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Accept Your Introvert or Extrovert Temperament

Accept Your Introvert or Extrovert Temperament

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by Linda-Ann Stewart

Coffee cup saying Choose Happy

Some years ago, I had a friend urge me to go write and work on my business in coffee shops. She loved to work around people, and said, “You’ll get so much done!” I unsuccessfully tried to explain to her that I couldn’t concentrate with other people around. Their activity and noise was too distracting. She never understood.

It was the classic difference between an introvert, like me, and an extrovert, like her. An extrovert loves being around people. Extroverts are buoyed up by the energy of people and ride that wave. Introverts get overwhelmed and overstimulated by being around too many people. They might like to be around people for a short time, but then they have to go recharge in solitude. To an extrovert, being isolated would be punishment. For an introvert, it’s nirvana.

The Differences Between Extroverts and Introverts

Extroverts and introverts process information through different parts of the brain. For an introvert, the information has to go through more areas of the brain for them to come to a conclusion. They consider more deeply and thoroughly about a subject before they arrive at a decision.

Extroverts process information as they interact. They’re spontaneous, and like to talk a subject through or think out loud to reach an answer. While extroverts will say the first thing that comes to mind, introverts reflect about a question before they answer.

Being an introvert isn’t synonymous with being shy. I’ve known shy extroverts and outgoing introverts. Whether you’re an extrovert or introvert depends on whether you get energized or depleted around groups of people and how you think. Introverts have rich inner lives, while extroverts need to be stimulated by outer experiences.

Each Type Has Value

Western society prefers and rewards extroverts, who are gregarious and risk takers. Eastern culture values introvert’s traits of reflection and seclusion. The West loves outgoing people and thinks that loners are somehow lacking in social skills. That’s not true, because introverts are much better listeners. But, in western society, introverts are often shamed and pressured to try to be like an extrovert. As a result, this decreases an introvert’s self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence.

No one is fully an extrovert or introvert. It’s not either/or. It’s a spectrum. If you identify a bit with both of them, you may be an ambivert. This is someone who loves to be around people, but does need alone time afterwards to recharge.

Honor Yourself

No matter whether you’re an extrovert, introvert or ambivert, accept your temperament and that it’s right for you. It reflects the individual that you are and what you need for your wellbeing. If you’re an extrovert, find a way to be around people in person or even virtually. However, if you’re an introvert, find your interaction limit, and give yourself permission to have alone time afterwards. 

Recognize how you gain energy, whether it’s being around people, in solitude, or a combination. Find a balance of social stimulation that works for you. Accept that how you think and process information may be different from others.

These traits aren’t learned. You’re born this way. Don’t let anyone shame or pressure you to conform to their idea of who they think you should be. Honor and respect your temperament. You’ll be happier, healthier and be able to utilize your strengths to create a life that suits you.

Affirmation:

The Universe accepts me as I am. I recognize my strengths and use them in a positive way. I also understand that others may be different from me. As I listen to my inner self, it guides me to create balance and joy in my life. I now honor and respect myself and what I need for my wellbeing.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

What Are You Expecting?

What Are You Expecting?

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by Linda-Ann Stewart

“People only see what they are prepared to see.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Imagine you’re at a networking meeting where you don’t know anyone. You feel out of place and just a little anxious. A nicely dressed woman walks in your direction. Uneasy, you prepare to introduce yourself and smile at her. But she never makes eye contact, walks right by and you feel snubbed.

You filtered her actions through your beliefs and expectations. Because you already felt insecure, you believed she deliberately ignored you. The truth is that she probably was focused on someone across the room that she knew and never even noticed you. But you interpreted her actions to be what you expected, which was to be ignored, rather than she just wasn’t aware of you.

We See What We Expect

As we go through life, it’s human nature to notice things that reinforce what we already believe. For example, a salesperson gets uncomfortable with a potential client being quiet during a sales conversation. The salesperson thinks the client has no interest in the product, when the client is actually trying to figure out how they can pay for the item.

