by Linda-Ann Stewart

What is it that causes people to remain in their comfort zone? Many people have a fear of the unknown. When faced with a new situation, they don’t know if they can handle it, doubting their abilities. Just like I felt about my move.

A person may have a fear of responsibility. I know of people that have done menial jobs all of their lives, and turned down managerial duties because they didn’t want the additional authority. They’re very comfortable doing the duties they know, and don’t want to learn anything new. A nine to five job satisfies them, and they don’t want to have to expand their horizons.

For some, moving out of their comfort zone means that they’re afraid that they’ll lose control. A woman I knew had been very ill for several years.  Her family catered to her, and she didn’t have to deal with running a household. When she recovered, she continued to be treated like she was made of glass and would break at any time. She did nothing to contradict this. Her illness gave her control over her family, and she wasn’t going to give up that control.

Though her family assumed she wasn’t well enough to take care of the housework or the cooking, she was healthy enough to volunteer as an aide in a charity hospital. She was comfortable believing that she was an invalid, because she avoided responsibilities she didn’t want. If she had given up her invalid role, she would’ve lost the ability to control her family.

Even remaining at the same income level can be a way of staying in your comfort zone. Or not being able to exceed a certain amount in your savings account. Accepting only so much good in any one area is a way of keeping yourself in a situation that you’re familiar with. By doing so, you don’t have to handle the anxiety of any uncertainties. You’re on well-known terrain, and know all the hills and valleys.

Copyright 2000, 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

attitude · beliefs · goals · motivation · personal growth · success

By Beth Terry

Life is a roller coaster. Unless you live alone in a cave, you will run into people and situations that unnerve you. What can you do? I’ve had three situations in the past month:

1. A thief stole my debit card and tried to charge hundreds of dollars in a foreign country.
2. Days later, as I sat on the shuttle to the airport I realized one of my bags was missing and was still sitting on the parking lot pavement.
3. Earlier that day, I was hurrying to get to the airport and the phone rang. It looked like a client’s number so I picked up, realizing too late It was a telemarketer. I muttered to myself “they are just trying to make a living,” kept my opinions to myself and politely declined. Now very late, I raced out the door, exasperated.

Choice One:
The world sucks
Everyone is out to get me (shuttle driver, identity thief, telemarketers)
I have such rotten luck

Choice Two:
I am protected because I’ve made good choices
I have angels looking out for me
I live a charmed life

I pick Choice Two.
Why?

~ My bank’s fraud team has my back. National Bank of Arizona called my cell and asked me if I was in Lebanon! Or Arkansas. This was within 5 minutes of the transactions. Thieves stopped in their tracks. Canceled. Intercept! Cool.

~ At the parking lot, another shuttle driver saw my bag, grabbed it and ran to my shuttle. He handed it to my driver and grinned at me. This Parking Spot driver was at the entrance when I arrived and I had helped him with the new system. When I needed help, he was there. Disaster averted! Intercept! Saved me a lot of pain!

~ After the telemarketers call, I sped out of the house. Rounding the corner to get on the freeway, I watched in slow motion as four cars piled into each other at my onramp. I stayed in the middle lane, and took the next onramp. That telemarketer had delayed me just long enough to keep me out of a pile up. Disaster averted! Intercept! Thank God.

In each case I was OK. Each time an “earth angel” had my back. Do these things happen as a reminder someone is looking out for us? Or maybe it’s all coincidence. No matter, I choose to see these events positively. Why? It’s good for the soul, lowers blood pressure, improves heart rate, and increases ability to function. When we believe we are protected and life works out the way it’s supposed to, we may or may not be delusional. But we are healthier for thinking that way.

What are your choices? Look for silver linings, or get depressed. Be an “earth angel” or go it alone.  Alert the woman who dropped her wallet while juggling a little kid. Hold open a door. Assist someone with luggage or groceries. Smile at a clerk having a bad day. Think of it as a bank account. Each act of kindness is a deposit. You never know when you’ll need to make a withdrawal.

Granted, you aren’t served if you live your life in denial. But looking for silver linings in every situation short circuits the pity party in your head and gets you back to a productive life.

