Answer: There are many complex issues about relationships. We get into relationships to be shown a mirror of ourselves and our unresolved conflicts. If we’re not treating ourselves well, then our partner probably won’t.
They say that opposites attract, and that’s true many times. When we’ve abandoned parts of ourselves, we attract those parts in our partners.
A woman who loves to be a homemaker may attract a successful man. An analytical person will attract someone very intuitive. If one person is always late, they may attract someone who is always early. The issue is the same – time – but they act on it differently.
And you can look at the challenges in a relationship as if they are metaphors, as well as with anything else, because you are half of the dynamics of it. Don’t focus on the particulars, but become more objective to perceive the broader picture and bigger issue.
For instance, I once had a boyfriend who didn’t call me when he said he would. Although the issue might have been perceived as his not following through on his promises, after the relationship was over, I could see that it was actually a lack of communication. He didn’t tell me details about himself that I needed to know to make informed choices about the relationship.
So it’s difficult to know how your relationship issues are reflecting other issues in your life. You may be too close to it, as I was. Notice what isn’t working for you, and see if it shows up in other areas of your life. There very well may be a pattern of miscommunication, disrespect, being taken advantage of, or something else.
Copyright 2005, 2014 Linda Ann Stewart
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