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The Perfectionist’s Curse

The Perfectionist’s Curse

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by Linda-Ann Stewart

"I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business." Michael J. Fox

“I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God’s business.” Michael J. Fox

Do you ever avoid going out of the house with a hair out of place or in wrinkled clothes? Are you afraid to turn in a project, because of you feel it’s not good enough? I knew an artist  who started an oil painting of dried leaves and a decomposing stump. She spent days painting every leaf in great detail, so detailed that a person looking at it thought they were real. But she spent so much time on the details that she eventually moved on to another project and never finished the painting.

I’ve never met a happy perfectionist. Most of them are anxious, unhappy people, who have low self-esteem, and are trying to meet some impossible, ideal standard. Generally, the syndrome comes from a childhood with parents, caregivers or teachers who never approved of anything these folk did.

Wanting Acknowledgement

In elementary school, when I would make a perfect grade on a test, my father would ask “Why didn’t you make a 200%?” In fifth grade, we had a pop quiz, on which I made a 100%, and then the teacher had us take a similar one, on which I also made a perfect grade. When my father came home, I was waiting for him.

“I made a 100% today,” I said.

“Why didn’t you make a 200%?” he asked, as usual.

I laughed and said, “I did,” and showed him the papers. He never asked me that particular question again.

Fortunately for me, my father did give me approval and acceptance. But for many people who are perfectionists, they’ve never received that from their parents. As children, they tried to do everything right to gain some acknowledgement and never did. What they didn’t realize was that it wouldn’t have mattered how perfect they were, their parents couldn’t approve of their achievements because of the parents’ emotional baggage. When the child grew up into adulthood, they continued the attempt to be perfect to avoid rejection. It didn’t work in childhood, even though to the childish mind it appeared to give them some control over the situation. As an adult, it only causes misery.

The Basis of Perfectionism

There is a difference between being a perfectionist and being precise. A perfectionist isn’t motivated by trying to be accurate or to do their best. They’re actually living out of fear, trying to avoid making a mistake so that they aren’t rejected or criticized. Being precise is important in many careers, and in many aspects of our lives. Accuracy is valuable in mixing chemicals, recipes, statistics, etc., because an error in any of these could cost dearly. But the difference between being a perfectionist and being precise is that the former takes over a person’s whole being, while the latter is specific as to time and place.

Perfectionism can keep a person immobilized. An individual can be so afraid of making a move that they won’t do anything, for fear that their decision could be the wrong one. A project may be finished, but they revise it over and over, trying to get it just right. The point they miss is that there are any number of right ways to complete the project. And continuing to work on it may mean they turn it in late.

Perfection and Procrastination

Another side effect of perfectionism can be procrastination. As in the example just given, if a person keeps re-working a project until it’s late, they may not be faulted for it “not being their best work.” In other cases, an individual may postpone making decisions or taking  action so they won’t be condemned. Then they’re criticized for never doing anything.

All of this comes from trying to live up to some artificial, unrealistic standard that was imposed on them in childhood. And instead of a positive principle they aspire to, they actually live in fear of not measuring up to it. So much energy is wasted in fear that they can never actually live up to their potential. And very likely, due to the fear of condemnation, a person won’t risk suggesting new ideas or new methods in their careers or personal life, preferring to stick with what has been accepted in the past.

Update Your Beliefs

If you’re a perfectionist, realize that it’s a response to an environment that no longer exists. With your current knowledge, review the dynamics of your childhood relationships with your caregivers. Would you ever have gotten their approval, or were they imposing unrealistic expectations on you? For instance, expecting a four-year-old to act like an adult is irrational.

Experiment with not doing things perfectly; like leaving dishes in the sink for a few hours, don’t straighten pictures, and go for a walk without dressing specifically for it. Whenever you feel anxious that you may not be doing something perfectly, remind yourself that nothing is ever perfect. Do your best, be accurate, be precise, but don’t try to be perfect. Then move on. In so doing, you’ll begin to reclaim your life, your power and your peace of mind.

Affirmation:

I give myself permission not to be perfect. Assessing my past, I recognize that perfection wouldn’t have brought me the acknowledgement that I craved. Perfection won’t bring me any greater acceptance or approval in the present. I am, and have always been, a valuable person. I do my best, I aspire to be accurate and precise, but I let go of any false belief that I have to be perfect to be accepted. The Universe accepts and approves of me, as I am, therefore I do the same.

