by Linda-Ann Stewart

There are two extremes of communication styles to avoid. Both are used by people concerned with being true to themselves and being spiritually responsible, but their approaches are actually rooted in fear.

One extreme comes from people who think they can say whatever they want without a care, figuring they aren’t responsible for how the other person takes it. And the other is from those who are so concerned about hurting someone’s feelings that they don’t say anything. The first is aggressive, the second is passive.

The person who thinks they are being authentic when they’re being blunt, and not caring if they’re saying it in a hurtful way, is not being responsible for their words or intention. They shift the full responsibility to the other person, rationalizing that “No one can hurt you without your permission.” In actuality, their communication is a cover-up for hostility and antagonism. Their true intention isn’t to be authentic, it’s to be in control and unload some of their own anger.

On the other hand, other spiritual people are so sensitive, that they avoid being honest because it might hurt another’s feelings. Instead of standing up for themselves, they put their needs last. This is no more authentic than using a sledgehammer to communicate. They need to realize that speaking up for their needs and wants is important for them and for the other person. Hiding their feelings just gives others the wrong information and will ensure that others will take advantage of them, because they don’t know any better.

The people creating both of these extremes need to take responsibility for their words and the intentions behind their statements or non-statements. The battering ram type of communicator needs to be more courteous and careful with the way they say things. Instead of being so defensive, they need to be more open and vulnerable. If someone misinterprets their statement, they can apologize for their insensitivity and correct the impression.

The timid communicator must learn to speak up, to say “No” when they don’t want to do something. To set boundaries and take responsibility for their own well-being. Only speaking up and stating what you want will do that. And to not take it personally when someone says something in a thoughtless way.

You attract what you feel in your deepest self. And the way you express yourself communicates how you feel and what you fear. The thoughtless communicator will attract feelings of being out of control and helpless, because that’s what they’re trying to prevent. For the timid communicator, their intention of avoiding confrontation will manifest by attracting people who walk all over them.

People using both of these extremes need to take responsibility for the words and the intentions behind their statements or non-statements. There are times when what needs to be said may be painful for the other person to hear. But as long as they express themselves with the intention of not being deliberately hurtful, they aren’t responsible for how the other person takes it.

There’s an organization called “Society for Nonviolent Communication” which can instruct you on how to express yourself gently. You never know when you’re going to press someone’s hot button, and this organization teaches you how to make sure that doesn’t happen.

Copyright 2009 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

A nationally known speaker, life coach, hypnotherapist, author,  Linda-Ann Stewart helps people rediscover their power and sense of self-worth. For a copy of her free book, “Secrets To The Law Of Attraction,” visit www.Cedarfire.com/secretstoloa.shtml

self improvement, self help, personal growth, personal development

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On Saturday, I attended a full-day workshop, a two-hour drive away, sponsored by the Arizona Chapter of the National Speaker’s Association, “Excelling in the Business of Successful Speaking.”

The morning session was presented by Andrea H. Gold and Gary K. Yamamoto and based on their book “The Business of Successful Speaking: Proven Secrets to Becoming a Million Dollar Speaker.” Andrea and Gary own and operate Gold Stars Speakers Bureau in Tucson, Arizona.

It was a highly informative and fun morning. In the afternoon, we broke into groups to begin putting together our plans and bouncing them off the other participants.

The photo is at the end of a long day -Vickie Boffard (on the right), co-chair of the Candidate’s Program for NSA-AZ, and Linda-Ann Stewart (me, on the left).

On the way home, Jeff (who had driven down with me, going far beyond the call of partnership duty) got a wish that he’d mentioned many times. He got to see a dust storm approaching. Not only did he get to see it, he got to drive in it. They can be very dangerous when you can’t see ten feet in front of you. Fortunately, visibility wasn’t impaired much and we passed through it quickly and safely. I told him to watch what he wishes for, because he may get it in a way he might not like.

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Question: How do I deal with overwhelming thoughts when I’m trying to meditate?

Answer: It’s normal to have problems with thoughts distracting you during meditation. It happens to those first starting meditation as well as seasoned meditators. It’s one reason why there are so many meditation techniques that use some sort of focus, like a mantra or staring at a candle.

