It’s time to reclaim the power you’ve given away. Don’t let a past situation govern your life or choices any longer. You can’t control others or what they do.They have their own opinions and perceptions that may not agree with yours. And you don’t want the thought of them to continue to affect you and your emotions.

Realize that anyone who upset you probably didn’t target you personally. They may not have hurt you deliberately. Even if they attacked you, they might have just randomly picked you as a the target of their hostility. Maybe you accidentally triggered a sensitive area for them. Who knows?

When you get angry, mentally step back and reassess. You can then make rational choices instead of reactionary ones. You can decide what’s best for you in the long run. Lashing out and making snide remarks won’t resolve the situation and will probably make it worse. When you’re able to stay cool, you’re in control of yourself and the situation. You can stand up for yourself, and for your rights, calmly.

Decide what you need to learn from the circumstance. Should you trust them less, not let them so close, or were you expecting them to be different from who they are? Whatever the lesson, as long as you remember it, you can fulfill the purpose of why you got upset. Establish boundaries and decide how much contact you want with this person.

Hallie was a very unhappy woman. Only when you’re willing to let go of your anger do you have the space to allow happiness in. Peace of mind, empowerment, health and harmony reward you when you learn the lesson from anger and resolve it. Your mind is then able to expand to a greater level of its potential.

Affirmation:

I recognize that anger is counterproductive if I hold onto it. It also hands my power over to those I’m angry at. When I reclaim my power, I seek rational methods to deal with the situation. As I do, I access more of my potential. It also allows me to channel my energy to the successful fulfillment of my goals.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Hallie prided herself on holding grudges. She never forgave anyone for any real or imagined slight. Once someone had offended her, she’d cut them out of her life. This attitude caused her to be exhausted, and negatively affected her health and her relationships.

Anger is a survival instinct that lets you know that some right has been violated. When you get angry with someone, it provides protection so that the other person will think twice about acting like that again. Once the situation has been dealt with, it has fulfilled its purpose and anger fades away.

However, if you continue to hold onto your anger, like Hallie, you’re trying to protect yourself against a threat that no longer exists. Anger then twists into hostility, a bubbling cauldron of antagonism. Studies have shown that hostility depresses the immune system and harms cardiovascular function.

Antagonism ties up energy that could be used for something productive. This affects you physically with increased stress, tense muscles, an upset stomach, and shallow breathing. It also ruins relationships and contributes to the self-destructive habits of smoking, drinking, overeating, and others.

Anger is energy. As long as it’s moving and released, it can actually help make constructive changes. But if it gets stuck, it turns to hostility and becomes a black hole that sucks in more energy. “Energy flows where attention goes.” When you’re focused on holding onto anger, it diverts energy from manifesting good. The Law of Attraction causes it to draw more disharmony and frustration to you.

When you’re angry, your mind functions at much less than your normal potential. Chronic anger greatly reduces your ability to think, make decisions and tap into creativity.

If you hold a grudge, like Hallie, you’re trying to control a situation that’s in the past. It’s a reaction against feeling helpless, but it keeps you in a victim cycle. You’re letting the past rule how you feel and act. You might think it makes you stronger and more powerful than the other person. Instead, you’ve just handed control of your emotions over to them.

They may no longer even think of you, but they’re still very much a part of your thoughts. Maybe you’re trying to punish them. But you’re not hurting them at all. The only person it’s harming is you. You may think that you’re protecting yourself, but you’re actually keeping yourself immobile, unable to learn from a situation and move forward.

As long as you continue to be angry, you’re holding that person and situation to you like glue. The relationship or situation isn’t over for you. Every time you think of it, your subconscious thinks it’s happening all over again and it revs up your anger all over again.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

It takes time and energy to stay current with all our social networks. Unfortunately, it also  keeps us from turning inward and listening to our inner selves. With this much social interaction, there’s little mental space left to be introspective, creative or productive.

Businesses and schools encourage group interaction to learn and create. But creativity blooms in solitude and quiet. “An artist requires the upkeep of creative solitude,” says Julia Cameron, author of “The Artist’s Way.”

In “The Artist’s Way,” a 12 week course for blocked creatives, there is one week where the reader cannot read anything or watch television. This assignment allows the mind to fill the well of creativity. If the mind is drunk on others’ creativity, it gets lazy or overwhelmed. Details drug the mind and it won’t have enough resources to hear the still small voice of the inner self.

Many companies are now insisting their workers have time away from email, phones and other interuptions. They’re more efficient and able to get more done in less time, because they’re more productive.