Seek Persistence, Not Perfection

Seek Persistence, Not Perfection

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by Linda-Ann Stewart

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.” Calvin Coolidge

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.” Calvin Coolidge

There’s an old saying, “Anything worth doing is worth doing well.” But that concept puts so much pressure on people. They figure that if they can’t do it perfectly, it’s not worth doing at all. So, because they’re afraid of failing, or of doing less than their best, they procrastinate, or they get paralyzed and do nothing.

But perfection is not only overrated, it’s impossible. When you seek perfection, you don’t try anything new, because you’re unsure of the results. Or if you do try something new, it’s only what you know you’ll do well. You don’t do anything new or challenging that will allow you to grow or develop. But you don’t build proficiency in a vacuum. It takes time to develop the skill and knowledge to be able to excel at something.

Perfectionism Affects Your Mental Health

Seeking perfection is detrimental to your mental health, as it creates stress and anxiety. The pursuit of perfection also results in low self-esteem and depression. Your self-talk becomes abusive, as you berate yourself for always falling short of an impossible standard. Perfectionism promotes the opposite of what you seek, which is wellbeing and success.  

The obsession with perfection is prompted by the fear of failure and disapproval. You’re trying to live up to some unrealistic expectations, generally from childhood, and fear rejection if you don’t succeed. So by staying in your comfort zone and don’t try anything new, you can’t fail or be criticized. This causes you to avoid challenges, risk, growth and innovation.

Developing Persistence

My father used to say, “You don’t fail until you stop trying.” There’s a theory that leaders should seek failure, rather than success, because failing teaches you valuable lessons. You learn more about yourself, are able to cultivate creativity, and acquire empathy through failure. You discover what doesn’t work, and are able to apply that to your next attempt. Failure also fosters persistence. Each time you fail, you’re one step closer to success, if you keep trying.

Beginning meditators give up when they aren’t able to quiet their mind chatter. The point of meditation is the practice. The more you persist, the easier it will be to not give attention to the distracting thoughts that fly through your mind. Perseverance also gives the Law of Attraction a focus, letting it know that your idea is something you really want.

Instead of focusing on the outcome of perfection, focus on the process of what you’re trying to achieve. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it does build expertise. Repetition forms muscle memory, and creates a habit. Training crafts mastery, which is as close to perfection as anyone can get. But you have to continue to practice, or else you begin to lose the skills.

Persistence Builds Character

Simply put one foot in front of the other and keep going. The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step, but it continues with taking another step and another. Focus on what you accomplish each day. What did you learn? How can that lesson be put to use in moving forward? You’re more productive, efficient and effective, simply by continuing to take action.

Perseverance is necessary for a child to learn to walk, a writer to finish a book, or someone to change a habit. Giving up isn’t an option if you want to reach your goal. When you persist, despite obstacles, you build strength and resilience. This becomes a positive cycle that will bring you more success and self-confidence. Let go of the illusion of perfection, and embrace the power of persistence.

Affirmation:

I recognize that perfection is the province of the Universe, not the physical world that I live in. I let go of the need to live up to unrealistic expectations. Those ideas belong in the past. Now, I focus on my goal and take steps to bring it into reality. I learn from any setbacks, and apply that knowledge to my path as I commit myself to moving forward.

As a focus mentor, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

The True Role Of Your Inner Critic

The True Role Of Your Inner Critic

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Rainbow and tree

Are you constantly putting yourself down? Do you ever tell yourself demeaning statements like: “You can’t do that,” “What’s the point,” “You don’t deserve anything,” “You’re so stupid.” Do you feel guilty when you do something as innocuous as spill a glass of water or drop a cookie on the floor? If so, you have an active inner critic.

Your inner critic or judge is an aspect of your personality that echoes what the authorities in your life said to you when you were younger. My fourth grade teacher berated the class with “You’re so stupid,” until many of us believed the lie. A friend’s father convinced her that she was worthless. One of my clients was told that she was responsible for the happiness of her entire family.

Old Messages

These are all false ideas that are accepted by the person because of the authority of those who stated them. As we grow up, we internalize the concepts as our inner critic. It takes over the role of the critical people from our youth and it repeats their messages over and over. In adulthood, those we’re close to and respect can trigger the critic’s voice and add to the messages.