Negative people seek out any information that downplays optimism being beneficial so they can validate being pessimistic. A self-confident, outgoing person expects people to like them. They believe that everyone they meet is a potential friend, and because of their attitude, most people respond to their warmth.

Expectations Shape Results

Everything in your life is filtered through what you expect and believe. Anything that disputes or questions your perceptions is demeaned or dismissed. When you have so narrow a focus, you won’t notice other ideas or opportunities that present themselves to you. Possibilities may be all around you, but since you’re not expecting them, you overlook them. And sometimes, if they’re presented to you, you rebuff them because they don’t fit into the picture you have in your mind.  

If your beliefs and expectations are the lens through which you view life, then that outlook is where your focus is. Wherever you put your attention affects your actions. For instance, when you expect an idea or project to be rejected, you don’t put a lot of effort into it. So your expectations become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because your decisions, behaviors and actions influenced the outcome.

Change Your Filter

The way to see things differently, so your results improve, is to change the filter through which you view conditions. When you have a disappointing encounter, ask yourself the following questions.

  • What did you expect from it?
  • Was your expectation unrealistic?
  • Did you misread the situation?
  • Did your actions or inactions contribute to the outcome?
  • Were you open and accepting of other options?
  • What can you do to improve the situation?            
  • How can you change your beliefs to be more aware of opportunities?

These questions will begin to break through your mental assumptions, allowing you to consider other interpretations. As Wayne Dyer said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Change your expectations, and you’ll start seeing a whole new world of possibilities.

Affirmation:

I release limiting beliefs and expectations. They come from the past and no longer support the life I want. I now look at situations from a more objective viewpoint. Possibilities abound in my life, and I recognize opportunities when they come my way. I attract the best that Life has to offer.

Watch the complementary video, Check Your Preconceptions at the Door.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Are You Expecting Too Little?

Are You Expecting Too Little?

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by Linda-Ann Stewart

Years ago, I was involved with someone who never kept his promises. Glenn was always late for a date and never called when he said he would. And, in this pre-cell phone era, I couldn’t call him. To reduce my frustration, I decided not to have any expectations of him. Also, I didn’t want to have my beliefs of how I thought he should act interfere in the relationship.

Unfortunately, since there were no consequences for his actions, it just encouraged his callous behavior. One day, when he was again a half-hour late, I’d had enough and I left. Later, we had a “discussion” about it and all of his other broken agreements with me. Faced with either treating me with more respect or having the relationship end, he said he’d live up to his promises.

The Problem with Low Expectations

The idea that prompted my original attitude was that when you have low expectations, then you’re delighted whenever something special comes your way. Trying to have the perfect relationship, best job, or ultimate success can keep you from enjoying the moment. You’re always living in the future, dissatisfied and unhappy in the present.

However, the attitude of,  “Don’t have any expectations. That way you’re not disappointed with what you get,”  means that you never strive to improve your life. You settle for what you have, happy with crumbs that life throws you, and don’t believe it can get any better. And with this attitude, your subconscious will only give you what it already has. It can’t give you anything more because you’re instructing it not to.

Why to Aspire for More

Aspiring for something better, and not reaching the apex, can bring disappointment. And disappointment hurts. After a failure, many people stop trying. They’re afraid to want more, and just try to be grateful for what they have. But then they don’t work hard towards anything, because why strive when they don’t believe they’ll achieve anything?

In that case, unfortunately, life responds according to our low expectations. By not expecting anything better, we don’t work for it. Being satisfied with the status quo, we don’t take any actions to stand up for ourselves. By not seeking to improve our job position, we will never put forth any effort to move up.  

But is giving up and being complacent the way to grow? Isn’t striving part of the learning process? Without moving toward a vision or a goal, then you’re not progressing. Very few people succeed the first, second or even fifth time. You learn something new with each attempt, and it makes you stronger and wiser.

Avoid Having Unrealistic Expectations

Although having unrealistic expectations can undermine the ability to achieve your goals and destroy your happiness, sensible ones can enrich your life. Working toward a realistic goal can build skills, character and get you closer to the life you want.