Copyright © 2011 Beth Terry Seminars, Inc.
All Rights Reserved

Beth Terry is a Resilience and Stress Expert, Certified Speaking Professional (CSP), Speaking Coach, Speech Writer, Blogger, and Author. Her theme is “finding resilience in an insane world.” With more than 30 years Management and Speaking Experience, she brings sparkle and substance to conference or corporate meetings. Her greatest strength is her ability to synthesize and translate complex ideas in a way that anyone can grasp and use. Currently based in Phoenix, Arizona, she also has an office in Honolulu, Hawaii. Visit her website, BethTerry.com and her blog, CactusWrangler.com for more of her insights.

attitude · believe · empowerment · inspiration · optimism · positive thinking · productivity

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Research shows that nurturing a sense of gratefulness can:

1. Improve resiliency. It gives you greater internal resources to deal with the challenges that come up and allows you to bounce back faster. You’re better able to cope, more creative and have less stress overall.

2. Lift depression. People who are grateful experience less depression. By focusing on positive things in your life, you begin to change your mood. The pleasure circuits in the mind are engaged, which makes you feel better.

3. Make greater progress on goals. Those who regularly found things to be grateful for made better progress on goals, such as exercising more or getting better grades.

4. Have better relationships and more friends. Because you’re more at ease with yourself, people are more comfortable and open with you. You have a greater capacity for compassion, and tend to be more generous. This is a characteristic that attracts people to you.

5. Have improved job performance. Studies show students who practiced appreciation are more enthusiastic, alert, determined and improved their grade point average. That translates into having more resources to devote to work and greater success.

6. Experience better health. People who practice gratefulness have stronger immune systems, lower blood pressure, reduced heart disease and exercise more. They also live an average of seven years longer than those who don’t express thankfulness.

7. Be more optimistic. Grateful people are 25% happier than those who don’t feel this positive emotion. This helps you to feel happier and more positive despite what upsetting circumstances you’re experiencing.

These benefits increased when people kept a gratitude journal. Improve your outlook on life by writing down three things you’re grateful for each day. This simple practice will break the habit of looking for the negative in your life, and replace it will intentionally seeking the positive. And don’t think they have to be big things, like getting a raise or the day going smoothly. They can be small items, like seeing a beautiful sunset or connecting with a friend.

Research indicates that expressing gratitude using this journal writing exercise can improve your attitude within three weeks, and the results remain for at least six months. It trains the subconscious mind to seek out positive outcomes. When you seek something positive, you tend to find it. And this then creates new patterns in the mind to be more optimistic. It gently trains you to be more positive.

Plato said, “A grateful mind is a great mind that eventually attracts to it great things.” By showing appreciation for what you have in your life, it instructs the subconscious to find more to be thankful for. When you find yourself wanting to complain, stop and remind yourself to look for some blessing around you. It will help to shift your outlook to be more upbeat and you’ll feel more empowered.

Affirmation:
Whenever something challenging comes up in my life, I deliberately look for something to be grateful for. As I cultivate this habit, I find that I’m happier and more optimistic. My mind begins to seek things to appreciate. And the good I focus upon increases. So everyday, I remember to be thankful for all the good that’s in my life.

Copyright 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

attitude · empowerment · gratitude · mindset · motivation · optimism · personal growth · positive thinking

by Linda-Ann Stewart

It’s easy to complain about what you don’t have and bemoan what you’ve lost, especially in today’s economic climate. But doing so just feeds into a feeling of victim hood. That attitude doesn’t help create inner resources to deal with difficulties that appear. Instead, griping about life quickly erodes self-confidence, and creates a life full of dissatisfaction and anxiety. In that mindset, it’s almost impossible to succeed in anything. Complaining drains any possibility of progress from every area of your life.

One of the best ways to combat that downbeat attitude and formulate a more constructive outlook is to practice a sense of thankfulness. This doesn’t mean you deny unpleasant emotions and disappointments or ignore negative situations. It’s simply that you don’t focus on them or let them control you.

Being grateful is a conscious choice. Sometimes, you’re taught this valuable ability as you grow up, or you learn it as an adult. But it’s a trait that’s developed with consideration and awareness. And studies show that cultivating a sense of gratitude improves the quality of your life on every level.

Copyright 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

attitude · empowerment · gratitude · mindset · optimism · personal growth · positive thinking

by Linda-Ann Stewart

When you have a challenge, go into a meditative state. Ask your subconscious to create a symbol for whatever problem you’re experiencing. Be nonjudgmental of whatever comes to the surface. Examine it. Notice its color, shape, size, texture, and if it’s doing anything.

Enter into an active dialogue with the symbol. Ask it what’s going on? Ask it why you’re experiencing that problem? What is its message to you?