The inner critic holds you back, makes you doubt yourself, lowers your self-worth, and undermines your self-confidence. It judges your behavior by someone else’s standards and reaffirms that you don’t measure up to their unreasonable expectations, and makes you feel guilty for failing. My clients have said that they don’t feel like they’re “enough.” That nothing they do will be good enough, or that they can’t fulfill what they believe is expected of them.

What Your Inner Critic Is Trying to Do

Believe it or not, this aspect of your personality is actually trying to help you. It accepted the attitude from the people you were dependent on to try to protect you from their disapproval. If a child spills his milk, and cries from fear of punishment, then his mom generally will reassure him and just wipe it up. He’s accepted his responsibility, since he’s showed his remorse, so mom figures she doesn’t have to chastise him. By feeling guilty, he’s protected himself from being sent to the corner.

A child will emulate the attitudes of the caregivers around him to try to fit in. Because if he doesn’t get accepted by the clan, then he’s shunned, abandoned either physically or emotionally, and that means death to a child. Even if the child rejects the attitudes of the caregivers as unreasonable, he will still have soaked them in before he was old enough to recognize their unfairness.

So your inner critic is still trying to keep you safe. However, it’s trying to protect you from an environment that you left long ago. You no longer need the approval of your caregivers in order to survive. You have the ability to say “no” and have it stick. If you’re in an unfriendly situation, you can now leave. Even if it’s difficult, you can still leave and you will survive. You inner critic is responding to conditions that you’ve outgrown, but this part of you doesn’t realize it.

How to Work with Your Inner Critic

Instead of fighting against your inner critic, or knuckling under it, you can begin to re-educate it. Its true role is to help you, protect you, to encourage and nurture you. If it realizes that you’re a big person who’s living in a different environment, with the ability to take responsibility for yourself, it will generally begin to reduce its nagging. You can let it know that it needs to update its responses so that it actually helps you in your present day conditions.

Once it begins to understand its true role, and uses its energy to help you in the now, you’ll notice a tremendous improvement. You’ll have more self-confidence, feel better about yourself and be more productive because you won’t be second-guessing every little thing you do. You won’t be fighting against yourself anymore, and your whole inner being will be on your side.

Affirmation:

The critic within me no longer needs to protect me the way it did when I was a child. I now have the knowledge to protect myself. My inner critic now recognizes this and updates its protection so that it serves me in my current life. It now fulfills its true role to help me, encourage me, and nurture me.

Are You Shoulding on Yourself?

Are You Shoulding on Yourself?

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Your attitude determines your direction

My mom was an awesome life and spiritual coach. One of her main recommendations was to eliminate what she called the “must, ought, shoulds” in your life. When you use any of these three words against yourself, you increase your sense of shame, anxiety, pressure, and guilt.

Statements such as, “I should lose weight,” “I ought to be more productive,” or “I must exercise,” don’t inspire you to comply. These phrases are an attempt to force yourself to do what some inner part of you thinks is important. But coercion of that sort backfires because it’s human nature to rebel against that type of control.

Why You Resist

Often, to escape the negative feelings, you do exactly the opposite, or do something that gives you pleasure. But then, you feel even more guilt, which causes you to further avoid what your inner bully is trying to make you do. This just makes you feel worse. And around and around it goes.

The part of you that’s pushing you this way is doing it to try to help you. It doesn’t feel like support, but that inner voice is trying to get you to do something it thinks will be beneficial for you. That part just isn’t going about it very effectively. Instead of encouraging, it’s trying to pressure you.

How to Take Back Your Power

When you notice that automatic voice in your head, ask yourself these questions:

  • Why should I do what it wants me to do?  
  • What would change if I acted on what it wants?
  • What would the result or benefit be for me?
  • Is this something I want?

If the outcome is one you want, you can shift your response from resistance to making a deliberate choice to act. You can reframe “must,” “ought,” and “should” to “I choose to” or “I choose not to.” If you decide to take the action, that inner voice isn’t winning. Instead, by changing your attitude, you’re taking your power back.

Think about how you’ll feel afterwards by following through. For one thing, you’ll free yourself from that oppressive voice. And second, you’ll you receive the benefits of the action. And lastly, you’ll feel better about yourself and have more energy to do the things you love.

