“No You May Not!”
by Barb Wade
Did you ever play the game “Mother May I” when you were a kid? You know, one child plays the “mother” and the other are the children. You must preface every move you make with the phrase, “Mother May I” or else you are out of the game.
And you can’t move until you get permission.
It’s surprising how many adults still play this game everyday. They are waiting around for someone – their boss, spouse, friends, and even, yes, their mother to give them permission to do the things they really want to do.
There is a part of us that is very comforted by getting permission and especially approval. That’s normal. But there comes a time when you must break free of the waiting game and take your own life by the horns.
At some point we have to realize that what is lurking behind all that longing for approval is fear, doubt, and feelings of not being good enough.
The biggest problem is that those fears and feelings aren’t based on reality – they are often irrational and false. Which means, that no amount of permission is going to make them go away.
But once you decide that you can give yourself the go-ahead, then no one can take that away from you. (At least not without your permission!)
If you find all of this easier said than done, don’t worry – you’re not alone. I know I’ve been there more than once. The next time you’re stuck, consider that all you might need is a little nudge of permission. Then try this:
Listen To Your Self-Talk:
When I say that people wait to get permission, it’s usually not literal. Sometimes we tell ourselves that we “can’t, shouldn’t, or must not” do something and we believe those thoughts to be true at face value.
The funny thing is, our beliefs (including the very self-limiting ones) are often picked up along the way, even since childhood and although they may sound like our ideas, they are actually deeply embedded reactions that don’t necessarily reflect who we have grown to be as a person. The are “someone else’s voice.”
So next time you hear that voice of fear say, “I just can’t…” take a look at it as an observer and ask yourself, “Who says I can’t?” You might even get a very specific answer! (Like, “my 3rd grade teacher says so”). Once you know whose idea it really is, you can boldly proclaim, “Well, thanks for sharing, but I’m in charge and I say I CAN!”
And in doing so, give yourself complete and unabashed permission. It’s amazing how liberating that little exercise can be.
Once the fear and doubt have subsided a bit, make a plan to take some empowered action to “seal the deal.” So go to that event, take that class, make that phone call, hire that mentor – you don’t have to wait for permission!
Then surround yourself with friends and colleagues who will support you stepping into your new decision. Who knows what you might create?
Whatever it is you wish to do, be, or have, it’s time to decide that you’re worth it, you deserve it, and give yourself permission to follow your bliss today.
Copyright 2013 Barb Wade
All Rights Reserved
Business Coach & Mentor Barb Wade specializes in teaching entrepreneurs how to make more money more easily while enjoying a business and lifestyle that reflects their priorities. Download Barb’s “Word-for-Word Scripts To Overcome Objections” and book more high-paying clients now at www.BarbWade.com