Social interaction, teams and groups have a place and a role to play. But if individuals are to be more productive, they need to have some privacy. They need to be alone with their thoughts and their projects to let their mental processes simmer. Once they’ve had time to work, they can surface to bounce ideas off of friends and coworkers.

Too much solitude encourages stagnation. Too much collaberation discourages individual ideas. We need to balance both. And if we want to be able to listen to our inner selves, we need to turn off all the devices that constantly scream for our attention. Instead of our focus being outwardly directed to our social networks, we need to turn it inward and allow the well of our inner life to be filled.

Inspired by:
The Rise Of The New Groupthink
Tame The Email Beast

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

“Strategic Self-Hypnosis: To Overcome Stress, Improve Performance, and Live to Your Fullest Potential”

Many years ago, when I was just getting involved in hypnosis, I found this book in the library. Soon after, I bought my own copy. This book is a bit different from other self-hypnosis books. Although it includes information about hypnosis and the minds other books do, this one approaches the explanation a bit differently and it has different techniques than most of the other literature.

The holistic approach of this book is designed to help the reader become more aware of themselves, to work with latent potentials, and program a more positive conduct. The strategies are more indirect than the straight line direct suggestions of other authors. Though direct suggestion works well, there are times when a more indirect approach is more helpful, such as when a person is blocking or sabotaging an improvement.

In each chapter, there are exercises and each one includes a script to use or questions to answer. They include everything from exploring your potential and bringing it into the real world to assessing any problems or blockages. The author gives step-by-step instructions on how to do self-hypnosis and how to deepen the readers practice.

There is also an interesting section on remembering your future, to help program what it is that you want. There are techniques to deal with various problems, such as being able to clear your mind in a stressful situation, stopping negative thinking, letting go of unwanted feelings, and more.

If you already have some knowledge of self-hypnosis (or even if you don’t), this book will further your practice and help you go deeper in self-understanding. It draws upon the wisdom of your subconscious to help find solutions to problems that may have resisted resolution.

~ Linda-Ann

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Answer: This may sound surface, but I love what the letters of FEAR spell out – “False Evidence/Education Appearing Real.” Because fear really is a false concept. Fear is simply the opposite side of faith. Fear means you’re confident that what you fear will happen.

But to deal with the old ones means you need to access them. Recognize that they served you in the past, but you’ve outgrown the need for them. It can be scary, because they’ve limited you for so long that they’ve gotten to be a comfortable, ratty old blanket. And they can give you the excuse not to move forward and risk.

What I’ve discovered is that when you face your fears, step out and begin to do what you fear, many times the fear evaporates because it realizes that you don’t need it anymore.

Sometimes, when I do begin to confront and go beyond the fear, it begins to fight back, because it thinks I still need it. In that case, I find out what the core issue is. Once, it was a belief that I had to struggle in life to avoid others’ criticisms.

What is it that you’re truly afraid of? Meditate on that, and see what might come up. You may find that it’s simply a hollow habititual way of thinking.

Also, you might meditate to find out how the fear is serving you now, in present day. For instance, my need to struggle kept me from fully expressing myself, and kept me safe. I may have been criticized, but as long as I was struggling, no one could complain I wasn’t working. And my results, which never happened, couldn’t be criticized.

Once I decided that it was safe to move on, and who cares if someone doesn’t like what I’m doing, the struggle issue let go.

Copyright 2003, 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

This is a difficult situation, because you care about this person. But it’s not your place to be their wailing wall. They get to vent their frustration, but if they don’t do anything to change the situation, it’s not helping them, and it’s certainly not helping you.

Being around a negative person is bound to drag down your positive mood. So whether the loved one is a friend, sibling, parent or spouse, you need to protect your emotional balance. Here is a strategy I suggest to those with this problem. It works with spouses, parents, friends and others.

1. Let them vent for a few minutes. You could even acknowledge that they feel upset, resentful, helpless or whatever the case may be. Don’t try to change their point of view. Not only will it not help, but also you’re not responsible for making them feel better.

2. After a few minutes, excuse yourself and go do something else. Make sure they can’t follow you to continue to spout their grievances. Separate yourself from them and stay away for at least half an hour.

3. If it’s appropriate return to their presence. They may have calmed down by now, and changed the course of their discourse. If they’ve improved their mood and you feel more comfortable being with them, stick around. However, if they start complaining again, repeat the above steps.

If you’re on a phone call with them, listen for a few minutes as in step 1. After a short time, say you have to go and hang up. Don’t call them back for at least an hour and follow the remaining steps.