Affirmation:

I now let go of the “must, ought, shoulds” in my life. They aren’t serving a purpose for me anymore. I accept authority over my life. I’m guided by Divine Mind into my right thoughts and actions. The Universe supports, encourages and inspires me to make the choices that bring me the life I desire and deserve.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Stop Shaming Yourself

Stop Shaming Yourself

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Break the inner chains that bind you.

When I used to facilitate tobacco-cessation classes, I told the participants not to condemn themselves if they relapsed. Feeling ashamed would just make them feel powerless and they’d give up. It’s much like someone on a diet who eats a cookie and figures, “Oh, well. I’ve failed. I might as well eat the whole bag.” In reality, the relapse is simply an opportunity to learn what else they need to do to become a nonsmoker. They’ve stumbled onto a trigger that they hadn’t planned on or had no strategy in place to deal with.

Shame and Guilt Are Different

Most of us dump shame on ourselves at one time or another. Shame is different from guilt. Shame is usually deposited on us by someone else, or can be an exaggerated form of guilt. Guilt signals us when we’ve violated some reasonable standard or value, so that we learn the lesson and don’t do it again. Such as accidentally stepping onto someone’s foot, feeling upset that it happened, apologizing or making amends, and moving on with our lives.

However, guilt morphs into shame when we do something we regret, and then the emotion grows to infect every aspect of our lives. Shame permeates our whole beingness and isn’t just about what we’ve done, but about who we are.

The more we wallow in guilt, and transform it into shame, the more powerless and worthless we feel. When that happens, we tend to act in self-destructive ways to try to numb the pain of how bad we feel, as well as verify the low opinion of ourselves.

A smoker will smoke more, someone with an eating disorder will spiral into more of the problem, a couch potato will avoid getting any exercise, a rage-aholic will lash out at those close to them, a workaholic will spend less time at home, and even those with no major addiction problems will do more of what made them feel ashamed in the first place. It’s a vicious cycle.

Stop the Cycle of Shame

As with everything else, “Energy flows where attention goes.” If our full attention is on how bad we are because of the awful thing we did, and we focus on that to the exclusion of anything good we’ve done, our subconscious has no other choice than to continue to recreate the negativity. It’s only doing what it perceives we want. The Universe doesn’t want us to suffer like that. It’s all our doing.

It’s not easy to stop the cycle. We’ve been trained to be very critical of ourselves. Our culture tends to shame those who don’t meet its measure of perfection. I’ve even heard spiritual people say, about someone going through a challenge, “I wonder what was in their consciousness to bring that into their experience?” It’s just another form of judging a person for not meeting some impossibly high standard.

It’s About Learning

We’re here to learn lessons, to become skilled at love, power and manifestation. If we were perfect, we wouldn’t be here. This life is a process of training. A child doesn’t walk the first time they stand up. They fall, and try again. After learning to balance, they then take a step and tumble down. They’re learning how to use their muscles. Eventually, through trial and error, they are able to walk, run and skip.

As we learn, we practice our new abilities each day. Sometimes we backslide to learn another aspect of the lesson. A child doesn’t shame themselves for not being able to walk as soon as they emerge into this world. They learn from their mistakes and get on with the process. We need to be more like children when we don’t succeed immediately, because the more we slip-up, the more we get to experience new facets of our lesson.

Whenever that shaming voice begins to shout, remember that the original issue isn’t about the whole being, it’s about a single event. Focus on that one incident, learn what you need to do differently, make any amends necessary, forgive yourself, and implement the changes you want to make. Then let it go and move on. In this way, we release and direct Universal energy to grow and evolve.

Affirmation:

Shame is a denial of Universal love. Any shame I feel is false information about who and what I am. I am a worthwhile child of the Infinite. I give myself credit for the good that I’ve done. Whenever I take a mis-step or make a mistake, I realize that it’s simply part of my learning process. Guilt is a signal that I violated my own standards. I learn the lesson, make amends, forgive myself and let it go. In so doing, I move forward in my spiritual awareness and evolution.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Change Starts From Within

Change Starts From Within

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Woman happy she's changed

As a hypnotherapist, people come to see me professionally because they want some sort of change in their lives. Whether it’s to feel better about themselves, stop smoking, reduce weight, increase their self-confidence, improve their health, or have some other positive adjustment, they have made a choice that has brought them to my office. Together we figure out what they need to change within themselves, and what actions they need to take, to bring about the improvement in their lives.