Wanting to lose 50 pounds in a month would be unrealistic. Deciding to reduce by 5 pounds a month is doable. It may take you awhile to reach your goal weight, but by the time you’ve lost the weight, you’ll have spent months living with your new eating behaviors. This would give you a better chance of maintaining your weight.

Hoping to become manager of your department a month after you first get the job would be unrealistic. However, meeting deadlines and giving more than asked would get you noticed. Before long, you could be asked to lead up a project that would put you on the promotion track.

Balance Your Expectations

When you have expectations, you’re able to gauge whether your goals are progressing properly or not. They allow you to measure whether you’ve met your objectives. If you haven’t, you adjust them and keep going.

As with everything, there are extremes to having expectations. Having too little can get you stuck in a dead end job, unhappy relationship, or stagnant life. If your expectations are too high or unrealistic, you’ll constantly be dissatisfied, unhappy and may eventually give up. However, when you have realistic expectations that require you to work towards them and grow, they’ll enrich your life.

What I wanted from a relationship was more than Glenn could give me. He continued to treat me as a convenience. Although it was difficult for me, I eventually ended the relationship with him. I wanted and expected better treatment and respect. Only by desiring something different, taking action towards it, and expecting that your actions will be successful, will you be able to experience something greater in your life.

Affirmation:

I give myself permission to accept greater abundance and success into my life. I keep my expectations realistic as I work towards my goals. Even if I don’t succeed the first time, I learn from the situation and try again. Only good comes to me as I pursue my dreams.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity. To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Welcome the Opportunity of Change

Welcome the Opportunity of Change

by Linda-Ann Stewart

There is nothing permanent except change. Heraclitus

“There is nothing permanent except change.” Heraclitus

As humans, we tend to resist change, especially when it’s thrust upon us. We want to stay with the status quo, even when what’s familiar is holding us back and making us uncomfortable. But life is change. You aren’t the same person you were yesterday. Your life is slightly different than it was last year. Sometimes change is gradual and sometimes it comes at you all at once. The Universe is always urging you forward, to expand into a greater awareness.

When change is thrust upon you, your first instinct may be to ignore it and hope for the best. But this only wastes energy. Unfortunately, resistance just delays the inevitable and makes it harder to deal with the issue when it erupts all over your life. If you haven’t prepared to handle the fallout, the consequences can be disastrous. Resisting makes the Cosmic 2″ x 4″ board that metaphorically hits you become a 4″ x 8″ board.

Accept What’s Coming and Adjust

When you’re driving, and see a curve ahead, you adjust your speed and steering ahead of time. For big events in your life, you make plans, like a party, wedding, birth, or retirement. You recognize that each of these occasions requires thought and preparation, or there could be complications. Most people even make a will and take out insurance as protection against unforeseen circumstances.

Not all of change is beneficial. But even if you don’t want the change, don’t put blinders on. Accept that it’s happening. When you shift from fighting against the change to accepting it, you free up your inner resources, creativity and innovation.  You begin to flow with the Universe. William James, philosopher and psychologist, said, “Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” You aren’t giving up or giving into misfortune; you’re recognizing the reality of the situation and addressing it.

Looking Ahead

When change starts to push into your life, pay attention. There will be signals that change is in the offing. You could have a dip in your revenue, a recurring sign that you need to attend to your health, or trusted tactics not working as well as they once did. This isn’t an excuse to overreact, but to start planning ahead for a potential shift.

Stay aware of the currents of life and where they’re taking you. Life leaves clues. Look ahead to where you may be headed, and make plans to avoid a potential crisis. When you’re forward thinking, you’re able to notice difficulties that may be in the offing. The Universe will give you choices, and it’s easier to make a wise decision before, instead of during, you’re in the middle of the situation. Problems generally show up with a hidden opportunity. When you keep your mind open to how you can capitalize on a situation, you’ll find a way to do so.

