Over the years, I’ve been distressed when a person who has had a trauma, whether physical, financial or health, had their “well meaning” spiritual friends ask, “Why did you attract this?” Unfortunately, this question rarely helps, and just gets in the way of that person healing. They’re already reeling from the crisis, and probably asking themselves that same question.

That comment is simply a new way of blaming the difficulty on the wounded. It used to be that a woman who was raped was held responsible for dressing provocatively or “asking for it.” Now we know that the rapist is simply trying to exert control over another person. The woman was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and happened to somehow trigger the rapist’s fantasy.

When a challenge happens, so much more is going on than anyone knows. Many health issues are triggered or made worse by stress. And there are a lot of stressful occurrences that have happened in our world. Believing that we control all the factors that go into our lives is a simplistic attitude.

No one is perfect, so there’s plenty in our consciousness that could contribute to a cluster of events that result in problems. Jesus said, “He who is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” The same sentiment is true for those who have suffered setbacks. Rather than asking, “What was in your consciousness that attracted this,” a better response would be, “What can you learn from this.”

We don’t have control over the economy or other people. We have control over our response to what happens to us. By accepting what has happened, rather than trying to analyzing why it did, we free up resources to move forward. Instead of resisting the situation, ask how we can take the challenge and derive something beneficial from it. This is a much more kind, healing and empowering way to approach the situation.