Every so often, someone comes in who wants me to wave a magic wand over their head and make all their problems disappear, without them having to participate. They don’t want to have to alter a belief, attitude or behavior, but have the problem somehow erased. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. For any change to occur, they have to make a corresponding internal and external commitment to that change.

Change from the Inside Out

For instance, a smoker who says they want to quit must truly decide which they want more, to smoke or not to smoke. Once they’ve chosen to stop smoking, they have to learn new ways to cope with life’s challenges, and dedicate themselves to this new lifestyle. Not only do they have to refrain from smoking, but they have to make the inner changes (and they are many) that are necessary to achieve the eventual goal of becoming a nonsmoker. If they try to quit, without these inner changes, then at the first sign of stress they’ll start up again.

All change starts from within. Initially, a person may just know that something has to improve, and may not even know how to go about it. In this case, they need to figure out what’s wrong and what they need to transform that will make it better. Many times, people want the outer world to be different without doing any inner work. But in every instance, progress begins with changing a thought, belief, attitude, and then a behavior before improvement can be seen in the physical world.

Improving Self-Esteem

For example, someone with low self-esteem, who feels like they’re not good enough, or not worth anything, may not realize that they need a greater sense of self-worth and not know what to do to reach it. All that they recognize is that they feel like they don’t deserve anything nice, and that people take advantage of them.

The first step in healing this is to stop putting themselves down and talk to themselves in a more compassionate and supportive manner. But they must also change some of their behaviors to mirror this new inner dialogue. No matter how difficult it is, they must make sure that they begin to stand up for themselves.

Deal with Inner Attitudes

This doesn’t mean that they should indulge themselves in unhealthy behaviors. For instance, I’ve known people who have decided that they deserve to go out and spend $100 on a meal, even if it means they can’t pay their rent, phone bill, or buy groceries. They think that’s the way to improve their self-image and feel better. Unfortunately, the opposite is true. A person with a healthy self-worth will deny themselves immediate, and transitory, gratification to be able to enjoy a sense of security in the long term.

The same is true for anyone who wants to reduce weight. Rewarding themselves with food, or using it to mask emotions, isn’t going to bring any lasting improvement. They must learn healthy eating behaviors, and listen to what their body (not their emotions) wants to eat, along with reducing portion size, and starting to exercise. They also have to learn to deal with their feelings without using food as a crutch. If the inner attitudes aren’t dealt with and adjusted, no diet in the world is going to permanently keep off the weight.

What Do You Need to Change?

Edwene Gaines, prosperity teacher, recommended meditating on this question, “What do I need to change within myself in order to…?” Sometimes it may mean being willing to let go of a relationship, move, or change jobs. It always indicates changing some attitude or belief on the inner plane, while making changes on the physical plane that show your commitment to the shift in your consciousness.

Permanent improvement in any area of life demands our making a choice for something different, begin to align our beliefs and attitudes so that the new idea is possible and desirable, and then take action to embody the new concept. All of these steps are necessary for there to be change. And when we begin to entertain the idea of change, the Universe will bring us opportunities to help it along. New people will show up in our lives, information will drop onto our desk, or some event may nudge it along. We just have to have the courage and commitment to take the leap into a brighter future.

Affirmation:

I now identify the areas of my life that I want to change and recognize what needs to happen for them to improve. I’m guided to understand what I need to change within myself to create the transformation in my life. The answer is clear. With my whole being, I’m willing to do what is necessary to improve. As I make the decision to change, the Universe supports me and brings whatever I need to help me.

Reframe to Empower Yourself

Reframe to Empower Yourself

by Linda-Ann Stewart

"People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them." Epictetus

The way you think about a situation affects your emotions, actions and your ability to find solutions. When you look at a situation from a single perspective, you get stuck in however it’s making you feel at that moment. The situation doesn’t impact you as much as your opinion about it.

If you’re optimistic about being able to triumph over circumstances, then you’re empowered and have the ability to respond in a positive way. However, if you feel helpless, angry, or stressed, this closes down your creativity. Negative thoughts about a situation freeze your resourcefulness. Your negative emotions will keep you from being able to take actions that will benefit you. In that case, all you can do is to react in ways you’ve done before and get similar results. You’ll also limit the Universe from being able to create something good from it.