Be Proactive

Instead of reacting when you’re forced to, be proactive and make plans ahead of time. This gives the Law of Attraction time to act. Anticipate future problems and find ways to turn them to your advantage. This means you meet the issue on your terms, and can triumph over it. Even if the change isn’t as extreme as you expect, you still have exercised your creativity concerning the situation. Being proactive improves your sense of control, empowerment, and reduces your stress.  It can also help you develop a better outlook on life and increase your coping skills.

Change pushes you to grow, to become more resilient, flexible and innovative. You become a better person as you learn to adjust to new situations and circumstances. When you seek out the best of a situation, you may find something much better than you ever expected. Embrace change, prepare for it, and you will thrive.

Affirmation:

Change is the way the Universe urges me to grow. I welcome change, anticipate it and prepare for it to wash through my life. As I accept that I’m able to transform through shifting conditions, I’m Divinely guided to the direction I need to take for my Highest Good. I bless the situation, and know that something wonderful manifests for me. 

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity. To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

The Journey to Finding Clarity

The Journey to Finding Clarity

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Clarity Focus Goal

Many decades ago, I was in a relationship that wasn’t working for me. I unsuccessfully tried discussing it with my boyfriend. I even tried to be more of the person he wanted me to be (I was young and naïve, and it was a disaster). I couldn’t put my finger on how or why we were out of sync, but I knew we were.

When we first started dating, I’d told him I wanted us to be equals and partners, and he’d agreed. But, finally, in an argument, I discovered he really wanted a different kind of relationship, in which he had all the power and made all the decisions. And he’d been trying to maneuver me into becoming his ideal partner. Because our expectations were in opposition, we were moving in different directions, and it was pulling us apart.

Does Something Feel Off?

Have you ever been in a situation that wasn’t going the way you wanted, but you didn’t know what was wrong? You may not even realize that there was a problem, but you were uncomfortable with the circumstances?

You could be in the middle of a relationship that’s not working, a job that you don’t like or your business has stalled. Because you’re in the middle of it, you may not be aware that there is an issue. You just know that things don’t seem right and you’re discontented. You could have outgrown where you are, and the Universe is trying to communicate that to you through your discomfort.

Many people in this situation unconsciously start trying different tactics to fix a problem before they even know exactly what’s amiss. They may jump from strategy to strategy, trying different things and not following through on any of them. All this does is create chaos and make things worse.

How to Gain Clarity

If you feel unsettled, you need to get clear on what the issue is before you can resolve the problem. Here are some ways to find that insight. 

Awareness. Before you can solve a problem, you have to admit you have one. I knew I had a problem in that relationship, even if I didn’t know what it was. Sometimes, you try to ignore the issue, hoping it will resolve itself. Sometimes, it will. But most often, you have to acknowledge that something is wrong before you can begin to address it.

Clarity. Once you’ve recognized that something isn’t right, you have to discover the source of the problem. In my relationship, it turned out that we were mismatched and had different goals. Diagnose the issue by describing what the symptoms are. Identify where or what’s keeping you stuck or making you uncomfortable.  

Journaling. To dig deeper into what might be going on, journal about the situation first thing every morning for at least three days. Write for fifteen to twenty minutes. When you write, keep the pen moving, and don’t critique or edit what you’re writing. This keeps your conscious mind at bay and allows vital information to surface from your subconscious mind.

Ask for Guidance. Ask your Higher Self for clarity and guidance in the situation. When you do, you quit trying to control the outcome, and you allow the Universe to reveal insight and understanding to you.

Finding the Solution

Once you’ve identified the problem, you’re on your way to finding the solution. “A problem well stated is a problem half solved,” Charles Kettering said. Your subconscious mind is your ultimate problem solver, but you have to articulate the issue before your creative mind can work on it.

Once you’ve gotten clarity about what’s wrong, your subconscious will start coming up with ideas of what to do. You might be surprised how how quickly answers start appearing. They may not be the outcome you want, but they’ll be the direction you need to go. For instance, my boyfriend and I eventually broke up, but it was best for both of us. Doors will open for a better life for you, like they did for me.