Allow it to answer in any way you can understand. The answer may come in images, words, or simply a knowingness.

Ask it what you need to do to resolve the issue? Acknowledge it as your teacher. It has much wisdom to share with you, as long as you are open to it. Ask it what gift it has for you if you meet its needs?

Imagery can help you to access inner resources that haven’t used before. Once you allow a symbol for your problem to rise into consciousness, it releases some of its energy. Just by observing the image, things begin to shift around in your subconscious mind.

This opens more space for you to heal. Sometimes, you’ll simply receive insight pointing you in a direction. It’s up to you to take the appointed path.

Your inner self will get your attention one way or the other. Listen to it before it takes you by the shoulder and shoves.

Copyright 2000, 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

empowerment · imagery · intuition · meditation · personal development · problem solving · self-improvement

by Linda-Ann Stewart

In 1991, I strained my right shoulder by rolling over in bed. Not a very dramatic way of injuring myself.  Nonetheless, it was painful, and refused to heal. Even chiropractic adjustments didn’t ease it for long. After two months of pain, where just lifting a glass of water was almost impossible, I utilized nondirective imagery. I asked what was going on with my shoulder.

Immediately, I imagined a hand pushing my right shoulder forward, and another hand pulling it back. A tug of war. I didn’t understand the message, and asked for clarification. It communicated that I was holding myself back. I recognized how I’d been keeping myself from moving forward in life, and decided not to do that anymore. Within five minutes of my decision, just like magic, the pain disappeared.

Not all healing is so immediate, but imagery can help you along the pathway to resolution. Imagery is the language of the subconscious and the nervous system. You communicate your intention to the mind with directed imagery. By visualizing yourself successful or healthy, you give the mind direction in its own system of communication.

When you worry, you’re visualizing what you don’t want to happen. You use imagery in everyday language, such as “It’s killing me,” “I’m beating my head against a wall,” “He’s like a bulldog,” “I’m so angry I could just explode,” “I feel like I’m running in circles.” Imagery is the way the mind processes and stores information.

Imagery can also give you vital information about what’s going on within your body and your affairs. It can tell you where you might be blocking yourself, why, and what you need to do to overcome your restrictions. Dreams can give you this type of information.

Instead of telling your subconscious what you want, you can listen to its wisdom to discover what you might need. By paying attention to your subconscious, and what it has to share with you, you allow your challenges to become your teachers.

Copyright 2000, 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

empowerment · imagery · intuition · personal development · problem solving · self-help

I loved the Disney movie, “Pollyanna,” about a young girl sent to live with her aunt after the death of her parents. Pollyanna had a cheerful outlook and looked on the bright side of life. Unfortunately, her name became mistakenly synonymous with being naïve, wearing “rose-colored glasses,” or ignoring facts. That wasn’t her philosophy at all. Pollyanna simply looked for the best in each situation.

Over the years, positive thinking has also gotten the erroneous reputation of ignoring the negative. The common belief is that if you have a positive attitude, it means you must repress any distressing emotion, disregard negative circumstances, and dismiss reality.

That doesn’t accurately represent what optimism is. Being positive doesn’t mean you won’t grieve, feel sad, angry or get upset at times. It just means you allow yourself to experience the normal flow of those emotions and then begin to bounce back to a more positive frame of mind. Eventually, you’re able to view things in perspective, rather than wallow in the suffering.

When you’re positive, you don’t pretend that unpleasant occurrences don’t exist. You simply don’t focus on them. Recognizing reality is essential to formulate a constructive strategy to overcome obstacles. It’s like driving a car. You notice where the other cars are and what they’re doing, so that you can make informed decisions about how to avoid collisions. But you keep your gaze on the direction you’re going.

When you’re optimistic, you seek positive solutions and are open to possibilities. If someone calls me a “Pollyanna” in an attempt to put me down, I say “Thank you” because I know what its real meaning is. Smiling when pessimists want to spoil your day will make them nuts. It’s a win-win situation. Now that’s positive.

attitude · beliefs · empowerment · inspiration · optimism · personal growth · positive thinking

When you’re stressed, overwhelmed, or anxious, your brain blocks access to both the rational and intuitive part of you. Essentially, your wires have gotten flooded with too much stimulus and nothing can get through.

This can happen in sports or in life. Your emotions can keep you from being able to think clearly, or you ruminate too much about an issue. Your mind gets into a negative feedback loop and you can’t move forward.