Shift Your Perspective

However, you have the power to change the way you think about any occurrence. When you look at the situation from a different angle, you open yourself up to new options and interpretations. You can do this by finding a way to reframe the incident.

Imagine you’re looking out of a window. You see the landscape from a single perspective.  Anything else outside of your view doesn’t exist. You might even judge it to be boring or threatening. Once you’ve decided your attitude towards it, then your choices, and the Universe’s, are limited.

But if you shift your position or your viewpoint in relationship to the window, suddenly you have a different angle on the scene. You notice things you didn’t before, such as beauty or support. You’ve put a different frame around the landscape. Now you have a greater appreciation for what’s there and change your conclusions.

Reframing a situation changes where you place your attention, and helps you to think differently about the conditions. When you think differently, you’re empowered to make different decisions.  Suddenly, a wider world of possibilities is available to you, and the Universe can bring you greater good.

How to Reframe a Situation

Reframing also opens the door for the subconscious to seek solutions. Your subconscious can discover new options and opportunities for you. Learning how to reframe takes a willingness to let go of your preconceived notions and entrenched attitudes. But it can pay off by not only making you feel better, but improving your approach to the circumstances.

1. Notice what’s upsetting you. The way you think about something causes you to feel an emotion. When you recognize you’re distressed, track it back to what you were originally thinking. You may become aware of an outdated idea, attitude or judgment.

2. How else can you look at the situation? Mentally, take a step back from your emotions. Challenge your thoughts and beliefs about the situation. Could there be some other interpretation? Consider a benefit that could come from the situation or what you could learn from it.

3. What’s something more positive you can tell yourself about the situation? You choose what you tell yourself about the circumstances. By taking a different inner position on the incident, you cultivate greater resources to make better decisions. If you can’t think of anything specific about the situation, use a generalized affirmation. “This, too, shall pass” or “Something wonderful comes from this” are ones I’ve used with great success.

Make Reframing a Habit

Your old ways of reacting to situations is a habit, but you can create new habits. When a circumstance arises that makes you uncomfortable, practice disputing your thoughts, beliefs and emotions about it. This breaks up old thought patterns to allow you to build new mental pathways that support your empowerment. Eventually, this process will become automatic.

Wayne Dyer said, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” When you shift your position towards an event, you become aware of other options and actions you can take. As your actions change, so will the dynamics in the situation, and generally for your benefit. The Universe will have a channel to extract the good and present it to you in a way you may not expect.

Affirmation:

Whenever I experience a challenging situation, I immediately seek to find the good in it. I transform any upsetting thoughts about the circumstances into neutral or positive ideas. As I do, I allow the power of the Universe to flow through and create good from the situation. Something wonderful comes to me as a result.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

You Can Choose Your Beliefs

You Can Choose Your Beliefs

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Breaking the chains of outdated beliefs

When Sandy was a small child, she and her younger brother were playing in the same room. She was playing quietly with a doll, and he was pounding his truck with a rock. Her mother yelled at them to stop it, saying that they were “bad” and “destructive.” She went on to rant that they’d never receive anything good because they wouldn’t take care of it. Because of this episode, Sandy grew up believing that she didn’t deserve anything of value.

This belief had created a filter in Sandy’s life. Whenever she had an opportunity to improve her life or have something of importance, she sabotaged it. One time, she lost a precious necklace soon after she received it. Another time, after getting a promotion, she forgot a vital deadline and was demoted as a result. Her subconscious made her belief that she couldn’t be trusted into a reality.

Break with the Old Belief

One day, as she was relating the memory to a friend, she realized that her mother hadn’t been speaking to her. Suddenly, she recognized that her mother had been addressing her brother. Reassessing the situation from an adult perspective, Sandy understood her mother had been frustrated that her brother had destroyed every toy he’d gotten. Sandy’s entire belief system shifted, and she felt a surge of self-worth.

Although Sandy didn’t consciously choose the belief that she wasn’t worthy of anything good, it was one that she’d accepted before she was old enough to know better? Some of your beliefs are from single experiences that deeply impressed you, like Sandy’s. Others are hand-me-downs from your family or friends when you were too young to decide whether they were valid or not.

