When you make a mistake or mess up, you probably harshly judge and condemn yourself. This is your inner critic trying to motivate you to do better. But it generally makes things worse. To tame your inner critic, stop accepting what it says or fighting it. Instead, use self-compassion and be kind to yourself and that part of you. Here’s a three step strategy to defuse your inner critic and improve your relationship with yourself.

Transcript:

Thank you for watching. I’m Linda-Ann Stewart of Heartvision Consulting and a vision strategist. I’d like to give you a strategy that will help you improve your relationship with yourself and your ability to achieve your goals. It has to do with being kind or compassionate to yourself and your inner critic.

Unfortunately, when people do something less than perfect, they tend to judge, criticize and beat themselves up. Do you ever do that? Your inner critic is trying to whip you back into line, to motivate or protect you. But all those negative beliefs and labels you’ve given yourself surface, and make you feel lousy. Does it ever help? No, it doesn’t.

So how can you be compassionate with yourself and deal with the inner critic? Here’s a three step strategy to do so.

1. The first step is to pay attention when your inner critic starts its refrain, but refuse to buy into it. What it’s saying is generally not true. It’s just regurgitated stuff from the past, isn’t it? Just observe what you’re thinking and the feelings it dredges up. This is called being mindful. Not reacting to those ideas, just recognizing them.

2. Second step, acknowledge your inner critic and what it’s repeating. How could you be compassionate to this inner critic? Instead of fighting it, just say something like, “I understand what you’re trying to do.” Or “I know you think this is helpful, but it’s not.” One way is to talk to it like you would to a child who is verbally beating themselves up. Be kind.

3. Third step, be compassionate towards yourself. Say something like, “I messed up, but I’ll do better next time.” Or “I’m human and learning more every day.” Or “I had a moment of weakness. I’ll make a better choice next time.” What would you say to your best friend who’d made the kind of mistake you did? You’d be kind.

When you’re nice to yourself, you have more motivation to do and be better. You actually take more responsibility for your actions. Being compassionate towards yourself allows you to learn and make different choices next time. It will improve your self-image, your well being and your ability to achieve your goals.

If you’d to achieve a 90-day goal more easily, download my free comprehensive Strategic Vision Worksheet.

Thank you for watching. How can you be kinder towards yourself? Take care.

Read the accompanying article, Be Kind to Yourself for More Success.

~ Linda-Ann Stewart