In Christopher Bergland’s article, “No. 1 Reason Practice Makes Perfect,” he writes about how we create grooves in our mind when we do things repetitively. He talks mainly about athletics and muscle memory, but it also relates to life in general.

“You become super fluid in sports – and in life – when you have freed up the working memory of your cerebrum [conscious mind] to strategize and keep tabs on the more cerebral aspects of everything that’s going on while completely trusting your gut and the intuitive powers of your cerebellum [subconscious mind].”

To clear away the mental debris, he describes a simple exercise. This allows your conscious mind to figure things out while opening up to the wisdom of your inner mind. He suggests, “relaxing the backs of your eyes, taking some deep breaths and ‘letting go.’”

Practice this several times a day when things are going smoothly. Then the process will be automatic when you really need it.

change · intuition · motivation · productivity · self-help · stress management · subconscious

by Linda-Ann Stewart

You may hang onto resentment because you feel it protects you. It reminds you not to trust the person who hurt you or go back to the company that treated you unjustly. But you can learn that lesson, and avoid falling into that trap again, without it costing you.

There are definite consequences to holding onto grievances. Mark experienced all of these.

• It makes you unpleasant to be around. People like to be around those who are positive, upbeat and cheerful. That does not describe someone with a grudge. The people you attract are going to be resentful and disgruntled like you.
• It gives you an excuse for failing or committing yourself to your progress. Resentment can cause you to feel that nothing you do will make a difference. It sabotages your success and undermines your goals.
• Holding a grudge siphons off enormous amounts of energy that could be channeled into accomplishment. It’s debilitating on every level.
• It actually hands the control of your emotions and decisions over to others. You give them the power over whether you move forward or sit and stew.

When you’re resentful, it tells your subconscious that you want to have more to resent. Also, what you wish for others, your subconscious accepts as a wish for yourself. It’s the Law of Attraction. You attract what you focus on. Resentment is the biggest obstacle to achieving your desires and having more good in your life.

The opposite of hate or resentment isn’t love or approval. The solution to resentment is apathy. You don’t have to pardon the offense, just put it in the past. When you cease resenting others, you don’t care what they do or think. You’ve successfully detached yourself from them and the situation. It no longer affects you in any way. You’ve freed yourself and taken back your power. And this opens the way for success and a happy life.

Affirmation:

I now break the chains of resentment that have restricted my success and progress. Grudges no longer need to remind me to avoid toxic people and situations. I’ve learned my lesson and am able to successfully take care of my well-being in a constructive way. When I let go of past grievances, I reclaim my self-esteem and power. I now channel my energy into accomplishing my desires. Because I’m more upbeat, I attract more positive people and open the way for success.

Copyright 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

attitude · change · empowerment · personal growth · self-esteem · self-worth

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Mark was a simmering pool of resentment. Anything said to him he perceived as a slight. He felt that the whole world was given advantages denied to him, and that he couldn’t get ahead. No one wanted to be around his negativity, so his belief was a self-fulfilling prophecy affecting his personal and professional life.

Anger generally signals that some value or boundary has been violated and occurs during a single event. If anger prompts positive action or a decision to change, it can actually be beneficial. It can motivate you to stop smoking, eliminate a negative friend, or work for social change.

However, if there isn’t a resolution, release or plan to address the cause, then anger can curdle into the toxic emotion of resentment. When you hold a grudge or want revenge, resentment has gotten hold of you. It poisons your whole perspective and continually restresses you. This destructive emotion can become a habit and cause you to view yourself as a victim.

There are different types of resentment.

• Do you feel someone has wronged you or treated you badly? If so, you’re simply rehearsing something that has already happened. Even if it’s warranted, resentment won’t change the past. But it will erode your self-image and sense of empowerment.
• Do you begrudge people who have something you don’t? “Whatever you resent is a statement of what you lack,” says Robert Anthony. It’s common to resent co-workers who have been promoted, or a public figure who has fame or fortune. By resenting them, you’re indirectly telling yourself that you can’t have what they do.
• Are you upset at having to give up a lifestyle or habit that has been pleasurable? Most smokers resent that they have to quit smoking even though it’s self-destructive. They also don’t like it when others pressure them to take that action. Unfortunately, their very resistance undermines their success.

Resentment doesn’t affect the person it’s aimed at. The only one it harms is you; your health and mental well-being. They’ll probably never even know how you feel and might not even care if they did. So it’s not even fulfilling a productive function.

Copyright 2011 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

change · empowerment · personal development · self-esteem · self-worth