Your Beliefs Filter the World

For instance, you may have been a graceful dancer, but a jealous sibling or classmate told you that you were a klutz. If you accepted the judgment, from that point on you had a hard time walking without tripping over a blade of grass.

Or maybe you had a label pinned to you. Were you a strong minded child that refused to blindly follow instructions? If so, you may have been labeled a “troublemaker” by teachers and parents.  And from that point on, you put on that persona and causing trouble became your hobby.

You filter your world through your beliefs. They affect your decisions, behaviors, reactions, and actions. They also influence how you respond to people and situations and how others respond to you. Not only that, your subconscious mind makes sure that you confirm your beliefs. This is why Sandy lost the necklace, the dancer became clumsy, and the stubborn child became a troublemaker.

Assess Your Beliefs

But a belief isn’t set in stone. For instance, the incident with Sandy’s brother didn’t affect him at all. He became a truck driver with an impeccable record. A situation doesn’t create a belief. Your belief is simply an interpretation of events and your comprehension could be incorrect, as Sandy’s was. You may not have all the facts or information, just as Sandy didn’t. Your judgment is also affected by other beliefs and perceptions you have. Two different people would interpret the situation in very different ways, depending on their own experiences, perceptions and beliefs.

You can choose what to believe. If a belief isn’t working for you, then you can change it. Beliefs are created by what you focus on and accept as a reality. If you focus on a feeling of worthlessness, then that’s what you’ll believe. However, if you consciously recognize your true worth, and focus on that, you’ll start to feel deserving.

When you focus on the idea that life is a struggle, then you’ll only notice conditions that verify your belief. Choosing to believe that life can be easy and harmonious will switch your filter, and instruct your subconscious to find ways for life to flow smoother.

Are Your Beliefs Serving You?

Are your beliefs giving you the life you want or taking you where you want to go? If not, what do you need to believe to take you there? When the old belief surfaces, substitute the new one. It may feel threatening at first because you’re changing a long standing habit. But the sky won’t fall if you do.

After the old belief filter disappeared from Sandy’s mind, she got a promotion and this time she remembered her deadlines. Because she realized her value, she was able to accept value into her world. What beliefs do you choose to change so you can claim a better life?

Affirmation:

I reassess old, outdated beliefs and recognize which ones have been limiting filters for me. By identifying them and that they’re no longer useful, I take the first step to changing them. The Universe completely supports me in this endeavor. I give myself permission to change my belief to something more positive and that opens the door to success, health, harmony and abundance.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at https://www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

Accept Your Introvert or Extrovert Temperament

Accept Your Introvert or Extrovert Temperament

by Linda-Ann Stewart

Coffee cup saying Choose Happy

Some years ago, I had a friend urge me to go write and work on my business in coffee shops. She loved to work around people, and said, “You’ll get so much done!” I unsuccessfully tried to explain to her that I couldn’t concentrate with other people around. Their activity and noise was too distracting. She never understood.

It was the classic difference between an introvert, like me, and an extrovert, like her. An extrovert loves being around people. Extroverts are buoyed up by the energy of people and ride that wave. Introverts get overwhelmed and overstimulated by being around too many people. They might like to be around people for a short time, but then they have to go recharge in solitude. To an extrovert, being isolated would be punishment. For an introvert, it’s nirvana.

The Differences Between Extroverts and Introverts

Extroverts and introverts process information through different parts of the brain. For an introvert, the information has to go through more areas of the brain for them to come to a conclusion. They consider more deeply and thoroughly about a subject before they arrive at a decision.

Extroverts process information as they interact. They’re spontaneous, and like to talk a subject through or think out loud to reach an answer. While extroverts will say the first thing that comes to mind, introverts reflect about a question before they answer.

Being an introvert isn’t synonymous with being shy. I’ve known shy extroverts and outgoing introverts. Whether you’re an extrovert or introvert depends on whether you get energized or depleted around groups of people and how you think. Introverts have rich inner lives, while extroverts need to be stimulated by outer experiences.

Each Type Has Value

Western society prefers and rewards extroverts, who are gregarious and risk takers. Eastern culture values introvert’s traits of reflection and seclusion. The West loves outgoing people and thinks that loners are somehow lacking in social skills. That’s not true, because introverts are much better listeners. But, in western society, introverts are often shamed and pressured to try to be like an extrovert. As a result, this decreases an introvert’s self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence.

