by Linda-Ann Stewart
You’ve probably been taught to be generous, a giver, and put other people first. These are necessary ingredients for spiritual development, but they can be taken to extremes. When they are, they erode your self-worth, promote a victim mentality and you give away your power.
Many times, when you do too much for others, at the expense of your well being, they won’t appreciate it and will just demand more. They may feel that they’re entitled to whatever resources you have, and you’re expected to hand them over. This isn’t good for you or for them.
By taking on the responsibility for other people’s feelings and actions, you’re not allowing them the gift of being accountable for themselves. They are every bit as able as you are to develop abilities to handle difficult and disappointing situations. When you try to completely cushion their discomfort, you aren’t letting them exercise their problem solving skills.
Letting people be upset and uncomfortable can be distressing. But by doing so, you’re enabling them to increase their own resources and freeing yourself to have more time and money. Here are several ways you can take back your power in your relationships.
Put your well-being first
If you don’t put your health and well-being first, no one else will. You will have shown them that you don’t consider it to be important, so why should they. This is also a toxic message to your inner self. Eventually, you’ll run out of mental, emotional, physical and financial resources. Then you won’t be able to help anyone, including yourself.
You’re only responsible for your moods, feelings, and behaviors
When someone is upset, it’s natural to try to cheer them up. But in trying to do that, you’re distracting them from their issue and actually prolonging it. It will surface again, except it will have gained energy. You’re not responsible to make anyone else feel better. Let them cultivate their own resources, and they’ll have them forever.
Don’t try to reason with an irrational person
If you have someone in your life who manipulates you, learn to set a boundary. State what you plan to do, and don’t deviate from it. They don’t care about your reasons, they just want you to do what they want. Reasoning with them just gives them more ammunition to twist to their advantage. You aren’t required to justify your actions or decisions to others.
Learn to say, “No”
When you say, “No,” to other people, you’re telling your inner self that what you want matters. Unless you state what you’re willing to do and not do, then they’re not going to know. They’re not mind readers. By drawing a line in the sand, you’re communicating to them and your inner self that your desires, choices, and needs are important.
When you begin to make these changes, the people you’re dealing with probably won’t like the changes in your attitude towards them. It’s likely they’ll escalate their demands. Stand firm, because you’re not only dealing with them but also your patterns and habits.
The more determined you are to take back your power, the easier the transition will be. Your relationships will improve or the difficult ones will fade out of your life. It may be sad to see them go, but they’ll create a vacuum to draw in people who truly appreciate and respect you. You’ll regain your power over your choices, and your self-worth will improve because you’re establishing your value.
My choices, desires and needs matter. They are as important as anyone else’s. I now establish healthy boundaries and learn to say “No” to requests and demands that make me uncomfortable. I don’t need to justify my decisions to anyone. They are valid simply because they are important to me. I realize that I’m responsible only for my choices, moods and challenges. Other people have as much ability to solve their problems as I do. I now take responsibility for my well-being.
Copyright 2010 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved
A nationally known speaker, life coach, hypnotherapist, and writer, Linda-Ann Stewart helps people rediscover their power and sense of self-worth. Visit Secrets To The Law Of Attraction to download your copy of this free ebook.