When I use self-hypnosis at the beginning of a meditation, I go deeper than with any other technique. And because you’re focusing on relaxing your body, counting down and then imagining a special place, it helps to calm down the errant thoughts. However, it is a constant practice to keep them calm and not let them distract you.

Whenever you have a thought try to get your attention, bring your focus back to your special place, affirmation or any visualization you’re using. You’re in the process of training your mind. Letting it know that you’re going to take charge. Once you’ve practiced enough to get the thoughts quieter, the next step is to be able to simply observe them and let them go.

To be able to practice self-hypnosis to go into a deeper meditative state, use my Instructions for Self-Hypnosis.

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by Linda-Ann Stewart

I recently read someone state that you will manifest what you want 100% of the time if you write it down, affirm it out loud and visualize it happening. I’m not sure how true it is that you’ll be 100% successful by doing this, but I do know that you will be much more likely to accomplish what you want if you do.

Businesspeople, stars, athletes, and high achievers all know the secret of visualization. A Russian experiment showed that athletes who spent 75% of their time in mental training, and 25% of their time in physical training performed better than those who spent their time in any other combination of physical and mental training.

1. Writing down what you want helps you to clarify your goal. It increases your motivation and inspires you to begin taking action in that direction.
2. Affirming it, out loud, gives direction to the subconscious mind. It activates it to begin looking for, and creating, opportunities, information, and anything else you need.
3. Visualize it, as if it’s actually happening now, in detail, using all the senses impresses the subconscious. Since the subconscious can’t tell the difference between the imagination and reality, it thinks that what you’re imagining is going on now. That gives it the guidance of what to formulate in your life.
4. Feeling it being real and happening in the present turbocharges the subconscious mind to find the way to bring your goal into reality.

It may not happen immediately. Keep the faith, keep up with your practice every day. Your subconscious and the Universe know how to bring it about.

Many people find it easier to be guided through a visualization. Some use a life coach or an audio. As a life coach, I can help you in this. And each of my Spiritual Self-Hypnosis CD’s has a track that leads you to visualize your goal and then to let go of the concern about when it will manifest.

self improvement, self help, personal growth, personal development, motivation, inspiration

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Question: Why is it that when I use an affirmation, I begin thinking negatively about what the affirmation says?

Answer: Generally, that’s old thought patterns resurfacing. The subconscious doesn’t particularly like change. Its function is to help you, and it figures that things are okay the way they are. As long as you have any fears or anxieties about your desire, the inner mind will try to drag you back into your past behaviors. It sees the new ideas as threatening your safety. So all the most negative things you can think of will come up to persuade you to give up.

The other thing that could be happening is that you’re stirring up outdated beliefs that are floating up to your conscious mind. These might be ideas you’ve been acting on without realizing it. In this case, just understand that they’re coming to the surface to be recognized, and they have no validity. They aren’t the truth about you.

In both cases, if you truly want what your affirmation states, you have to be very committed to the process. The subconscious mind responds to the strongest thought. Whenever a negative thought talks back to the affirmation, acknowledge it without trying to make it go away. That takes away its power. Remind yourself that it’s old programming, and isn’t valid now. Then state the affirmation again. Remember, energy flows where your attention goes. As long as your focus remains on your desire, no matter what comes up, the power of the Universe comes in to manifest it.

self help, personal growth, personal development

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by Linda-Ann Stewart

Recently, I read a study that stated that college students with low self-esteem felt worse after using positive affirmations designed to improve self-worth. The study seemed to discredit the use of affirmations for this purpose. However, it ignored a basic fact about the mind.

When you feed the subconscious mind new information that conflicts with its long-held views, it’s going to fight back to try to maintain the status quo. It’s simply repeating concepts you’ve programmed into it and have reinforced over many years. That is its role. It can’t do anything but that.

It’s the same thing that happens when you don’t have enough money to pay your electric bill, and affirm, “I’m wealthy.” You probably have a nasty voice in the back of your mind saying, “Oh, yeah? You can’t even pay your bills.” This kind of negative reaction is typical when you’re beginning to make a significant shift in consciousness. When you want to start on a new path, the old beliefs well up to try to overwhelm the new one.