Affirmation:

The Universe knows what’s making me discontented and uncomfortable. I now open my mind to recognize and acknowledge what the issue is. The Universe knows the answer to this problem and reveals it to my mind now. I allow the Universe to guide me to the steps I need to take to resolve the issue for my Highest Good.

Watch the accompanying video, Guided Meditation to Gain Clarity.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity. To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

What’s Your Priority?

What’s Your Priority?

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Railroad tracks that split in two directions

When you start to work on a project, have you ever have something else come up that needed your attention? It dragged you away from your priority, while you dealt with the more immediate concern. Did this develop into a pattern for you, so that every time you began to shift your attention to your project, another distraction would arise?

If so, it’s an unconscious tactic to resist moving forward with your vision. You may have an unknown block to creating your goal. Or you could be concerned about leaving your comfort zone. Your subconscious is simply giving you the means to stay where you are.

Resisting Your Priority

Your priority is whatever goal or vision you’re currently working on, and the steps that can bring it into reality. This could be making your business a success, improving your health, or cleaning out the garage. It needs to be attended to before you deal with anything else. And your priority takes precedence over anyone else’s demands on you.

Resistance can take many aspects. You can recognize it if you’re procrastinating some action having to do with your goal. Washing the dishes first could be an excuse to avoid dealing with your priority. If you want to reduce weight, and decide to have that slice of pie at a party, then you’re giving in to the part of you that doesn’t want that slim figure. Or you could just keep postponing diving into a project that needs to be done. All of these are subconscious devices to keep you where it feels familiar.

The Cost of Distractions

It’s also easy for life to distract you from what’s significant. So many other things demand your attention when you’re trying to fulfill your priorities. Answering email, washing the dog, a friend calling you in distress can all be excuses not to put your needs first. Whatever you pay attention to, even if it’s something that’s been thrust on you, becomes your priority for that moment. You have to consciously make a choice of what is most vital to you.

When other things clamor for your attention, and you focus on them and ignore your goal, you’re giving your subconscious the direction to continue to keep you off track. Unless you take action on your goal first, your subconscious will continue to divert you. It follows your direction. When you let yourself be distracted, it takes the message that you want it to continue to undermine your goal.

The Difference Between Immediate and Urgent

You have to determine what needs your attention now, and what can wait for a few hours. It’s hard not to confuse the immediate from the urgent. An email that needs to be answered today means that it can be responded to later. It can be put off until after you spend time on your goal.

If you have something that’s urgent, it needs to be addressed before you work on your goal. For instance, a computer crash prevents you from doing your work. The computer has to be fixed before anything can be done in the area of your business. A crisis can deter you for a short time. But when it’s over, get refocused and back on course. 

Suppose your goal is to eat healthier and avoid sugar. When you have dinner at your mom’s, your priority is to pick the foods that fit your plan. Even if she’s upset when you don’t have a piece of her chocolate cake, choose to stick to your goal. Your seeking health trumps her being offended. Besides, shouldn’t she support your goal to be healthier?

If you want to establish a spiritual practice, you have to set aside time to meditate and read. When you allow other concerns to impede your practice, you establish that they’re more crucial  than your spiritual growth. When you stand firm in your goal, you communicate to the Universe that you recognize the value of your inner life.

Resolving Resistance

When you have a goal, you have to create the plan to achieve it. You’ll develop steps, and then prioritize them, figuring out what comes first, then second and so on. Each day, make your vision your priority and take some action towards it. Only by doing so will you undo the resistance that has been trying to sabotage your plans.

Distractions will diminish, and you’ll handle them better, because your subconscious will get the message that you intend to fulfill your desire. As you make your vision a priority, you’ll be creating the habit of attending to it a step at a time. Step by step, you’ll get to your goal, and your vision will become a reality.