This may seem difficult, especially if you’re visiting someone for a short time. It may not seem fair to leave them so quickly. But it’s not fair of them to dump their complaints on you.

The purpose of this exercise is to let their subconscious know that you won’t tolerate very much of their negativity. When they’re more neutral or positive, you’ll be more likely to keep them company. Don’t tell them what you’re doing. It’s much more effective to let their subconscious figure it out for itself.

You train people how to treat you. They’ve learned that you’ll give them attention when they’re negative. You may spend time trying to make them feel better. If you take that attention away, and give them attention when they’re nicer to be around, they’ll eventually figure it out.

At the very least, you’ll have reduced the time you have to be around a negative person. And you’ll find your positive outlook easier to maintain.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart

Just because you’ve forgiven them doesn’t mean that there aren’t consequences from their actions. You may forgive the person but not want them in your life any longer. Their offense may be so severe that any trust is permanently broken and you realize they won’t change. In this case, you want no further association with them. By forgiving them, you’re freeing them and yourself to move on with your lives.

Forgiveness also doesn’t mean forgetting what happened. If you erase the memory, you don’t have it to remind you to avoid the same situation in the future. It also means you won’t identify any patterns that might be forming. For example, you fight over the same issue every week. If you “forgive and forget,” you won’t recognize that this same problem keeps popping up. This will prevent you from addressing what the core issue might be.

Unless it’s a minor infraction, true forgiveness takes deep thought and introspection. If you don’t take the time and consideration it needs, unresolved issues and emotions will surface later to interfere with your life and relationships. But if you follow it through, forgiveness is a powerful balm that truly brings peace to your soul.

Affirmation:

I recognize and acknowledge that I feel injured by what has occurred. By going through the process of exploring the hurt and anger, I learn more about myself. I let go of what no longer serves me and integrate the lessons I’ve learned. When I fully forgive, it makes me stronger and gives me a sense of peace. I cleanse my mind of any disharmony, and as a result, I attract more abundance of all good things into my life.

Copyright 2012 Linda-Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

Wounds caused by what loved ones, friends, colleagues and employers say and do can affect you at a deep level. However, hanging onto the hurt can harm you even more. Not only is it bad for your mental, emotional and physical health, but also it can draw more distress into your life.

Unforgiveness poisons your mind, body and affairs. Healing traditions from religion to psychotherapy to 12-Step programs agree that forgiveness of self and others needs to occur before you can have peace of mind.

Forgiveness is a powerful process that will give you greater understanding of yourself. It will also free more of your energy and access to your power. But forgiveness of these deep wounds shouldn’t be done lightly; otherwise, you’re just covering up the hurt.

For true healing, you need to acknowledge what happened, how it affected you and discover what you can learn from it. Any true forgiveness changes you at a deep level. It clears a path for the Law of Attraction to flow smoothly, to draw what you want into your life.

To work towards forgiveness, apply these five points when someone has hurt or offended you.

1. Identify the injury. This doesn’t mean relating what actually happened, but what you feel was broken. Before you can actually forgive, you need to understand what you’re forgiving. What principles, beliefs or expectations were violated? Whatever you feel was shattered has to be identified before you can truly forgive.

2. What do you feel about the offense. What did the injury mean to you? Journaling about how it made you feel can help you understand it better and reprocess the experience. Most people experience anger as a result of some wound. If you hold onto anger, you’re doing so to try to protect yourself and keep the event from happening again.

3. Mourn what has been lost or changed. You may feel a loss of belief in another person, in fairness, or safety. Grieving over the loss in necessary and appropriate. Your life has changed irrevocably. The relationship with the other person has also altered. But you will emerge stronger from this process.

4. Uncover the lesson for you. You could decide that no one is trustworthy, but is that belief going to be useful for you? That’s not necessarily the best lesson from what happened. You can decide what message you want to take from the event. What do you want to believe that will help you in the future? Wouldn’t a more reasonable belief be that some people can’t be trusted, and to be more vigilant for red flags in the future? By doing this step, you’re reprocessing how you fit into life and adjusting your beliefs to reflect the new you. This can help you learn what values you hold most dear.

5. Choose to forgive the person. You are not pardoning or excusing what happened. In this step, you’re making a choice to let go of any anger towards them. They’re human, with their own faults and character flaws. By accepting them as they are, you recognize that they can’t fill all your needs. The relationship will be different, because you’ll be more self-reliant and aware of their imperfections.

Copyright 2012 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

If you’re in this situation, it can be confusing and hurtful, especially if they continually put you down despite your kind and attentive advances. If so, it’s time to take account of their attitude and give yourself more respect instead of giving them any further leeway to be rude to you. This article will give you tips on how to get over this person by unearthing respect for yourself again.