Your subconscious has made an accurate record of your repetitive thoughts. When you try to record something new, it replays the old ideas to get you back onto the old track. It’s just trying to help you, and keep you going in the direction you chose in the past. The good news is that when affirmations create disharmony like this, this is a sign you are actually making progress.

If the old patterns are strong, then as you persist with the new path, you might experience even more resistance. Things may break down, you may encounter unexpected roadblocks, there may be blindsided by some obscure crises, you might catch a cold, what you’re trying to change might get worse. This is fallout from the subconscious. It may throw all sorts of debris into your path to try to discourage you enough to stop changing.

Sometimes, it takes time to get the subconscious comfortable with the new objective. It may just need a light touch to get it to change. Instead of hitting the issue head on, and continuing to aggravate it, there are some strategies you can use to go around it. It may take longer to make the change you want, but it will be a smoother transition.

Back away from directly addressing the issue. What is the improvement you’re looking for? Self-esteem, changing a habitual behavior, increased income, more creativity, starting a new lifestyle habit? Instead of using an affirmation that starts, “I am …,” consider the quality you’re looking for. Just use that word, and feel that quality. For instance, what would self-esteem feel like? And instead of saying, “I am a success,” just repeat the word, “Success,” and sense what that means to you. This short-circuits the negative voice, because you’re not identifying yourself with that idea.

Chip away at it. This would be especially helpful for any change of habit or lifestyle. Instead of doing 30 minutes of exercise every day, start with 5 minutes. You can increase it as you get comfortable with that first increment. To lose weight, begin leaving a bite or two on your plate. For increased self-confidence, take one small step in that direction, such as making a single phone call you dread. If you want more income, affirm a small increase. As you achieve your goal, take the next step.

Make your affirmation conditional or general. Instead of saying, “I am …”, say, “I’m choosing …,” or a global “Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better.” These don’t wave the red flag of provocation at the subconscious. Your improvements may be subtle and gradual, but you’ll be moving in the right direction.

Once you’ve noticed that things are beginning to change, and there are fewer objections from the subconscious, you can amplify your affirmations. The inner mind just needs to know that it’s safe to make that change and that you’re dedicated to it. When you’ve made a new, stronger decision and commit to the change, the subconscious will begin to support it.

Affirmation

The Universe wants me to have everything good that I desire. I know that it’s simply my old programming preventing me from having my desires. As I affirm what I want from the Universe, I let the subconscious know that it’s safe for me to have my desire now. Old ideas can now be updated to allow good to flow in, through and to me. The subconscious mind takes these new ideas and finds the best way to bring them into manifestation.

Copyright 2009 Linda-Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

A nationally known coach, hypnotherapist, author, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart empowers people to discover new possibilities and realize their full potential. For a copy of her free ebook, “Secrets To The Law Of Attraction,” visit www.Cedarfire.com/secretstoloa.shtml.

self improvement, self help, personal growth, personal development

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Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting
by Lynn Grabhorn

Most authors of self-improvement and metaphysical books mention that when you’re trying to make changes, your feelings about the issue are what actually manifest. For instance, if you affirm abundance, but still fear you won’t have enough money for your bills, you’ll get to experience what it is that you fear. It’s because your focus is actually on the fear, not the abundance.

This book takes this subject and examines it thoroughly. Ms. Grabhorn dives into how your feelings power your manifestations and how to change them so that you are able to attract what you want. She describes your feelings as an energy that powers the Law of Attraction. Drawing from her own life and stories of those she’s coached, she shows how this Law works. In a step-by-step fashion, she explains what to do and how to do it to create what you want, not what you don’t want.

It’s not easy to break old habits of worry and concern. But this book will turn your life around. Written in an easy to read, enjoyable, breezy fashion, you’ll enjoy learning how to create the life you want. Just follow the directions and exercises, and prepare to have miracles develop in your life.

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This is a wonderful poem by Mahatma Gandhi and one that I try to keep in mind all the time. It shows the progression of what you think eventually becoming what you experience.

Your Beliefs become your Thoughts
Your Thoughts become your Words
Your Words become your Actions
Your Actions become your Habits
Your Habits become your Values
Your Values become your Destiny.

Mahatma Gandhi

inspiration

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