Affirmation:

I now prioritize myself and my vision. No one can stop me but me. What I want is important, and I set my intention to follow through on it. I push through my resistance, in whatever form it takes. Every day, I take positive action in the direction of my goal. As I do, I establish the habit of supporting myself and my priorities.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity..To achieve
your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

The Power of Perspective

The Power of Perspective

by Linda-Ann

My mother was an incredible life and spiritual coach. Whenever I’d get upset, she’d ask, “Will this matter in five years? If not, let it go.” She always advised me to take a long term perspective on life.

If I had an argument with a boyfriend, and it wasn’t a fundamental problem in the relationship, she urged me to move on. When I was unhappy over giving a less than stellar presentation, she recommended that I learn from it and focus on the next one. If the issue would be insignificant in five years, she figured that it wasn’t worth getting stressed over it in the present.

Sage Advice

Her advice can be used for most disappointments you deal with. Put the situation into perspective by determining how big an impact it’s going to have in your life in a few years. If you’ll barely remember it, then learn what you can from it and put it behind you. Focus on what’s next for you and allow that vision to pull you forward.

You Have the Power of Perspective

Even if you have a major problem in your life, your perspective can make it better or worse.  Robert Schuller said, “Tough times don’t last, tough people do.” You have control over how you respond to any situation. If you continue to ruminate over something that happened, or hold onto resentment over it, then you’ll have a hard time recovering.

You can become bitter if you get stuck in suffering. Focusing on a negative event can create a habit of focusing on what you don’t have. This can lead to making decisions that aren’t in your best interests in an attempt to avoid pain.

However, when you choose to find a way to overcome a circumstance, you can improve the quality of your life. A crisis can lead to opportunities you never would have noticed, thought of seeking out or taken advantage of.

Divorce, a lost job, a house burning down all can lead to something better if you keep your options open. First, acknowledge the loss and allow yourself to grieve. Then, switch your attention to what resources you have to create a new experience. Set your subconscious and the Law of Attraction to scan your life for opportunities. In a few months or a year, you could be in a much better position than you are today.

Consider the Outcome

Consider how different your life could be in five years.

  • Will the current setback still be a major stumbling block?
  • If so, how can you turn it into a launching pad?
  • How much will the situation matter in five years?
  • What can you do to improve the situation?

Your attitude and authority over the situation will determine how it will affect your life, for better or worse. When you take a longer term view of circumstances, you’ll have the strength and ability to triumph. And you’ll have less wear and tear on your psyche.

Affirmation:

The Universe wants the best for me. When an unpleasant or upsetting situation arises, I determine to put it into perspective. The Universe provides me with everything I need to triumph over the issue. I keep my mind and heart open for Divine Guidance. I declare that only good comes to me as a result of what’s happened.

Watch the accompanying video, A Tip on How to Endure a Rough Day.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity. To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Learn To Say “No”

Learn To Say “No”

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Years ago, I got caught up in too many outside activities. During this period, I was assistant secretary of a community organization that planned a yearly event, the secretary of a creative group that held a yearly contest, a member of an artist’s co-operative, attended classes, acted in community theater, and wrote publicity articles for the same community theater.

I was so stressed that I got very little sleep and my health began to suffer. Finally, I began backing out of some of the responsibilities. For the first time in my life, I had to tell people “No, I can’t do it anymore.” The head of the community theater group pleaded with me to continue writing articles, because “There’s no one else available.” I stuck to my guns, even though it was excruciatingly hard. And I learned that I wasn’t irreplaceable. Someone else did step in and write the articles.

An Important Skill

Learning when to say “no” is an important skill. For if you don’t establish what you can do and what you choose not to do, the world will take advantage of you. You have a right to say “no.” In life, there are always choices. When I wanted to be able to sleep and be healthier, I had to cut some activities out of my life. I then focused on a couple of activities that I felt were most important to me. In another situation, a person may decide they want to go hiking instead of going to a family dinner with their parents. You sometimes have to choose between what others’ want from you and what it is that you really want to do.

When I realized that I was resenting my involvement in so many organizations, I knew I had to let some go. I wasn’t doing myself any good. And even though individually they were activities that I enjoyed, I couldn’t give them my best. In learning to say “no,” I stated to the Universe, and to the world, what I was saying “yes” to. You can do the same. By saying “no” to some things or people, you’re saying “yes” to yourself and to the things that you choose to experience in your life.

