her podcast explores the emotional side of money. Camille is a business coach with The Optimized Zone, who offers courses and private coaching to help business owners streamline their business.
After we decided I’d be a good fit for her podcast, she broached the idea of my wearing a costume for it. I was prepared, as I’d already looked at some of the podcasts. I whipped out the tiara and necklace that I wear to to the Renaissance Faire each year, in costume. She laughed and said she loved to go to Renaissance Festivals in costume, too, and would wear her costume. To see photos of all the looks follow @moneyheartshow on Instagram.
In the podcast, I started out with my personal story of how I got over involved in community affairs many years ago. My health suffered from stretching myself too thin, and I had to back out of them all to get healthy again. It was so hard to do that, especially when one person resisted. But it was the beginning of my journey to saying, “No,” and I learned valuable lessons from the experience.
We discussed what service actually means. And that when you choose to serve at the expense of your health and well being, there’s nothing left to give to anyone. Unfortunately, women have been trained to set aside their priorities. To serve, they think they have to sacrifice what’s precious to them. In our conversation, we explored why that wasn’t correct.
We agreed that with any service, there needs to be a balance of power and energy. Without that balance of giving and receiving, someone is going to feel uncomfortable. And if someone feels like they have to sacrifice themselves to serve, the issue is generally about something else, like self-esteem or old ideas. Camille asked how we can reprogram those thoughts, and I shared an exercise of how to identify and change the old ideas.
I had a great time talking with Camille. This is a subject we agree is an important one for women to reprocess. It’s time for us to realize that we can serve and have a reasonable exchange that’s beneficial to all concerned.
“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” Soren Kierkegaard
The Universe holds all the good you could want in potential for you. When you pray, you’re not changing God’s mind. The Universe isn’t going to give that good to you or withhold it based on your prayer. The Universe couldn’t withhold your good any more than the sun could hold back its warmth. Prayer, affirmations, and anything else that is connecting to a Higher Power actually works to open your mind to a greater acceptance of that good.
Are you having trouble with an issue that’s holding you back, but you’re unclear as to what the problem really is? For you to be able to overcome the issue, you have to identify what’s really going on. Being able to express how the situation is affecting you is a major step to finding clarity. Explore how the situation is affecting you so you can move forward and find solutions.
Are you having trouble with an issue that’s holding you back, but you’re unclear as to what the problem really is? For you to be able to overcome the issue, you have to identify what’s really going on. Confucius said, “He who cannot describe the problem will never find the solution to that problem.” So being able to express how the situation is affecting you is a major step to finding clarity.
I’m Linda-Ann Stewart, a focus coach, and I’d like to lead you through a short meditation to help you gain the clarity you need.
If you’re so inclined, close your eyes. Now think of the area in which you’re feeling uncomfortable, discontented, upset or blocked. You know there’s an issue that’s obstructing you, but you may not know exactly what it is.
Once you can describe what the problem is, you have something solid to handle. With that, you can start to find solutions. So you’re going to explore how the situation is affecting you so you can get clarity on the problem.
Ask yourself, “How is this situation affecting me?” Consider all aspects of how it’s concerning you. How is the issue affecting you mentally? What are you thinking about the problem? What are you believing about what’s going on?
How is the issue affecting you emotionally? Are you frustrated, upset, angry, sad or some other emotion?
How is the situation affecting you physically? How is it keeping you from what you want? Where are you stuck? How is the issue blocking your way forward?
Describe the issue in as great a detail as you can. Define everything about it and how it’s influencing your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, actions and behaviors. What is it costing you?
What do you think is the real issue here? Just allow any impressions to surface. They may filter into your mind now, or later on, when it’s appropriate.
Now, turn your attention from the problem… to what you desire beyond it. Imagine the problem is completely resolved. Imagine you have what you want. As you look back, you know what you needed to do to resolve the issue, to deal successfully with the situation. You may not have this information in this moment, but the knowledge will filter into your conscious mind at the right time.
Ok, open your eyes. What were some of your insights? If you don’t have any right this moment, you’ll have some ideas in the near future.
Allowing yourself to fully acknowledge and recognize the issue frees you to seek the proper solution or solutions. Putting your attention on the problem releases its hold on you and brings it into the light, where you can deal with it.
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