No one is fully an extrovert or introvert. It’s not either/or. It’s a spectrum. If you identify a bit with both of them, you may be an ambivert. This is someone who loves to be around people, but does need alone time afterwards to recharge.

Honor Yourself

No matter whether you’re an extrovert, introvert or ambivert, accept your temperament and that it’s right for you. It reflects the individual that you are and what you need for your wellbeing. If you’re an extrovert, find a way to be around people in person or even virtually. However, if you’re an introvert, find your interaction limit, and give yourself permission to have alone time afterwards. 

Recognize how you gain energy, whether it’s being around people, in solitude, or a combination. Find a balance of social stimulation that works for you. Accept that how you think and process information may be different from others.

These traits aren’t learned. You’re born this way. Don’t let anyone shame or pressure you to conform to their idea of who they think you should be. Honor and respect your temperament. You’ll be happier, healthier and be able to utilize your strengths to create a life that suits you.

Affirmation:

The Universe accepts me as I am. I recognize my strengths and use them in a positive way. I also understand that others may be different from me. As I listen to my inner self, it guides me to create balance and joy in my life. I now honor and respect myself and what I need for my wellbeing.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.

What Are You Expecting?

What Are You Expecting?

by Linda-Ann Stewart

“People only see what they are prepared to see.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Imagine you’re at a networking meeting where you don’t know anyone. You feel out of place and just a little anxious. A nicely dressed woman walks in your direction. Uneasy, you prepare to introduce yourself and smile at her. But she never makes eye contact, walks right by and you feel snubbed.

You filtered her actions through your beliefs and expectations. Because you already felt insecure, you believed she deliberately ignored you. The truth is that she probably was focused on someone across the room that she knew and never even noticed you. But you interpreted her actions to be what you expected, which was to be ignored, rather than she just wasn’t aware of you.

We See What We Expect

As we go through life, it’s human nature to notice things that reinforce what we already believe. For example, a salesperson gets uncomfortable with a potential client being quiet during a sales conversation. The salesperson thinks the client has no interest in the product, when the client is actually trying to figure out how they can pay for the item.

Negative people seek out any information that downplays optimism being beneficial so they can validate being pessimistic. A self-confident, outgoing person expects people to like them. They believe that everyone they meet is a potential friend, and because of their attitude, most people respond to their warmth.

Expectations Shape Results

Everything in your life is filtered through what you expect and believe. Anything that disputes or questions your perceptions is demeaned or dismissed. When you have so narrow a focus, you won’t notice other ideas or opportunities that present themselves to you. Possibilities may be all around you, but since you’re not expecting them, you overlook them. And sometimes, if they’re presented to you, you rebuff them because they don’t fit into the picture you have in your mind.  

If your beliefs and expectations are the lens through which you view life, then that outlook is where your focus is. Wherever you put your attention affects your actions. For instance, when you expect an idea or project to be rejected, you don’t put a lot of effort into it. So your expectations become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because your decisions, behaviors and actions influenced the outcome.

Change Your Filter

The way to see things differently, so your results improve, is to change the filter through which you view conditions. When you have a disappointing encounter, ask yourself the following questions.

  • What did you expect from it?
  • Was your expectation unrealistic?
  • Did you misread the situation?
  • Did your actions or inactions contribute to the outcome?
  • Were you open and accepting of other options?
  • What can you do to improve the situation?            
  • How can you change your beliefs to be more aware of opportunities?

These questions will begin to break through your mental assumptions, allowing you to consider other interpretations. As Wayne Dyer said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Change your expectations, and you’ll start seeing a whole new world of possibilities.

Affirmation:

I release limiting beliefs and expectations. They come from the past and no longer support the life I want. I now look at situations from a more objective viewpoint. Possibilities abound in my life, and I recognize opportunities when they come my way. I attract the best that Life has to offer.

Watch the complementary video, Check Your Preconceptions at the Door.

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women entrepreneurs and small business owners to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, wellbeing and prosperity.To achieve your goals with confidence and ease in 4 powerful steps, register for her FREE training video and accompanying action planning guide at www.Linda-AnnStewart.com/setyourcourse.html. You can contact her at LAS@Linda-AnnStewart.com or 928-600-0452.