Affirmation:

I know that I always have choices to make in my life. Sometimes, I must choose between equally enjoyable situations. In other cases, I must decide whether to please myself or others. I now give myself permission to say “no” to conditions in my life that drag me down or that aren’t of benefit to me at the present time. I realize that as I say “no” to some circumstances that I resent, I’m saying “yes” to myself and to what I really want to experience.

Uphold Your Boundaries for Greater Self-Worth

Uphold Your Boundaries for Greater Self-Worth

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Traffic light that signals both stop and go

When I was a child, I didn’t agree with the phrase, “Give them an inch, and they’ll take a mile,” when referring to how people treat you. I believed that people were kind and would treat others the way they’d want to be treated. As an adult, I learned this wasn’t always true. I’ve encountered many people who tried to take advantage of, or dominate, me.

Originally, I’d explain my boundaries because I expected my limits to be respected. But over and over again, people ignored my limits and steamrolled over them. As I became older and wiser, I realized that the phrase should often be, “Give them a millimeter and they’ll take your soul.”

Boundaries vs. Barriers

There’s a difference between boundaries and barriers. Barriers are walls based on fear of getting hurt, getting too close, or being exploited. Barriers are designed to keep people away. These barricades were probably developed because of painful experiences you had in the past. Unfortunately, barriers don’t just keep others out. They imprison you and prevent you from having your best life. And you deserve the best that the Universe has to offer.

Boundaries are the limits you set on the kind of treatment you’ll allow from another person. This person can be someone you know socially, personally or professionally. These limits define where you leave off and the other person begins. In Universal mind, we are all one. But on the physical plane, we are separate individuals. You have your values and rights, and they have theirs. They’re not entitled to impose on you or vice versa.

Your boundaries are a function of your sense of self-worth, values and self-respect. If you lack these, then you may be allowing people to demean or abuse you. Boundaries are established from a position of strength, assurance, and self-value. They ensure that your rights are respected when people get close to you. They install a sense of safety for you, as well as for the other person. They know where your lines are drawn, and that they must respect them or suffer the consequences.

How to Establish Boundaries

It’s not easy to set and keep boundaries. There are some people who will continue to push against your boundaries to test them, no matter what you say. Others will honor them. But it’s your responsibility to make sure your limits are upheld by the following:

Decide what you’ll tolerate. It’s best to make this determination before the situation arises. Will you allow someone to tease you unmercifully if they’re a family member? What if they’re a boss or a client? Figure out the characteristics of good and bad clients, coworkers, and friends and set your intention to the Law of Attraction to attract positive people. A signal that a boundary has been breached is if you feel uncomfortable with certain interactions. As much as possible, avoid those who continually violate your boundaries.

Stand up for your rights. You have a right to be treated with dignity. Learn to say, “No,” or “Enough,” to those who are uncivil, discourteous or rude. Most people are simply trying to get their needs met. The ones who take advantage are simply trying to get their needs met at your expense. Realize their behavior isn’t yours to fix. It’s their problem and only they can change it. They may not choose to because it’s been getting them what they want. The Universe doesn’t ask that you be a martyr to people to make them feel better.

Consequences. How will you handle behavior that goes past your limit? You can’t change other people. But you can insist that they treat you the way you want. If they don’t, then decide ahead of time what the consequences will be if they don’t. What are you willing to do? Actions speak louder than words. Don’t use a repercussion as an empty threat or manipulation. Both will fail. Instead, state the potential result if they disregard your boundary again, and if they do it anyway, take follow through on your warning. If they refuse to respect you, it’s appropriate to close the door on any future interaction with them. The Universe will find other people that are better for you.

The Result of Establishing Boundaries

Eventually, the people who tried to intimidate me left my life, either through their choice or mine. It’s not easy to establish and maintain boundaries, but it’s certainly better than letting people abuse you. When you set boundaries, you train people how you expect to be treated. And you instruct the Law of Attraction about the kind of people to draw into your life. People will respect you more, disappear or you’ll let them go, depending on the situation. By standing up for yourself, you’re building self-confidence, authenticity and courage. And best of all, you will retain your soul.