Steps

1. Beware the glamor effect. Sometimes it is easy to fall for the role, position or the status that a person represents, rather than the actual person and their true character. This confusion of identity can be hard to untangle if you’re struck by the glamor of what they “do”, but if you don’t try to separate the person from the position, then you might be falling for something that isn’t even real. To elaborate, if this person is in a position of authority, power or respect in something that interests you or matters a great deal to you, whether it’s a work, hobby, club or sports role, you might have confused the role or position of the person with who they really are. This is a common misunderstanding in a world where we overvalue what people “do” instead of who people are by way of their “character”.
• For example, Jenna’s got a crush on Gary. He is the top debater for the year and has an incredible way with words, which is something she wishes she had the courage to stand up and do too––indeed, hearing his delivery just causes her to melt inside. He is also the President of the debating society and has a lot of influence within the English faculty. He seems to have endless people surrounding him wanting a piece of his time. Jenna especially wants to be a debater and to be noticed for her word skills too. She knows Gary is not very nice to her and has even outright insulted her on a number of occasions but she thinks this is almost charming because it’s a sign he’s clever, witty and one day, may come to realize that she’s good with words too. Jenna is sorely mistaken––she loves what Gary stands for, not the prig that Gary actually is.
• George is falling deeply for his boss. She is smart, clever, sassy and there is constant talk that management is so impressed with her that she’s slated for promotion to a top role shortly. Yet, she is always snarky and cutting in remarks she makes to George and insists that he redo his work constantly, even though George has always been a top performer and other people recognize that he has excellent work outcomes. Yet, George is ready to put his own work down because he thinks that his boss is smarter than him and that if he does as she asks, she’ll come to realize that he’s special and will agree to go out with him. As with Jenna, George is sadly mistaken––he is struck by the glamor of his boss’s role and the accolades she gets and downplays her rudeness to him in the hope she’ll change. She won’t change and he’ll just keep on putting himself down.
2. Find your own place of self respect. Continuing to like someone who disrespects you will often be grounded in your own insecurities and lack of self-respect. In some ways, you may see this insulting and rude crush as someone who could fill what you perceive as the empty spaces inside of you. In reality though, nobody can complete you; only you can complete you and if you have low self-esteem, low self-respect and a ton of insecurities, then you’ll need to focus on yourself and your own needs rather than continuing to chase after someone who knows how to zero in on your weaknesses and turn the knife. Be prepared to stop putting yourself through this and start improving your own sense of self worth instead. Remind yourself that no person who insults you or puts you down deserves to form a part of your life.
3. Don’t over-analyze their behavior. Likely they’re the way they are because of 1001 reasons, from their own insecurities through to attention-seeking. However, ultimately you should reach a point of saying to yourself “who cares”? You’re not their guardian angel, you’re not their health professional and you’re not their personal trainer. If they have problems, you are not there to save or change them and you risk making up reasons to excuse their behavior if you over-analyze what impels them to behave in a certain way. If the way they behave toward you is getting you down and is hurtful, that should be enough of an alert for you to start extricating yourself from your one-sided crush on them.
   • If you’re suffering from trying to be a people pleaser, see How to stop being a people pleaser for tips on overcoming this self-respect-destroying behavior.
4. Realize that you will have to get over this person. A healthy relationship between two people is not possible if one lacks respect for the other. While this is the hardest part of the process, it’s the most essential part. If you’re unwilling to put your feelings for this person behind you, then you’ll continue to long after this person and not put your own needs and respect first.
5. Focus on why you should dislike this person’s attitude toward you rather than on why you like them. Once they have shown a disrespectful attitude towards you on several occasions, this should be sufficient warning to you that they’re not going to stop and that their view of you is always going to be unfriendly and unkind. If you keep excusing their behavior or treating their attitude as something other than what it is, you continue to let their rudeness and disrespect occur and allow them to get away with atrocious behavior toward you. Ask yourself how they’re putting you down or insulting you. For example: Does this person embarrass you in public? Tease you relentlessly? Annoy you to no end? Throw barbs your way, especially when others are there to hear them? Mock you? Knowing why you should not desire to be linked with this person romantically or otherwise is an essential part of getting over a misplaced crush.
6. Protect yourself by disengaging. Possibly you’ve been putting yourself into a position of being in their presence as often as possible, enduring their rudeness and insults for the sake of spending time near them, just to be in their presence. Whatever your current behavior toward them, it must end––for your sake. It is suggested that you pull away from this person completely and start pulling yourself together instead. Here is what to do next:
   • Do not speak to this person. They clearly do not deserve your attention.
   • If you have their phone number in your contacts, their e-mail in your address list, or their profile on a social networking site, delete every source of contact and connection. (You can even go as far as blocking them.) This will let the person know that you will not accept their past actions and won’t put up with any future rudeness.
   • If the person attempts to talk you, do not respond. Simply walk away. If saying nothing feels too rude to you (after all, you don’t want to dip to their level), simply say one polite thing to excuse yourself and then leave.
   • If you have no choice but to talk to them (such as at work), be perfunctory and say only what needs to be said, all in a professional tone and manner. Consider keeping a record of any insults relating to you personally or your work performance, to raise with your boss or someone else. Turn this type of situation right around in your mind from being a tolerable crush to being an intolerable harasser.
7. Stop talking about this person to anyone else. Do not gossip or insult them behind their back. That is simply playing their game and failing to strengthen your own self-respect and character. When someone asks you what happened between the two of you, say something along the lines of “I was tired of dealing with him/her.” Or simply say that both of you agreed to disagree and that you’re not interacting much these days. Ultimately, it really isn’t anybody else’s business, so you’re free to say “Why do you want to know? It’s not something I care to discuss.”
8. Get support from family and genuine friends or even from colleagues or team members you know you can trust. Cutting someone off hurts, especially if you’ve been fantasizing about their potential future role in your life and you’ve been expending endless energies trying to get them to come around to seeing you in a better light. You may still have some feelings for them afterward and that’s natural but it’s not a reason to fall back into old patterns of behavior. Arrange a gathering for a few friends in order to get your mind off this person, spend time hanging out with people who see and acknowledge the good in you and be with people who are supportive of you, whether you’re a success or not at any endeavor. Let yourself feel what it’s like to be around people who respect you and don’t give you grief.
9. Get on with your life in a more positive and self-thoughtful manner. Be mindful in future of how you’ll interact with the people who cross your path and don’t allow your heart to run away with crazy ideas of saving or redeeming anyone. People will only change who they are of their own volition. Moreover, fantasizing that someone will come around and see the “real you” means that the “real you” isn’t shining forth enough to begin with and spending time polishing the “real you” should now be your current focus. We attract and are attracted to like people, so sometimes we are attracted to a person who reveals something we’ve disowned inside of ourselves. It’s important to learn from the fact that you’ve been attracted to someone deeply negative because it says a lot about how you feel about yourself inside. You do deserve more and you need to remind yourself of this constantly until it becomes second nature, as well as working on those aspects of yourself that you need to nurture with greater kindness.
   • Stand tall and have confidence in yourself. You will attract like-minded people who share your positivity and who appreciate your strengths and personality when you choose this path. It may seem hard now but this is the only genuine way of attracting a person who sees the “real you”––by being a person who is unafraid to express yourself and to expect respect back from others.
   • Read How to stand up for yourself for more ideas.