Affirmation:

The Universe wants the best for me and I deserve the best that Life has to offer. I am worthy of being treated well in all of my relationships. I have the right to decide how I want to be treated, and to insist that I be treated that way. The Universe completely supports me as I establish my boundaries. As I uphold my boundaries, the Law of Attraction brings me people who will respect them.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity. To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

The Necessity Of Boundaries

The Necessity Of Boundaries

by Linda-Ann Stewart

In my hypnotherapy practice, when a client would come to see me with self-esteem issues, I’d discuss the topic of “boundaries” with them. Some of my clients had never even heard of the idea of boundaries and I had to explain it to them. “Boundaries are like limits you would set with a child,” I’d say, “telling them not to touch the stove, for their own safety. Or not to hit their sibling.” Most of my clients could relate to that.

However, the idea of telling an adult how to treat them could be a foreign concept. “But they should know how to treat me,” my client might say. This is true, but people have different ideas of how to treat each other. And everyone has their own agenda to make them feel more comfortable. Unless you are direct and clear about what you’ll accept and what you won’t accept, the other person won’t know.

What Are Your Current Boundaries?

Boundaries are an important part of life. Think of the boundaries you have now. You wouldn’t allow someone to reach into your pocket or purse and steal your money without complaining. You’ve drawn the line there. Where are some of your other boundaries? In personal relationships and friendships, what kind of limits have you set? Do you allow friends or loved ones to put you down, beat you, take advantage of you? If so, this is an area in which you need to strengthen your boundaries.

When I was little, my parents taught me that having boundaries was a good thing. But as I got into school and made friends, having boundaries meant that I wouldn’t be liked. When a friend hit me and I complained to her mother, the mom told me that I had to forgive her daughter and continue playing with her. The mom encouraged my feelings of compassion for her daughter so that I wouldn’t reject her. From that, I learned to let people walk all over me. 

Why Boundaries Are Necessary

Without boundaries, we allow the world to treat us as they want to. Not as we expect to be treated, but in ways that are convenient for them. Boundaries are necessary for our safety, and to teach others how we expect to be treated. If we don’t teach people to value us, then we have only ourselves to blame when they take advantage of us. A boundary is the communication of how we choose to be treated, and what the consequences are if we’re not treated that way. Sometimes, you don’t even have to state it as long as you have it firmly planted in your consciousness. Your attitude will communicate it clearly.

When I began setting boundaries and standing up for them, it was scary. The people who didn’t value me began to leave my life. In any relationship, when one person changes, then the relationship itself changes. My “friends” weren’t willing to change with the relationship. But then I started attracting people to me who treated me the way I wanted to be treated. And I didn’t have to tell them how. Since I’d gotten it clear in my mind that I wouldn’t be browbeaten anymore (boundary), and if I was I’d end the relationship no matter how much I cared about the person (consequence), that commitment to my well-being communicated itself.

Boundaries Are Your Right and Responsibility

You have a right to establish the standards by which you choose to be treated. The Universe gave you that right by your having been born. You don’t have to accept treatment that devalues you as a person or as an expression of the Universe. You also have a responsibility to yourself, to the Universe, and to the other person to decide on your boundaries. If you don’t, then you’re allowing other people to choose how you will be treated and you’re at their mercy. By setting and maintaining boundaries, you’re accepting the responsibility for your well being. Boundaries demonstrate that you value yourself and that you value the relationship enough to create a secure environment in which it can grow.

Affirmation:

I have a right and responsibility to myself and the Universe to establish meaningful boundaries. I deserve to be treated well, with respect. If my boundaries are violated, I have the right to act on the consequences that I’ve decided on to keep myself safe and secure. I do this with compassion for the other person, but also with compassion for myself because my well being is more important than someone else’s convenience.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity. To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.