Tips

• A person who disrespects you doesn’t “need” you in any form or shape. They may lap up the attention you continue lavishing on them but it won’t change their attitude any. If anything, the constant attention in spite of insults and disrespect simply reinforces for the other person that they can treat you like a doormat, regardless of your feelings and humanity. Be done with such a person, no matter what your heart tells you.
• As part of your letting go process, try calling out this person for their comment or behavior and see what happens. Call them on their bad attitude for a change. It’s likely they’ll be surprised that you have done so and very defensive about the comments. They may even confront you about your own behavior, providing you with an opportunity to express that you regret having not stood up earlier to the insults and bad attitude but that you’ve found your spine since and you’re doing it now. Avoid attacking them as a person, just point out factual occasions on which they’ve said things that were hurtful.
• Act as if you never knew this person. Your life will go on and their comeuppance will happen somewhere along the line. Even if they don’t get any karma reverberation, it doesn’t matter because the focus is on being the best person you can be, not on what happens to them.

Warnings

• Do not continue any contact with this person, even if they call you saying how “sorry” they are and how it “will never happen again.” This is almost always a method to suck you back in.
• If this person threatens or stalks you, report it to your local authorities right away.

Related wikiHows

• How to Deal With Rude People
• How to Ignore People You No Longer Wish to Be Around
• How to Deal With Unrequited Love
• How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust
• How to Deal With a Backstabbing Friend
• How to Ignore People You No Longer Wish to Be Around
• How to Recognize a Disrespectful Boyfriend
• How to Get the Person You Like to Like You Back

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